Bringing darkness to the light

[CoolDreamThanks]

Jamie continued:

Positive thinking shrieks "I'm afraid of negative thought!" and tries to shout them down. Bury them. But if ego thoughts are powerless to distrub our peace, what defense is needed? All that is needed is to bring them to Stillness and learn this is not so. This is defenselesness. 

Also, positive thinking reinforces this personal experience. It puts us in charge of healing. But healing our minds isn't our job. The Truth does that all on its own. Our job is to bring fantasy to Truth -- bring our ego throughts to the forgiving thought ("this means nothing") and let Stillness show us their nothingness. That is when we are truly free! This means when we come to Stillness, we would want our hands filled with ego thoughts, not Course thoughts. That's how we learn they can't hurt us. 

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Okay, so what Jamie means by forgiving thought is looking at egoic thoughts and being defenseless in the face of them, because you know nothing can truly touch that peace within you. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Going from thinking, what I believed to be forgiving thoughts, to returning to simply practicing mindfulness and not paying attention to thoughts at all, is, in terms of how it feels, like going from the music I previously posted, which was EDM-like, to this:
 

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Also, I don't think I've ever had an enlightenment or oneness experience brought about by some form of thinking, even if it's the highest form that you could possibly imagine, like thinking of others as divine children of God. The most it brought me was happiness/excitement on the mental level, although I did lose Peace and mindfulness, it was overshadowed by the thinkingness.

I find that you do have to choose what to focus on - do you focus on managing your thoughts, or do you focus on being Mindful, allowing thoughts to come and go without giving them meaning. 

So, experientially, in terms of feelings, thinking positive, loving thoughts brings excitement-type happiness, whilst mindfulness brings peace-type happiness. Thinking-type happiness does require constant effort, and it does seem like inside, I am defensive, defensive against any type of negative thought. 

Thinking-type happiness, whilst bringing excitement-type happiness, seems to be limited to this level of experience, which could probably be called happiness in the dream, happiness in the individual experience, whilst Peace-type happiness seems to have an almost infinite depth, even having the power to dissolve not only your identity but the whole dream, bringing you back home to God. Peace-type happiness also has the power to bring you Oneness experiences and make you dream dreams of the celestial order. 

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This marks the 384th time I changed my mind about what the correct way to awaken is and what Jesus teaches.

[CoolDreamThanks]

I was wondering for a long time how psychedelics work - do they contain extremely high vibrations and vibrate our consciousness into the celestial levels? No, that doesn't really make sense if it's all a dream coming from your mind. Ken answers this clearly and without any whoopla, he gives it straight - psychedelics, like everything else in this dream, are merely tools we use to give form to our desire, whatever it is. In itself, psychedelics have no power, maybe that's why some spiritual masters don't get anything from them, because they fully understood that they are the cause of the effect the psychedelic has, the psychedelic in itself does nothing.

Here's Ken on Psychedelics:


Q #1106: I started smoking pot and experimenting with LSD at eleven years of age. The first couple times I had the most spiritual experience of oneness. But the next time was pure hell. I had the worst bad trip, which opened a doorway in my mind I wish I had never seen. My ultimate fear was that I would remain in that fearful, panic state for eternity with no escape. It seemed very real and powerful at the time. Later, in my late teens, I developed panic attacks and anxiety, leading me to search for an answer, which I found in A Course in Miracles.

I still have concerns that I did some damage to my brain from the drugs, which caused my nervous system to give my body physical effects of fear, even though I knew it was false in my mind. Does the mind override the brain on all levels of experience while we are in a body or can we do damage to our brain and nervous system that will limit us, even though we know its just part of our grand illusion?

A: The only thing that can ever limit us in any way is our beliefs, which are the thoughts we hold about ourselves in our minds (T-26.VII.8:7-10). Much of the time these beliefs are unconscious and so it appears that there is little we can do to change them (W-pI.138.8). But, and we can’t emphasize this enough, the body, the brain, and the nervous system are all the effects of the thoughts in the mind and can never be the cause of anything we experience.

It is the ego that is invested in our becoming mindless, and seeking causes for how we feel in the world of form outside the mind. Yet all forms are nothing more than projected symbols that represent the choices we have made in our minds, now hidden by our own choice from our awareness.

