Bringing darkness to the light

[CoolDreamThanks]

After realizing it's all a dream the next natural question is: what now? What do I do with the dream, do I manifest it in a way I desire? How much can I do that? Is that even the right thing to do?

Well, I, as most, have tried manifesting with a very strong intent and the results are... lackluster.. I wanted to get millions effortlessly and that didn't happen. I did get opportunities to earn more money, but I had to work alot, which is NOT what I want, I want millions miraculously, which did not happen and it seems like it is impossible to manifest such a thing. I did manifest some sex, but even that with someone I did not like at all, so... Doesn't really work optimally, does work to some extent, but also has negative consequences and doesn't work fully.

So, what now? 

Well, Ken says that actually, we shouldn't attempt to improve the dream with the power of the mind because it's very arrogant to believe that we know what's best for us.

Even Rhonda Byrne, the author of The Secret, in her book The Greatest Secret, came to a more advanced understanding that in fact, the highest and happiest form of living is to simply focus on being aware of awareness, and Trust that all will happen perfectly for your highest good - you will meet everyone you need, learn all you need, and just in general everything will pan out well, as long as you are focused on that inner Silence.  

Although personally, after reading the many passages in A Course in Miracles about the power of the mind, I get seduced again and again into manifesting something desirable. Unfortunately (or fortunately) it always fails, and I begin to wonder what the f... 

Anyway.. Ken says that the difference between what Jesus teaches and other contemporary spiritualities that focus on improving your experience in an illusory world is that you attention is focused on the world, or the body or personal relationships. Ken says that Jesus is teaching to withdraw your attention from the world and place it back on the Holy Spirit, which is the only true relationship, the only true place of happiness and peace, and finally, the place which returns us back to God. 

 In a similar vein, I'm still thinking about the nature of the personal self, about this sense of ME. Is it ultimately illusory, and is this belief that I am different from the totality of experience what is considered separation, together with the belief in others? I think in one sense, you could access Oneness by realizing that this is all a dream and other don't exist, but, paradoxically, you can also strengthen yourself as a personal self, which, it seems, will also have to be undone for true Oneness to shine, that's why Jesus talks so much about specialness and Ken about individuality, making yourself different. 

So the deconstruction happens on two levels - one deconstruction is of there being separate beings having their own experience, implying that only this moment exists and nothing else, but then also you have to deconstruct this little me in the middle of the experience also as an illusory entity, although it's a bit difficult to do because it feels good to know others don't exist but you do, it's like a triumph.

 When I went on solo meditation retreats and then did psychedelics, and entered true Oneness, I felt like everything is equal, all should have exactly the same amount, should be treated the same, etc. But now, when I think I am the only dreamer, I don't feel like that, really, I feel more like I should be treated like a God because I am dreaming everyone and everything. 

I'm still not 100% positive if this sense of me should be dissolved, or if I should just direct my attention to Spirit and that is it. 

If this sense of specialness and individuality has to be dissolved, then my lifestyle would change naturally, I think. I wouldn't focus so much on looking good and similar things, if it's really about letting go of your individuality and dissolving into Sameness, then that would sort of distinguish my flame of personhood and even today, when I started to believe that this is the case, I became sort of... nothing special I guess.. very simple. I like when others are like that, but I do also feel like there might be a sense of loss associated with such an inner decision, albeit I did have a lot of experience living as as personal self and it's definitely full of suffering, so perhaps this experience of selflessness and sameness would be beneficial for overall happiness. 

This is beginning to lean more towards how Roger Castillo teaches - that you don't really exist as a personal self, your sense of free will is an illusion, you are simply a part of this one Flow of Experience and have to decide to come back to it willingly at some point, after seeing the pain of living as a separated self. 



 

[gettoefl]

A 5-second interjection if I may dear friend:

-

The world we see makes us sinners. While we can see a world, we sinned it into existence as you discussed above. 

So every moment here is sin. Ego means sin. The default state is sinning. 

Knowing this is step 1. I cannot stop being a sinner! So what to do?

I forgive myself for setting all this in motion. I undo involvement and withdraw energy into what I am doing and say I am done with it.

As an ego this is all I can do. I say, Holy Spirit, take over this whole mess I pray.

Now the miracle unfolds and HS takes the wheel.

Then whatever happens happens perfectly.

Me as ego is in the background and HS is running the show as it wills.

I have no investment or involvement in outcomes or directions.

Everything is the same and everything is the best.

-

Love your musings. Keep on keeping on friend.

Edited September 28 by gettoefl

[CoolDreamThanks]

Hi @gettoefl, nice seeing ya and thank you.

Oh how I wish I could just do one complete letting go, falling into the arms of Spirit, and never succumb to the seduction of specialness and control.

I have to admit I like being in control, having fantasies, running the show, envisioning a perfect life with a perfect body, stylish clothing and a beautiful companion.

And if my understanding is correct, the way to undo this is to see that I never ever actually fulfill any of my fantasies, the hope for happiness never arrives and what I truly get is only suffering, sometimes extremely painful, whilst sometimes only my legs are burning, but no matter what, I am beginning to see, that there is no happiness for me as I live my life being a special character. 

These days, I am trying to look more deeply into my escapades for sex and other chasing of pleasures, trying to see that I am really always suffering when I live like this. 

It's so interesting, this belief that being a special person will make you happy, either a special handsome person, or a special intelligent person, or a special spiritual person. I always want to be special at least in some ways, usually in all ways. Then I cook up a plan on how to become like that, these past weeks been very much into trying to upgrade my wardrobe to be very fashionable, set up my diet to become ripped, and envision a feature where I am handsome and spiritual, that's the most special character I can craft in my mind and a fantasy from which I obtain most hope for future happiness.

