Repeated Drug Use Straining Relationship: Girlfriend's Ultimatum

[Spiral]

This situation seems unhealthy to me

[Psychonaut]

On 8/1/2025 at 3:39 AM, Emerald said:

@Psychonaut This relationship seems to have escalated into a dynamic that's very controlling to you where she's controlling every little thing about you.

She's even preventing you from food and music that she doesn't approve of... and prevented you from bodily sovereignty (with her prohibition on masturbation).

This might not be nice to hear, but I don't think this situation can be salvaged. She is very unlikely to change or even see the fault in her own actions. If you value your freedom and sovereignty as an individual, you will likely need to end this relationship.

So, the question is "If nothing ever changed about this relationship, would you be able to feel content about the trajectory of your life?"

That is the thing. She absolutely cannot see the controlling, or even if I bring it up she says "I didn't say I would break up with you over it". But it is the strong disapproving feeling of an overarching mother, that still made me not do certain things just because I didnt feel like getting the disapproving feeling or arguing over bullshit.

She tried to form me into the man she wants.

When I bring up things like the food then she says "you know sugar etc is bad for you, I am just looking out for you". 

Again mother behaviour. I need to make my own experiences.

In her worldview I made her into what she is now. The controlling is because I am not trustworthy and don't give her a feeling of stability. She wanted to save me from the start, she knew that I have a diagnosis from the psychiatry. She even said at some point that I was ill actually attracted her to me. Well I don't want to be ill anymore. I dont take any medication and I want to be stable and happy for myself. See myself and get to know who I actually am.

I need to work on myself, need to be more open, be clean from "bad influences" like rap music, sugar, meat, news, etc...

Then I ask myself what is she going to do to make the relationship work? Is she going to stop the controlling. Is she going to accept that men sometimes masturbate and that it has zero to do with her? Is she going to understand or accept that some things one just keeps to oneself? That one doesn't need to share absolutely everything with the other person? That it might actually be healthy if it's two independent people coming together and not one glued together glob? Is she going to start meditating again and working on herself instead of smoking weed all day? 

All she wants to do is talk. And talking is fine sometimes. It helps the mind to understand and come to terms with things. But emotions can't be loosened or healed by just talking. That requires sound, movement and feeling through the emotion. We are turning in circles. Stirring up the same stinky soup over and over again. 

[Emerald]

@Psychonaut This is common with controlling/abusive partners. They blame their partner for their controlling behavior. And she is even using your diagnosis as a way of justifying her control to you and to herself.

It's important to know that NOTHING you will do will change her. And she will never stop controlling based off of how much you walk the straight and narrow.

And there's a 99.9% chance that she will not change. The rare exception would be if she has a sudden "come to Jesus" moment and suddenly faces all her problems and (of her own accord) wants to seek deeper healing.

But she is unlikely to do that... because she will never take personal accountability for her behavior or her wounds. She wants to blame you instead... because then she never has to change or face with her abuse.

It's very important for you to realize that she will NEVER change. And she will NEVER stop controlling you.

If you stay with her, this will be what your life is... and you will never be free and always be the one to blame in her eyes.

[Psychonaut]

On 8/13/2025 at 5:07 AM, Emerald said:

@Psychonaut This is common with controlling/abusive partners. They blame their partner for their controlling behavior. And she is even using your diagnosis as a way of justifying her control to you and to herself.

It's important to know that NOTHING you will do will change her. And she will never stop controlling based off of how much you walk the straight and narrow.

And there's a 99.9% chance that she will not change. The rare exception would be if she has a sudden "come to Jesus" moment and suddenly faces all her problems and (of her own accord) wants to seek deeper healing.

But she is unlikely to do that... because she will never take personal accountability for her behavior or her wounds. She wants to blame you instead... because then she never has to change or face with her abuse.

It's very important for you to realize that she will NEVER change. And she will NEVER stop controlling you.

If you stay with her, this will be what your life is... and you will never be free and always be the one to blame in her eyes.

Thank you Emerald for your kind and honest opinion. 

We have broken up... It's been an emotional rollercoaster.

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Psychonaut said:

Thank you Emerald for your kind and honest opinion. 

We have broken up... It's been an emotional rollercoaster.

I'm glad to hear that you've broken up. It's difficult to end a relationship. But that controlling behavior would have never stopped.

[OBEler]

@Psychonaut why do you make it so complicated with her and your trips. 

Calling her in the middle of an intense 5 meo trip?

Taking malt without telling her?

I can totally understand that she doesn't like your chaotic tripping. Why not make a plan before you trip that you tell her how long it takes and in that time you need to be alone. And then trip. 

[meta_male]

@OBEler Bro rolls in like a German Leopard 2 through a flower garden.