How does this translate specifically into the experiences you report? The drugs initially gave form to a desire you had to remember the truth about yourself and so they seemed to precipitate an experience of oneness. The mind, still strongly identified with the ego, became fearful, and so the subsequent effect—the bad trip—simply was a defense you chose against remembering the truth about yourself. Like everything else in the world of form, the drugs are really neutral and your experience depends on which teacher you have chosen to interpret your experiences for you—the Holy Spirit or the ego.

In an effort to assure that the detour into fear remains permanent, the ego reinforces the fear with the further fear that there can be no escape from the fear. And then, to put the final nail in the coffin that will lock you away from the light and into the ego’s thought system forever, the ego tries to convince you that the fear you have experienced is not the result of your choice, but rather the secondary effect of irreversible damage that the external agents have inflicted on your brain and your nervous system. The ego is brilliant but insane, and we are just as insane when we choose to listen to it.

But there is always another Teacher available to us within our minds, when we wish to learn something other than separation and guilt and fear. And it is by becoming increasingly conscious of what we have chosen with the ego that another door opens to a different choice. This process is beautifully described in one of the lessons in the workbook:

“Heaven is chosen consciously. The choice cannot be made until alternatives are accurately seen and understood. All that is veiled in shadows must be raised to understanding, to be judged again, this time with Heaven’s help. And all mistakes in judgment that the mind had made before are open to correction, as the truth dismisses them as causeless. Now are they without effects. They cannot be concealed, because their nothingness is recognized” (W-pI.138.9).

[CoolDreamThanks]

Also, Ken does say that what Buddhists teach as mindfulness and Krishnamurti as choiceless awareness (which would also mean as Ekhart Tolle the Power of Now and Osho as Being) is what the Course is teaching:
 

Q #1098: When Krishnamurti talks about choiceless awareness or when Buddhists speak about mindfulness, are they referring to the process of being in the mode of the observer which you talk about in your programs? I think I heard you say that the decision maker and the observer are the same thing. Is there a difference between the two? A Course in Miracles says that forgiveness “merely looks, and waits, and judges not” (W-pI.1.4:3). That sounds like a definition of choiceless awareness and/or mindfulness. So forgiveness, being in the mode of the observer, choiceless awareness, mindfulness are the same? How does the decision maker fit in? It obviously decides which of the two voices to follow, the ego or the Holy Spirit. When one looks with Jesus is that being the observer or the decision maker?

A: In general, you could say that what Krishnamurti and the Buddhists are speaking of is roughly similar to the process the Course talks about. When the decision maker is in its right mind, it is an observer (i.e., looking with Jesus). This is also the state of mindfulness, in that the decision maker is no longer denying its true nature as mind, which it did as part of its plan to preserve its separated state, but not be held responsible for it. Being mind-less (i.e., believing we are bodies) cuts off any possibility of the decision maker reconsidering its original decision to believe it has truly separated from God and now has its own authentic existence. That is why a main objective of the Course is to return us to the state of mindfulness.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Also, here's what Ken has to say on positive and negative thoughts:

 

Q #62: I have been A Course in Miracles student for many years, and I am now passing (or so I feel) from the “beginner stage.” My question is: Can it be helpful to a student to reflect on positive thoughts rather than entertain the negative thoughts of the ego mind? I realize situations that trouble us should be looked at with Jesus or the Holy Spirit or even God, but it seems to me that the time our minds aren’t in the holy instant have to be spent somewhere. I am not talking about affirmations here, but thoughts that have deeply moved us. I will appreciate guidance in this regard.

A: Our minds are either in the holy instant or with the ego. There are no other options; there is no in between. Our thoughts reflect the choice we have made either to think as the ego thinks, or as the Holy Spirit thinks. The Course would not define these thoughts as positive or negative, it tells us rather that the ego’s thoughts reinforce illusion, while the Holy Spirit’s thoughts reflect the truth. When we have experiences that deeply move us, they reflect a choice made on the level of the mind to turn away from the ego toward the Holy Spirit, Who is the symbol of God’s love in the dream. A beautiful musical work or a sunset can be symbols of the love and peace in our mind when we have chosen the Holy Spirit instead of the ego.

