Frustrated with no dating success at college

[LukeZ]

I go to a rather large college that is in a small town and currently I'm a senior (22M) graduating in the spring. I've never had success getting any dates from girls I'm interested in all throughout my college years. I had one short relationship with someone I met back from home but thats all really. I've been introverted but I make the effort to get out more nowadays. I try going out to student interest clubs (climbing club, volunteer clubs, etc) and I've made a lot of good friends there and met girls but nothing that leads to romance. I've gone to house parties and other social events too. 

I put in all this effort and pursuit just to get no dates, nothing. Every time I think a girl might be interested in me I find out that I was wrong later on. Sometimes I feel hopeful but some days I feel hopeless. I have negative emotion from the whole process. A lot of frustration, desperation, some sadness, and self-esteem hits from all the rejection. I know these emotions will show up in my interactions with others to some level, so I do my best to process them. 

I've been doing a lot of the internal work journaling, meditations, and therapy for my underlying anxious attachment. This has made me feel more true to my self in some ways, but it seems to not impact my dating life. I'm pretty much just doing it for myself at this point.

I'm not really sure what to do. My friends seem to be on the same boat, struggling to find any dates or interest. The girls that I am friends with just say they're done with dating already, for the most part, due to hurtful experiences with men in the past. Maybe it's just college or the generation we're in but I really don't know. People tell me college is the best time for dating, but I really hope that isn't the case. I'm just ready to graduate and move to a big city in hopes that there will be more dating opportunity there.

[Lyubov]

I had the same experience in university. Here’s simply what I wish I knew then what I know now. I’ll write it for you.

You fundamentally need to realize that you are valuable exactly as you are and every bit of you that resists this and believes it is lacking in some way is completely wrong, and everything you could ever dream and hope for and want in life lies on the side of truly seeing that you are innately valuable as you are, even when you aren’t getting any action or attention from women, even when dating sucks and you see yourself as lacking in your physical needs or relationship needs getting met. You can run around trying to improve everything else from your style to your social skills and learn everything in between. That is great, do that, there are many games in town to play. But your trajectory and the path you go down fundamentally starts with how you see yourself and believe about yourself. Your true connection to yourself, authentic and spiritual. Your true value isn’t outside you or defined by your relationships or women. Connect with this and align with this and watch how everything else falls into place. 

Edited Sunday at 10:06 PM by Lyubov

[Rishabh R]

@LukeZ I also had the same experience during my college from which I have recently graduated. What can help you is to stop caring about how girls respond to you and focussing on moving forward.

[Raze]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-be-resilient-and-bounce-back-rejection

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVvLQ7EVwyA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjjxU3zjH4Q

https://www.girlschase.com/article/how-really-tell-if-girl-likes-you-its-not-her-words  

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-laid-college-pt-i-big-man-campus-game  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RDcxRcJZSA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6MxPx6DBaM

 

Edited 23 hours ago by Raze

[Sugarcoat]

Do you ask them out or initiate something romantic, flirt etc?

[LukeZ]

@Sugarcoat I have asked for numbers and a few to hangout, but I haven't really asked anyone out on date officially. Usually it just ends up being a friends only situation. Admittedly I'm not good at communicating romantic intent or flirting. Im afraid of making things awkward in my social circles as well. Some did see my romantic interest however.

 

@Lyubov Thank you a lot for the response. It means a lot.  

[Sugarcoat]

12 minutes ago, LukeZ said:

@Sugarcoat I have asked for numbers and a few to hangout, but I haven't really asked anyone out on date officially. Usually it just ends up being a friends only situation. Admittedly I'm not good at communicating romantic intent or flirting. Im afraid of making things awkward in my social circles as well. Some did see my romantic interest however.

 

This might be factor to you missing out. Because some girls might not be the ones to take initiative (even if you know each other). Or they just aren’t interested ~as of yet~ but would be open/ they could see your potential if you initiated something. Doesn’t have to be explicit , could be just some flirting and teasing. You could try it and if you notice it’s an exclusively, very clearly, “friendly” response from her then you could tone it down. Also trying to build a deeper connection, even if it’s just in friendly manner to begin with. Some friendships are more shallow then others, so by bringing the friendship deeper/stronger it could be stepping stone to something romantic. And how to do that id say it’s about getting in touch with your unique authenticity, because you’re more interesting when you’re yourself (if you’ve developed yourself to some degree). Also “owning” your interest in her (could be expressed platonically to begin with), so she can feel you like her and vibe with her deeper and that she isn’t just another shallow friend that you talk about university to. Just some thoughts. I’m not the most social myself so it’s hard for me too

Edited 2 hours ago by Sugarcoat