Women are fascinating

[thierry]

Alright, I’ve got a story to share(it’s gonna be a bit long) that I’ve experienced myself. First, I want you to know that I’m not asking for help, I’m not looking for reassurance, and I’m not emotionally invested enough in this story for that.

The point of this post is rather to bring some truth about women and about male-female relationships. That’s what I’m interested in here.

By the way, I want to say that this is where I think Leo really excels the most in my eyes. Honestly, when it comes to bringing truth into the male-female dynamic. In my opinion, he can sometimes be full of shit when it comes to psychedelics or politics regardless of the amazing work but in the realm of dating, sexuality, and relationships, I think Leo is absolutely surgical.

 

 

So, I arrive in the north of France for a good month of vacation. It’s summer, I’m chill, I play beach volleyball every day, and I’m in a good mood. So, I also decide to download dating apps like Bumble. On this app, I meet Laurane. We chat briefly on the app, but very quickly I start sending her voice notes, and I don’t waste much time before suggesting a first date.

 

We meet near her place, on the beach. We walk, we have dinner together, we walk on the beach again. I’m pretty upbeat, I feel like she enjoys my company, but towards the end of the date, I don’t know why, I’m not 100% sure she’s into me. From the way she says goodbye, I think maybe she likes me, maybe not. I’ve had dates before where things went well, but in the end the girl didn’t want to see me again. So, I don’t get my hopes up too much.

 

The next day, I don’t text her at all, thinking if she wants to see me again, she’ll reach out herself. She doesn’t text me all day, I spend the whole day playing beach volleyball, and when I get home in the evening, I see she’s sent me a message: “Oh, so you didn’t text me. I thought you would. Guess there’s something you didn’t like. Oh well.”

 

I reply right away: “No, no, it’s not that there was something I didn’t like. I just wasn’t sure you were interested. Plus, you mentioned another guy, so I figured you’d meet him first, and if you still wanted a second date with me, you’d let me know.” She tells me no, not at all she ghosted the other guy. (I had forgotten to mention, she told me during the first date that she already had plans to meet another guy from the app.) She says she ghosted him because she wants to see me again, and she’s happy to have a second date.

 

Between the first and second date, we exchange some texts. Things get sexual in the messages. We’re supposed to meet again, and I feel it’s going to be sexual this time. But at the last minute, she cancels, saying she’s not feeling it. The next day, we reschedule. This time, she’s into it she even suggests in a text that we take a shower together. This surprises me, because I was planning to escalate gradually to sex, but I’m happy she brings it up. So obviously, I bring her into the shower. Things heat up, we end up in bed, but right when we’re about to have sex, she says, “Actually, I don’t feel like it.”

 

I try to understand and make her comfortable, thinking maybe we can still go through with it (I had in mind Leo’s advice that women always find excuses). But here, it’s clear it’s not happening, so I stop. She sees I’m a bit off and asks what’s wrong. I explain honestly: I’m convinced that a girl has no real attachment to a guy until there’s sex. After sex, I’m much more relaxed because I don’t worry as much about her attachment to me. But since we haven’t had sex yet, I feel like you could send me a message at any time saying, “It was nice, but let’s stop here.” If we had already had sex, I wouldn’t have that stress.

 

She says she understands and even admits it’s true for her she’s often gotten attached because the sex was fantastic. She says what I’m saying makes sense. We talk, then go have dinner together. Over dinner, I move on to other topics, we laugh, she says things like, “I feel good with you.” After dinner, we end up back in bed, start touching again, and she says, “So, you want to go to the bedroom?” We go, and this time we have sex. Nothing crazy, but it happens.

 

Oh, and she had told me before about her breakup with her ex, that it was complicated(it was apparently the main reason she was not down for sex..)  etc. After we have sex, the evening goes well. Later, while we’re talking, she says, “You’re not very cuddly, are you?” I say no, not really. She then says, “You said I was going to dominate the relationship, but now I think you’re the one who’s going to dominate.” I laugh and say, “Well yeah, we just had sex now the ball’s in my court.” I actually believe that, and I learned it from Actualized.org. I really think it’s a valid assumption.

