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I agree to all that Leo has written above. Some musings from over here: Free will vs. Determinism: The Real You (Infinite Consciousness/Reality) has absolute freedom. The separate self illusion arising in you just feels like being you, but is not you, never was you, never will be you. Never could. You contain these arisings of the separte self in the real You. So it doesn't really exist, and since it doesn't exist, it has no freedom. But the Real You has absolute freedom. Nothing is or could be outside of it to limit its power. You project this freedom that you so strongly intuit on the separate self. So it is an illusion/ignorance. But the core of that feeling of freedom of choice it true, it is the Real You. But: That reasoning will not be clear before some Awakenings into what you are, and then it can help you passing and ripening that understanding, and stabilizing you in resting what You are. Then & there it is beneficial. Before that, it is just impossible to fully get it. Structure of your World-Bubble-Perspective/Visual Field: Since any form of boundary between perspectives would be an imagined arising, it is illusory, an appearance. Your current consciousness is limited, you forget all other perspectives in real time. But you add/imagine separate self arisings (feelings and thoughts), which are the illusion/ignorance. With more consciousness, you can have a Vision like Leavitt (see book cover with infinite perspectives). To get Enlightenment or Omniscience into the structure of Reality, you don't need to see all perspectives, but to fully understand the nature/structure/essence of your perspective, which you then realize has necessarily to hold for all other perspectives/beings. And for all dimensions, since there are only perspectives in Indras Net. N+1 -style. Even a Molecule is some kind of proto-perspective, the interiortity of a Holon in Ken Wilbers theory for example. Although a very rudimentary one. Here some ideas/Koans how to investigate your perspective, and which kind of [Awakenings/Enlightenments] you need: all appearances are imagined arisings in you, any boundary to any other perspective would just be imagined/arising (so not real, just appearing): What is necessary for that Awakening: A state of sufficient Nonduality , appearances appearing as just appearances (hovering in you, hologram-like/translucent). Not the normal everyday state, so either lot of meditation done correctly or Psychedelics are necessary. Psychedelics are very useful to get a preview on that, it takes a while to get there via meditation. the True You as the fully empty Nothingness which is "structurally infinite": Awakening in to the Nothingness or empty cogniziant nature of your core. "Structurally infinite", since any boundary limiting it would just be an imagined appearance, NOT really limiting it, but appearing within it. Something outside that imagined boundary can always also appear/be imagined. And since it is infinite, has no boundary (that would just be an arising in itself), it can't go anywhere, can't die: Awakening into eternity or "always necessary here-ness, can't go anywhere else-ness, can not not be there-ness". Also wasn't created (that would be another arising). It has nothing outside of itself (would be another appearance/arising) which could have created or caused it. That is a mindf*** (sorry) of the highest degree once you stumble over it. No daddy, but You get used to it. ( : It can imagine whatever it wants (omnipotent). Then we have timeless/eternal, nonlocal/"everywhere"/every possible being and reality, literally the only "One" or Reality itself, nothing can be outside of It (omnipresent), and omnipotent (since its the only Reality, no other Reality is stopping It from whatever it wants). So we have eternal, infinite, omnipotent/all powerful. And in some persepctives/beings, it even knows its structural fundamental nature: omniscient of its fundamental structure/being. And that is where sometimes the God-word (eternal, omnipresent, omnipotent, infinite, omniscient) comes in.... But please, don't use any of these insights for separate-self-identity/arisings. That only makes trouble and, you know, bad Karma. Because it is just not true. All of that holds for the True Nature of You, not some not-really-existing (EX-isting = standing out from reality) separate self. But it is not standing out from Reality, it is moving in it, as it, the temporary arising separate-self illusion moving within you and temporary capturing the show for itself. after all of that, you can Awaken to the nature/structure of Manifested/Appearing Reality/Consciousness, God Mind, Infinite, Brahman, Nonduality, ... However you want to call it. The last step is: (oh yes, after all of the above when having been stabilized in it for some time (days, months, years), the last big shift comes. And you won't overlook that one, because all of the above is gradual. This one is quantum). You won't overlook this one, you don't need to contemplate it, don't need to "make a decission" on it or on what you hold as true. It is totally fundamentally self-evident. It IS YOU. With that, you can look the devil in the eye and not blink. You will have the peace and bliss of your True Nature, that is "maintenance-free", since it IS You. It is variously called Great Enlightenment (Zen), Basis Enlightenment (Mahamdura Brown, Pointing out the Great Way), Great Liberation, ... Who or what is aware of all of that described above? Of the nondual infinite God-Mind Bubble Universe of manifested Infinite Consciousness floating in Infinity, as Infinity. What is the Reality/Awareness of Yours, that is inseparable of this Reality? What is the Awareness/"Subject" in perceptions perceiving themselves, without ever possibly having any location/center? What is the Reality/Awareness that can be originally "unaware" when no appearances arise in You (for example, in unware "normal" Deep Sleep), but has the potential of sentience as soon as an appearance is manifested? Who is hearing these words right now? What is this Absolute Subject, the Absolute Nothingness, that is so