Finished the LP course

[Jannes]

I cant get my adolescence back really. Saw a young couple yesterday. The intense emotions that come up when you are young and all that, thats something I am not getting back. Even though I can still call myself lucky, looking relatively good and having the chance to get some of that back, I feel like I deserve to moan a little to get it out. 

[Jannes]

Impro theatre was great today, we were only 3 people in total but it was really nice. I felt really safe there. I often have problems with improvizing but I came up with with a new approach I use in smalltalk, where I try to make something out of the last word, or observe something in the environement which I then use. It worked great. My mind isnt powerful enough to come up with something out of thin air, but just a little inspiration is enough. 

[Jannes]

Got my adhd medication finally! Lets see when I use them.

[Yimpa]

3 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Got my adhd medication finally! Lets see when I use them.

YAAAAY! Life Savers, for sure.

[Jannes]

4 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

YAAAAY! Life Savers, for sure.

I am curious. I didnt like my old medicinet medication that much but I am only allowed to get that one because its cheaper. I will be more interested to try the other medications when I am allowed to but still this new medicinet has a new formula with a fast and slow acting part, so that will be interesting. 

[Yimpa]

@Jannes I’ve never tried that one before. Good to know you’re experimenting with what works and what doesn’t. Let’s see what happens! 

[Jannes]

6 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

@Jannes I’ve never tried that one before. Good to know you’re experimenting with what works and what doesn’t. Let’s see what happens! 

Yeah. Welcome on my journal btw. 

[Jannes]

On 3.10.2025 at 2:59 AM, Jannes said:

The girl whom I talked about it was also there and observed the whole thing. She said that I look very interested and seem happy and she also seems very interested. But I really dont feel too much. Mostly just overwhelm. I notice that its important for me and I dont want to screw it up but I dont really feel emotions towards her. 

Her observation was also that she doenst really know a distance, she has no problem getting close to people. This is like the opposite of whats possible for me, too much closeness and I feel overwhelmed easily. 

Maybe that explains it, the first moment we met I was still pretty open and then I closed rapidly.

So that girl I talked to gave a reply to a message I texted her before last wednesday. 

There is so much happening. On the one hand worlds clash together, I needed to eplain her what poly meant last time, so me casually talking about getting a number, maybe being interested in something casual with the girl .. isnt something that seems to compute with her world. 

On the other hand she seems to really grap me by my bullshit which I want to be defensive about. 

She also has the opinion that I am interested in her from her observation and I have no idea myself. 

...

[Yimpa]

45 minutes ago, Jannes said:

Welcome on my journal btw. 

[Jannes]

I tell myself that I kind of struggle with making female platonic friends. Which is partly true. But also regular friendships arent that stimulating, so the female friends I am with who want more are the ones that are more stimulating but also give me the experience that I cant have platonic friendships.

 

What am I going to do about that?

[Jannes]

I am just about to pay for a remote viewing course. In high stake situations like this your psyche is capable of opening up a lot. Only now do I remember all the other options I have, for example finding a RV partner on the Discord server. Completly forgot about that, only this situation brought it to light. 

Edited October 7 by Jannes

[Jannes]

I never really appreciated the intensity with how Family Guy and other shows are scripted. This is coming from an intense place. I could do that.

 

[Jannes]

Finally took the time to learn how to insert images again. Took me some failed attempts. 

I like the arstyle in Neon Genesis Evangeleon and that loose blue shirt. Great style. 

[Jannes]

I met this girl I saw on my social spot again. She is a first semester. 

Whats interesting about them is that they are serious about bonding with new people. They are new to the city and everything.. 

I just saw here, chatted a bit and she firmly held me there. I am slippery like an eel. 

[Jannes]

Was at a introduction talk for my new studies today. I listed with one ear closed kinda, I didnt really want to be there, I generally didnt want to think about my future and for some reason becoming a teacher seems more attractive. But it also wasnt a huge deal, I got a bit more warm with it as I sat there. 
Already chatted up a girl who is also new there. This is really a chance to meet new people. All of this really got me to work through the situation with my wpmi-girl. I overthink it like crazy. You usually smile at each other and when you get a good vibe you smash. 

[Jannes]

I had a perfect first meet with this new girl and we walked home together. I didnt go for a hug at the goodbye which was critical for me. I personally couldnt let her that close already, so I did what felt right for me and not what would be expected perhaps. 

She already wrote back -- she didnt open her status to me though. 
Interesting she seems to mirror my energy 1 to 1. 

Edited Wednesday at 07:12 PM by Jannes

[Jannes]

On 7.10.2025 at 7:38 PM, Jannes said:

I met this girl I saw on my social spot again. She is a first semester. 

Whats interesting about them is that they are serious about bonding with new people. They are new to the city and everything.. 

I just saw here, chatted a bit and she firmly held me there. I am slippery like an eel. 

Saw her again today at the spot and she seemed more distanced now. I tried to get a conversation going but felt really akward. Not sure what it is, I just think that she was able to put so much attention and closeness into it and that I didnt want to screw it up completly overwhelmed me. I really experienced myself at a low there.

[Jannes]

4 hours ago, Jannes said:

I had a perfect first meet with this new girl and we walked home together. I didnt go for a hug at the goodbye which was critical for me. I personally couldnt let her that close already, so I did what felt right for me and not what would be expected perhaps. 

She already wrote back -- she didnt open her status to me though. 
Interesting she seems to mirror my energy 1 to 1. 

Saw her again and its a super high vibe, I think she really wants me in her friend group. Maybe because I was a bit distanced. Also saw her bf. 

Was a pretty cool evening. 

Had a chat afterwards with a girl who is the gf of a friend of mine and who I know a bit longer know. A really good chat actually, the vibe just matches. 

[Jannes]

Gosh I hate survival. I made some friends there, including a bit of a chubby girl and a trans person. They are both super supportive to me, but it seems obvious to me that this is because they are more like outsiders. Its nuts, today I got to eat rice from her when I was hungry. Then I had a little toy and gave it to her to play with and she seemed so so happy about it. She constantly asked me to hold it for the moment when she couldnt while we were playing table tennis to show everyone that I gave her a toy to play with seemingly. Also in the same moment the trans person asked if he could get a taste of a new drink I just ordered. I suddenly got looks from all around the club. Its not a huge deal for me to be friends, but when I am basically the only one not acting like an animal, its like its something special or weird. 

 

 

 

[Jannes]

The wpmi-girl was also there. We chatted a bit, also talked to some friends of her. Also a girl I chatted up like half a year ago briefly. I actually really enjoyed that so that was interesting. I then talked to a few other people and she left at some point. Its kind of getting ridiculous at this point, I am holding much emotional space for her so I should just start something or let it go to be free again.