Do I have a damaged central nervous system?

[ZenAlex]

I've been trying to figure out what has been causing my symptoms recently. No evidence seems to point to any clear deficiency. I have changed my diet to increase my intake of certain things and have done so for about 2 months no, but seeing no improvement. I see no reason to believe now that diet is causing the symptoms, although I'm making adjustments just in case.

For whatever reason, any form of physical activity is now triggering what I can only describe as a stress response. Literally just going for walks I feel lightheaded, but mostly it aggravates my depression and anxiety symptoms. It's not even strenuous exercise, just walking. I'm under no significant stress in my life, and nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. 

It's been this way for 6 months or so now with no noticeable improvement. I've mentioned different possibility to the doctor and they've done tests on me. Doc is referring results of my ECG's to cardiology, but I think she's taking stabs in the dark now, and is often just insinuating that it's just stress that's causing it. 

But i've had depression/anxiety for 10 years and I've never had issues exercising during this. I don't feel tried, but I just feel really depressed and anxious, even after just 1hr walks. The more physical activity I engage in, the worse it gets.

I've been reflecting on this a lot and I've been trying to associate these symptoms with symptoms I couldn't explain in my past. I don't jerk off anymore, but I remember at times when I have done, when I became sexually aroused I started to notice myself shaking at times uncontrollably. It was incredibly weird. 

My depression/anxiety has been here for 10 years, and I notice any form of strong mental stimulation makes me feel bad so I've avoided video games/tv/music for long periods because of this because instead of triggering normal emotions, it triggers an anxiety/depression response

TL;DR It's like mentally and physically stimulating experiences of most kinds are stimulating depression/anxiety in me, and I don't know why. It's just at times in my life a switch has flipped and I developed worsening symptoms out of nowhere. 

I do plenty of activities that are self-soothing activities to activate my parasympathetic nervous system, I have meditated for years now. It makes no sense. 

I'm seeing a psychologist now to take a last stab at my mental health to see if this will help or not, but I don't know what else to try. I feel I've ruled out all the physical possibilities I could try. Anything that anyone is suggesting to me now seems out of alignment with the evidence or just something I've tried before or am already doing.

[josemar]

How's your sleep, are you getting enough?

Anything out of the ordinary preceding these episodes, e.g. psychedelics, a change in diet, environment etc?

[ZenAlex]

1 minute ago, josemar said:

How's your sleep, are you getting enough?

Anything out of the ordinary preceding these episodes, e.g. psychedelics, a change in diet, environment etc?

 I don't do drugs of any kind. I've changed my diet since these symptoms started to see if it would make any difference, no dietary changes when the symptoms started though. 

I didn't exercise regularly for about 6 weeks before these symptoms started, so I'd expect maybe a slight reduction in fitness, but certainly not enough to cause all of these fucking issues.

I get 7.5-8.5 hours sleep per day. Since these issues started I do get some interrupted sleep, maybe 1 bad night per week, but that's it. No sleep issues leading up to this. 

 

[ZenAlex]

One thing I've noticed is that throughout my life my lobido has always been quite low, and I've experienced very little sexual attraction to others and no real romantic interest in people.

I've had dulled emotions for about 10 years or so. 

 

Edited March 20, 2024 by ZenAlex

[Schizophonia]

Have you test you testosterone ?

Edited March 20, 2024 by Schizophonia

[ZenAlex]

2 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Have you test you testosterone ?

Yes. Most of my testosterone readings are normal, but apparently my SHBG levels are high.

[Jason Actualization]

6 hours ago, ZenAlex said:

Yes. Most of my testosterone readings are normal, but apparently my SHBG levels are high.

Do you have specific numbers you could share? Given this, I would be most concerned about your free testosterone.

Unfortunately, what constitutes "normal" is a derivative of population-based data built around a Bell curve with a 95% confidence interval. This doesn't necessarily translate to what would make you specifically, feel normal, or better yet, optimal.

[Schizophonia]

You might do an urinary test testing neurotransmitters.

[Osaid]

Completely out of left field advice here cause this seems super multi-faceted, but the word that immediately came to my mind was "cortisol."

It seems like some kind of dysfunctional cortisol response. This would also explain the comorbid lack of libido. You can't be aroused with high cortisol or stress. 

I have had an acute high stress period in my life before where the cortisol response basically induced what I can describe as like a "temporary depression", it felt like a lingering feeling of doom or anxiety that wouldn't go away until I ate a piece of bread to curb the cortisol response.

