HELP! I really want to get a girlfriend !

[Something Funny]

14 hours ago, Tudo said:

I have multiple women interested in me, the problem is they are not attractive to me. The ones I really want, usually young, white with german descent, for example, are tough to get. And I almost don't have any social circle. This will sound very low development, but being honest: I want my kids to be white looking and tall, so I won't settle to any girl. Maybe I will be  better off traveling to Russia, I think I could be considered pretty handsome over there but idk I'm just waiting to get my degree and have some money.

So it's true that Brazilians have insecurity about their own skin color and idolize white people? This is honestly sad and pitiful to see. 

Do you even realize that Brazilian women are in general considered hot AF everywhere around the world (including white people, of course)?

Also funny how you have qualms with talking to women who have boyfriends but no issues with travelling to Russia, lol. Nice moral compass you've got there. 

You might want to reconsider though, simply due to practical reasons. Considering how you are already insecure about your ethnicity, you might want to know that Russia is one of the most racist places in the world. And its not even like western racism.  Westerner might say something offensive and racist, and know that it is offensive and racist, but say it anyway because they are a shitty person and want to insult you. In Russia, racism is so casual and normalized that you will see people, who are otherwise totally decent and nice, be racists and not bat an eye, because it's not even considered a bad or an inappropriate thing to do over there.

Here's a scene from one of the most universally adored movies in russia, where the main character (who is otherwise portrayed as a kind, noble, and just individual) is being casually racist "you are not my brother, black-assed scum".

The whole scene is made to show people of other ethnicity (in this case Armenians, I think) as dirty low-lives and the main character as a hero for dealing with them. There are multiple scenes and comments like that in the movie. If you shot something like that in the west (and it wasn't some social commentary but literally just meant as a cool moment) you would get cancelled into oblivion. Do you think somebody had an issue with it in Russia? No, it's considered a legendary, classical movie, with almost cult following. 
 

 

Edited 9 hours ago by Something Funny

[NewKidOnTheBlock]

I distinctly remember that long time ago, you were trying to dissuade another guy from the forum from visiting Brasil for the sole purpose of sleeping with Brazilian women, that it's no problem for them to visit Brasil but that gringos shouldn't come there for that purpose alone, now look where we are situated, trying to get white women only for a specific purpose of having tall white children, kind of funny not gonna lie LMAO

Edited 9 hours ago by NewKidOnTheBlock

[Something Funny]

10 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Maybe it's just a personal thing, but to me, flirting is harmless. I don't mind my partners flirting with others. I love the display of wit and banter. Takes some nice skill.

I'm not insecure about it. I am not territorial or possessive. 

For me this isn't theoretical as I have lived it. And I don't confine flirting to gender either. Man, woman and anything in between - you won't escape 😈

What about kissing? Or having protected sex?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

3 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

What about kissing? Or having protected sex?

That is a line for me. 

If it were an open relationship (regarding kissing/sex) - in the past I have always been with partners who communicated their intentions prior to engaging another partner. I've been in committed relationships where my boyfriend flirted casually with women, but it was always an interesting talking point to dissect between us. 

If for any reason I felt insecure (about a partners flirting) I would openly state it.

But I am very direct, which I do not think is usual for most women (can be men also, within relationships). 

I don't like leaving things unsaid. Even if it hurts a bit. Better to say it outright than let it fester.

Nothing kills a relationship faster than resentment.

My stance on flirting is unusual, I think

[Something Funny]

@Natasha Tori Maru I am just trying to understand what's the fundamental difference between those. 

I would be uncomfortable with flirting just like I would be uncomfortable with kissing or sex. Because to me they are basically the same thing: my partner is attracted to somebody else who is not me and is willing to play with those feelings.

Whether they've stopped at flirting, at kissing, or sex doesn't really matter imo. What matters is that they were willing to explore sex (used here as a general definition of everything sex related) with another person.

[Miguel1]

28 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

If for any reason I felt insecure (about a partners flirting) I would openly state it.

But I am very direct, which I do not think is usual for most women (can be men also, within relationships). 

I don't like leaving things unsaid. Even if it hurts a bit. Better to say it outright than let it fester.

Nothing kills a relationship faster than resentment.

My stance on flirting is unusual, I think

Reminds me of your previous signature text.

When I was younger, I used to think girls in general are more mature than men (at least in the younger category) due to their higher EQ, and it still is the case. But as I mature, I find their maturity to be very minimally higher than guys.