And after a few weeks I stepped back and looked at this whole experience - wow, during my days, I am mainly focused on my body, as Jesus says, the body is the main character in this dream we live, and whenever we put it as the main beneficiary of our future actions, we actually crucify ourselves.

And when I am focused on the body, on going daily to the gym, on mustering up money for new and newest clothing, improving how I look in all the ways - I am indeed suffering. The Peace of God leaves me, or to be exact, I leave that space and enter a state where instead of being peaceful and fulfilled, I am envisioning a future where this is so. 

I need to become clear, very very clear, that these things I chase, this whole world, me, Edvardas as a character, has no place, no plan, no fantasy that will ever bring me true happiness. This is not a world of God, it is a world of death and suffering. 

As Jamie from https://monasteryofthemists.com/ said in his latest class, we are living in a burning building, we found a little corner where the air is at least somewhat bearable, we put flowers on the window sill, and call it our lives, envisioning a future where we buy a painting or two to make this poisoned burning place more pleasant.

That's why Jesus and Ken spend so much time talking about the phenomenal world in a negative light. It is, indeed, very negative. 

What we have to do to awaken is to change our values, we have to stop valuing what is meaningless and brings no lasting peace, aka the world and all its offering, including my specialness in various forms, either spiritual or material. 

I still have hopes in this world.. I still dream and envision a positive future.. A future that will never come, and this false future keeps me trapped in a meaningless present, chained to the world of dreams. 

How am I still seduced by this meaningless world? It has never brought me anything joyful that lasts, it only gives and tears away, at best, and at worst, it keeps tearing and tearing me apart. 

I am still insane.

Luckily there is hope in the form of Jesus as a guide back home. 

Now I do feel like the prodigal son, wasting his wealth and now eating the shabby offering of this meaningless world, whilst I still have my Father who is living in his perfect celestial realm awaiting for my return.

I miss that palace of light so much.. It's a place of infinite celestial beauty and love.. All the glory is there, there is nothing missing, life is total perfection in the Kingdom of my Father.. 

And that Kingdom I still, week after week, exchange for this crumbling wooden castle of my own.. A castle so dark, so empty, so loveless. 

What do I ever get here? Even if all my fantasies come true, which they won't, they would still be only a breadcrumb compared to the cake of Heaven. 

The insane thing is that nothing really good is happening in my world, its more so the hope of a good future that is chaining me to this empty desert. 

I am still insane.

Why do I still have hopes to be happy in a loveless place, a realm of death and murder? What is here to get, to achieve, that does not cost the price of pain and ultimately death? Is there a love in this world that will stay with me until the end of time? Obviously not. 

I still had hopes of my ex returning, of an angel descending and spending the rest of my days in her arms.. A fantasy so beautiful, so pure, so impossible.. 

Today I had, I believe, information sent to me that I will never have another romantic relationship as I had hoped, and it actually brought me peace. I can finally let it go, have no hope, and focus on awakening instead. It turns out I'm like Neo and Trinity, as the main thing in my fantasies and the thing that seems to be maintaining this illusion of a world is my hope for Love in the form of a woman, yet there is no one who can truly replace that formless celestial Love, it's only my false hopes that want to imbue this meaningless and painful dream with something that is not of this world, I am projecting the desire for Heaven unto a woman, and that will never work, I will just become very jealous and angry, in the end, even if I do find someone, because she will never able to fulfill me deepest desire - to swim in that endless love. 

So releasing specialness is only painful when you still value it, but what Jesus does is he says in over a million words, in hundreds of ways, that this is not a good place to be, this phenomenal world, it has to be let go of, all these dreams of specialness have to be laid aside, and exchanged for the Love of God. You are not left naked and afraid when you let go of the world and all it's offerings, they get exchanged for true gifts, the gifts of peace and love, and ultimately God and His Kingdom. 

I guess..

 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Another thing I need to realize about this world is that all these things I enjoy, these flowers I put on the windowsill of the burning, poisoned building I live in, all of these things only increas the fire and the poision.  The flower I put on the windowsill is just more fual for the fire.

Example: tasty food is one of the few things I thought I could enjoy with the side effects being delayed until I'm old. That's not true, I calculated the amount of added sugar I eat throughout my days and it's 10x the recommended limit, putting me in high diabetes risk, and now I do always feel tired and have other signs of diabetes. WIll go to a doctor to check, but I'm pretty sure I have it, since I gained weight around my belly as well, and with this diet.. So the thing that gave me pleasure in this world is now destroying me. Jesus isn't kidding when he says whenever you seek pleasure through the body you will always find pain. What an insane world this is - even things that seem to make the experience a bit better are things that will destroy you. I thought that perhaps when one is meditative you somehow counter-act the negative effects of food, but that now seems untrue and perhaps only possible at the very late stages of spiritual development or never at all, perhaps as long as you are in the dream you will always get these backlashes from unhealthy lifestyle. Now, on the metaphysical level this eating is probably a defesne mechanism or a medicine over my unconscious guilt, and then that guilt is also expressed as a disease in the body. I thought that if I am right-minded then I can eat whatever and be healthy, but now I'm leaning towards that when one is right-minded, he will just live a healthier lifestyle. Peace doesn't counter-act the effects of unhealthy lifestyle, as I previously believed. An unhealthy lifestyle is an expression of a wrong-minded decision in the mind, and a healthy lifestyle is probably an expression of at least somewhat healed mind. 