empty as Subject itself that the Absolute Abyss, that even God can't see anything in It? That you can only "experience", or that becomes available when "looking back" from "one level lower" and intuit/understand it as absolute Abyss of the Absolute Subject that you are? That then can be intuited/realized as total Abyss/Nothingness. That can never be any form or arising, because "the eye can't see" itself style? The Unmanifested Consciousness Reality that can be unaware of itself if no appearance is imagined, and yet that manifests as any possible world appearance in itself as itself, totally nondual, as the One Infinite Reality? What is beyond Manifested/Appearing Reality/Consciousness, God Mind, Infinite, Brahman, Nonduality, beyond all of that, but at the same time expressing itself through that? What remains if all of that, the Universe-Appearance, is switched off and ends, and before a new creation arises (for example in Deep unaware Sleep, or immediately after death before the show goes on)? What is the unmanifested "side" of Consciousness/Reality/Nothingness, but which is not different at all from the appearances arising within it, as it? That which can not not be there? That which has been called Para-Brahman, Godhead, the Absolute, Absolute Awareness, Infinite Awareness. The Fundamental Real You. That neither exists as appearance, nor does not exist because something still appears? The Water of the River that every Being is at its core. Or much much more precise, after all my clumsy descriptions above have failed: The Clap of the One Hand, or your face before your parents were born. And since You are already It, "I" am just.... ... Selling Water by the River ( : Somebody made a Video Channel on the last step: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9vlZGtpdFIts8GOG5vu27g Bassui on the never stopping short with small Enlighenments: "I have seen that the foundation of the universe is Voidness; still what is this something within me which can see and hear?” he desperately asked himself anew. In spite of every effort, he could not rid himself of this obsessive doubt." [Emptiness and Nondual stage, separate self still intact, on a very rudamentary level, just a void separate self watching Infinity. "The lesser masters from whom Bassui had sought guidance had all sanctioned his enlightenment [see above, Awakenings], but Koho, sensing Bassui’s keen, sensitive mind and the strength and purity of his yearning for truth, did not give him his stamp of approval but merely invited him to remain" "At work, at rest, never stop trying to realize who it is that hears. Even though your questioning penetrates the unconscious, you won’t find the one who hears, and all your efforts will come to naught. Yet sounds can be heard, so question yourself to an even profounder level. At last every vestige of self-awareness [remnants of Empty Witness] will disappear and you will feel like a cloudless sky. Within yourself you will find no “I,” nor will you discover anyone who hears. This Mind is like the void, yet it hasn’t a single spot that can be called empty [no location, unilocal, perception perceiving themselves]. Do not mistake this state for Self-realization, but continue to ask yourself even more intensely, “Now who is it that hears?” If you bore and bore into this question, oblivious to anything else, even this feeling of voidness will vanish and you won’t be aware of anything—total darkness will prevail. [Don’t stop here, but] keep asking with all your strength, “What is it that hears?” Only when you have completely exhausted the questioning [having become fully empty, even of identity with manifested Consciouss, "God-Mind"] will the question burst; now you will feel like someone who has come back from the dead. This is true realization. You will see the Buddhas of all the universes face-to-face and the Dharma Ancestors past and present." "With the passage of time one’s thoughts are stilled and one experiences a void like that of a cloudless sky [Emptiness, Nonduality]. You must not, however, confuse this with enlightenment. Putting aside logic and reason, question yourself even more intensely in this wise: “Mind is formless, and so right now am I. What, then, is hearing?” Only after your search has permeated every pore and fiber of your being [having become totally empty] will the empty-space suddenly break asunder and your Face before your parents were born appear. You will feel like one who abruptly awakens from a dream." from Kapleau, The Three Pillars of Zen PS: I didn't create that Video. But it is beautiful.

Yes. What helped me here, since its always a question of definition (for example of the Supreme Witness): You are that which is aware. And the Totality of Reality itself, since it can only show up in that which is aware. But the Totality of Reality is often only seen as that which appears (The appearance side). And that can totally disappear (Deep Sleep), and the real you is still there, unaware of itself, but with a latent capacity for sentience if something appears again (the emptiness or consciousness/aware side). So the question is: How "empty" is the Supreme Witness. When it is so empty that no arisings/feeling (very subtle I-feelings/I-thoughts) arise and appear in the Totality (call it Reality, Infinite Consciousness, God, Dharmakaya, whatever you want), or you clearly see them all as objects/arisings/movements within you, then what you realize yourself to be very obviously is the Totality/Reality/Infinite Consciousness,... . The stage before that is the Supreme Witness, or Empty Witness: Ken Wilber calls that the Empty Witness: Personality, and especially time and space are already transcended, "you" feel the infinite reality as mere appearance, timeless. And always here. But there are still some clusters of sensations arising IN YOU that feel like individuality, or that you are not the unbounded whole, but a feeling of watching it appears in you. You are not all of it, the sensation of "other" still arise a lot in daily life, you dont feel that you what looks from all eyes is the same consciousness that gets clouded by feelings/thoughts of I/me, exactly