What Do I Text Her Next? 9/10 Girl

[aurum]

1 hour ago, yetineti said:

They gave you their number.

The problem is giving you their number doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Women will just give out their contact info without any genuine interest in meeting up.

Ideally, you setup a meetup before you even get their contact info. 

[yetineti]

@aurum Are you just trying to get laid?

[aurum]

17 minutes ago, yetineti said:

@aurum Are you just trying to get laid?

Are you shit testing me 

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, aurum said:

The problem is giving you their number doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Women will just give out their contact info without any genuine interest in meeting up.

Ideally, you setup a meetup before you even get their contact info. 

Have seen it a lot. They are not comfortable to say "no" directly even if not interested and/or they change their mind afterwards if they aren't fully convinced. 

I have a friend that is amazing at getting numbers because he knows how to approach and manipulate people (he's narcissistic) but he always had high percentage of girls saying afterwards "hm don't feel like meeting". He had a smooth, subtle, charming and also confident way to ask for numbers so that was a success but often the subconscious catches up a bit later, the girls feeling "hm something was off". 

Of course, sometimes it just works smoothly in any variation. Asking for number and setting date then, vice versa, girls asking for number and proposing, etc etc.  Even with all statistics over time it's important that every flirt is also individual. 

[yetineti]

@aurum No. Maybe you’d get more responses if that part wasn’t so blatantly obvious.

’Filtering for compliance’ sounds creepy af.

Dogs are compliant. Do you like dogs?

[Lucasxp64]

I think we should see this stuff like some bar filled in her head, Todd V uses "Attraction" and "Comfort". Each woman will have a different threshold mix of both of them she needs to feels for doing different things with you.

A lot of behaviours like giving a phone number often is like a reflex, it barely takes attraction or comfort.

Some women probably have such low self-control and they are so conditioned by men around them, that just going through the "compliance ladder" is enough, because they feel just enough attraction and comfort from you automatically, and would give in as a reflex, and then regret it.

That's why, if you go up intimacy too fast without building enough comfort and attraction, there are high chances of it backfiring, and they see it in their minds just as a one-night-stand regrettable moment, even if they comply and appear like they are liking it. That's where more "boyfriend" vibes would go in for extra comfort. But too much BF vibes without enough attraction or too fast pacing gives nice-guy vibes.

Edited Wednesday at 04:53 PM by Lucasxp64

[yetineti]

People that get laid and have good relationships don’t think about any of this.

[aurum]

4 hours ago, yetineti said:

’Filtering for compliance’ sounds creepy af.

You're getting hung up on a negative connotation around the word "compliance".

What I mean by compliance is just anytime she agrees to do something you ask. If you ask for her phone number and she gives it, that's compliance. If you invite her on a date and she shows up, that's compliance.

Compliance also applies to all relationships. If your doctor's office texts you that it's time for your annual physical and you make an appointment, that's compliance. Entering your password into a website is compliance. So is paying for something at a store.

Compliance not imply people are your slaves or pets.

Why does compliance matter with women? Because if you're a man, you're likely playing the masculine role of leadership in the relationship. It's your job to escalate and move the interaction forward. This is what she wants from you.

But you can't lead someone who isn't willing to follow your lead. 

It's her job to tell you either explicitly or implicitly "yes, no, maybe." Hence, compliance.

Funny enough, I've been with women who seemingly were fairly neutral towards me. But they were the ones who showed up on a date, texted me back, etc. Whereas sometimes women who show the most initial interest actually end up being the flakes. It can be very counter-intuitive to what you'd expect.

[Lucasxp64]

24 minutes ago, yetineti said:

People that get laid and have good relationships don’t think about any of this.

The issue is confusing the map with the territory. Tacit knowledge (know-how) with the know-what theory.

Of course they don't think, because it became unconscious mastery already.

I think all of this comes from being in the flow state, the bandwidth the brain has for self-communication is much higher fidelity than chatting in some forum. People have to then translate this stuff to their own personal way of seeing things. This goes for everything else. Spirituality, business, personal development, emotional mastery, etc.

 

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, yetineti said:

People that get laid and have good relationships don’t think about any of this.

There is some truth to it...I got laid a bit and also a gf or two before I ever thought about this kind of stuff.

But also: They guys I know that are most successful with women - they do think A LOT about these things. A fucking lot

1 hour ago, aurum said:

You're getting hung up on a negative connotation around the word "compliance".

What I mean by compliance is just anytime she agrees to do something you ask. If you ask for her phone number and she gives it, that's compliance. If you invite her on a date and she shows up, that's compliance.

Compliance also applies to all relationships. If your doctor's office texts you that it's time for your annual physical and you make an appointment, that's compliance. Entering your password into a website is compliance. So is paying for something at a store.

Compliance not imply people are your slaves or pets.

Why does compliance matter with women? Because if you're a man, you're likely playing the masculine role of leadership in the relationship. It's your job to escalate and move the interaction forward. This is what she wants from you.