What is truly helpful, however, is to be vigilant for the thoughts we think with the ego, to become aware of them, and to recognize their purpose. Since many of the ego’s thoughts appear to be “positive,” we can easily be fooled. Seemingly positive feelings can be insidious forms of spiritual specialness. The ego also comes up with many ingenious excuses for indulging its thought system and holding on to grievances. This may be what you refer to as “[entertaining] the negative thoughts of the ego mind.” It takes a great deal of honesty and patience with ourselves to practice looking carefully at our thoughts without indulging them and without judging them. We do well to stay close to the guidelines the Course offers; “Your task is not to seek for love (what we may call “positive” thoughts), but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. It is not necessary to seek for what is true, but it is necessary to seek for what is false” (T-16.IV.6:1-2). If we are honest in our search we will recognize the thoughts we are holding that interfere with our ability to be in the holy instant. It is then our choice to either hold on to these thoughts or let them go in exchange for the Holy Spirit’s perception.

When we try to be the judge of our thoughts—deciding which ones are positive or which ones are negative—attempting to fill our minds with what we have determined to be “positive” thoughts, we will be putting ourselves in charge of the Atonement, leaving little or no room for the Holy Spirit. It is His thoughts we seek, His perception, His judgment. Doing our part faithfully will allow Him to take us to the holy instant. The Course is clear in this regard and very specific:

“The Holy Spirit asks of you but this; bring to Him every secret you have locked away from Him. Open every door to Him, and bid Him enter the darkness and lighten it away. At your request He enters gladly. He brings the light to darkness if you make the darkness open to Him. But what you hide He cannot look upon. He sees for you, and unless you look with Him He cannot see. The vision of Christ is not for Him alone, but for Him with you. Bring, therefore, all your dark and secret thoughts to Him, and look upon them with Him. He holds the light, and you the darkness. They cannot coexist when both of You together look on them. His judgment must prevail, and He will give it to you as you join your perception to His” (T-14.VII.6).

In another passage the Course gives us a very encouraging follow up: “And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me. If I need a thought, that will He also give. And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him. He is in charge by my request. And He will hear and answer me, because He speaks for God my Father and His holy Son” (W-pII.361.1:1-5). Our hope lies in our dedication to searching our minds carefully, inviting the Holy Spirit to be our guide, our “judge” and our teacher. His perception will then lead us to the holy instant.
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So it's the same as what Jamie said and what Keith says. We don't work with out thoughts, choosing which ones to think. He says these positive thoughts can end up with very insidious forms of spiritual specialness, which i have definately experienced. I think thinking - I am the only dreamer and everyone else doesn't exist, is one example of that, although I'm not sure, but this thought, as most others, tend to cover up the Holy Instant, showing that it's an egoic thing. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Wow, so I've still been fighting my ego, my own mind, when practicing mindfulness. I thought that I have to control my thoughts to be nonjudgmental, and that required constant mental effort and vigilance. But now, I noticed, as Jamie said, that no matter what the ego is doing, it can be thinking murderous thoughts, the peace that I truly am is not affected by that thinking. I can stay completely peaceful and joyous even when the mind is going crazy. So that was really liberating.

 

[CoolDreamThanks]

You forgive your ego like you forgive others and the whole world: by being still and simply looking, being unaffected and enjoying the impnetrable Peace that you are.

[CoolDreamThanks]

It's crazy how unstable the mind is and how easy it is for you to get wrapped up in its value system. I like watching videos on watches and perfumes. Even though when I buy those watches and buy those perfumes, I end up in the same place I was before buying all of them. I'm in this perfect contentment and it doesn't matter how much things I buy. That contentment is always available and is always the end goal. The mind is just manipulated by the internet and it just itself is confused that it needs these things. In a sense, before the mind is very clear that all of these things are valueless, the mind manipulates the mind so strongly as to what you need to buy and own, without really going deeper to the underlying question, why do you need them, what do they give you, what is the end goal here. I even started thinking again foolishly, maybe I should start a business and so on and so forth. It's so easy to fall into this trap, the mind is so unstable.

