Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I am noticing how my RV practice affects my awareness outside as well. I am hard focusing on certain objects for some time, the same thing I do in RV, where I focus on one point very hard.

[Jannes]

I have a lot of dreams about my old theatre club recently. Last time I dreamed about reconnecting with a girl there, today I dreamed about being on an adventure with the old theatre club. I even saw my old friend I parted way with in a painful way there and kind of hid from her because it would be painful. I saw a picture of him well dressed, with good hair and everything. 

At the end the leader of the club jokingly said, till tomorrow then (tomorrow would be saturday, the usual meeting of the whole club) and I got the joke and was like nah, both of us acknowledging, accepting and even making fun of that boundary. Even saw this old friend as part of my old theatre club all of a sudden. I guess they are kind of the same category. 

Just leaving instead of confronting is a survival strategy of mine. But perhaps not the best. 

I want to re-harmonize with these folks. 

[Jannes]

I wonder where this is all coming from all of a sudden, I cant really make that out. 

I am guessing its either because I wrote my female friend that vulnerable message and she didnt reply to it yet which keeps me hanging in a certain familiar feeling. 

Or maybe the stronger distraction diet, RV combined with no Youtube makes me more conscious so that underlying emotions can start to arise.