 

After that, we each go home. Next date, more sex, good time, dinner, chill. We have two or three more dates, all going well, sex included. In texts, I’m not the one initiating much I’m busy with friends, volleyball, enjoying my vacation. I’m fine with the relationship as it is.

 

Then she goes away for a weekend with friends for a party. She has two friends there she’s done a threesome with before. Before the party, she texts me: “I’d like to know where we stand if I have a threesome, would that bother you?” Now that we’ve had sex, I’m confident, I don’t feel threatened, so I tell her, “Feels like there are two questions in one here… but you’re a free woman, you do what you want.” What she really wanted to know was if I was attached to her. She asks, “Are you attached to me?” I say yes, a bit. But I prefer having this kind of discussion face-to-face rather than over text.

 

She goes to her party, all good. Later, she texts me: “So, are we doing it in the dunes tomorrow night?” I say yes, I’m down. We meet up, swim in the sea, have dinner. Then she says, “I wanted to have this conversation with you.” Basically, she tells me she’s not ready to be in a relationship. She enjoys spending time with me, but she’s not ready for a couple.

So I tell her, “Okay, that’s fine with me,” but deep down I feel like there’s something she’s not telling me. I don’t say anything though, and we keep talking. Later, when it’s time to leave because we were having dinner, I don’t know if I mentioned that right before we’re about to head out, I say, “So, are we going to the dunes now?” And she goes, “No, actually I’m not really in the mood.”

 

I say okay, but in my head I’m thinking about it, and I open up to her: “Is it because of a text you got? I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” She says, “No, no, not at all, I’m just not in the mood. Moods change.”

 

But then she opens up anyway and tells me that over the weekend, she saw her ex to talk. And she admits to me that she would actually like to get back together with him. For context, before we slept together for the first time, she had told me she’d been broken up with her ex for about a month, that it hurt, and all that. Now she’s telling me she saw him again, she still loves him, and she’d like to get back with him.

I tell her, “Ah, okay, now I get it. This whole conversation about you not being ready for a relationship, enjoying spending time with me, wanting to keep seeing each other but not be in a couple yet it’s basically your way of saying that at any moment, if you feel like it or if the opportunity comes up, you can go back to your ex.”

 

She looks at me with some resistance and says no at first, but eventually admits, “Yeah, what you’re saying is true.”

So naturally, I’m a bit cooled off, and it’s also time for us to leave and head home. I tell her goodbye and “get home safe,” but of course I don’t kiss her or hug her. Honestly, I didn’t even feel like doing that in that moment. She looks at me and says, “I don’t like the way we’re saying goodbye right now.”

 

I tell her, “Yeah, well, it’s fine you told me the truth, and that’s all that matters.” Then I say, “Get home safe,” and we part ways. Later, she sends me a message saying, “Yeah, I’m not feeling good, I didn’t like the way we said goodbye at all. I feel like I dropped a bomb and at any moment it’s going to blow up in my face. »

I Reply to her « 

Honestly, I’m glad you told me things like this. I much prefer that you’re direct rather than keeping it to yourself.

 

On my side, even though I’m pretty relaxed and I’m not necessarily expecting anything specific from this relationship, I don’t play on multiple fronts: I’ve deleted Bumble and I don’t talk to my exes anymore.

 

So for me, it’s important that you share this kind of information with me, out of respect. That way, I can think about it, take it into account, and decide accordingly what I want to do. »

she then tells me « Côme one you never open up » 

she also says « 

I stopped Bumble too, and I wasn’t talking to my ex either.

I didn’t tell you the whole story.

We weren’t talking anymore, he told me he didn’t love me anymore.

And then yesterday he came back out of the blue.

And it messed with my head.

You’re not a filler, you’re not a plan B.

I love the moments I’ve spent with you.

I just prefer to be honest about what’s going on, even if it works against me, because you deserve the truth and I haven’t hidden anything from you since the beginning. » 

I replied « 

Alright, I understand.

Thanks for the truth, that’s all I ask.

The rest is my responsibility. »

 

If you’ve read this far, first of all, thank you, because this was a long story. Second, if you have any truths to share or any analyses, I’d be more than happy to hear them. Thanks again.

