What it REALLY means for a man to integrate his Feminine side...

[Hojo]

@theleelajoker So your ex liked you because you didn't show your feminine side and are very masculine also possibly broke up with her other boyfriend because he did show her his feminine side. This proves my point i dont see how its disagreeing at all it sounds like you are agreeing with me while saying you disagree. You stated people see you as the most masculine person they have ever met but somehow that goes against what I am saying that women shit on you for showing your feminine side. When the woman said she didn't like the man she was dating because he was feminine. I bet she said he was gay.

It sounds like the men need to focus more on their masculine then feminine which is the complete opposite of what emeralda is saying.

The whole thing is contracticting itself.

I would agree with that. Incels need to focus on masculine not feminine. They are being too feminine.

Women see this as an attack and automatically assume its because they aren't being feminine enough when they are being too feminine.

Edited June 28 by Hojo

[Emerald]

8 minutes ago, Hojo said:

@Emerald I am not talking about mutual roasting at all. I am talking about strangers or acquaintances you dont really know.

The minority of it was bullying with mutual roasting.

The majority of the time it was just bullying.

You're literally talking to someone who was bullied mercilessly all the way through elementary school until I was around 14, when I learned how to play my own version of the social game.

[Hojo]

@Emerald I don't know what you are considering as bullying as you just pointed out your mutual roasting as bullying.

Like when you said you were dressing up as a goth its the same comparison. Your not dressing up you are stylizing intentionally.

The same way you are engaging in intentional bullying when you are roasting  with someone.

You are doing it to yourself and then saying you either don't like it or don't want it.

You take two terms and act as if they are the same to prove a point so I cant know.

Edited June 28 by Hojo

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

@theleelajoker So your ex liked you because you didn't show your feminine side and are very masculine also possibly broke up with her other boyfriend because he did show her his feminine side. This proves my point i dont see how its disagreeing at all it sounds like you are agreeing with me while saying you disagree. You stated people see you as the most masculine person they have ever met but somehow that goes against what I am saying that women shit on you for showing your feminine side. When the woman said she didn't like the man she was dating because he was feminine. I bet she said he was gay.

It sounds like the men need to focus more on their masculine then feminine which is the complete opposite of what emeralda is saying.

The whole thing is contracticting itself.

I would agree with that. Incels need to focus on masculine not feminine. They are being too feminine.

Women see this as an attack and automatically assume its because they aren't being feminine enough when they are being too feminine.

Hm, misunderstanding.  I try to be more clear. I see how I made it too complex in last post by trying to be precise. 

New try:

• Everybody see me different according to their own experiences, perspective, comparisons
• Some women specifically liked me because of my feminine side (so they said)
• Regarding the one example: yes I was more masculine than her previous guy - but I still have more "feminine side" then most of my male friends and expressed that also with her 
• I don't have the feeling I get "attacked" by women or that I have a disadvantage by embracing my feminine side 
• Quite the opposite: more balanced integration of all sides gives me a different vibe that seem to be rewarded by women 
• Maybe one reason for last point is because it also allows them to integrate their male side more? Don't know got to ask women I am speculating here 
• And the women that don't like certain sides of me? Well, they are not for me then they 'll pick sme that suits them better. But it seems that there are enough women where the potential fit is there not despite, but because of my feminine side 

Bonus info: I have a older sister I guess that helped somehow 

Edited June 28 by theleelajoker

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Hojo said:

@Emerald I don't know what you are considering as bullying as you just pointed out your mutual roasting as bullying.

Like when you said you were dressing up as a goth its the same comparison. Your not dressing up you are stylizing intentionally.

The same way you are engaging in intentional bullying when you are roasting  with someone.

You are doing it to yourself and then saying you either don't like it or don't want it.

You take two terms and act as if they are the same to prove a point so I cant know.

When I was goth (ages 15+), I was rarely bullied in a meaningful way. It happened once every blue moon.

Many people who would have bullied me were afraid of me at that point and kept a pretty wide gate... which I thought was quite silly. I'm like 5'2" and I was quite small at the time size-wise. And I didn't have physical strength. I was just a short little goth that wore frilly black dresses with blazers on top of them.