[Jason Actualization]

I still maintain that you are severely B12 deficient regardless of what your labs say (i.e., the fact that you are within the "normal" reference range).

Once you hit a four digit B12 level (i.e., 1000 pg/mL) come back and describe your new life experience.

Until and only then would I wish to revisit the drawing board.

For now, you have a gameplan my friend, you just need to execute.

B12 deficiencies take years to manifest, and months to mend, possibly less if your doctor would actually sign off on you getting an intramuscular shot.

[ZenAlex]

17 hours ago, Michael569 said:

 Would you consider yourself a loner or do you regularly meet up with other people?

I assume you'r enot married but do you have a partner? A good mate or two? 

I am a loner. I feel content in it. I don't get lonely. I have a social job that though requires me to speak to people daily.

I have never had a relationship, I have no real sexual drive, have never really found anyone significantly attractive.

I have tried to socialise more at times. I set up an online group for people with social issues in the later stages of covid and it helped a lot of people make friends. I find that I'm a bit socially anxious, but not that much that I cannot socialise.

I simply notice that i just don't have much interest in socialising. It doesn't excite me, the only thing that interests me is activities that may involve being social like attending football games etc. 

I find that I'm a bit awkward (potential autism/schizoid), but I can people myself for the most part, but I often don't speak much, not because I hate people or that I'm holding back, I just notice I simply forget I'm around others because they don't interest me that much.

I do notice though a lot of my thoughts that I'm discussing with my therapist are negative social thoughts, so hopefully I'll gain insight. But when I'm around people I'm not usually very antagonistic. 

[ZenAlex]

11 hours ago, Jason Actualization said:

I still maintain that you are severely B12 deficient regardless of what your labs say (i.e., the fact that you are within the "normal" reference range).

Once you hit a four digit B12 level (i.e., 1000 pg/mL) come back and describe your new life experience.

Until and only then would I wish to revisit the drawing board.

For now, you have a gameplan my friend, you just need to execute.

B12 deficiencies take years to manifest, and months to mend, possibly less if your doctor would actually sign off on you getting an intramuscular shot.

Maybe you're right, but I thought the MMA test would confirm that but it's normal lol. It's one thing serum and active b12 but if your MMA test shows no signs of deficiency, it starts to feel unlikely. My b12 levels are definitely not optimal but that doesn't mean I have a deficiency. 

I do appreciate your advise buddy. I am eating meat, eggs, cows milk and cheese. I've got a version of cows milk that has 3-4x as much b12 as normal milk or non-dairy milk. I'm eating wild caught salmon 3x per week, chicken/lamb, cheese. Milk everyday. 

I'm nervous about the idea of getting shots because I cannot be sure my issues are definitely b12 related. Even if my b12 levels are not optimal, I cannot be sure my condition is a b12 deficiency. Shots can cause serious side effects. 

My doc will not do a b12 shot. They're convinced my b12 levels are fine and I shouldn't listen to anyone else and ignore other companies tests lol. 

 

 

[ZenAlex]

11 hours ago, Osaid said:

Completely out of left field advice here cause this seems super multi-faceted, but the word that immediately came to my mind was "cortisol."

It seems like some kind of dysfunctional cortisol response. This would also explain the comorbid lack of libido. You can't be aroused with high cortisol or stress. 

I have had an acute high stress period in my life before where the cortisol response basically induced what I can describe as like a "temporary depression", it felt like a lingering feeling of doom or anxiety that wouldn't go away until I ate a piece of bread to curb the cortisol response.

Makes sense which is why i was stunned when my blood tests came back with normal cortisol levels. 

[ZenAlex]

14 hours ago, Jason Actualization said:

Do you have specific numbers you could share? Given this, I would be most concerned about your free testosterone.

Unfortunately, what constitutes "normal" is a derivative of population-based data built around a Bell curve with a 95% confidence interval. This doesn't necessarily translate to what would make you specifically, feel normal, or better yet, optimal.

These were taken end of january 2024.