Although a healthy lifestyle is indeed difficult in the sense that it takes away from you the toys you play with - the pleasures that hurt you - and if you still think they are innocent pleasures, then you will have difficulty in giving them up. They are not innocent pleasures, they are things that give you temporary pleasure and destroy you in the long-term. I somehow still kept this more so on the conceptual level instead of making it real to myself, that tasty food fucks you up. It's so easy, whilst on the spiritual path, to overlook some of the basic things of the world, how it functions. You can get so above the world that you don't see what's happening within it, and become oblivious to lifestyle choices you are making that will definately have negative consequences. You are not untouchable on the level of the world - you can get sick, suffer and die, with an ever-increasing pace if you don't take care of the body, whilst still not making it a big obsession, just gently eating right and exercising. 

I guess...

[CoolDreamThanks]

Q #283: I have been a student of A Course in Miracles for six years now and practice at it daily. Every time I have a questions to ask it gets answered in some form by you. so thank you for all the help. Now I am a little confused on how to handle this situation. The last eight years I have gained 30 lbs and being 69 years of age it is a concern because the additional weight can lead to many diseases and I am not comfortable with it. So I went on a diet of healthy eating and exercises. I am comfortable with my game plan but I am confused because I know that all the illnesses, aches and pains are only my own guilt about the choice I made on leaving God and that guilt is projected on to my body. So, if I stay aware of this fact and continue on my plan will that be OK? How do we handle following the Course and doing what we think is necessary in this world. This question could be used in many different situations. Again thank you for all your help.

A: You are correct. This question can be applied to many different situations regarding behavior.

As you undoubtedly know, the focus of A Course in Miracles is not on changing our behavior, but rather on changing the teacher who will guide us through our daily lives. And yet, we have to start somewhere, and that somewhere is basically where we find ourselves right now. It doesn’t matter that yesterday I was practically sitting at the right hand of God when today I’m a hateful, spiteful, blankety-blank!

So, we start where we are. As you stated, you know your ailments come from your guilt. This recognition alone gives you more knowledge than 99.9% of the population. You are off to a good start right there! You want to lose weight to live a longer and healthier life, and as an aside, to perhaps feel better about your looks as well (although you didn’t say so). You have a plan, which seems complete and well thought out. You imply that you have implemented your plan, at least for a little while, and then you became confused—about your plan, about your guilt, etc.

Sounds like you made a right-minded decision to take better care of yourself, to love yourself a little more, to “let go” of some of your guilt, and to be worthy of good health and happiness. It also sounds like once you started implementing your plan, a tiny voice began to whisper in your ear—the content of its message, no matter what the words, being “who will I be without my guilt?” Once heard, you began to get confused. Should I? Would I? Could I? All of this a direct response to your right-minded decision.

This is a perfect example of what we all do in various aspects of our lives. We make right- minded decisions, become afraid of them (and their implications) and jump right back into the arms of the ego until we tire of its insanity and begin the entire process again—over, and over, and over. We continue this way until our fear is totally diminished and we make the final right- minded choice, at which point we are in the real world, and the tiny voice of the ego is heard no more. And, if you can generalize this process to your entire life, you’ll be able to more quickly and easily recognize signs of fear as they creep into your thoughts, no matter what form they take. This will help you take your doubt and self-sabotage less seriously than you have in the past, simply stating: “Of course, I’ve gotten afraid again. So what else is new?”

[CoolDreamThanks]

Q #950: I have been working with A Course in Miracles for 10 years, and I feel stuck. In #655 you say there’s nothing wrong with trying to get guilt based addictive behavior under control, I have tried for 30 years without success. My classroom is overeating and being overweight. When I eat or think about food, or I think about exercise I feel guilty. It seems no matter what, I feel guilty. I would like to know where the Holy Spirit fits in this. Do I just say help me with this; do I think about Him? I don’t know how to recruit His help since I am always guilty no matter what.

A: At the center of the problem, as you describe it, is guilt, not food or weight. It is not only the problem, it is the goal. Seeking to change form (even for 30 years) without relinquishing guilt is the mind’s way of having its cake and eating it, too. The missing link in the equation is the hidden desire to hold on to guilt. In the text, Jesus tells us the first obstacle to peace: “The Desire to Get Rid of It” (T-19.IV-A) is fueled by the “attraction of guilt” (T-19.IV-A.i). Although it may seem that cake, pasta, or potato chips, are the big attraction, the real draw is to the guilt seemingly engendered by the food. Guilt is the ego’s nourishment, so when the mind chooses the ego as its teacher, it will seek for guilt and find it, in order to sustain its belief in the reality of the ego. Therefore, used as a classroom, being overweight is a very helpful tool to get in touch with guilt, which in turn reveals the hidden choice the mind has made to identify with the ego. Being willing to see being overweight and the body itself (large or small) in this light is the first way the Holy Spirit steps into the picture. Weight loss programs do not identify the mind’s choice for the ego as the source of the problem. Nor do they offer a guilt-reducing regime to help solve the problem, as the Holy Spirit does.

The Holy Spirit’s diet begins with the distinction between form and content, whereby the true source of addiction is recognized as the mind’s choice between the ego and the Holy Spirit (content), rather than the body’s choice (form) between chips or carrots. The Holy Spirit’s goal is to teach us to recognize the source of the problem, so it can be healed. When the body says “I want potato chips,” it is reflecting the mind that says “I want guilt to feed my belief in the separation.” All the bad feelings that come with eating (or obsession with thinness) keep attention focused on the choices the body makes, which keeps the mind’s power to choose between the ego or the Holy Spirit from awareness. Efforts to solve the eating addiction on the body’s terms will fail, as your 30 years have proved, because the addiction is in the mind that wants to feed on guilt.