But you can't lead someone who isn't willing to follow your lead. 

It's her job to tell you either explicitly or implicitly "yes, no, maybe." Hence, compliance.

Funny enough, I've been with women who seemingly were fairly neutral towards me. But they were the ones who showed up on a date, texted me back, etc. Whereas sometimes women who show the most initial interest actually end up being the flakes. It can be very counter-intuitive to what you'd expect.

Yeah that's the way I got the term compliance in your first post. "So I am going to get an ice cream, you want to join?" "I am going to stay at the bar, have another drink, what about you?" --> yes, no maybe, just like you say. And if she got the chance to "go along with proposal" and said no once, twice --> I either need to make more effort - which I rarely do - or I move on. 

I also got super surprised by how women act and how I thought they would act. Was wrong often.

Funniest thing ever happening to me: With my friends at the bar, there was one cute blonde. We even played table football together, she was on the other side. Did not look at me once, did not give me any attention. My friend is like "Yo bro what about the blonde?" Me: "Forget it she has zero interest in me". About an hour later I sit at the bar, that very blond comes right next to me and says "I want to buy you a shot and then I want to kiss you" 

Admittedly, she was crazy drunk and after kissing for a moment she went to the restroom and did not come back for a while - as far as I remember that was our last interaction on that evening  But before that interaction I would have bet 1000$ that she has no interest in me at all.

I have of course stories where I thought she likes me and then I crash landed...but that's for another day. Spoiler: Disproportionately often it was a French or Italian girl, so be careful of them LOL 

Edited Wednesday at 08:44 PM by theleelajoker

[aurum]

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Funniest thing ever happening to me: With my friends at the bar, there was one cute blonde. We even played table football together, she was on the other side. Did not look at me once, did not give me any attention. My friend is like "Yo bro what about the blonde?" Me: "Forget it she has zero interest in me". About an hour later I sit at the bar, that very blond comes right next to me and says "I want to buy you a shot and then I want to kiss you" 

Admittedly, she was crazy drunk and after kissing for a moment she went to the restroom and did not come back for a while - as far as I remember that was our last interaction on that evening  But before that interaction I would have bet 1000$ that she has no interest in me at all.

And even in this story, her asking to makeout could be seen as misleading.

You might think "if she wants to buy me a shot and makeout, clearly we are going home together". But that's not what happened, and there's a good chance she wasn't serious about going any further.

Strong interest can easily be fool's gold.

Much better than flashy results is just consistent compliance. That's the true determinant. 

Edited Wednesday at 11:22 PM by aurum

[yetineti]

@aurum
 

Filtering for compliance is the problem. Not compliance itself. You don’t have to explain basic definitions of words to me.

If all you care about is getting laid, imagine fucking someone who’s ‘non-compliant.’ Maybe you’re missing out.

 

[yetineti]

@theleelajoker

4 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

But also: They guys I know that are most successful with women - they do think A LOT about these things. A fucking lot

This is completely backwards. The guys who fuck the most are sex addicts and don’t think about it or retain consciousness on the matter at all.

It’s nothing to them.

Thats the whole point.

Just socialize.

[theleelajoker]

7 hours ago, aurum said:

And even in this story, her asking to makeout could be seen as misleading.

You might think "if she wants to buy me a shot and makeout, clearly we are going home together". But that's not what happened, and there's a good chance she wasn't serious about going any further.

Strong interest can easily be fool's gold.

Much better than flashy results is just consistent compliance. That's the true determinant. 

Ah I did not think anything I was way to surprised in this particular situation. In hindsight don't think she was interested to go home together but rather have a bit fun.

But there were other situations where I thought XYZ means this and that like you said...and then I had the WTF expression on my face when it turned out I was totally wrong haha 

Edited yesterday at 06:42 AM by theleelajoker

[theleelajoker]

5 hours ago, yetineti said:

@theleelajoker

This is completely backwards. The guys who fuck the most are sex addicts and don’t think about it or retain consciousness on the matter at all.

It’s nothing to them.

Thats the whole point.

Just socialize.

Maybe we talk about different things?

I agree re the sex addiction... but at least the guys I know that are like that, they can talk for hours about how they get laid and write whole books about it.

If you want to maximize sex you need to be effective, so they can (and did) tell me up to to last detail what and how they do it. 

It's true it's nothing to them re meaning, but they are very aware of what and how they interact. They don't go out and just socialize, they know where the chances are best to get what they want.

[yetineti]

Pick up is a scarcity mindset.

 

 

Edited 23 hours ago by yetineti

[aurum]

On 9/10/2025 at 6:16 PM, yetineti said:

Filtering for compliance is the problem. Not compliance itself.

I agree, you don't need to take a heavy hand at actively filtering for compliance. I'm not suggesting that.

Just be your best self, lead and escalate. The filtering will happen naturally.

[D2sage]

I have had much more success by calling, instead. Your text will prolly land among other men.

Just call her. 🧐