The most annoying thing that would happen to me then is the people would try to evangelize me.... but they were not necessarily being mean-spirited about it. Just annoying. Or I'd get people who'd ask annoying questions about me being goth or not... which also wasn't mean-spirited.

And (for better or worse) I felt quite superior to all of the people who used to bully me by the time I got to high school... so I didn't feel as defensive as I did in elementary and middle school when they'd pick on me. And when you have boundaries people don't pick on you as much.

But middle school was especially brutal... and late elementary was really bad too. This is mostly because I was sensitive and didn't know how to defend myself... and I was a bit weird.

But some examples of bullying were these...

• Being called "The Ogre" on a consistent basis by many guys for several years in middle school
• Being called a lesbian/butch/Masculine often by both girls and boys between elementary and early high school. This happened hundreds of times... most of the time it was pure bullying.
• When I was in 2nd grade and I had no friends, there was another girl in my class that made me do a lot of things that go over my boundaries with the threat of "If you don't do this, I won't be your friend anymore." She made me kick a boy in our class in the nuts, show her my private parts in the school bathroom... and she even tried to get me to knock some books out of kindergarteners hands (I couldn't bring myself to do it). But she was able to wield this power over me because she was the only person in my class who was willing to be my friend. I was that one un-popular kid that no one wanted to be associated with.
• Having boys go into my backpack, steal a pad, and then throwing it across the room and blaming me for it to the teacher... and then 4 or 5 boys surrounding me in a group and calling me a disgusting bitch for it and shouting me down, while the male teacher blamed me for the whole situation because it was my pad that was out.
• Having a boy pull my chair out from under me so that I fell on the floor (which got me in trouble with the same male teacher)
• Having gum put in my hair 3 times in one week by 3 different people (oddly enough, it hadn't happened before or since)
• Having a guy friend take a picture of me on the bus (he was taking pictures of lots of friends) and him uploading it to a site called 'wouldyouhitthis.com". My friend Shanna (who would often upload attractive photos of her to sites like that to get rated) ran across it at random and let me know. And I figured out who it was by looking at the photo.
• Having a very unattractive guy with a gimpy arm announce in front of a lot of people (to look cool) that "I'd be willing to fuck Emerald if she didn't have such fucked up teeth." I'm mentioning his appearance because he was trying to neg me... as I was a lot more attractive than him.
• Having some mean girls in the locker room in 6th grade approach me and start chanting "saggy butt" in front of everyone. The same ones had chanted "Emerald's a bitch" the summer before at summer camp.
• Having a guy that I liked in 8th grade that I was flirting with in a particular class say that he reciprocated the feelings that I had for him. So, we were planning on sneaking out of class to kiss in the hallway because we didn't have any other opportunity. And then, it was revealed that a bunch of friends bet himself $20 to do that with me... and he actually was just pretending to flirt with me but really found me disgusting. (Honestly, I think he did really like me. He was just saving face because I was of a lower social status to him back then)
• I had always been bullied by mean girls since elementary school for being weird. But I had a glow up in the 8th grade... and I thought that would fix the situation. But the bullying continued and intensified because they felt threatened because I was now a rival and suddenly getting a lot of male attention.
• Similar things happened with the guys, where I suddenly got a lot more attention from them... but a lot more ugly bitch, ugly slut, ugly whore insults as opposed to just the ugly insults.
• When I dated a guy in my grade in 8th grade, I thought he really liked me. But my best friend overheard him telling his friends that he thought I was a nasty slut and that he was just trying to get in my pants. (trying to look cool in front of his guy friends)
• I dated another guy in the 8th grade that used to tell me that I was ugly and that my breath stank (because I would gargle with mouthwash and eat mints before I would kiss him to make sure that his experience was extra pleasant). Apparently he thought that the mintiness "stank like shit". He also used to be very sexist and (during the mere couple weeks we were dating, as I broke up with him really quick), he would tell me that I wasn't allowed to play video games with him and his guy friend, but that I needed to stay with his younger sister and tend to a baby (maybe his niece or nephew) with her because that was all I was meant to do as a female.
• He also came to my door after I broke up with him, (we lived in the same trailer park, walking distance form one another). And he said he wanted me to come and hang out with him and his friend Lance. And I was on that idea always of being the bigger person. So, I said okay and went with them. And he started saying, "Jeez, Emerald you're so desperate. Why are you following me?" in a jokey way. So, I laughed and brushed it off. And then, when I got to his house, his parents were there. And he started telling them that I was being annoying that I followed him there when he told me not to. And I said, "No, that's not true." And he pulled the whole, "Go hand out with my sister thing (she was just a year younger than us). And I was there. And I hear him say "Hey Emerald!" from his bedroom where he was playing videos with his guy friend. And I walk over there and ask his, "Hey Cody, what's up?" And he was like "JEEZ! GODDAMMIT! YOU'RE BEING SOO ANNOYING!! CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE A HINT AND STOP FOLLOWING ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE." And I blessed him out right in front of his parents and never hung out with him again.
• This one kid I knew in middle school called me flat face.
• Occasionally having a guy try to pull the trick on me where he'd be like, "Hey, my guy friend likes you." And it was him trying to play a trick on his guy friend. It wasn't ever one that I ever fell for. But the idea was to tease his guy friend for telling a low status girl that he liked her... expecting that the low status girl was dumb and fall for it and get her hopes up.
• Flirting with a guy daily who was in the culinary class that I'd walk by to go to lunch. And he asked for my phone number. And he was cute and we'd been mutually flirting for a while through the window, which felt really genuine meet-cute vibes. So, I gave him my number. And he called my dad and step mom and claimed that I was skipping school with him and that I was with him and that he was violating me.
• In the second grade, the girl who used to coerce me into doing things under the threat of "I won't be your friend anymore" lifted up my skirt in front of the class just to be unkind to me.
• Having my step-sisters talk crap about me to their friends, and one of their friends older sisters would threaten to beat the shit out of me (I was 13 and she was 16)
• I was on a phone conversation with the unattractive guy with the gimpy arm that I mentioned before (before he made the comments about fucking me if I didn't have fucked up teeth... as I was always nice to him and would not have an issue talking to him). And his crazy sister (who was really hostile to me when I knew her in 7th grade, when I was really shy) just decided to go of on me randomly. And she was calling me a bitch and that she was going to kill me for talking to her brother.
• When I was between the ages of 2 and 10, I used to hang out with my my mom's best friend's grandson who was my age. And half the time, he was really nice to me and he'd offer to let me play his Sega games. But the other half of the time, he was really mean. Sometimes, he'd jump on top of me and smother me with a pillow until I couldn't breathe. Other times he'd push me up against the wall of the bed we were playing video games on and he'd kick me really hard and fast into the wall repeatedly. He'd also call me ugly, fat, and call me names like watermelon head.

