Kinda Got What I Wanted And It Left Me Depressed

[The Caretaker]

1.5 months ago, I moved out to dedicate my time to socializing. Here is the past where I described my early stages - 

 

And now, where does this leave me:

• One entire week, I had nightmares because I was convinced my reputation was ruined after a "massive" day of cold approach (it wasn't, not even close)
• Got sick 2 times in a month after some emotional turmoil (one around the reputation stuff, another later from very bad sleep)
• Lost all momentum with my gym routine
• Lost most pleasure from my day job
• Triggered my old dating wounds after 1 week of situationship, where we had sex for like 2 days, and then she broke up with me because we were "incompatible"  and could not relax around me
• For reasons too long to describe here, I lost touch with my last 2 close friends. Tried to make contact and create new friendships, but the process is slow, and my emotional state is already fucked up
• Have no hobbies left that I could enjoy
• Today had 2 dreams that showed me morally where I am at. One where I connected with an old friend of mine (we were not compatible for years, but had the personal development bone that kept us together for years). Another was where my "ex" cheated with me on her boyfriend. And this dream was mostly condescending from her part, idk, it's hard to explain. Was more nostalgia and pettiness rather than lust.

Literally, all I am left with now is a pickup guy with whom I talk often, but this is no replacement for real friendship. We are mostly in here for results.

 

I have no consistent safe place to vent. I have nobody who could listen to me. And I am already quite an individualistic person to begin with, who often does not even look for help. It got so bad a few weeks ago that I had a dialogue with ChatGPT and cried so hard I could barely contain myself. Maybe my worst outburst from the past 5-10 years.

 

At this point, I don't know what I want. I feel the most miserable I have ever been for a long time. Even tho I am completely functional. All I want to do is work. I don't even want to take care of my body. I just want to work, work, work and achieve financial independence; nothing else even remotely gives me a burst of motivation.

 

I am not even looking for particular advice. Just wanted to vent. Peace to you and much patience.

[theleelajoker]

Feeling better after vent?

[The Caretaker]

For now, yes.

[theleelajoker]

Great. Now that you're feeling better here's my advice for you:

[Peo]

On 30.8.2025 at 8:54 PM, The Caretaker said:

One entire week, I had nightmares because I was convinced my reputation was ruined after a "massive" day of cold approach (it wasn't, not even close)

Let me tell you something most people only care about themselves so they will forget you even exist the next day, even more true if they drink alcohol when going to bars or clubs. I can only remember the faces of 20 girls i have talked out of 160. I don't even remember them or think about any of them. 

[Lucasxp64]

Social romantic/sexual stuff is really my kryptonate, it leads my mind into a terrible state like nothing else. Pushing out of my comfort zone when it comes to dating is crushing to me. Specially when that pushes you away from other things you enjoy.

When it happens for me when my mind is focused on dating stuff, and it starts going badly, due to the emotional intensity, it derails my flow for everything else in my life, and it takes me at least 2 weeks time, up to 6 months when it was really bad.

[theleelajoker]

6 hours ago, Lucasxp64 said:

Social romantic/sexual stuff is really my kryptonate, it leads my mind into a terrible state like nothing else. Pushing out of my comfort zone when it comes to dating is crushing to me. Specially when that pushes you away from other things you enjoy.

When it happens for me when my mind is focused on dating stuff, and it starts going badly, due to the emotional intensity, it derails my flow for everything else in my life, and it takes me at least 2 weeks time, up to 6 months when it was really bad.

Lol I found myself in your comment 

Casually dating is fine, but the emotional intensity in relationships can be high for me too! And when it goes wrong it derails a lot for me as well, also up to 6 months when it was very intense / bad break up.

@Lucasxp64 out of curiosity: do you have the feeling or took your ex equally long to process or did they do it much faster?

For me, in almost all cases it seemed that they moved on much faster than I did.  Maybe different personality, but I also wonder if they ever really processed it or just moved on but the emotions still stuck somewhere...

 

Edited Tuesday at 09:25 PM by theleelajoker

[Lucasxp64]

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

 

@Lucasxp64 out of curiosity: do you have the feeling or took your ex equally long to process or did they do it much faster?

 

They always do it much faster, because those chicks are always moving to some dude, they can't be still on their own by themselves for too long.

I end up just going into hermit mode after some emotional turmoil to process it.

But recently, I've also recognized looking for connection after a break up can be also good, if done in a comfy way, but that can become another form of being stuck in a comfort zone.

[theleelajoker]

I think many of my ex moved to a new guy, but not all. Sometimes of course I don't know what she did.

I did hermit mode and in hindsight I missed out on life a bit too much unnecessarily. But I was as ready as I could be for the next woman.

When I looked for other connections I realized I didn't fully process but distracted myself a bit. But I had great experiences and met lots of interesting people.

So...it's life nothing is black or white 

[Hojo]

This will happen everytime you get what you want.