I (probably) have 2e (twice exceptional),how on earth do i find a girlfriend?

[Never_give_up]

I just learned I have 2e from some conversations I have with AI. I want to get a real diagnosis but everything seems to fit perfectly on what was and is happening in my life. It was like I was being discribed.

2e is something like you are extremely high intelligence in some areas and extremely low intelligence in other areas , probably cause of neurodivergence. (It's not exactly that, but I gave a quick summary.)

Now I know why out of let's say 200 people I was always the slowest one to understand things and function, still happening today. Why I struggle with memory, creativity, slow thinking. Also out of 200 people in informatics I was the best. Now I know why I was bullied, was called lazy by teachers, felt an outcast, why I like actualized cause I am rare in philosophy, why I had huge empathy crying as a kid when someone crashed ants (many times 2e individuals have huge sensitivity and empathy).

I go to traditional dancing and I am almost the slowest to understand the dance out of hundrends of people and I feel humiliated, especially knowing that some women I like can see my deficiency.

I struggle so much to daily life. I can see my giftness and my extreme deficiencies. I don't even know if in my country I can evaluate if I have 2e (even though i am sure i have it).

How on earth can I find a girlfriend being socially dumb, slow, struggling in life. They can't see my unique intelligence and probably my depth doesn't matter to them. :'( . I am almost 31 and I feel like I am in the ''Fight Club'' movie and I just saw a big revelation that's shocking about my life like in the movie.

 

I am feeling so low I want to cry. I feel humiliation with being so slow. I feel I won't ever find a girlfriend :'(.

 

[Lucasxp64]

Depth does matter, but you gotta know how to sell it, it becomes a niche that can separate you from boring dudes, but you have to develop a resistance towards rejection to find the kind of girl that you will resonate/vibe with. Be a 10 in your own game, not a 5/10 in someone else's game.

Secondly, this 2e is a good "umbrella term" which was able to communicate to me what you're probably like, but it's very low resolution, and the solution to your inner mental/emotional calibration problems is much more specific than this.

Here's how I see a 2e: You probably got good at some things because of hyper-fixation which happens through any condition that lowers your self-control, which is connected to high neuroticism/anxiety, which is connected to low acceptance of uncertainty as well.

You need to see yourself in higher resolution. Surely you are "socially dumb" right now. But, you can work at those things. Literally just check mentally how many hours total in your life you spent tried to develop the mental qualities that would improve your social game, and you will see you're spending a lot of time on hyper-fixating on things that don't overlap much with being hyper-social.

You must gradually shift that, use your powers of self-reflection for good, tap into that energy that you felt or you think you must feel when socializing, when talking to a woman for the sake of dating. Like remember every single good interaction you had with women and what you felt like and the energy you gave.

You should get off from your logical mind and embody more your emotions and intuition, this is why your mind is so tilted towards some directions and you're not well-rounded in others.

Try to trace the actual emotional/mental state causation that leads you to be "bad" at all of that stuff you wanna improve, and you will see that you are actually able to fabricate at will those things, or at least practice even if takes months or years to get those states more reliably, it starts inside that change.

You can progressively increase your challenges.

For example I used to be very shy and awkward when I was younger, but in those last years I've been more in touch with my emotions and when I'm vibing to some great music I started trying to do some dancing to it by just letting go, and I get impressed how natural it feels to me to be doing such movements, all alone, and I never watched a single video talking about "how to dance".

Leo Gura wrote in his blog about this, and I was intuitively doing that unprompted.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/teach-yourself-how-to-dance

Quote

... The most important thing is to shut off your mind, don’t think about how you look, don’t try to look cool, don’t try to copy others’ moves, but just FEEL and move to your feelings. Pure Dance is about surrender to your feelings, to your body.

YOUR MAJOR PROBLEM IS NOT EVEN GETTING A GIRLFRIEND.

IT'S THAT YOU HAVE POOR INNER EMOTIONAL UNDERSTANDING = POOR ABILITY TO FABRICATE THE PROPER EMOTIONAL STATES, and the RIGHT EXPECTATIONS of what it takes and how to feel good about it.

You're already even coming up with the fallacies of "I'm 31. I have been bullied. I've been called this or that by people. I'm so this or that", which is good in the context of this forum so we know more about you, but don't let that become a ghost that hunts you down inside of you, that's the first step. I'm not saying just the labels, I'm saying even the hard cold factual truths that you're badly developed in many ways. But this, again, don't let that past karma decide your future, and fall for the fallacy that you haven no agency, and that cause and effect doesn't exist. You're the by-product of how you lived your life, what your mind clings to, what your mind is driven towards, and you're inside of it, awareness itself is curative. IMPROVE YOUR INNER VOCABULARY, drop the social bullshit labels you give yourself, it will drag you down. You have VERY VERY SPECIFIC ISSUES, nothing you said here clones close to the level of awareness you will need, it ain't the social labels, it ain't "she will think I'm a loser" level that will grow you, that is the social conditioning interpersonal communication, inside of you it's 1000x more nuanced, connect with that depth. If you don't think you have it, develop it then.

Are you even journaling, bro?

This is the stuff you will learn through meditation, what you should aim from mediation/journaling/visualisation sessions.

Also a technical tip on getting a girlfriend... Just lower your standards so you can at least feel what is the dynamic of a woman liking you back, I did that, and I'm glad, even though on the long-run I'd move on to someone better.

---

I recommend the classic leo gura episodes, you gotta start from the start.

 

Edited 21 hours ago by Lucasxp64

[Never_give_up]

@Lucasxp64thanks a lot for the answer. You took time to write this, I am thankful for you. It's good that someone cares even if they don't know me personally. 

[Lucasxp64]

1 hour ago, Never_give_up said:

@Lucasxp64thanks a lot for the answer. You took time to write this, I am thankful for you. It's good that someone cares even if they don't know me personally. 

You're welcomed! 

I kinda wrote it because I feel like I'm in a similar situation and I've fallen for the same mental traps. I think that our minds are very predictable, time and time again I see in me the same mental mechanisms playing out in others.

Here is a system prompt I like using with ChatGPT/Gemini 2.5 PRO inside of Google AI Studio:

It helps me deconstruct everything and it questions even what I say to find flaws in my thinking.

 

Edited 19 hours ago by Lucasxp64