I really need to reframe how I see dating

[Something Funny]

I've basically conditioned myself that going on a date is something hard, and challenging, and scary. A hustle, necessary means to an end of getting sex / a girlfriend. Like I should put in this hard work of going on dates to receive a reward in the future.

But this is so wrong!

I am going to be spending time with a cute girl. We will eat together, talk, hold hands, hug, maybe something more.

Isn't this amazing? I couldn't have hoped for this even a month ago.

I have already won. This is it. Even if that is all there is to it and it doesn't go anywhere.

Why can't I just feel the sense of achievement and excitement about it? I already have put in the work and got myself a date. This IS the reward. I should be happy and just enjoy it for what it is.

[Rishabh R]

It's good to see you succeed in this domain of life.

[Sugarcoat]

Yea right. I can kinda relate to this. I can have this underlying attitude of feeling like I have to entertain the person (can be a potential friend), not bore them, seem interesting to them, in order to build a connection. But then I catch myself and I think to myself “I like this person, I’ll allow that to be the basis of this connection, simply expressing my liking for them”. I don’t have to fill in all the gaps with talking, silence is okay, it doesn’t mean the convo is dead, it’s just a part of my current character to be a bit silent sometimes. 
 

Entering a flow state helps me socially, sometimes when I have just met someone I might feel a subtle sense of “having to force the convo” to keep it going, but then if I manage to enter a flow state , the convo flows and I feel in touch with that part of me that likes them and is simply expressing myself and the liking for them. Because you don’t wanna sacrifice authenticity in trying so hard to win someone over