Asking the Holy Spirit for help in undoing guilt means accepting, first of all, that this is indeed the problem, which is not as easy as it sounds. In fact, the reason we look for solutions in the body and its behavior is precisely because we do not want to let go of identity with the body. When the body thinks it can sneak in a few potato chips that won’t show up on the scale, it mirrors the mind’s sneaky thought that it can get away with seeking happiness in a thin body and God won’t notice. The truth is God does not notice, but the mind will inevitably feel the pain and guilt that come from seeking from the ego/body what it cannot give, and turning away from the real happiness of oneness with our Source.

Overeating is just one of the endless forms the ego uses to camouflage content and act out its tale of sin, guilt, and fear. Every special relationship has this same goal. Anything serves as the subject for a special relationship. At the top of the list is the body with its multitudinous needs, and its crowning triumph—death. The death of the body is the ego’s final proof that the separation did occur and guilt is real, justified, and inescapable. With this belief firmly held, no wonder food looks good. The guilt of identifying with the body is severely painful. Jesus uncovers for us the insanity of the ego’s attraction to pain and guilt:

“Under fear’s orders the body will pursue guilt, serving its master whose attraction to guilt maintains the whole illusion of its existence. This, then, is the attraction of pain. Ruled by this perception the body becomes the servant of pain, seeking it dutifully and obeying the idea that pain is pleasure. It is this idea that underlies all of the ego’s heavy investment in the body. And it is this insane relationship that it keeps hidden, and yet feeds upon. To you it teaches that the body’s pleasure is happiness. Yet to itself it whispers, ‘It is death.’” (T-19.IV-B.13:2-8).

Just as weight loss programs usually ask clients to pay attention to eating habits so they can be changed, the Holy Spirit asks us to recognize the thought system the mind has chosen and its devastating effects, so another choice can be made. His solution to the body’s being overweight is to undo belief in the guilt that keeps the mind frozen in its mistaken choice. His curriculum offers release from guilt and a new perception of the body, whether its form be large or small:

“ ... the reality of guilt is the illusion that seems to make it (the body) heavy and opaque, impenetrable, and a real foundation for the ego’s thought system. Its thinness and transparency are not apparent until you see the light behind it. And then you see it as a fragile veil before the light” (T-18.IX.5:2-4, italics added). Herein lies the real thinness we all seek.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Q #655: I have discovered that my form of attacking the Sonship is overeating. I felt that I was ready through reducing what I eat to look at the guilt and hopefully reduce the fear of God’s Love and not use that particular form of attack any more. What I have found is that it is INCREDIBLY difficult to do this, even though I know exactly what purpose my overeating serves: to attack God’s Son and keep God’s Love away, or to reinforce separation.

I was hoping you could help me with this process. When I reduce what I eat, there is a very strong feeling of “hunger” that overwhelms me. I think at that point I want to turn to the Holy Spirit and “look” at the guilt in my mind so that I can see that it is not real. When I do this I am not getting any clear thoughts about how to do this. The strong thought is the hunger and need to eat a bunch of junk so the feeling will go away. What does it mean to “look at the guilt”? Do you have any suggestions for how I can get past this block that I have to the awareness of love’s presence? What are some of the “truths” I can use to help me become less afraid and get past this form of attack?

A: You’ve got part of it right, but there’s an important aspect of your current approach to food that you may want to reconsider, in light of the teachings of A Course in Miracles. There’s nothing wrong with trying to get a guilt-based, addictive behavior, such as overeating—or drinking, or gambling, etc.—under control, and that can sometimes be a very helpful first step. But if that is your primary goal, even if you acknowledge that it is a form or symbol for your attack on the Sonship, you’ve put the cart before the horse, from the Course’s perspective! That puts you in good company, since most students want to try to change their behavior rather than their minds. And this is only a “natural” desire, while we are more identified with the body in time and space than with the mind outside of time and space. But it’s playing right into the ego’s grand design of keeping our attention focused on effect (the body) and relegating cause (the mind) to a secondary role.

An alternative approach, which reflects the Course’s emphasis on thought rather than behavior, would be to shift your goal from reducing your food intake to merely watching the thoughts that accompany your cravings and your eating binges. We believe the problem is our destructive behavior, but Jesus says that the behavior is only ever a symptom of the underlying destructive thought of guilt in the mind (T-2.VI.3). The behavior helps us recognize that the guilt is there in the mind, but our purpose, believe it or not, is not to change either the behavior or the guilt, but merely to acknowledge the guilt and ask for help in seeing ourselves differently. You see, the overeating in itself is not the attack. The thought that motivates the overeating is the attack—and that thought is not real. And if our goal is to change either, we are saying both the thought and its effect—the overeating—are real. Obviously, since both feel very real to us, we cannot be the ones to undo them.

The thought of guilt may be experienced as anxiety, fear, neediness, scarcity, inadequacy, self- loathing, etc. The ego wants us to make the specific interpretation—that we are hungry and craving food and the way to address the problem is to eat. The Course invites us to dissociate the thought from the specific context and recognize that the underlying thought is really a statement we are making about ourselves, that we are empty and missing something inside—the love we unconsciously believe we have thrown away (T-30.III.1-3). And this thought is the source of our guilt. Whether we eat something or not is irrelevant as we allow ourselves to get in touch with the underlying thought, which may bring up both fear and pain. We don’t want to minimize this step, but we also don’t want to stop with it.

