I've been chasing illusions

[TheGod]

Recently I’ve been having profound insights on my relationships with women and their role in my life. These insights were reveled to me on 5MeO-DMT. Please understand that they are personal rather than universal.

Since early teenage years I’ve been brainwashed about intimate relationship by my family members, society, movies, music, books. This brainwashing process was happening directly but mostly indirectly. I ended up constructing unrealistic expectations towards women and relationships which led to me constructing neediness and dependency when relating to them.

Basically, I created an image of an ideal girlfriend or super nurturing woman and projected it outwards, but I was constantly failing finding anyone who could match this image. When I got into pick up and started talking to women (around 2 years ago) I realized that most of women have nothing to do with my ideas about them and it was rather a bitter pill to swallow, but I completely did it on 5MeO-DMT.

The biggest and the most shocking realization I’ve had is this: I was looking for things in women that have always been in me but I was denying them because I was raised in a close-minded society that shames men for having strong feminine traits and I had to deny them in me in order to fit in.

I also realized that all the spiritual work, self-development and awakenings I’ve been having for the last 5 years inevitably led me to re-evaluation of women in my life. Also, I’ve been moving countries and cities constantly on my own the last 4 years which developed strong independent skills in me since I didn’t have anyone who could help me or tell me things, I had to figure them out on my own. It’s been a difficult period in my life but also very liberating.

Another thing is my value that I bring to relationships. This one is also a difficult thing that I have realized. Women don’t care about spirituality or ultimate truth unfortunately. This is not ideas but things I discovered directly when interacting with them. Those of them who call themselves spiritual are just new-age bullshitters or have obviously incorrect ideas around spirituality (again in my experience). Of course, there must be 1% exception (although it’s what I assume since I’ve never met them in real life). Also, I don’t know any famous spiritual teacher who was a woman, the most enlightened teachers have always been men, but this is not to say that modern men are more spiritual then modern women. I think they are equally deluded. Guys chase pussy and women emotional roller-coasters.

Ultimately the need for relationship directly correlates with self-development, but also, I find out that my sexual needs corrupt the way I view women. I tell myself that I am interested in finding interesting or spiritual women or to learn about them or to understand them but nothing can be further from the truth. How come? Well, when I was 6 years old riding my bicycle, I didn’t think about women at all because I had 0 sexual desire. It’s all about sex and the rest is pure horseshit.

 

P/S If you have never had relationships I recomend you do have them because otherwise all of the above will be just another believe system.

[Xonas Pitfall]

I appreciate the honesty! I love this kind of deep reflectiveness and rawness. 

Although one suggestion I'd make is not to fall victim to polarizing thinking once again and swing the pendulum to the other extreme after this insight.

29 minutes ago, TheGod said:

Also, I don’t know any famous spiritual teacher who was a woman, the most enlightened teachers have always been men, but this is not to say that modern men are more spiritual then modern women. I think they are equally deluded. Guys chase pussy and women emotional roller-coasters.

An easy way to challenge this is by asking yourself: Do you know of any black men who were deep spiritual teachers (the most enlightened teachers)? If not, given that I was asking for men, does that mean we should argue for white supremacy? When a particular gender or race is suppressed for centuries on a topic that is already rare, this is the outcome you get.

32 minutes ago, TheGod said:

This one is also a difficult thing that I have realized. Women don’t care about spirituality or ultimate truth unfortunately.

People, in general, don’t care about spirituality or the ultimate truth, not just strictly women. 

You can also find many women who had Disney handsome prince fantasies fed to them and then realized hard truths about men. But again, this applies to people in general; we were all fed fantasies about life. Plus, we come from a pure, innocent, and naive perspective as children, so of course, that will be flawed. We then hold onto these lost ideas of love’s fairy tales as our last savior, and project that if only those few good feelings at the beginning of relationships could last forever... (then I will know love is real!)

34 minutes ago, TheGod said:

Basically, I created an image of an ideal girlfriend or super nurturing woman and projected it outwards, but I was constantly failing finding anyone who could match this image.

May I ask, what was your ideal fantasy like? What did you hope to get from a woman?