These are all the ones that I can remember, but I've probably forgotten more than I remember in terms of instances because many times it was just an odd mean world like you're fat, you're gay, you're a bitch, you're a slut/whore, etc. 

But honestly, I was a pretty unusual kid and didn't know how to defend myself until high school... because I couldn't feel anger at all. I had no boundaries or self-respect because I thought that I was unworthy.

So, I was a frequent target for bullying. And that bullying often took on the form of appearance insults, calling me Masculine, insinuations that I'm a lesbian, sexual harassment, mean girl jealousy, and demeaning sexually objectifying behaviors.

But I still don't project that out onto other people. I just avoid those who are stupid enough to act that way. Most of these people are either in jail, dead, or living a dead end life now anyway... so I only feel sorry for them.

And there are plenty of kind people out there. And these experiences have taught me how to sort them from consideration... friendship-wise and romantically.

By the time I turned 14 or 15, I secretly became like a goth Regina George in my head with regard to many of those people..."Sorry. You can't sit with us." 

Edited June 28 by Emerald

[Schizophonia]

5 hours ago, Emerald said:

When I was goth (ages 15+), I was rarely bullied in a meaningful way. It happened once every blue moon.

Many people who would have bullied me were afraid of me at that point and kept a pretty wide gate... which I thought was quite silly. I'm like 5'2" and I was quite small at the time size-wise. And I didn't have physical strength. I was just a short little goth that wore frilly black dresses with blazers on top of them.

The most annoying thing that would happen to me then is the people would try to evangelize me.... but they were not necessarily being mean-spirited about it. Just annoying. Or I'd get people who'd ask annoying questions about me being goth or not... which also wasn't mean-spirited.