And so the Course process of looking with the Holy Spirit or Jesus means that we take what seems very real and powerful to us—our guilt, in whatever form it seems real for us—and look at it with Their gentle, nonjudgmental presence beside us. If we are successful in joining with Their love in this process of looking, we will experience some level of reduction in the intensity of our guilt-based feelings. Our continuing investment in the ego and the self we think we are, which are protected by the guilt, will determine how willing we are to release the guilt in any particular moment. So we do not want to judge ourselves if the feelings do not seem to diminish, but just continue to look as honestly as we can and ask for the help to see ourselves in a different light. For what we believe about ourselves—that we are sinful, guilty, weak, limited creatures—is an ego-based lie. And the presence of Jesus and the Holy Spirit in our minds is proof that it is a lie, for our minds could not be home to Their gentle presence if we were the limited selves we have up until now insisted we are. This process of looking at and releasing our guilt is likely to take time so it is important that we be patient with ourselves. Over time, the need to use food to push away those unpleasant, even terrifying thoughts, may also diminish, and food itself will recede in importance as a focus of concern.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Q #736: As I’ve progressed on my spiritual path, my only worry now is that I will fall back into thinking as I used to before. These moments are less and less frequent. But what is the best way to overcome these feelings, to manage the moments of anxiety? When I feel I’ve passed almost all the ego’s tests, my weight becomes an issue, and any perfection I feel I’ve reached is meaningless because I’m not good looking or thin. How can I deal with that? I feel I have tried everything.

A: A Course in Miracles would say the problem in the end is not what we think of our bodies or our personalities or other aspects of our individual selves, but that we think of ourselves as bodies at all. Our perfection has nothing to do with the body, for perfection is only of the spirit, which is already perfect (T-2.V.1:8) and can never be lacking in any way. Now, obviously, most of us still identify with this individual self and Jesus is not asking us to deny our experiences and feelings—that would serve no helpful purpose. But it is helpful to recognize that his Course ultimately is leading us beyond any bodily identification (e.g., T-1.I.29:3;), so that we can begin to put our anxieties and concerns in a greater context.

Our anxieties and bodily concerns keep us anchored in the ego’s thought system (T-29.II.9-10). There is really nothing to be done about them, except to acknowledge the feelings when they arise and recognize that their purpose is to reinforce the belief we all hold that we are separate, vulnerable, and unlovable. Our perception of our body will shift as we change under whose guidance we place our mind—and this has nothing to do with any physical changes in the body itself but only the purpose we see in it. As Jesus explains,

“The body is beautiful or ugly, peaceful or savage, helpful or harmful, according to the use to which it is put ... If the body becomes a means you give to the Holy Spirit to use on behalf of union of the Sonship, you will not see anything physical except as what it is. Use it for truth and you will see it truly. Misuse it and you will misunderstand it, because you have already done so by misusing it. Interpret anything apart from the Holy Spirit and you will mistrust it. This will lead you to hatred and attack and loss of peace” (T-8.VII.4:3-9).

And by misusing the body, Jesus means that we see our own body as the means of having our individual specialness needs met, while we see our brothers’ bodies as the cause of all our suffering and unhappiness, either for their attacks that inflict pain directly, or for what they fail to do that we would have them do for us. In contrast to the ego’s use, the Holy Spirit would have us recognize that the body is only the screen onto which we have projected our mind’s guilt over our belief in separation and attack. And with that recognition we can then release the guilt in the mind to the Holy Spirit, so that our body can now become an instrument for communicating His Love and forgiveness.

In the paragraphs preceding the lines just quoted, Jesus observes:

“Remember that the Holy Spirit interprets the body only as a means of communication. Being the Communication Link between God and His separated Sons, the Holy Spirit interprets everything you have made in the light of what He is. The ego separates through the body. The Holy Spirit reaches through it to others. You do not perceive your brothers as the Holy Spirit does, because you do not regard bodies solely as a means of joining minds and uniting them with yours and mine. This interpretation of the body will change your mind entirely about its value. Of itself it has none.

If you use the body for attack, it is harmful to you. If you use it only to reach the minds of those who believe they are bodies, and teach them through the body that this is not so, you will understand the power of the mind that is in you. If you use the body for this and only for this, you cannot use it for attack. In the service of uniting it becomes a beautiful lesson in communion, which has value until communion is. This is God’s way of making unlimited what you have limited. The Holy Spirit does not see the body as you do, because He knows the only reality of anything is the service it renders God on behalf of the function He gives it” (T-8.VII.2- 3).

_______________________

I have indeed been misusing the body as a tool to have my specialness needs met, primarily how I look and what I believe I will get from that. This separates me from the true source of Love and puts me in the loop of searching for love in the dream, separating me even further from my Source, thus causing even more guilt, which will inevitably be expressed in the dream, primarily, right now, it seems, through the unhealthiness of the body. 

"⁸Peace is an attribute in you. ⁹You cannot find it outside. Illness is some form of external searching. ¹¹Health is inner peace. (ACIM, T-2.I.5:8-11)"

I guess it's only natural that my health has been degrading, not because of the foods I have been eating, but because I have been seeking for externals. I remember David Hoffmeister saying; Imagine going to the doctor and the doctor asks you: Well, you do have diabetes - have you been seeking externals? Haha, now doctors would ask what you have been eating, but Jesus asks what was in your mind - were you trying to extract happiness from the dream? If so, you are seeking for externals and have been separated from the true place of Love within, so the guilt is now expressed in sickness. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Q #123: I’d really appreciate elaboration on P-2.VI.5. My specific question is: will the body part I am presently projecting my unforgiveness onto give me an insight into the particular issue that I need to undo at this time? How will analyzing the form of my sickness enable me to better understand what issue is at the “tip of the iceberg”?

A: To begin, let’s take a look at the full passage, the first three sentences of which you refer to:

“Sickness takes many forms, and so does unforgiveness. The forms of one but reproduce the forms of the other, for they are the same illusion. So closely is one translated into the other, that a careful study of the form a sickness takes will point quite clearly to the form of unforgiveness that it represents. Yet seeing this will not effect a cure. That is achieved by only one recognition; that only forgiveness heals an unforgiveness, and only an unforgiveness can possibly give rise to sickness of any kind” (P-2.VI.5).