One thing I’ve noticed with people is that the ideal fantasy is often of something so nurturing and perfect, selfless, never to hurt them, while they’re still allowed to be childish and selfish. A mother to the child. This all happens unconsciously, of course. These biases creep into us. We don’t put on our best performance, people react, and we end up creating an environment that lacks the safety to act in those idealistic ways. When you say you’ve been wanting from women the thing you had in yourself, exactly, but if you put that version in front of you in an actual, deep relationship, you’d probably have a much better shot at finding a woman who corresponds to that as well. 

It’s easy to project what we want from a person and keep telling ourselves, "If only they were like this, I’d be better too."

The way I see relationships now is that both parties, with all our selfish, corrupt egoic tendencies, are trying to create an environment that’s as close to peace, beauty, and divinity as possible. It is something to be nourished and built together. You can’t expect perfection from the other person if you aren’t actively working on yourself to build it, making sure your ego isn’t getting in the way of that process. (As you stated later on, most of your relationships were corrupted by sexual desires. You can’t expect your ego to attract an angel if you're lusting after a succubus "hot witch" pornstar girlfriend.)

35 minutes ago, TheGod said:

I find out that my sexual needs corrupt the way I view women. I tell myself that I am interested in finding interesting or spiritual women or to learn about them or to understand them but nothing can be further from the truth.

If I may also ask: how do they corrupt your view of women?

[TheGod]

12 minutes ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

If I may also ask: how do they corrupt your view of women?

If I didn’t have sexual urges I wouldn’t think about women more than I think for example about squirrels 🐿️ 

[Xonas Pitfall]

@TheGod Really? So, do you have no desire for love, just sex with women, in your opinion? Sex with squirrels then, perhaps? 🐿️ 

[TheGod]

1 minute ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

@TheGod Really? So, do you have no desire for love, just sex with women, in your opinion? Sex with squirrels then, perhaps? 🐿️ 

Hahahahaha lol 

Why would I want love from women ? It’s highly conditional. Cultivating unconditional self-love is the way. 

 

[Xonas Pitfall]

[TheGod]

1 minute ago, Xonas Pitfall said:

What a cutie 🥰 

I love black squirrels even more 

[Eskilon]

14 hours ago, TheGod said:

Ultimately the need for relationship directly correlates with self-development, but also, I find out that my sexual needs corrupt the way I view women. I tell myself that I am interested in finding interesting or spiritual women or to learn about them or to understand them but nothing can be further from the truth. How come? Well, when I was 6 years old riding my bicycle, I didn’t think about women at all because I had 0 sexual desire. It’s all about sex and the rest is pure horseshit.

 

13 hours ago, TheGod said:

If I didn’t have sexual urges I wouldn’t think about women more than I think for example about squirrels 🐿️ 

@TheGod It's good that you are really honest. And I think this aplies to most men here and overall. They wouldn't give a fuck about women if suddenly they had no testosterone and no Libido.

Like imagine if a lustful man suddenly became an Eunuch(complete one, no balls and penis), my bet is that he would abandon all women pursuit entirely, maybe not even wanting friendship or something platonic with women. Men are selfish and transactional, and sex gives drive and meaning to men, if you took those things out of men, he would turn to power, money, spirituality, knowledge, politics, anything but women.

I am not saying true love without sex is impossible between men and women, but it is exceptionally rare.

Edited Tuesday at 01:32 PM by Eskilon

[Rishabh R]

@TheGod I have also been chasing illusion by thinking that getting a relationship would fulfill me but the reality is that it won't. Even though I never had a relationship but there have been many receptive women in my life.

Btw , great post.

[LordFall]

I think it's good. The more high consciousness I get the more I find pleasure in my relationship with women and being a male. Become powerful and have women adoring you, most men overthink it. 

[TheGod]

10 hours ago, Eskilon said:

I am not saying true love without sex is impossible between men and women, but it is exceptionally rare.

True love is impossible for humans. It only possible with conditions. 

God is the only true love, the being is it. 

[TheGod]

8 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

@TheGod I have also been chasing illusion by thinking that getting a relationship would fulfill me but the reality is that it won't. Even though I never had a relationship but there have been many receptive women in my life.

Btw , great post.

I'm happy you understood it without having to experience the reality of relationships. 

[TheGod]

45 minutes ago, LordFall said:

Become powerful and have women adoring you

Why would you want them adore you? 

[Schizophonia]

You attract what you are, if you consciously want something but it doesn't happen then it's not you.