like how it used to get clouded in you. The realization is neither stable, nor complete. And then at some point you realize that (learn to spot) these arisings/feelings/building blocks of the Supreme Witness or Empty Witness are still left and arising/moving in you. You learn to spot them in a sort of High-Speed-Analysis, recognize them as arisings/objects appearing within you, and you can stop them immediately (subject->object), or just watch them. Then they drop, the Empty Witness drops, and the real you stays. But that is described by some as impersonal, a formulation that I am not totally happy with. Yes, its impersonal, its not the you you thought you were, but its the real you. And that real you "has" or "contains" the personal you moving in it. Then that boosts the nondual state, makes the whole world appear just as mere appearance, an imagined illusion, infinite, groundless, a mirage happening within you (that also starts before, but gets boosted a lot the more the Empty Witness drops). Pretty much a state that Psychedelics cause, but sobre. And with it comes happiness and bliss independend of what happens at that moment, which is the most beautiful aspect of it. If you dont have nonduality and nonseparation and are not aware of the Ground of Being in normal life (while not meditating or tripping), these very subtle arisings/I-feelings/I-thoughts still arise in you and are not spotted with high enough speed to see them for what they are: Sensations of separation arising within the real you. In my experience, you can not force real Nonduality/mere appearance of the totality/world, its an energetic state that gets influenced "indirectly" over how fast you spot these I-thoughts/I-feelings. Here I am fully in line when Leo says you need the right state (of enought nonduality, illusion-like mere appearance of the world, directly feeling it all as mere empty consciousness appearance mirage-arising). When you spot these subtle arisings (building blocks of the separate self and even Empty Witness) fast enough, they arise in you. But you can't force it with willpower, that would be what Daniel Brown in Pointing out the Great Way calls "artifical activity" during the stage of Nonmeditation Yoga (last stage of the 4 Mahamudra stages). It becomes automatic once you understand it at that stage. Its one of the Illusion-Mechanism of Maya that you can't force your way through it with willpower, but you can do it indirectly with understanding how to rest in your true nature. The energetic state of nonduality follows. Its some kind of positive feedback loop, sloping "upwards" if done correctly. I agree with Leo that Nonduality (which ripens) is in its early stages not realization of Ultimate Reality. Daniel Brown for example also. But realization of Ultimate Reality has to be nondual, since its a unity and infinite. And this development can pretty easily stagnate (especially before nonduality even begins to start), and stop if you do something incorrect, or understand something incorrect. Which pretty much happens with 99% of Buddhists. So the separate you disappears, but the real you as Awareness AND the Reality/World stays. So the Illusion-You disappears, but the real you is of course, as always, there. It can not "not be there". That is the Unborn, Reality itself. The real you. And in that area/stage definitions of different authors and traditions get very slippery, since these "feelings" of the Supreme Witness (as you intuit) are very very subtle, and its very easy to identify with them and not notice it. Over the years, I ended up with a metaphor for myself: Zen is like axe to cut a tree. Very robust, works if you do it long enough hard enough pretty foolproof, doesnt need a lot complex theory/stages, but normally takes a long time and is not so pleasant (and in practice for most doesnt deliver the final results, because it takes extreme willpower). More sophisticated versions of Buddhism, with a more detailed map, like Mahamudra/Dzogchen (see for example Brown, Pointing out the Great Way), are like a Forest Harvester: If used correctly very fast, quite pleasant (for the user, probably not for the forest) and comfortable along the path, but quite hard to understand and learn, since language is so slippery in these areas. Like if you want to use a Forest Harvester, and if you dont get explained how it works (like put gas in it, how to drive it, its controls), delivers no result at all. Zen = robust, sit long enough with a Koan and you get it, not much to misunderstand, but neither very fast nor pleasant Mahamudra/Dzogchen = very sophisticated with techniques and details and pointing out descriptions for every stage, but if used incorrectly (like not putting as into forest harvester) no result at all even if you do it a long time. Some Material for that stage I found useful: 1) Massaro, Spiritual Conversations with a Skeptic: "Imagine a formless, space-like void that's indestructible, sentient, awake, alive and aware, but has no form. You could almost say it has no self awareness. It just is. Russell: So wait... A void? A vacuum? Nothing? Bentinho: Yes. Just imagine it. Russell: OK, go ahead. Bentinho: The point of the analogy is that there is no object. Imagine infinite space with no stars or planets. Suddenly, you introduce a toy; let's say a water pistol. Or it could be a body even. But let's say... Russell: An object. Bentinho: Yeah, an object. A water pistol. Russell: With water in it. Bentinho: Maybe with Coca-Cola in it. Russell: With Coca-Cola in it. OK. Bentinho: Ah! Now there is something. Something is created. First there is this space, which is like the pure subject with no reference points. It's like space, but it's not actually space. Russell: Wait... where am I in relation to this infinite space? Bentinho: You are it. Russell: I am it? Bentinho: Yes. Russell: OK. But there is nothing in it at first. Bentinho: Correct. There is nothing in it at all; there is just Infinity. Russell: But I am in it. Bentinho: You are it. " 2) How other perspectives/beings work: A Human is aware of only his perspective (normally). But Infinite Consciousness can forget in time (what did you do exactly one year ago), or to be more precice NOT imagine that memory, and it can forget in space (metaphor of Francis Lucille). To get an idea watch the cover of this book of Marc Leavitt. Notice the hyperbolic geometry of the awareness fields shown. Reality is made of perspectives (Ken Wilber, Concept of Indras Net). Reality is a giant mind (Leo, and more or less all traditions). https://www.amazon.com/Enlightenment-Behind-Scenes-Marc-Leavitt/dp/1495398218 3) How to Approach Phenomenal Consciousness, Jac O'keeffe. She calls Ultimate Reality Totality Primary Consciousness "the fundamental primary phenomenal consciousness (her name for Ultimate Reality, Infinite Consciousness, the real you), it has a capacity. It doesn't even know itself here. However, it has a capacity to show up with a sense of emptiness (a subtle arising feeling/perception happening in you). To show up as one. To show up as a one who can reflect on itself and recognize that it is, and we have the concept of existence. And it can go from that sense of vast spaciousness and that unified field into time, which appears as a dot. " "We're left with consciousness (-> Primary Consciousness) that cannot know itself. It's such a fundamental that it actually can't know itself. However, it is known. You can drop back there and it is known, but you can't bring yourself there or your capacities to know it. It's almost like it's so fundamental that it can't turn around and see itself. It doesn't see itself. That's too much movement (arisings, objects, subtle I-feelings/I-thoughts, not fully empty/infinite). That's movement such as space, time and identification and me, myself, I, and the building of my movie that happens" Here she describes how Primary Consciousness is so empty that it cant turn around to see itself. Because that turning around would already be a movement, a arising, a subtle object within Primary consciousness/Real you. 4) Stephen Wolinsky, or how Empty is your Empty Witness or Supreme Witness: from Wolinsky, Nothing Comes From Nothing " Knowing or being aware of or consciousness of who you are is “one step” away from being who you are. This is why the Buddha said, “You might not necessarily be aware of your own enlightenment. Why? Because there is no aware-er or awareness or knower or knowingness, to be aware of or know or know about or be conscious of the Absolute. And why Lakshamann Joo said, “Whenever you perceive something, you perceive it from one level lower.” (remark: You can never see the Absolute Reality/Consciousness, cause looking or searching for it is a movement of attention WITHIN IT. But you can understand it, be it, intuit it, from one level lower. The Supreme Witness is one of the last movements IN YOU/Reality looking for absolute consciousness, inducing an experience of it, which of course is not it because it is you). Paradoxically As the Absolute there is no Absolute If the “I” or “you” “has an “experience” and believes it IS consciousness awareness infinite potential presence or that it IS an “imagined” infinity, then the “I” or “you” mistakenly assumes and projects that experience upon the Absolute. Once that occurs the “I” or “you” then completely believes and ergo experiences that the Absolute also has or IS the experience of consciousness has or IS the experience of awareness has or IS the experience of infinite potential has or IS the experience of presence has or IS the experience of an “imagined” infinite. Consciousness awareness infinite potential presence or an “imagined” infinite are the most subtle of the most subtle states and veils which give the illusion of awareness, the illusion of consciousness the illusion of presence and the illusion of both beingness and being conscious. This “experiential belief” of consciousness awareness infinite potential presence or an “imagined” infinite or “infinity, is an anthropomorphically projected experience of consciousness awareness infinite potential presence or an “imagined” infinite or “infinity. Thus giving the illusionary experience of awareness, the illusionary experience of consciousness the illusionary experience of presence and the illusionary experience of both beingness and being conscious. Which are then Superimposed on the Absolute Nothingness. Simply stated, the experience of consciousness awareness infinite potential presence or an “imagined” infinite or “infinity is an experience. This experience gives the illusion of a beingness, isness or existence to these temporary subtle veils and experiences which are made of nothing. The Absolute is without the Absolute Nothingness " 5) Prior to Nonduality Youtube-Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9vlZGtpdFIts8GOG5vu27g Mechanisms of Creation/Imagination/Manifestation: Its important and nice to find out HOW you imagine this world with all of its infinite mechanism. And the first and fundamental mechanisms on how imagination/manifestation (in any universe/dimension) can occur can be understood (for example how the fundamental archetypes of space and time (giving "objects" or appearances that change in time), and the first "movements" (even if they are formless) of appearances in consciousness are spawned out from the Infinite Consciousness/Reality. That is for example described by Ken Wilber as the manifestation of the first Archetypes at the causal stage (he calls it low causal, while high causal being the empty ultimate Godhead). But since Reality/Spirit/God is able to manifest/imagine infinite Worlds, with totally different mechanism than our universe for example, by definition one will never be able to understand all of their mechanisms, since you dont have access to all Realities (and you couldnt while being human). And you can never explore all of them, by definition of what Infinity means. That is what God/Reality itself is exploring. Leo mentioned that in "Outrageous Experiments In Consciousness - 30 Awakenings In 30 Days.", there are infinite dimensions of awakening. Which is, as mentioned, quite shocking. But for sure its nice and important to grasp the fundamental mechanism of imagination/manifestation, which apply to all