As this asserts, there should be a clear correspondence between the specific thought of guilt in the mind and its shadow—the symptom—in the world. Freud made a similar kind of claim in his analyses of hysterical symptoms. However, your conclusion can only be as good as the honesty of your introspection and as accurate as your willingness to uncover what anger, fear and judgments may be buried in your unconscious. And there is no set of fixed rules that leads inexorably from specific thought to specific symptom.

For example, a sprained ankle may reflect a real ambivalence about stepping forward on a certain fearful career or relationship path for one person. But for another person or for the same person at another time, the sprain may be evidence of guilt over the desire to kick someone else when he is down. And for someone else, the fear of going forward could be manifested in laryngitis— losing one’s voice—rather than in spraining an ankle. There may even be some kind of so-called past life associations to the present symptom which are even more difficult to uncover. Nevertheless, there will be times when the correspondence is quite apparent.

Seeing such links between an unforgiving thought and a specific symptom can be especially helpful as you first begin your work with A Course in Miracles, for it reinforces the recognition the Course is attempting to develop in our awareness of the true cause-effect relationship between mind and body. We incorrectly see a false relationship between external agents or events as causes and bodily changes as effects (e.g., a virus and flu symptoms), rather than the true relationship between the thoughts of the mind as cause and changes in the body as effects (e.g., guilt and flu symptoms).

But, as the above passage from the Psychotherapy supplement points out, seeing such connections is not enough in itself to bring about true healing. Only forgiveness can do that. And as you continue with your study of the Course, the good news is that you do not need to uncover the link between a specific form of guilt and a specific symptom. Any symptom of disease or dis- ease in the body is a projection of the guilt in the mind that is the self-hatred we all carry inside ourselves over our belief that we attacked and destroyed love when we chose the thought of separation. And every symptom, regardless of its form, represents nothing other than the ego’s attempt to persuade you that your problems are in the world and in your body, and not in your mind. So once the ego’s ruse is recognized and the real association between the guilt in the mind and effects on the body is acknowledged, most of your work is completed. The next step is simply to turn to your internal Teacher for help in undoing your belief in that guilt. Your part in the forgiveness process is now complete. External symptoms may or may not shift at this point, but they will no longer concern you, as you have identified the real source of your discomfort and pain. As Jesus observes in the manual in the section on healing, “What do guilt and sickness, pain, disaster and all suffering mean now? Having no purpose, they are gone. And with them also go all the effects they seemed to cause. Cause and effect but replicate creation. Seen in their proper perspective, without distortion and without fear, they re-establish Heaven” (M-5.II.4:7- 11).
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So it can be helpful to look at a specific body part and think about what form of unforgiveness this represents in my life. Perhaps what form of seeking I am indulging in as well?

From this perspective, I think one issue is pretty apparent. So an STD represents seeking for externals in sex. I literally had that experience, and I keep doing the same thing without learning. So the unforgiveness I do is seeking externals in the form of sex to give me pleasure, using my body for this special need, devouring someone to give me happiness. I remember blaming that girl for that thing, but it's all my doing, my own projection, my own decision to use the body for obtaining happiness from outside myself, which is seeking for externals and using the body lovelessly, so it's no wonder I caused myself that issue. And I actually didn't really learn from that mistake, so it keeps repeating itself in various forms. As long as I am projecting that mistake onto someone else, as though they caused this issue in me, I can't heal from it. I have to take responsibility for misusing my body in this way and stop doing that, instead choosing to spend time in Peace and Silence, obtaining my happiness this way, instead of from something external, which inevitably leads to guilt and sickness. 

 

[CoolDreamThanks]

In light of this whole idea of seeking for externals as a tool to use the body lovelessly, using the body to fulfill special needs, even if it's the need to look handsome or even spiritual, using others for pleasure, and so on, it does seem like my initial hypothesis of needing to let go of the world and all it's offerings to heal and awaken is correct. It does seem like the final stage will be very much filled with doing nothing, spending days in silence and peace, in an empty room. In the past, when I did this, I finally began to experience connection with Saint Mary (just a symbol my mind likes), and Heaven and Oneness. And whenever I retract my attention from that silence and I stop living a life of no seeking of externals, then I fall back into this grim darkness where light never shines through.

[CoolDreamThanks]

It does feel like that sometimes, stuck in a desperate situation, unsure what the next step should be.

Man on the right, trying to figure out awakening, Angel on the side, looking kinda disappointed, and the ego smiling, thinking he has won, which is true if the man thinks he knows what the next move should be and doesn't consult the Angel. 

I wish awakening was checkers, but it's definitely chess.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Asked Jamie this: Is there some sort of an important difference I am missing between other teachings that teach to be identified with Silence and not getting identified with thoughts as the process of awakening and what Jesus teaches?

Jamie answered:

The Course's approach is apophatic -- rather than attempt to identify with Silence, we disidentify with the noise of the ego. The logic is that if we wanted Silence, we'd already be experiencing it. 

It's the absence of ego that Silence awaits for us. This means that we begin our journey into Silence by first noticing how deeply identified we are with our personal thoughts. When we set aside our arrogance, our Inner Wisdom reveals how personal thoughts always lead us to destruction, and how universal (forgiving) thoughts always lead us to joy. When this is accepted, it becomes easy to let go of personal thoughts for the gentle quietness of  forgiving thoughts, which softly dissipate into Silence. 

