Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I needed that group theraphy place. 

[Jannes]

The people I feel drawn to I dont feel worthy for and the people I feel worthy for wont give me the support to overtake them. 

[Jannes]

When I hooked up witht he girl two weeks ago I invested so much emotionally. Even though it didnt lead to something, I at least was in the right mindstate for some time. 

[Jannes]

What am I even searching for in the social domain? Well special people I feel something for I guess. Is that even realistic though?

[Jannes]

Yesterday after I left the social spot I came in contact with my inner sense of social hurt. I said goodbye to a few people and in that moment when they wished me goodbye I had this sense of hurt. I cant really tell what it is, but I guess the moment of saying goodbye is a moment of some apparentness. Well it can be faked as well. I dont know but somehow this moment really clearly opened me up and showed me how small I feel and how much emotional pain there is. 

[Jannes]

And its not like I wouldnt have anybody. There are genuinely people interested to be friends with me, even with all the quirks.

[Jannes]

But all of these status games just feel so immature. Dont I know my value? 

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, Jannes said:

But all of these status games just feel so immature. Dont I know my value? 

You value Love.

[Jannes]

1 hour ago, Yimpa said:

You value Love.

[Jannes]

I want to create a piece of art which captures the paradox of how ridiciously twisted human love is but also that it is so so true from a certain POV. 

[Jannes]

Had a walk to the supermarket to buy some sweetener. I am really not lazy, its just my adhd chemistry. 

The walk got me thinking a bit. 

Everything worthwhile needs spirit. There is no real winning when you beat somebody. I am happy I didnt just leave the old theatre club outright but showed a gesture of interest. Just hating them would have left me so empty. 

[Jannes]

I thought about the picture of a very thin women pouring over with love for something. Love is much more beautiful in the right contrast. 

I dont think I had exactly this in my mind, but it let to it, the picture of a really thin person sharing their food is beautiful.

I could list a bunch of pictures of a person sharing their food, from fattest to most thin like different notes on a piano but the notes express the beauty of selflessness. Of course a person sharing food is just on possibility.