universes/dimensions (since all are appearances), and understanding that in your deepest being you are that one Reality. I believe these fundamentals are important to understand and realize and experience. Else "you" are stuck with believing experiencing Nonduality or Emptiness is it, while that is only the start to realize Infinity. And you can of course realize the Groud of Being, your true nature. But one can never explore all mechanism of manifestation, since a human in its limited time can never explore all realms of manifestation (and there are for examples according to Jac O'Keffee and Stephen Wolinsky some truly alien realms that are not build with the building blocks of this Universe. Yet they are also only appearances). So at some level one either says "Its details, and one can never explore all mechanism of manifestation, because even for God/Absolute Reality there are Infinite Realms of Appearances/Worls/Universes to explore", or it is a grasping for seeing as much as possible. Which is a high level recipe for nevery finding the constant peace/happiness independend of outer circumstances, the hallmark of the enlightened ones, and also nevery fully resting it. Maya is awe-inspiring, and her Illusion-Mechanisms (which are necessary for this Lila) go to the highest level also. But understanding the fundamental mechanism of how manifestation/imagination occurs, how you fool yourself (Maya), what ultimate Reality/God/Spirit is, what other is, how Maya works, what one really is and how one imagines otherwise, that is all essential. And of course humanity will go exploring all of that (manifestation/imagination mechanisms, mechanisms of Maya, "going Psychonaut" and exploring it, exploring Ken Wilbers subtle and low causal realms and mapping them. He even said in the next 1000 years probably many new substages will show up and getting formed & described during exploration). This understanding will grow. Buddhism has evolved in the past, there is not even one Buddhism, there are many different streams, some more developed/sophisticated/efficient than others. I don't think Buddhism will disappear, so it will change and evolve by definition. Buddhism happens in Infinity, not the other way round. And to conclude: I hope this is interesting and helpful for some of you. It took me a long time to understand why there are so many, often contradicting statements in the spiritual traditions/teachers/psychonautic explorers, and how Reality is structured (and the differing perspectives & statements it supports and brings forth on various stages/states) to enable and support all of these differing perspectives, experiences and viewpoints. For sure, this picture isn't complete, but at least for me tells a story that for me is sufficient to continue my practice in peace and enjoy what it brings into my life, be able to sort all these often conflicting messages in a large and hopefully integral perspective, and stay interested in how Reality is structured that all of that can appear in it (the psychonaut approach). And of course its nearly impossible to communicate all of that in language. In case anybody has read all of the above until here: A metaphor that, if I remember correctly, also Ken Wilber once used: Zen would deliver the much more precise summary, which is why I also like Zen a lot: The old pond, A frog jumps in: Plop! Matsuo Basho (1644-1694)

Date: 27.07.21 - 28.07.21 Prep: Meditation + Intentions for 30 min Ingestion Time: 20:30 Amount: 800µg LSD Duration total: 20h Onset: 2h - 21:00-23:00 Peak: 5h - 23:00 - 04:00 Offset: 6h - 04:00 - 10:00 Afterglow: 7h - 10:00 - 17:00 Note: This is an approximation I also smoked smoke weed (pure) during the trip super silver haze that is very strong and potentiated the trip a lot at the peak. I did not even smoke a lot. Because it was to intense, I stopped but I wanted to deepen the trip. Prep: Meditated for 30 minutes with a mindfulness techniques with a don't know open monitoring focus stance. Created a couple of intentions in my journal what the trip should be about and what I want to explore and learn. Onset: 2h: First I took 3 tabs as I was unsure if I should really go for the 800. I thought beforehand what I wanted to do and I just listend to some music and played video games. While I chew on the tabs to not sink into boredom and create positive feelings of joy/pleasure beforehand. Basically activating my inner child. So I played Leauge of Legends for 30 minutes while chewing on the tab ARAM mode. I don't recall if we won or lost I just really wanted to listen to music and play video games as I enjoyed this as a teen/kid. After that I listend to music and started to notice the trip is coming on stronger. I thought about my true intentions and not the come up experience and noticed there is a deep desire in me to meditate and transcend. It was almost to strong I intuited I should not meditate to not further potentiate the trip and cause a kriya experience. Sort of a more balanced approach instead of recklessly exploring an already intense experience. I started to watch videos from various teachers and to subtely meditate. Like I do when walking/eating/driving/ and introduce a lowkey softcore form of background meditation and started to just watch for mental activity and activity in general while watching videos from Leo. For example about god realization as well as from Shinzen Young expansion and contraction flow. I notice the trip comes on stronger and I see the opportuntity to go for the 4th tab. My visual phenomena was still relatively normal in contrast to my experiences with 1P-LSD and ETH-LAD slight drifters and if I had to see stuff drifting I'd really had to focus. Somehow after this I got sucked into more conscious and personally passionate indepdent channels about science/biology/philosohpy/politics like Veritasium, Lex Fridman, Hubermanlab I was so curious to explore their perspectives and to see their level of consciouness. I keept internally checking in if there was any signs of ego death, dissolving, bangha, siddih type experiences, internal geometric patterns etc. I noticed this now I did not once close my eyes