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Wow. Now what I don't understand is how to distinguish personal from universal (forgiving) thoughts. Is it about how it feels? Afraid to fall into the bliss-ninny trap. These days I think mostly along the lines of I am dreaming and nothing else exists, and I try to see the positive in everyone. Is that being a bliss-ninny or is that a forgiving thought system? 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Okay, so instead of mainly focusing on SIlence, I started to mainly focus on seeing everything and everyone lovingly: a loving outlook on life, seeing everyone only in positive light, etc. The result is a high level of happiness, and actually finally feel the desire to extend the love to others and lift them up. 

Also asked Jamie if this is the correct way to go about things, might still be going the bliss-ninny route, but so far, feels very good. 

I also found that when I do this, it's much easier and much more pleasant to enter Silence. I think that is what Jamie meant - we don't go from ego to Silence, we go from ego to love, or forgiving (loving?) thought system and then from there it's easy and natural to enter Silence, and, incredibly, that Silence is now filled with Love, unlike how when one goes form ego to Silence, it is mostly emptiness. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

In terms of sex and other pleasures: I was thinking if I should ask Jamie about it, but I'm pretty sure he would say it's okay to do all the things you have been doing, but do them with Love. Actually, he already said that in this form:

Chop wood, carry water - with love. 

So that's basically the answer for how to live life - do what you want to do, but with love. He also notes to keep in mind that this isn't necessarily a place you want to get caught up in trying to fulfill your dreams, but at the same time, it's okay to buy a house you want, etc, just don't make a big deal about it, don't be obsessed with these things, including your body. It's a loving thing to take care of your body and how you look, just don't make it the center of your life. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Jamie was asked how to know if you're judging or being forgiving, and he said you know by how you feel - do you feel the lightness of being? If so, you are in a forgiven state.

I definitely feel euphoric, light, joyful right now. Was worried about the bliss ninny thinking, but I doubt that's the case if I feel so gooooood! 

Actually finally feels like I'm on a low dose of MDMA, the perfect amount to still operate and do work and socialize, but still feel blissfull <3 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Q #815: Two different questions from the same questioner, with a combined answer: i) Every time I read info related to A Course in Miracles I seem to get agitated. I love the words but always come away with “so what in the hell am I supposed to do?” ii) With the illusory nature of this world how is one to function? I post the quote “you are asked to act as if you had no ego.” But to live a life free of judgment seems to be a blissninny way to go.

A: The agitation you experience when you read the Course is probably not coming from not understanding what it is saying, but from understanding. You are not alone in feeling agitated by its message, and with good reason. The goal of the Course is the undoing of the ego’s thought system, which ultimately means undoing all belief in the world, the body, and separation. It is not an easy message for the ego to hear, considering its investment in keeping us rooted in the world, its treasured home. The first thing to do is not to try not to be agitated, but to understand where the agitation is coming from: a choice in the mind to believe the separation is real, and resistance to learning a thought system that teaches that it is not. In this regard, Jesus offers us clear advice: “Do not fight yourself” (T-30.I.1:7). What we are supposed to do is follow his instructions to look calmly at the ego in operation without fear, and without judgment:

“No one can escape from illusions unless he looks at them, for not looking is the way they are protected. There is no need to shrink from illusions, for they cannot be dangerous. We are ready to look more closely at the ego’s thought system because together we have the lamp that will dispel it, and since you realize you do not want it, you must be ready. Let us be very calm in doing this, for we are merely looking honestly for truth” (T-11.V.1:1-4).

Since the Introduction to the text tells us our goal in studying this course is to remove “ ... the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence” (T-in.1:7), it is reasonable to conclude that the blocks must be seen before they can be removed. That is why we are asked to look for them: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false” (T-16.IV.6:1-2). That is what we are supposed to do. The instruction to look is repeated frequently in the Course, because it is the correction for the ego's strategy of defending its thought system by keeping its origin (the mind), its goal (mindlessness), and its effects (pain) hidden. When we find the blocks (e.g., any judgment, all forms of specialness), we then are asked not to be deceived by their disguises, but to see in them the mind's choice to collude with the ego's scheme to keep the world real.

To no longer identify with the ego’s judgment is the ultimate goal of the Course. That is how we will eventually live “as if we had no ego.” Daily practice of the Course will lead us there, but it is not yet fully accomplished. We can easily avoid the blissninny approach through vigilant observation of the many judgments that flood into awareness during the course of the day. The ones we catch are enough to keep us humble, not to mention those we miss. Since blissninny’s mother is denial, not denying our judgments and feelings keeps us focused and headed in the right direction. The Holy Spirit is here to tell us there is another way of looking at everything in our lives. As we are told in the introduction to the workbook: “The purpose of the workbook is to train your mind in a systematic way to a different perception of everyone and everything in the world” (W-in.4:1). This “different perception” is not the ego’s.

So, as we develop this new way of thinking and learn to live under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we “live as if we had no ego.” It does not mean the ego disappears, nor that it is denied. It means that when the ego makes an appearance, it does not have to be given the best seat in the house. When it is recognized, and its secret agenda is exposed, it no longer carries the weight it previously did. Even the simple fact of knowing there is another Guest to Whom we can turn diminishes the ego’s hold. Yes, in truth the world is an illusion, but as long as we believe it is real we continue to function normally. The only difference is we learn to interpret everything in the light of the Course’s teaching of forgiveness, and its goal of removing the blocks to love’s awareness. When resistance in the form of agitation presents itself, it may be helpful to remember only a “little willingness” is required, and it “need not be perfect, because His [Holy Spirit’s] is. If you will merely offer Him a little place, He will lighten it so much that you will gladly let it be increased. And by this increase, you will begin to remember creation” (T- 11.II.6:6-8).