And (for better or worse) I felt quite superior to all of the people who used to bully me by the time I got to high school... so I didn't feel as defensive as I did in elementary and middle school when they'd pick on me. And when you have boundaries people don't pick on you as much.

But middle school was especially brutal... and late elementary was really bad too. This is mostly because I was sensitive and didn't know how to defend myself... and I was a bit weird.

But some examples of bullying were these...

• Being called "The Ogre" on a consistent basis by many guys for several years in middle school
• Being called a lesbian/butch/Masculine often by both girls and boys between elementary and early high school. This happened hundreds of times... most of the time it was pure bullying.
• When I was in 2nd grade and I had no friends, there was another girl in my class that made me do a lot of things that go over my boundaries with the threat of "If you don't do this, I won't be your friend anymore." She made me kick a boy in our class in the nuts, show her my private parts in the school bathroom... and she even tried to get me to knock some books out of kindergarteners hands (I couldn't bring myself to do it). But she was able to wield this power over me because she was the only person in my class who was willing to be my friend. I was that one un-popular kid that no one wanted to be associated with.
• Having boys go into my backpack, steal a pad, and then throwing it across the room and blaming me for it to the teacher... and then 4 or 5 boys surrounding me in a group and calling me a disgusting bitch for it and shouting me down, while the male teacher blamed me for the whole situation because it was my pad that was out.
• Having a boy pull my chair out from under me so that I fell on the floor (which got me in trouble with the same male teacher)
• Having gum put in my hair 3 times in one week by 3 different people (oddly enough, it hadn't happened before or since)
• Having a guy friend take a picture of me on the bus (he was taking pictures of lots of friends) and him uploading it to a site called 'wouldyouhitthis.com". My friend Shanna (who would often upload attractive photos of her to sites like that to get rated) ran across it at random and let me know. And I figured out who it was by looking at the photo.
• Having a very unattractive guy with a gimpy arm announce in front of a lot of people (to look cool) that "I'd be willing to fuck Emerald if she didn't have such fucked up teeth." I'm mentioning his appearance because he was trying to neg me... as I was a lot more attractive than him.
• Having some mean girls in the locker room in 6th grade approach me and start chanting "saggy butt" in front of everyone. The same ones had chanted "Emerald's a bitch" the summer before at summer camp.
• Having a guy that I liked in 8th grade that I was flirting with in a particular class say that he reciprocated the feelings that I had for him. So, we were planning on sneaking out of class to kiss in the hallway because we didn't have any other opportunity. And then, it was revealed that a bunch of friends bet himself $20 to do that with me... and he actually was just pretending to flirt with me but really found me disgusting. (Honestly, I think he did really like me. He was just saving face because I was of a lower social status to him back then)
• I had always been bullied by mean girls since elementary school for being weird. But I had a glow up in the 8th grade... and I thought that would fix the situation. But the bullying continued and intensified because they felt threatened because I was now a rival and suddenly getting a lot of male attention.
• Similar things happened with the guys, where I suddenly got a lot more attention from them... but a lot more ugly bitch, ugly slut, ugly whore insults as opposed to just the ugly insults.
• When I dated a guy in my grade in 8th grade, I thought he really liked me. But my best friend overheard him telling his friends that he thought I was a nasty slut and that he was just trying to get in my pants. (trying to look cool in front of his guy friends)
• I dated another guy in the 8th grade that used to tell me that I was ugly and that my breath stank (because I would gargle with mouthwash and eat mints before I would kiss him to make sure that his experience was extra pleasant). Apparently he thought that the mintiness "stank like shit". He also used to be very sexist and (during the mere couple weeks we were dating, as I broke up with him really quick), he would tell me that I wasn't allowed to play video games with him and his guy friend, but that I needed to stay with his younger sister and tend to a baby (maybe his niece or nephew) with her because that was all I was meant to do as a female.
• He also came to my door after I broke up with him, (we lived in the same trailer park, walking distance form one another). And he said he wanted me to come and hang out with him and his friend Lance. And I was on that idea always of being the bigger person. So, I said okay and went with them. And he started saying, "Jeez, Emerald you're so desperate. Why are you following me?" in a jokey way. So, I laughed and brushed it off. And then, when I got to his house, his parents were there. And he started telling them that I was being annoying that I followed him there when he told me not to. And I said, "No, that's not true." And he pulled the whole, "Go hand out with my sister thing (she was just a year younger than us). And I was there. And I hear him say "Hey Emerald!" from his bedroom where he was playing videos with his guy friend. And I walk over there and ask his, "Hey Cody, what's up?" And he was like "JEEZ! GODDAMMIT! YOU'RE BEING SOO ANNOYING!! CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE A HINT AND STOP FOLLOWING ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE." And I blessed him out right in front of his parents and never hung out with him again.
• This one kid I knew in middle school called me flat face.
• Occasionally having a guy try to pull the trick on me where he'd be like, "Hey, my guy friend likes you." And it was him trying to play a trick on his guy friend. It wasn't ever one that I ever fell for. But the idea was to tease his guy friend for telling a low status girl that he liked her... expecting that the low status girl was dumb and fall for it and get her hopes up.
• Flirting with a guy daily who was in the culinary class that I'd walk by to go to lunch. And he asked for my phone number. And he was cute and we'd been mutually flirting for a while through the window, which felt really genuine meet-cute vibes. So, I gave him my number. And he called my dad and step mom and claimed that I was skipping school with him and that I was with him and that he was violating me.
• In the second grade, the girl who used to coerce me into doing things under the threat of "I won't be your friend anymore" lifted up my skirt in front of the class just to be unkind to me.
• Having my step-sisters talk crap about me to their friends, and one of their friends older sisters would threaten to beat the shit out of me (I was 13 and she was 16)
• I was on a phone conversation with the unattractive guy with the gimpy arm that I mentioned before (before he made the comments about fucking me if I didn't have fucked up teeth... as I was always nice to him and would not have an issue talking to him). And his crazy sister (who was really hostile to me when I knew her in 7th grade, when I was really shy) just decided to go of on me randomly. And she was calling me a bitch and that she was going to kill me for talking to her brother.
• When I was between the ages of 2 and 10, I used to hang out with my my mom's best friend's grandson who was my age. And half the time, he was really nice to me and he'd offer to let me play his Sega games. But the other half of the time, he was really mean. Sometimes, he'd jump on top of me and smother me with a pillow until I couldn't breathe. Other times he'd push me up against the wall of the bed we were playing video games on and he'd kick me really hard and fast into the wall repeatedly. He'd also call me ugly, fat, and call me names like watermelon head.