 

 

 

These were done in november 2023

[ZenAlex]

These were the docs comments about my shbg

 

Although the total testosterone level is marginally high, it is now generally agreed that the 'free testosterone' is a more accurate estimation of the true testosterone level in the blood. By this reckoning, you do not have excessive testosterone in the body. The high total level is likely to be down to a high level of Sex Hormone Binding Globulin (SHBG) level. SHBG is a protein made by the liver which transports hormones in the blood. It favours testosterone and oestrogen, but can potentially transport all hormones, including thyroid hormones. When hormones are carried on SHBG, they are not active, and only free hormones (those which are unbound) are able to enter cells to cause effect. If SHBG levels are too high, the effective level of hormones may be too low to exert proper effect. SHBG can be elevated after intense training programmes (although will often drop in the immediate aftermath of an event), in hyperthyroid states, if too much thyroxine is taken and if there is chronic liver disease and in other circumstances. Lowering the SHBG level may have an impact upon general performance, and will increase the amount of testosterone available to your body. Increased protein intake and a number of supplements - eg Boron, Magnesium, Calcium, Zinc Vitamin D, Fish oil (or any other polyunsaturated fatty acid supplements) and Tongkat Ali - may all help lower SHBG levels.

[ZenAlex]

I dunno guys, my brain is weird. Even before these more recent issues, regardless of what diet I followed I often felt a bit weird, off and funny. 

I believe I have an anxiety disorder, probably OCD, depression, ADHD (diagnosed previously), possible ASD or SzPD. 

[ZenAlex]

6 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

Do you feel a sense of meaning in life? Do you feel you are heading towards something else besides a job and survival? 

 

 

The thing I've been pursuing really for years is zen/peace and beauty. I want to be able to master my internal state and enjoy the beautiful music and nature I was able to enjoy at one point.

It felt meaningful to be in nature, although I cannot really much now because of my issues.

At times during my issues I was able to get myself into some pretty peaceful places, although I had to have very strict routines to get such an end result.

So kind of, although at times I feel like just ending my existence because my symptoms for once haven't improved in several months and I struggle to get peace beyond just calming everything down. It's difficult to be hopeful when you don't know exactly what's wrong.

 

Edited March 21, 2024 by ZenAlex

[Schizophonia]

36 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

 

They only show peripheral nervous system activity (outside of the central nervous system), which is why urine tests should be considered unethical in people who want to understand their brain neurotransmitter balance, such as in depression. Yet many companies continue testing people despite the results being mostly useless.  So when you test for vanillyl mandelate or homovanillic acid or 5-HIAA in urine (metabolites of your main neurotramitters), what you are getting might be completely out of synchrony with what is going on in the brain. 

 

The true CNS measurements are very costly and extremely invasive ad are only done when the outcome benefit is higher than the risk of crippling a patient by draining a sample of their cerebrospinal fluid for true measurement. 

I think there are also scanning methods to do this tho but not sure about the excact accuracy  and the cost 

 

And directly verify neuronal activity by brain imaging ?
I had a schizophrenic friend who underwent such tests, I remember that they injected him with iodine intravenously to improve the results.

 

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, ZenAlex said:

These were taken end of january 2024.

 

 

 

These were done in november 2023

FSH is strangely low, how are your ejaculations?
When I was exhausted from insomnia, my testosterone was still high and my LH normal, but my teticles were smaller and my ejaculations were quite low.
I suppose that in cases of chronic exhaustion, the body preserves steroidogenesis but greatly reduces spermatogenesis.

[ZenAlex]

57 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

FSH is strangely low, how are your ejaculations?
When I was exhausted from insomnia, my testosterone was still high and my LH normal, but my teticles were smaller and my ejaculations were quite low.
I suppose that in cases of chronic exhaustion, the body preserves steroidogenesis but greatly reduces spermatogenesis.

I don't really jerk off much anymore as I am on nofap.

The last time I had a serious jerk off was before christmas, I experienced a hefty ejaculaton, probably because I hadn't jerked off in about 4-5 months before then.

That's another thing - Looking at porn and jerking off makes me feel really irritable and depressed afterwards. It makes the symptoms worse. It was the first thing I did to battle depression back in 2015. I noticed an improvement in anxiety and depression about 2 weeks after nofap started.

I noticed since then when I would sit down to jerk off or look at porn, experience any sexual excitement was coupled with a weird shaking of my entire body, as detailed in my OP.

It's like something has been fundamentally wrong with my body since a young age. I've never experienced strong sexual attraction to anyone, and have never really had strong, lasting erections.

I left behind my friends in school at 17 and have never had friends since because I simply never felt the need to bond.

Something is very wrong with my brain but I've just try to manage and live around the symptoms.