And that is precisely because of their higher EQ - they are very social beings. Meaning, they will avoid hard truths and conversations. They live in fantasies. They go sneaky and covert.

Due to this, I almost see them all as kids and cant take them too seriously (and don’t necessarily think they are more mature than men). Men in general, can handle hard truths and conversations better - but honestly, in the grand scheme of things it is also miniscule compared to the truth we deal with here in this work.

Nowadays, I find people who are deeply in fantasyland to be more annoying to deal with. Unfortunately that is most people - but it is a question of spectrum of course - and girls tend to be on the higher end of things.

I love me nothing more than a woman who I can have an in-depth, mature, soul-fulfilling conversations with, especially on the harder side of things. But the best I can really get is a stage green girl, and they get triggered quite easily tbh.

Honesty and openess (directness) with politeness and responsibility (integrity) is the best combination to have in a relationship. Good luck finding one at my age. But of course my definition and standards for those key things are much higher than for normies.

This work we do here definitely cuts off most people as viable friends / partners. One of the downsides of the work. But definitely worth it.

Edited 8 hours ago by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

25 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

I am just trying to understand what's the fundamental difference between those. 

That is a good question.

I would say that the ability to flirt shows social intelligence and smoothness - and that is an attractive trait.

But yet, at the same time it is harmless in the sense that they haven’t done anything against the commitment of the relationship.

It’s kind of like being a highly charismatic person. It is a very attractive trait, and it makes people attracted to them - but it doesn’t go against the commitment of the relationship.

Another example is a person looking really good. That makes you attracted to them but so it does make many other people attracted to them. You could ask the same: ”why do things that make others attracted to you, if you are in a relationship with me?”

Flirting is a skill that once developed and honed deeply into your personality, is hard to turn off. Or at least hard to have it on just for one person, and off for others. Comes with the territory.

The ability to properly flirt gets you a ton of social & material goodies, which is very attractive to our survival mechanism.

[Something Funny]

5 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

I would say that the ability to flirt shows social intelligence and smoothness - and that is an attractive trait.

Ability to have sex with lots of girls is also an attractive trait. And it can also rationalized as haven't done anything against the relationship. 

You could say: "oh having sex with all those girls is just a way for me to have a little fun and relax, basically a masturbation, you are the only one I really love, baby".

So I don't see the fundamental difference between the two.

5 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

But yet, at the same time it is harmless in the sense that they haven’t done anything against the commitment of the relationship.

And I am saying that they did. If I am really in love with someone, I wouldn't flirt with others, I wouldn't give a fuck about them at all. 

7 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Another example is a person looking really good. That makes you attracted to them but so it does make many other people attracted to them. You could ask the same: ”why do things that make others attracted to you, if you are in a relationship with me?”

This is not the same. You can't control how others feel towards you, you can control your own actions.

[Miguel1]

2 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

This is not the same. You can't control how others feel towards you, you can control your own actions.

Yup, you can control yourself to look like a potato.

[Something Funny]

1 minute ago, Miguel1 said:

Yup, you can control yourself to look like a potato.

not the same, this is gaslighting.

Wanting to look great is a valid feeling, it's not your concern how it makes others feel.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

55 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Natasha Tori Maru I am just trying to understand what's the fundamental difference between those. 

I would be uncomfortable with flirting just like I would be uncomfortable with kissing or sex. Because to me they are basically the same thing: my partner is attracted to somebody else who is not me and is willing to play with those feelings.

Whether they've stopped at flirting, at kissing, or sex doesn't really matter imo. What matters is that they were willing to explore sex (used here as a general definition of everything sex related) with another person.

I do not view flirting as necessarily sexual. I have a very loose definition of the term. I do not have to be attracted to a person to flirt with them. It doesn't have to be related to how they appear. It is more an intellectual joust; wit, banter, subtext, humor, timing, facial expression.

Flirting is simply a signal to me. A display. Ego play. I flirt with women all the time.

Kissing and sex are actions and have can have consequences. Bonding hormones, expectations, instinctual pair bonding circuits. There can be real effects from this sort of behavior when not communicated (disease). This is all just my opinion based on values of course.