 

[CoolDreamThanks]

I thought to myself: why do I always punish myself in my dreams at night? Here I am, dreaming of a beautiful girl, she is showing interest, we even start holsing hands and kissing a little, and here comes an evil security guard, takes my drugs and tells me I’m going to prision. In the dream, I call Jesus for help and what happens is I awaken. But why did I punish myself in the first place?  
 

When I asked Jamie if when one is Mindful, which means not in a seperated state, is that reflected in the dream? 
 

Jamie said yes, when we are in the Unified state, then we don’t need to punish ourselves, and that would show up in the dream, but how can we judge how love shows up in the dream? 
 

—- 

 

So, in mu nightly dreams I am never conscious, aware of awareness and I don’t know that I am dreaming, which is a seperated state, so I punish myself because unconsciously I fe guilty for this seperation. 
 

The only time I start dreaming celestial dreams bordering on revelations is when I really really focus on being Mindfull during my days, which means I am coming into a Unified state, so no need for self punishment.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Close: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DO1HuYGk4fK/?igsh=MXVidjZpbXh5bGQ4dQ== 

but it’s not about thinking, thinking positive is just a different form of the same mistake - to be seperated.

Dreams show this perfectly. All the terror, the murder in my dreams at night - where is it coming from? Only from me. It’s not a conscious creation, dreams are symbols reflecting the Unity or the seperation in the mind. And unity is not a thing to be achieved through symbols, it’s a shift from mindlesness to mindfullness, seperation to Oneness.

[CoolDreamThanks]

very cool
 

 

[CoolDreamThanks]

 So, how do I want my life to look like? In terms of finances, relationships, and just what happens in form - I obviously want millions and a divine gf, but that's not in my control, so I'll just keep on doing what comes effortlessly and chase nothing. To be precise, I could probably earn millions, but the road to them is hell, and I'm too content to pay such a price. Also, Ken says you don't really know what's best for you, which is true, so I'll just live in surrender mode. 

Anyway.. None of that really matters, what matters is studying ACIM and mastering it. By the time I'm 50, I should be a master of ACIM at the level of Ken, which means I then become one of the wisest in all of the multiverse, reaching the pinnacle of humanity and on the brink of infinity. 

Then, it should be easy to finish up this life with enlightenment, if I live to like 80 or whatever. 

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In other news, I figured out why there are some very stupid people in spirituality. Stupid people unconsciously know they are stupid, but when they find spirituality, they will, stupidly, make up a very special identity, believing they are the most spiritually advanced, they feel spirits and they always knew they were special, that's why people don't understand them, and now they have become some of the most insidious people available - retarded, but think they are very special because they are spiritual. My colleague is like this and everyone despises her, but she thinks she's at the pinnacle of spirituality. Lol. I'd say most people on this forum are like that and 99.99% of people on reddit/r/spirituality and all other spiritual subforums.

I have a cousin who got into spirituality and now when we meet up he acts like he's so above me. I don't tell him anything I know, I just look at this identity he built up. I see that everything he believes now is false, but I don't deny anything, I just look at him and that's it, I allow him to be retarded, why would I do anything to change him, he doesn't exist and is not worth a smidgen of my worries. 

Best not to get caught up in hating such people, but it's pretty helpful to discern what is happening. Unlucky for me, because I was accepting of that colleague, she wanted to spend a lot of time with me. Since I walk in Peace now, it was easy to disregard her retarded thoughts and simply stay in Silence, but I did have to put my foot down and reject her. Oh, she also got fired, obviously, because people couldn't stand her anymore, and she stole my headphones before leaving. I'm trying to get them back now, which is pretty difficult when dealing with a retarded person. 

So, the final conclusion is the same as I have arrived many times before - best to stay alone, this is not a world of wise and loving people, it's a hell realm comprised of retards.

End of news. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Jamie said that the Course isn't really about Love, it's about the Power of your Mind. 

Jesus says that by your desire you left Heaven and by desire you will return.

I heard David talk that as long as your desire is split - as long as you have desires in the world and you have a desire for Heaven, then that is how long you will be in this limbo state. 

