Being too Good

[Hojo]

Tonight I am walking my cat around the block cause he likes it. When we come back I put him down and he is purring around my feet meowing, he is following me back and I am ignoring him and leaving and he gets mad and attacks me. I spank him and say he cant come back inside. But I go out of my way because he likes it so much.

This flashed me back to several times in my life my friends have attacked me for leaving in some way shape or form.

I had a best friend in highschool and we were best friends from grade 7 until until now just dont talk as much. I had to move away in grade 10 and we were partying and drinking one last time and I remeber he randomly got super mad at me and kicked me in the back for no reason. I am like wtf is happening and hes like you cant sleep in my tent you are fucked up and im like wtf. I guess I sleep on ground for no reason. Me and another buddy ended up staying up all night until the morning drunk, we broke into a lays truck in a compound and stole like 20 bags of chips and then we broke into the public pool and went swimming the night ended up being memorable for that reason and I forgot about what happened there until now. I remember asking my friend in the morning why he did that and he said he was feeling like I was abandoning him in school and as a friend but it wasnt my choice at all, my parents were moving.

Then I remeber another friend that was kinda weird. His parents were alcoholics and they would get drunk and put on Jason movies. The basement was weird and all he had was ninja turtle toys. We would play with the toys in 3rd person forever and thats pretty much all we did beside watch Jason movies with his weird drunk parents. We didnt play with anyone else. I was like 6 or something and it kinda got boring. One time he asked me if I wanted to come over on a long weekend for 3 days, Im like geez 3 days is a long time to play with toys and watch horror movies but I guess. Anyway we did it we found porno magazine in a room in the basment and looked at it. Then I had to leave and he was like can you stay another day and Im like I gotta go to school or something I cant remeber. Then he got mad at me that I was leaving and physically attacked me. I think he punched me.

This just reminded me that this is a state of mind that exists within humans possibly animals and God. To physically lash out because something or someone is too good. To become enraged that something is too good and its leaving that you physically attack it. This emotion therefore is an emotion thats God can experience towards itself. This is the insanity levels that God can go to! It will physically lash at itself for leaving itself when it fking cant! When God leaves us we can feel enraged at nothing.

This must be the feeling that woman get from men thats why they screen them.

Edited yesterday at 04:45 AM by Hojo

[samijiben]

And the only reason they lashed out is because they want closeness and intimacy, to be held. Gently. In stillness. Forever.