during the trip and meditate. I know why I will get to it later. In short it was fear of to much depth and a kriya experience. Basically fear of the causal state. After checking-in (going inside) I keept my softcore meditation going while exploring consciouness in digital space let's say. Peak: 5h: At 23:00 I notice I am peaking while watching some video I watched so many people and explored their perspectives like Sam Harris and how they seem to meditate. I had like the most synchronistic craziest algorithmic YouTube dopamine blackbox deep drift into some blackhat gamified algorithm. It basically forced me to consistently watch the next video. All topics from biology and society how ido movement is practied how it feels like how he experiences doing these ido movements I also watched everything in 2x this seemed very magical to me. As they sort of skipped all unconscious conversations as it was really about awarness, meditation and consciouness mixed with science etc like this. I watched all videos in full length at 2x while meditating I do this also while exercising although that is to much with audiobooks sometimes, when not doing cardio. So basically I am "perma" meditating. When I am conscious of it in a passive stance and not active. Afer this I got a train load of insights about what is happening in the world on the planet just on an information spectrum it felt like an omniscient download, altough I notice I have to not delude myself and thought I mean as long as it's true very true to this experience right now thoughts don't matter. I kept basically slicing mental chatter with mindfulness laser focusing it to death. While watchting the videos. After this I really wanted to enjoy the pleasure side as sort of my inner desire monkey was jumping for excitement and stimulation. Aka my nervous system... back to that later. 23:30 I stopped watching the videos and went to play elden ring as I wanted to explore some cool visual phenomena and the game just looks beautiful on a 240hz monitor with a RTX 3060 with 12gb VRAM. I started the game and I am not very far into it maybe 20-30h and just looked at the landscape as I was mentally so fascinated with the occult and church and religion going through many places in my head I walked through while travelling. I just wanted to look at how death is depicted in general in all cultures and I thought Elden Ring is sort of great when it comes to how western civilization imagens hell/limbo/ or the everbearing battle between good and evil etc. I really was just fascinated by design/code/art and I could not really play the game I got sucked into the beauty of omfg how did they even model this creature like what was the thought behind it? I just explored the area full in fear as I really get like scared by everything I hate horror stuff this is already for me horror or more a jump scare game not horror. I stopped after this because everything started to morph and I absolutely peaked. I got sucked into my chair almost feeling like okay, this is to much. I am definitely now an intermediate tripper, I stopped, went back to the videos and meditated exploring visual phenomena my subconscious goal. As well as exploring consciouness and god realization. The trip was very long so my mind justified it. At one point I got stuck watching a beautiful girl talk about science/cosmology I just stopped and looked at her face as I was unsure if it was morping and I stopped the video and saw her face morph I was like awe-struck for 10-15 minutes in blown into depth. It was a video about science and cosmology. Every video was about life/consciouness and I was so impressed by the work of art of the creator of the videos. I felt a lot of connection towards the amazement of creation/creativity/engineering and just beauty and wonder. I decided to not go deeper and so I did not meditate maybe 5 minutes as the trip was already so intense. It's difficult to describe it in words. Every video I watched had so many information based synchronistic insights. I was just in awe of the constant synthesis nothingless like an ever-cascading wonderland of sheer beautfy of informational depth coming from the infinite mind. I thought about deeper complex questions of god and I was just awe-struck at my own stupidity for not asking these deep questions even more relative ones. Like gods omnipotence, what are considered omnipotent factors? Infinite time? Infinite space? Infinite power? Infinite Consciouness? Infinite Magic? Infinite Creation? How can god even be stopped? What is a limit? What is a contstraint? What is logic? What is a self-reference? Why do I reach back towards myself? Why do I see myself reaching back to my self? I thought about doing UM turn back practice, yet it was all in all to intense and I wanted to explore and not dive in hells deep into a very strong trip. As well as thinking constantly about from and non-form. I was internally deeply relaxed my sense of self was very strongly attenuated. It was more consciouness and I merged more and more in outer space. It was similar to a unification process that happens with hear out technique out techniques from Shinzen and I felt more pan-psychic love equal love for every object that exists in the universe. I was just awe-struck by everything and tried to understand how consciouss the people in the videos are and their thought processes/insights etc. As I also watched Leo/Shinzen/Ralston videos to get more of a taste of non-dual and casual states. I had a lot a lot of insights into cessation and causal state phenomena: I am cracking open some books to describe what I want through. Not in perfection but according to integral theory. As I went into the cessation casual state insights seeing it even in outer phenomenon. I was basically eaten by the clarity of the re-incarnated nature of love. Leo loved me. Shinzen Loved me. In that sense the me the every sense of self that people have and it was like a tear drop of a soul was dropped into every being and it was also my soul in that sense. That would describe the timelessness of the subtle experience... I started to really love the infinite quality of space, infinity