I have a very open fluid view of sex. I am not possessive of partners or 'claim' them. I have no hang-ups or boundaries like a normal person. I have no shame regarding sex. It is just pleasure like food. I suppose I do not have many 'conformist' society ideals baked into it. Very much stemming from how I was raised. Been to many a nudist festival  I am mostly cautious because others have very strict boundaries around the act.

For me it is simply a preference: flirting is chill. No need for permission. Kissing and sex with someone else? As long as it is communicated beforehand I am chill. 

 

[Something Funny]

4 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

For me it is simply a preference: flirting is chill. No need for permission. Kissing and sex with someone else? As long as it is communicated beforehand I am chill. 

Why does it need to be communicated then, if you don't care?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 hour ago, Miguel1 said:

Reminds me of your previous signature text.

When I was younger, I used to think girls in general are more mature than men (at least in the younger category) due to their higher EQ, and it still is the case. But as I mature, I find their maturity to be very minimally higher than guys.

And that is precisely because of their higher EQ - they are very social beings. Meaning, they will avoid hard truths and conversations. They live in fantasies. They go sneaky and covert.

Due to this, I almost see them all as kids and cant take them too seriously (and don’t necessarily think they are more mature than men). Men in general, can handle hard truths and conversations better - but honestly, in the grand scheme of things it is also miniscule compared to the truth we deal with here in this work.

Nowadays, I find people who are deeply in fantasyland to be more annoying to deal with. Unfortunately that is most people - but it is a question of spectrum of course - and girls tend to be on the higher end of things.

I love me nothing more than a woman who I can have an in-depth, mature, soul-fulfilling conversations with, especially on the harder side of things. But the best I can really get is a stage green girl, and they get triggered quite easily tbh.

Honesty and openess (directness) with politeness and responsibility (integrity) is the best combination to have in a relationship. Good luck finding one at my age. But of course my definition and standards for those key things are much higher than for normies.

This work we do here definitely cuts off most people as viable friends / partners. One of the downsides of the work. But definitely worth it.

I think women might be able to intercept and have a clearer understanding of their own emotions. But this could be a function of society; men are often told to 'get on with it' and could be trained out of emotional awareness. In my experience its been pretty equal.

But in no way does this translate to being able to effectively communicate clear boundaries! My experience mirrors yours. Men and women both have issues with mature boundaries and effective communication. 

Good luck to us both on the search

[Something Funny]

9 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Been to many a nudist festival

What do you do at nudist festivals?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

1 minute ago, Something Funny said:

Why does it need to be communicated then, if you don't care?

Oh - what makes you think I do not care? I may have not expressed myself properly. It is not that I do not care - I do. But I am confident and secure my partner is with me for me. I trust they want to be with me, and to be honest if they change their mind. 

In an open relationship: it is just respectful as that has always been the terms I have entered into one on. STIs are a large factor there, as even protection can fail. And some people have diseases they do not disclose. 

In a committed monogamous relationship: I would expect someone to be honest and not just have sex with someone else. If they are feeling that need then I would expect them to be mature and talk about it rather than just fuck someone else

I dunno, isn't it normal to expect communication?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

7 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

What do you do at nudist festivals?

Everything you do at a normal hippies festival - just minus the clothes  Music, dancing, acid/shrooms, yoga, markets, performers, body painting. Drum circles, workshops.... and just lots of socializing. Being naked completely changes how open people are in this bizarre way - you've seen them without clothes, so people were always so earnest/genuine

They are pretty strict though - consent, zero tolerance for creeps or staring/photos. No sexual behavior in public areas. In private though of course there is a LOT of sex. 

Definitely contributed to me breaking free of inhibitions

 

[Something Funny]

@Natasha Tori Maruwhere do you find events like that?

[Schizophonia]

3 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Natasha Tori Maruwhere do you find events like that?

I know one but it’s in France

[Schizophonia]

52 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Everything you do at a normal hippies festival - just minus the clothes  Music, dancing, acid/shrooms, yoga, markets, performers, body painting. Drum circles, workshops.... and just lots of socializing. Being naked completely changes how open people are in this bizarre way - you've seen them without clothes, so people were always so earnest/genuine

They are pretty strict though - consent, zero tolerance for creeps or staring/photos. No sexual behavior in public areas. In private though of course there is a LOT of sex. 

Definitely contributed to me breaking free of inhibitions

 

😏

Edited 6 hours ago by Schizophonia

[Something Funny]

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

I know one but it’s in France

have you actually been there?