These are all the ones that I can remember, but I've probably forgotten more than I remember in terms of instances because many times it was just an odd mean world like you're fat, you're gay, you're a bitch, you're a slut/whore, etc. 

But honestly, I was a pretty unusual kid and didn't know how to defend myself until high school... because I couldn't feel anger at all. I had no boundaries or self-respect because I thought that I was unworthy.

So, I was a frequent target for bullying. And that bullying often took on the form of appearance insults, calling me Masculine, insinuations that I'm a lesbian, sexual harassment, mean girl jealousy, and demeaning sexually objectifying behaviors.

But I still don't project that out onto other people. I just avoid those who are stupid enough to act that way. Most of these people are either in jail, dead, or living a dead end life now anyway... so I only feel sorry for them.

And there are plenty of kind people out there. And these experiences have taught me how to sort them from consideration... friendship-wise and romantically.

By the time I turned 14 or 15, I secretly became like a goth Regina George in my head with regard to many of those people..."Sorry. You can't sit with us." 

It hurts. I want to hug you.

 

Edited June 28 by Schizophonia

[AION]

This makes sense because nerds live in the mental world. Not in the physical world like women who have a good connection to their body and emotions. 

Although it is helpful to think archetypically. These are all stereotypes. I know women who aren’t archetypical. 

Currently I’m reading Ralston on suffering and he says most people are suffering because they don’t live in the physical, immediate and present. To live in the physical is to stay in touch with Mother Nature which is healing and nurturing. He doesn’t say that but it is my own understanding. 

[RendHeaven]

16 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Why are u gay

y r u gae

[RendHeaven]

good shit (once again) emerald

[theleelajoker]

4 hours ago, AION said:

This makes sense because nerds live in the mental world. Not in the physical world like women who have a good connection to their body and emotions. 

Although it is helpful to think archetypically. These are all stereotypes. I know women who aren’t archetypical. 