There's no denying that we all want Heaven, but our desire isn't laser-like, completely one-pointed, so we get a nice revelation here and there, but we never stay in Heaven, because we haven't set our desire on Heaven alone, we still have desires in the world - either for material wealth, some luxury items, vacations, relationships - whatever - all of these are desires that take away from the one-pointed desire for Heaven, and indeed that is insanity.

Jesus says idols are the toys children play with, he says look all the trinkets made to hang upon the body, look at all the decoration in your home you put up to attract the other's eyes to give you what you think he has to make you happy. Basically he is saying I am insane in my pursuit of anything in this world, I should instead focus only on Heaven and I will awaken. All else is meaningless and nothing, but the worst part is that this world isn't really neutral, it's literally A BAD PLACE. That's why Jesus and Ken talk so much about this world - he wants to show me how miserable I am here, how pittiful this world is, so that I finally, fully dedicate myself to Heaven, because that is the only way to awaken - to desire nothing of this world and fully desire Heaven. 

My experience affirms this perfectly. You can't still have desires here and make strides in the way of Heaven, no, desire doesn't work that way - until it is unified it won't achieve Heaven. 

That's why ACIM talks so much about choice and power, and the degusting and disappointing nature of this universe - he is bringing me back to sanity and showing me the only right choice there is. The only meaningful choice that can bring lasting happiness - indeed eternal happiness. 

This world is indeed pathetic - nothing works here, you get sick, people suck, working sucks, having no money sucks, this body sucks, everything here is terrible. Now, when this goes deep deep into the mind and you know the alternative - that you have the choice to enter the celestial realm of Heaven and stay there forever - now you have a choice to make and all the power in existence. 

Edited October 3 by CoolDreamThanks

[CoolDreamThanks]

It's quite amazing that no one else besides Jesus talks about the guilt of separation. That's the main theme running through our dreams. 

I noticed that no matter what I do or think - my dreams are filled with guilt. 

Even if I practice mindfulness during the day - that is not enough.

The only time guilt subsides and I begin to experience the realms of light is when I fully dedicate myself to God, which means letting go of the world of man.

It seems that while ACIM is not a path of asceticism, it's not a worldly path, either. You don't have to starve or hurt the body, as though it is bad, but you do have to stop enjoying the pleasures of the world to awaken. 

That's why Jesus says an advanced teacher of God feels no loss in letting go of the pleasures of the world, because those pleasures are the things that keep the teacher of God chained to this empty, evil world of death. 

So there is really no way to serve to masters, you either serve God or you serve the world. I've tried mixing the two, but the guilt remains.

The only way to remove the guilt is to dedicate oneself totally to God and remove all value and attention from this illusion of a world. 

It's not that hard of a choice, when you see what this world is and where you are going when you choose to follow God. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

This is the thought cycle I am in for probably 4 years now: 

1. Try to be happy in the world - focus a lot on the gym, on the future, on my career, on finding a partner, on fashion, etc.
2. Notice I lost Peace and realize this isn't bringing me happiness, I am stuck in the dream.

3. See the dream as a miserable place and try to escape by letting go of pleasures.

4. Fail. Sometimes this solo meditative silent retreat lasts a month, sometimes two, sometimes a day or an hour. Notice that alot of resistance comes up and it intuitively feels wrong to stay in that resistant state. 
5. Realize that awakening is a loong process where you develop mindfulness throughout decades, this requires alot of patience. Letting go of the world doesn't work, you just get into repression, best to find the middle way - be in the world but not of it. Feels right. Getting relaxed. 
6. Get impatient by remembering that when I did dedicate myself fully to silence, I began to experience light/love/oneness/God.
Or get seduced by desires where instead of being in the world but not of it, I become in the world and of it, thus losing peace, and then the cycle repeats. 
7. The cycle repeats - I see that the world is not a good place and attempt to hurry the process up by letting go of pleasures, and inevitably fail. 
8. Realize letting go of pleasures doesnt work, just gets me into repression. But also chasing pleasures, building up my body, wealth, etc doesnt work and gets me too focused on the dream.