 

Personally, I was convinced that after sex, you couldn’t lose a woman—mainly because I’ve practically never lost a woman once sex happened. Every woman I’ve lost was because I hadn’t managed to get to sex with her. So, I feel like I’ve learned something here, and I’m open to learning more.

 

But honestly, yeah, I was a bit… well, before, I wasn’t even that attached to her, but the fact that she was the one telling me this, it felt almost like reverse gaslighting. Like, I thought I had the power in the relationship, but she flipped it « No, I have the power.” So yeah, I think I’m reflecting in a bit of a toxic way here, my mind’s a bit fucked up, but my ego reacted and I didn’t feel good for a moment.

 

For a while, I felt like maybe I was actually attached to her… or maybe I still am, I don’t even know. But anyway, what matters most to me above all is the truth.

 

What’s interesting is that I don’t even feel stressed now, because I’m confident in the sex we had. I tell myself that whatever happens, it can’t really be “unfair” to me because there was sex.

 

And honestly, I’m feeling good these days that’s why I kept my cool through all this. Plus, I’m going to do a martial arts seminar with Brendan Lee at the end of the week, so I’m extra excited about that, and it makes me pretty chill about this whole story.

 

[meta_male]

She was never "yours" to lose, man. Sex doesn’t lock someone in, it just gives you a false sense of power. It was just an illusion built on the assumption that sex = attachment. I've heard this on the forum a lot...it's fantasy.

10 hours ago, thierry said:

Plus, I’m going to do a martial arts seminar with Brendan Lee at the end of the week, so I’m extra excited about that, and it makes me pretty chill about this whole story.

That's smart. Keep doing you, that's how your energy will stay clean. Let her orbit if she wants, but you keep doing your training.

[theleelajoker]

12 hours ago, meta_male said:

She was never "yours" to lose, man. Sex doesn’t lock someone in, it just gives you a false sense of power. It was just an illusion built on the assumption that sex = attachment. I've heard this on the forum a lot...it's fantasy.

That's smart. Keep doing you, that's how your energy will stay clean. Let her orbit if she wants, but you keep doing your training.

+1 for the sex and attachment part. Doesn't work like that, fantasy IME, too.

Re story:

Things like that happen. Her first text already said a lot about her and her current vibe. Instead of "Hi let's meet" she was "oh you did not text, sth you didn't like etc". Interactions like this are a little warning flag for me. You can still continue but you can't say there weren't hints

She told you she's just separated, you surely got a certain vibe from her when seeing l and she was honest about many things. I guess she's just a bit up and down emotionally in the moment, or maybe as person in general.

My take is you saw the signs and you either ignored or accepted the whole story in exchange for sex  She wanted some fun, distraction while having a good conscience. Just energetic exchange between two adults.

Ego may hurt, that's ok. Forget about the power and gaslighting. Energetic exchange, deal is done, next woman will come. Enjoy!

[Emerald]

I've heard Leo say that "sex = attachment" before. But that's not actually true. It's actually more like "attachment = sex."

I think his perception comes from the fact that women are more likely to have sex with a man she feels attached to... and are relatively unlikely to have sex with men she doesn't feel attached to, as that just isn't emotionally stimulating.

So, the attachment comes first before the sex... not the other way around.

But chances are (unless the woman is into casual sex), her decision to sleep with you has a lot to do with already feeling close to you and attached to you.

[Hojo]

This sounds like an erotic romance novel written by a man.

Are you taking anything seriously? Because you are telling the woman you are manipulating her and understanding tactics of the game while at the same time acting like you are emotionally involved with the woman.

You are not supposed to tell the woman you are playing a game.

 I dont understand why you think that if you have sex with a woman she becomes attached to you. You just said she had sex with you, then the next day had a threesome. How can she be attached to you and then have sex with some other man and still be attached to you wouldnt she be attached to the other man? What about her pervious boyfriend, how did she de attach from them and end up with you if having sex with them makes them attached.

Tip 1 stop saying cringe stuff like, sex makes you attached to me, to the person you just had sex with that is insulting. 

You told her you were playing a game so she just played you.

Sex does have attachment, but only in the way that your karma is haunted by their asshole puckering everytime they deepthroat your penis in a 69.

Edited 13 hours ago by Hojo