Currently I’m reading Ralston on suffering and he says most people are suffering because they don’t live in the physical, immediate and present. To live in the physical is to stay in touch with Mother Nature which is healing and nurturing. He doesn’t say that but it is my own understanding. 

Why makes sense to think in archetypes? Isn't that also living in the mental world?

Edited June 28 by theleelajoker

[Emerald]

9 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

It hurts. I want to hug you.

 

Thank you. I do appreciate the sympathy.

But I rarely think about this period of time in my life, and I don't feel much about it other than some more generalized rage about how so many people and forces in the world are geared towards poking something/someone vulnerable with a sharp stick.

Digging up the memories does make me remember how difficult things were when I was a kid/young teenager though. 

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

good shit (once again) emerald

Thank you  

[Emerald]

8 hours ago, AION said:

This makes sense because nerds live in the mental world. Not in the physical world like women who have a good connection to their body and emotions. 

Although it is helpful to think archetypically. These are all stereotypes. I know women who aren’t archetypical. 

Currently I’m reading Ralston on suffering and he says most people are suffering because they don’t live in the physical, immediate and present. To live in the physical is to stay in touch with Mother Nature which is healing and nurturing. He doesn’t say that but it is my own understanding. 

Yes, the "living in one's head" is an archetypally Masculine thing. This reads as nerdy.

Yet culturally, the way we think about the Masculine (and what's attractive in men) is a guy who's really in tune with the physical world and in the moment... which means the guy is more Feminine integrated.

I like to think of polarized Masculinity like a "brain in a jar"... and the polarized Feminine like a "blob on the ground".

So, the most unintegrated man (or woman) who polarizes the most into the Masculine is a guy who operates robotically and like an algorithm.

And the most unintegrated woman (or man) who polarizes the most into the Feminine is like an inert couch potato with a hoarded up house.

And one can repress both.... and end up as a hyper nerdy robotic inert couch potato with a hoarded up house.

That's why we really need integration of both.

And the issue that I see with nerdy guys, is that they believe they're not polarized into the Masculine enough... so they keep trying to polarize themselves further and further into the Masculine (both archetypal and cultural).

But all they need to do is drop resistance to the archetypal Feminine and a lot of those issues with socializing, connection, lack of bodily attunement, coming across as alien, and lack of presence will drop away.

It will also give them an internal relationship to the Feminine, such that their desperation towards women drops... as they no longer feel a lack or a void where their own Feminine side once once.

 

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Why makes sense to think in archetypes? Isn't that also living in the mental world?

If we're communicating with language, we have to be operating in the mental world. And that's all that an online forum affords us.

But being able to intellectually recognize the resistance to the archetypal Feminine on the level of the mind, helps us learn of our blocks and enables us to figure out what we need to drop resistance to towards the end of integration.

And because the issue is a lack of understanding about what integrating the Feminine means, many people (especially men) will continue to resist the integration of the Feminine... despite the fact that this is what is necessary to integrate to solve the most common problems that pop up on this section of the forum.

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, Emerald said:

Thank you. I do appreciate the sympathy.

But I rarely think about this period of time in my life, and I don't feel much about it other than some more generalized rage about how so many people and forces in the world are geared towards poking something/someone vulnerable with a sharp stick.

Digging up the memories does make me remember how difficult things were when I was a kid/young teenager though. 

It’s so abused it doesn’t even seems real.

I would never let something like that happen to someone around me.

[Schizophonia]

7 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

y r u gae

gaygaygaygay

[Emerald]

2 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

It’s so abused it doesn’t even seems real.

I would never let something like that happen to someone around me.

You wouldn't necessarily know that another person is going through these things. Plus, it was pretty normalized that some low status kids just constantly got their asses handed to them by the other kids... and I was one of those kids, because I was sensitive and had a hard time adapting socially. 

It was very easy to pick on me because I was weird and socially inept... and easy to get a rise out of me because I was sensitive. And I was short and always looked like I was a couple grades younger that I actually was.

So, it was the perfect recipe for any kid with a sadistic impulse to come swooping in to poke the vulnerability... to give themselves a sense of power over someone else.

And I would tend to just keep things to myself because I assumed that no one would be able to help me anyway nor did I feel empowered to do anything about it myself (anytime I did try to stand up for myself, I just embarrassed myself further and invited more ridicule)... and that it was incumbent upon me to just roll with the punches.

