About To Reach Fana al Fana

[Atb210201]

1 hour ago, Tristan12 said:

The path of Love chose me, and through research I discovered that the Sufis walk the path of love, so learning about Sufism has helped me understand my own path.

I’m curious why the Sufis walk the path of Love and reach fana far more than people from any other spiritual tradition, considering this path often isn’t something you choose for yourself.

True that my friend It has chosen you.

All traditions are towards the same thing but Sufis have just theorised more their Philosophical System around Love and their ideas orbit more around this theme of Love.

I don't know why but it appeals to me too more than other traditions in that aspect.

[Tristan12]

 

[Human Mint]

Hey, I have a suggestion. I know you understand best your own situation, but why not you just go for a run whenever you feel stuck in your head? Like literally, be strong enough to get up from the couch, exit your house and start running. It sounds simplistic, but it's because it actually is simple - most of the time 

[Tristan12]

On 7/4/2025 at 7:19 PM, Tristan12 said:

I've suffered from mental health issues all my life, but 8 years ago I went through a trauma which is what began my extreme suffering. So I've been going through hell for 8 years with each year getting worse than the last. I wanted to kill myself and toyed with the idea of it throughout those entire 8 years, but for a long time I had a deep intuition that I was going through everything I was for a reason, that I needed to keep going, I knew I could make it through, and my life would be worth living on the other side because I knew I had so much potential. Because I felt like my life was worth fighting for and I had so much potential, I just couldn't bring myself to end my life, even though I really wanted to a lot of the time.

The last 1-2 years have been the worst suffering I have ever been through in my life. I don't really want to talk about what caused it, but it was a form of suffering that was not just pain, but deep cruelty and emotional torture. It's deep suffering combined with feelings of "I hate you, you're a piece of garbage, you will never be loved, you deserve to be alone, in pain, to be humiliated. I'm going to put you through hell and there is nothing you can do to stop it, because you're awful and you deserve it, etc.". It feels like pure cruelty. Nothing has ever broken me like that. I've had to sit in that hell day after day for almost a full year.

By that point, I was already so exhausted from 6-7 years of hell, and then to have the worst suffering I've ever been through thrown at me, all my feelings of "life is worth fighting for" flew out the window. I didn't care anymore. It was too bad, too unbearable, I needed life to be over. It got so bad that I didn't care about doing the right thing, I didn't care about being noble and respectable, I just wanted to die.

But no matter how bad the suffering got, I've always had this extremely strong sense that I HAD to keep going, and I could not end my life. For years I listened to that, but in the last 1-2 years, things got so bad that I didn't care and I tried my hardest to fight that feeling. I would sabotage myself by wasting thousands of dollars on hookers to put myself in a worse situation to make myself end things. I would try to block out all thoughts of "I need to keep going", I would go through the motions of tying a rope around my neck and being about to hang myself. I tried everything I could to get past this feeling of "I need to keep going", to ignore it and just end my life, but I just couldn't do it no matter how hard I tried.

Being in that situation, combined with this cruelty and emotional torture I've had to go through over the past year, like I said was the worst hell I've ever been through. At that point I couldn't be strong anymore, I couldn't brace myself and just "hang in there". Internally, I kicked and screamed, I broke down, I freaked out, I hated everyone and everything and prayed for my death every day. I felt like I was on my knees begging for mercy, begging to be let out of this hell of a life, but no mercy was given and there was no way out.

@Human Mint Please read this and tell me if you think going for a run would help me. It's like getting into a high-speed car crash and trying to soothe it with a band-aid

I do enjoy exercise but I have stopped it over the years, because my mental health is so bad that leaving the house and exercising only makes me feel worse, not better

[Razard86]

On 7/4/2025 at 7:53 PM, Leo Gura said:

That's not how Awakening works. You cannot predict it nor egoically will it to happen.

The more you fantasize about having an Awakening, the further you will get from it.

Your ideas of Awakening are not it. So be careful. It sounds like you are creating fantasies of it. Your mind needs to be laser focused on your direct experience, not dreams of being Awakened.

Ideas of Awakening are not Awakening.

I know this is not what you want to hear.

This is so true, even when taking substances whether you have a good trip or bad trip really can't be determined as well. I once took a small dosage of something and kept getting bad trips and then once took a higher dosage and got good trips and vice versa. Egoic control is so pathetic its really laughable. The only thing that seems to be consistent in my direct experience has been sincerity.