quality of potential and imagination. I started to notice this is transcended and an ever deeper state of cessation drops in yet I saw it sort of in outer phenomena as everything was merging and morping and I saw infinite space and depth sort of outside of myself, but not inside myself. It is not easy to describe. I loved pain. I started to love the feeling of pain and it's cessational qualities. My sense of self was ever deeper attenuated I really had to focus to get to the last bits and pulls of it and if I wanted to do that I'd had to go into a deep meditation. Many saints seemed to focus on this path also of subtle self and I felt such a strong conviction of my own saint hood even when I notice my ego still. I was in awe of this clarity of love, spaciouness I could love you in that state if you'd be Hitler I would love you to death as my soul craves this. My theoretical mind went into this ever bearing fractal mode if infinity reaching itself down upwards like my own hand reaching towards my heart telling me and others feel more of this love and bring it to others give them the positive love that they need. All the conversations I watched reminded me about the beauty of being human and travelling. I was so convinced that my LP is the right choice and that I am the ultimate creator. The idea of potency and all the instant informational synchronities that reach back to book to book from book to book to podcast/video etc to memory of memory of memory of memory. Whatever. The evearbearing nature of information at Yellow was so obvious. It's fault it's win-win greed ego good hearted nature. I was just amazed by this double saint experience. I would say I love life and nature more ever deeper than I could imagine. I noticed so much but I need a different space. I would go through some banghda and I really need this people don't understand animal nature and trauma. I kept thinking about how do I explain this to my psychologist, she basically is a robot at TIER 1 with TIER 2 head any conscious phyiscal object that has a sense of consciouness has more depth and I had this sense the whole time. Like what if what if an alien life form lands/robot etc. and we are tested based on consciouness. As well as how it feels to be equal in consciouness with an object given in 3d space time. Oh and I noticed why I love 3's in the enneagram and why effort is such an important topic nowadays imo. I really felt the magic of being a child again had a lot of positive resolving trauma experiences crying that my grandpa died sitting in a wheelchair when I was 6-7 never getting to know the person. He communicating with me trying his best to be loving in a sense. All the informational sort of for MBTI fans. SI transformational nature for NI driven INFJ it was hell. Hell loving itself and back. Like imagine an SI person torturing me with factual/registered information/ list after list after list. I noticed my perosnal ego craves this transformation. It was the hell it was seeking to transform and I was so thankful that my memory is of emotional and not factual nature. I cried at siddih stuff. I can't believe it I can't believe i trust my perception and it's accurate and I keep doubting consciously. Doubt/cessation doub cessation. Full stop. Relax. Gone. I was just deeply rested in the perceptual truth regardless if it was morphing twisting turning. Everything was truth. Falsehood was truth. Pain was truth etc. After this I watched some Leo video about Don't know and Love and I noticed sort of our subtle personal connection over the years and had like siddih type pheonomena where I am unsure how far I keep deluding myself as I keep playing god. I started to love Leo more and more and saw his good hearted generous nature that seems so misunderstood. It really reminded me of my friend and at one point I just came to the conclusion we are on and the same. Why do i even generate the notion of hate in my head. Just because of collective opinions and backlash and "personal" "grudges" I had. I cried at this infantile human nature and was just thankful that the love connection sort of exists. This also goes for Shinzen and the everbearign nature of good will and forgivness I was just thankful there is no true captial H Hate. Oh I was so thankful for the notion of good in everyone, how we can hold in my own words to consistent ultimate positive regard for each other and each others values and see their god hod / subtle soul in that sense. I kept thinking about questions how I can integrate this with my psychologist as she seems so useless in comparrision to the control I had over this trip and the clarity. I thought I had to bring this back to practice she can't avoid it and I am looking for away to explain as she is super open minded and she has meditative experiences in a tradition where I can explain this theory to her. Even if she will laugh and feel stupid because I have to go over her head to show that I was over her head.... and then translate it into her nature. To give rise to potential. This all happend during the peak if I had to summarize: I loved my double saint nature in myself and the other person Clarity of love, spaciouness, seeing it in space morphing and forming and contrasting colors Expansive self Attenuated self Infinite space, spaciouness, expansivness Everbearing notion of infinity and it's "multiplicative" nature similar to indras net Gods ominpotent nature of me The awesomeness of asking philosophical question and how the observer gives back answers Crazy visual phenomena/ audible hearing my own name Consistent predictions of the mind that are accurate based on information given sort of NI synthesis on super super supe crack this was beyond hyper and I had an omniscient experiences that gave me a taste how schizopherenic experiences happen. The point is just never bellieving anything even if it seems true and to get on with the experience. This is certainly not mainstream. There will not be much validation. This "makiyo" type pheonmena is unspoken gold... for many. Many teachers don't talk about this I am happy Shinzen did varjana and saw deities etc. Insects crawling on him etc. As