My experience of school from Kindergarten through early 8th grade was like one of those dreams where someone is attacking you and you're trying to punch them... but the punch is ineffective because it's like your fist is moving through water.

And I spent years and years trying to figure out a solution to this problem... which I thought lay in the ability to be "popular." I'd often spend my summers brain-storming about how I was going to turn things around for myself socially. It took me a long time to find a game plan that worked sustainably.

But around the time I started high school, I eventually did figure out how to adapt socially once I leaned heavily into my alternative style and learned how to socialize and come across as normal/tough/nonchalant. I also developed a positive identity around being a super chilled out stoic person that never gets upset about anything... and who can always be the bigger person even If the other person is being an arsehole.

And being non-reactive worked incredibly well... like a social version of Judo.

And I became quite popular and commanded a lot of respect in the alt crowd when I was 14/15 as I went from shy awkward nerd girl that's an easy target for everyone to pick on (like Carrie from the movie) to being a relatively social and confident goth girl who dumb people were afraid of... and who would make tons of bold creative choices and didn't mind going against the grain.

It's easier to make bolder choices when you're used to being widely reviled and pelted with rotten fruit, figuratively speaking. It inoculates you quite a bit to embarrassment and social scorn. 

But I ended up disliking the popularity (after feeling like popularity was going to be my saving grace during the 9 years prior). So, I just withdrew from the crowds that wanted to be associated with me. And I just kept a moderate sized friend group after that.

[theleelajoker]

15 hours ago, Emerald said:

If we're communicating with language, we have to be operating in the mental world. And that's all that an online forum affords us.

But being able to intellectually recognize the resistance to the archetypal Feminine on the level of the mind, helps us learn of our blocks and enables us to figure out what we need to drop resistance to towards the end of integration.

And because the issue is a lack of understanding about what integrating the Feminine means, many people (especially men) will continue to resist the integration of the Feminine... despite the fact that this is what is necessary to integrate to solve the most common problems that pop up on this section of the forum.

Hmm get where you're coming from. I can see the problem you're describing.

Just not sure if it's the right strategy.  Tell a guy that is stuck in his "masculine" programming that he needs to integrate the feminine, what's likely gonna happen? He's gonna resist, get defensive, he's gonna attack both the message and the messager. 

What do I propose instead?

1. As a man: If another man is super stuck in his "gotta be more masculine" program, tell him and SHOW him that he will "get pussy" by acting in a way that integrated the things Emerald talks about. If the man already has a woman he loves, tell him and SHOW him that this will help him to keep this woman at his side bc otherwise she will go for the more integrated man at some point 
2. As a woman: pick only the men that do act integrated and be smart enough not to fall for your own mental traps. Don't seek self -value by choosing men that behave in a harmful way. Help your female friends to make good choices. Just imagine for a second that all women act more consciously and ignore all men that show toxic behavior and instead choose the one that act in a more integrated way. Within one day the "masculine" guys will be begging the "more integrated men" to tell them how to get women. Sent clear signals, no mixed messages, no double binds. Clear communication about what you want and need. Women have all the power but you don't realize yet how much and /or you don't know how to use this power yet 

And don't call it "integration of feminine". This creates resistance. They will say "I am a man, not a woman!" Talk the language of men. Explain them that they are made of atoms, and that atoms are made of something, and that integration and making use of this something makes you strong and powerful...and that this process makes them more attractive for women (see point 2 above).

I experienced that women can get very horny when I was just nice, authentic and interested getting to know them. Why I know this? Because they told me 😄 Verbally ("you make me so horny") and nonverbally. If it's true and authentic for you, tell a man this. We're programmed to respond to such signals IMO. It's very easy to steer men in the right direction. Feed him, show your emotions, trust your intuition, send clear signals and be gentle. Same time, physical contact is key. As much as you need as much as you are comfortable with. Slight touch, hug, holding hands, cuddling, sex. But whatever you do, don't "promise" anything  you don't really feel like doing. Don't send signals that you're interested in getting to know a guy is all you want is simply attention. Don't send signals that indicate sex if all you need is a hug. Otherwise that will create disappointment and aggression. So getting to know yourself is key for a a harmonic dance between men and women  : )

Edited June 29 by theleelajoker