It really seems the only path to Awakening is Sincerity/Authenticity/Goodness/Love. You sincerely want to discover what the Absolute is regardless of how uncomfortable it is, you will/desire is authentic as a result, you do this because you want to be the living embodiment of Goodness, and you want to discover how to be the the highest expression of Love. 

I've actually run tests to see if the opposite works....and it doesn't. Also patience is important as what you said is true, you can't predict when it will happen. I once got awakenings so consistently I thought I was in control and could predict them, then they stopped and recurred less frequently that I discovered that the illusion of control I thought I had vanished. It is really humbling. 

[Tristan12]

@Razard86 I think what you and Leo are saying about not being able predict or will awakening to happen is true for 99.9999% of people, but there are rare cases where God chooses people and intentionally beings specific souls back to itself, and in that case the awakening becomes predictable. That is largely what the path of Love is - on this path your heart is intimately connected to the love of God, and that love gradually pulls you into awakening and reunion, sometimes without the person having to put any effort into it at all, which is how it has been for me.

I have done almost no spiritual practice in my life, I have only suffered like crazy. I am on the verge of permanent ego death, I have an extremely deep connection with existential love, my life is so deeply led by divine guidance that I am powerless to being able to get out of it or change anything. The more time that goes on, the more my ego dissolves and the closer I get to awakening, even though I put zero effort into making it happen. I have so obviously been chosen by God for some specific purpose, i have had direct communication from the divine that i will be reaching union with God, so I would be a fool to doubt all of that, and to think that my awakening wouldn't happen and I would be left hanging.

5 hours ago, Tristan12 said:

 

Watch this video I posted here if you want to - it is a detailed explanation of my spiritual path and exactly what kind of awakening I appear to be heading towards

[Tristan12]

@Razard86 @Leo Gura Another thing to add, Leo talks about how you are the ultimate authority, how direct experience is number one, and no one can tell you about your own reality better than yourself. From everything that has gone on for me in my life, I have sufficient evidence for it to be reasonable for me to expect awakening in my specific case, even if in most cases you can't predict awakening.

"You have to save yourself from so many good-intentioned people, do-gooders, who are constantly advising you to be this, to be that. Listen to them and thank them. They don't mean any harm; but harm is what happens. You just listen to your own heart. That is your only teacher. In the real journey of life, your own intuition is your only teacher." - Osho

[Razard86]

3 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

@Razard86 @Leo Gura Another thing to add, Leo talks about how you are the ultimate authority, how direct experience is number one, and no one can tell you about your own reality better than yourself. From everything that has gone on for me in my life, I have sufficient evidence for it to be reasonable for me to expect awakening in my specific case, even if in most cases you can't predict awakening.

"You have to save yourself from so many good-intentioned people, do-gooders, who are constantly advising you to be this, to be that. Listen to them and thank them. They don't mean any harm; but harm is what happens. You just listen to your own heart. That is your only teacher. In the real journey of life, your own intuition is your only teacher." - Osho

Reality is a probabilistic field so can you predict and get some things right? Sure you can. What we mean is reality has set itself up in such a way that it is a mystery. First of the reasons is it is Absolute Infinity, as such it is too large to actually manifest all of itself as what it actually is. The second is you cannot have an authentic journey or development if everything is already known. This means Reality is inherently mysterious as an example so that it can experience itself and make decisions. 

Reality does not have a self, so once it constructs a self this self is going to be inherently confused because it is such a small thing in this vast Infinitude. Also because Reality is everything that can possible be, it contradicts itself. If you think you have suffered now the Spiritual Path can actually increase your suffering, it can even get so bad that it can make you actually kill your human body. So don't think its going to be some safe path where you get to avoid the inner workings of INFINITY. 

INFINITY contains everything this means it contains evil, insanity, torture, discrimination, unfairness, miscommunication, nihilism, darkness, rape, baby mutilation, Infinity is a tyrant onto itself and deep trips into the exploration of what God is...well its terrifying. 

God is the most amazing thing ever but many people don't know what that means....it means its the greatest ever at being ANYTHING. This means God can show you what Pure Evil is. You see Goodness is only truly Good when it can experience Evil and still be Good. Can you have the worst lot in life and still be kind, considerate, patient, and giving?

Spirituality is not about material success or being comfortable....it is about embodying TRUE GOODNESS. I've tested it myself.

With all that said, Yes you are Sovereign because you are God and God values your perspective equally to all perspectives. It's only our humanness that makes us rank anything. But what God has shown me is that human=divine. Humans are perfectly created to express God's divinity we just have to choose to do it.