Repeat and repeat and repeat. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

So, if Ken is saying that the middle way is the right way to seek for enlightenment, then that is the right way to seek for enlightenment. How can I say otherwise, when he's obviously the wisest one and my way did not work? So, you keep your lifestyle as it was, or make a small change here and there, live as though you are not of the world ,but you are still in it, enjoying things of the world without losing yourself in them, and focus on mindfulness - doing all you have been doing before, but mindfully. ACIM is a path of mindfulness. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

Wow, listening to the latest Jamie's QA and it's incredible.

 

He says as students of ACIM we are in a constant state of push and pull - we are learning how awful the life and thought system of the ego is, but we are still not at the point where we fully realize it, we still want to enjoy it in one way or another, whilst being pushed by Jesus outside of it.

This explains sooo much, why I have these periods of peace and joy and letting go of chasing pleasures, and then I go back to them, get hurt, and let them go. 

He says that's what wisdom is - seeing that none of the paths the ego offers you will bring you happiness.

Jamie says most people want an affair or eat a cake at night, but the thing that is stopping them is the creaky floor between their room and where parents are sleeping and the cake, but if the creaky floor disappeared - they would go straight for the cake, even though they know it will give them a stomach ache.

And wisdom comes when you see how you hurt yourself when eating that cake, and that is how the craving dissapears. 

So it is with all other paths of the ego - you have to clearly see the cost of it, how painful it is, how empty of joy it is, this whole world, and you then let it go. 

So it's not the middle way, from what I gather now I was going in the right direction attempting to let it all go, but I still have an attraction to the things of the ego, I still dont clearly, very visceraly, fully see the pain of the things I do, so are not letting them go. I do see how video games hurt me, how entertainment hurts me, and so on and so forth, but not yet clearly enough. And then, Jamie says, will come a time when you generalize this understanding. I will ask Jamie if I understand correctly that ultimately, you will live like Anandamayi Ma or Ramana Maharshi - just doing basic things, eating, but mainly sitting in peace - because that's the only way to stay in perfect joy and peace.

Jamie also said there's usually a form of the same thing that is egoic and loving. I will try to extrapolate this to health - loving would be to eat healthily and go to the gym, but egoic would be to focus too much on how your body looks, to obsess about health, to make it you whole focus of days, even losing peace of mind because you are so focused on health. 

But then also ego will go the other way and not care about the body at all, saying it's all in the mind - health is peacefullness and body and diet and exercise doesn't matter. 

That's the mistake I am making - I either go all out on gym and supplements and health, or I do nothing and get fat. Both are egoic, but there is the correct and loving choice to eat healthily and exercise ,knowing the pain and sickness I cause myself in the short and long term by abusing my body. That's also wisdom - seeing that this lifestyle will lead to destruction.

Jamie says ACIM is for those who are becoming careful - especially with their mind, but in general as well. If you are careless you won't care enough to control your grievances, your state of mind, etc. You do have to be very careful in this life, or you will get hurt. 

[CoolDreamThanks]

I probably misunderstood when Jamie said don’t fight ur ego. I’ve been allowing judgements to be there and even sort of entertaining them and been miserable. And I can choose against them for the sake of Peace. Thoughts or judgements might still come but I can always choose Peace instead of being with them and indulging in them, and then I am happy.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Hm Jamie says keep living ur life, hoping, chasing pleasures, but gently and patiently see, more and more clearly, how much suffering you experience doing so. I think Ken and Jamie say don’t attempt to change your lifestyle because if you still see value in it it won’t hold. You have to clearly see the horror of this experience with equanimity and gently, easily choose against it in favour of love. So the middke way is like a transitioning period, not what I though. The end goal now does seem to be the lifestyle of someone like Ananda Ma or Ramana. So I was right, you cant awaken whilst still chasing pleasures.

[CoolDreamThanks]

Jamie says when you start looking at others and thinking: oh he’s projecting, oh she’s special, when you start counting the sins of others, the ego co-opted the process.  
 

The thing to so is ask for help looking at your own ego. All else is a distraction and actually hell. I’m miserable when I’m counting the sins if others, that’s ego taking hold of the process. 
 
I need to gently, patiently, without fear look at my ego with ever-increasing clarity. That is what brings spiritual advancement and happiness.