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Okay, so being a bliss ninny is still having alot of judgements, feeling bad, but believing you are very spiritually developed and denying your negative feelings and judgements. What is important is to notice those judgements are feelings and be aware that you still have ways to go to change your mind about everything and everyone.

From these answers, it also seems more and more like what Jesus is teaching is actually a way of looking at the world from the most loving perspective, to heal your mind and heal the dream, at least partially, in terms of the dream, I guess, because I'm not sure if the whole world will ever shine in bright light and be fully healed, but maybe, maybe in your experience all will be good. 

I thought looking at the world without judgements, like Spirit looks, means to look without any thoughts at all, but that doesn't really work, you always have thoughts, perhaps because you are fundamentally a Mind? So the goal is to change your mind from fear to love, healing it or returning it to the natural state. 

Jamie said it's not about mindlessly looking at judgements, it's seeing that judgements bring you pain and destruction and choosing to exchange them for forgiving thoughts (loving thoughts)? And then, peace and silence and love is always with you. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

hmm, so isn't just being aware of awareness whilst observing your judgements a way of denial, thinking you are healing yourself, awakening, whilst actually feeling very bad and being consumed by darkness? 

[CoolDreamThanks]

uuuu wow, life is transforming so quickly when I change my mind from fearful and egoic to loving. i mean things at the workplace begin to change and evolve in a positive way, relationships begin to flower, overall feeling much better, kinda amazing  
 

 You can touch my love, it's free ~~~~~ 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Since dreams are closer to the unconscious, I was pretty sure I would have good dreams this night, because i was feeling good, and feelings are the one right use of judgement whether one is on the right or the wrong path.

While they were not as positive, filled with light and love as I imagined, the theme of forgiveness did run quite prominentl throughout the dreams.

Firstly, I dreamed of one of my classmates being bullied, but we just went together and happily, at least somewhat, spent some time.

Then, in another dream, my cousin asked if I knew what that coat students wear after graduating from university is called. My association method, after awakening, I understand he was implying that I am getting closer to graduating from this school of life.

 I did also dream a few fearful moments, one was where my clothing wasn't fitting, because during the day I purchased a jacket online and started worrying if it would fit. These moments have to be noticed, not denied, and transformed into non-seriousness and lightness. 

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How can you know whether you chose the stairs to Heaven or the way to hell? ⁷Quite easily. ⁸How do you feel? ⁹Is peace in your awareness? ¹⁰Are you certain which way you go? ¹¹And are you sure the goal of Heaven can be reached? ¹²If not, you walk alone. ¹³Ask, then, your Friend to join with you, and give you certainty of where you go. (ACIM, T-23.II.22:6-13)

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Decision cannot be difficult. ²This is obvious, if you realize that you must already have decided not to be wholly joyous if that is how you feel. ³Therefore, the first step in the undoing is to recognize that you actively decided wrongly, but can as actively decide otherwise. (ACIM, T-5.VII.6:1-3)

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Without judgment, just purely analyzing the teachings, when I asked Keith if it's okay to think loving thoughts because they make me feel good, he asked: What are thoughts? Do you not think all thoughts are illusions? Don't be bothered by them, he said. Hmm, based on my current understanding, I have to disagree, because yes, egoic, fearful thoughts are illusory, but loving, forgiving thoughts seem to be the way to healing and awakening. 

When I asked Jamie if all thoughts are judgments, he said, thankfully, no. There are forgiving thoughts which are healing, bring peace, and dissolve into Silence (paraphrasing). 

Jesus says that your feelings show you if you are on the right path; just observing your judgments is not the right path, because as long as there are judgments, you will feel miserable. So, just mindlessly looking at them does not heal. What heals is exchanging your judgmental thoughts for loving, forgiving thoughts, while at the same time never denying when you feel bad, which would be becoming a bliss ninny. Instead, one has to see how much judgment and fear there is still in the mind and that the thought system of the Holy Spirit - the healed, loving mind - has to be adapted deeper still.  

 

[CoolDreamThanks]

From https://monasteryofthemists.com/: 
 

The Negative is Nothing

Q: To ward off the unhappiness of my ego thoughts, I try to think positively and find that it makes me happy. Is choosing to focus on loving thoughts an example of bliss-ninny thinking?

A: Peanut butter and chocolate. That’s the secret of awakening. Understood? No? Okay, then here is a longer answer.

Personal thoughts and universal thoughts are an iconic duo. Awakening happens only when they are brought together!

The experience we’re all waiting for is that our personal thoughts are meaningless. That they do not disturb Peace. They do not disturb Stillness. They do not disturb Reality. This is the experience of Great Rejoicing!

Now one can see that mindfulness is not a path in the positive, but a path that leads us to the experience that the negative is nothing. Then the Positive will just be there, like it always was. You won’t have to generate a false version of it. No more mental effort! No more fear!
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Lol, okay, so now it seems that Jamie is saying forgiving thoughts are not really thoughts at all, but just that Presence that is naturally positive, you don't have to generate it. He notes that what you have to do is see how the negative/judgemental thoughts are not really meaningful and can't relaly disturb the natural positive. 

Okay, so if I am interpreting this correctly, then it's the same what Keith is saying, that thoughts as such do not matter, what matters is the natural positive underneath the thoughts. I do feel the effort needed to constantly generate positive thoughts, but when I'm simply mindfull, then there's no effort and just a natural state of Peace that could be sustained for looong periods of time without any issue. Jamie also said taht even when the ego is raging, if you are in that Stillness, you won't be dismayed by it, won't be truly affected. Hmmmm.. So probably I still gave to much importance to thoughts, and when you do give them importance, then they do have an effect on you, but when you stop believing that they have the power to affect you, then they lose that power, because you were the one giving them the power.