DMT is soon coming. etc. I had a lot of beautiful subtle inner visions I was in joy and awe of my mind I noticed state is everything there is nothing but state and I loved it structure is state. State is all there is as theory is also a construct that is state... Crazy visual phenomena like seeing myself appear on my screen / my face for a brief time Love of a saint loving all beings equally deeply from a place of no-self Abundance Ultimate positive regard Seeing my own saint hood Subtle addicitons To intense of an experience to medtiate Love of death and seeing it's perennial nature More love for the relative self. Panpsychic love Offset: I keept watching videos and started to lay down in my bed as I noticed the peak is ending and everything is still morphing and bubling I felt a lot of abundance and how important it is to be confident in life and have a strong presence like a lion hunting a gazell. I noticed how contemporary culture demonizes men after talking also to trans people etc. I thought to myself it's very bad and incorrect partially and also very much justified a lot of SJW are correct, they are just to aggressive in their approach. I became very aware of how important autonomey is and how authority is outsourced because of a lack of responsibility. I went through my head how art and culture always displays men white beared men in museums, exhibitions etc. I kept thinkin about my second name which is fking ancient and basically has the meaning of Saturn or is named after the planet of Saturn what that means in roman mythology. How men abuse their power and I kept thinking about healthy masculinity presence abundance just radiating pure strength and joy. How important that is no matter how fragile you are obvious the more you embody the physical nature energy of this feeling. Exercise and meditation I find creates a lot of these abundant masculine transcended ego self experience and I was sort of in awe of how healthy masculinity feels it's positive ever giving nature. It's like a hand reaching out towards you grabbing you making you feel warm. I keept also thinking about the good will qualties of a mother as they seemed very similar. Sort of the love of a saint hood mother not ever letting go of her child infusing it with pure love and good will of morality sort of. Just the notion that morality even exists and that you should love it no matter what even when you do something wrong I will forgive you. This perpetuated itself and I dritfted of slowly becoming sleepy although I could not sleep at all till 18:00 the next day. I smoked some weed and this potentiate the trip a lot way to much by 2-4h approx. I'll leave it at this. I might add and edit later. As this is already a lot to read and I don't know if someone can give me even feedback. Afterglow: Same as offset with just becoming more sleepier nothing very profound just the lasting existence of the profoundness that preceeded continued on. Terminology: Gross: body-mind simply said physiological self with the person self. Subtle: Expansiveness in consciouness, soul self arises more disidentification with gross body, open, luminous, loving clarity, aware of re-incarnated nature of that creates a sense of timelessness(I was digital and physically), higher and wider deep spaciouness Subtle Is not: Awarness of past lifetimes and awarness of specific events more a soul awakening to openess, spaciouness and expansivness without identification with gross releam Causal: Space Time becoming archetypal the matrix basically let's caital M Matrix. I dunno how else to relate more normaly for stage Green, I leave it at this because I had basically casual additction of subtle state I could not let go of the subtle and I did not want to because of fear. It was a lot, yet I am pretty clear I explored subtle space. Mainly love and infinite space. I also thought I really wanted to give Leo feedback as he takes so much time and effort to create these videos I forgot like 90% of my critcism in that sense good feedback. Hope the post helps <3. Side notes/Remarks: I was also amazed how chill Elon seemed to be around Lex. I really thought it was cool to see because I received some insider info and sometimes I panic about politics, it's all a game in the end... hopefully it ends well. I also see every creator watches his videos in 2x. Sort of the repetitive subconscious nature and how well integrate a person seemd was very obvious on 2x.

Notice how you are doing exactly what you are accusing me of. You need to question your own beliefs as to why God is not infinitely powerful. IS truth silent? Or is that a belief you have? What layer of truth and at what state and in what context? "There is no need to make forum posts asking questions if you are living from absolute consciousness. If you are challenging everything, you must also challenge what you currently believe about God. Just sayin'. All beliefs come crashing down in the end." ^You aren't getting what I am saying. There is no point to anything if you are already infinite conciouseness which is the whole paradox of being God. Because, it's indras net you know? Each atom contains in it the potential of infinity the entire universe. It's not fun talking to someone who says things like "Zen teachers running around yelling etc" because this is a forum where I am questioning my beliefs with you, not yelling at all. Also, Zen is not Leo's teachings and Zen has it's own dogmas and limitations. You unconcisouly give your authority to Zen, imo, but not Leo. How do you know anything is true at all? Have you fully completed your inquery? ARE YOU 100% sure Truth is silent and not, say, this present moment with all its noises and sensations? Aren't these just different aspects of the same truth? I am stepping into a postion of radical not knowing, speaking about Leo's teachings on his own forum. If you can't put that into context then, Idk I am done with this conversation. Leo's teachings are full of paradox. I am fine with Truth, as long as I get to it. It's going to take some years for me to do so. I have a lot of maturing and work to do as I am prone to making blunders still. Every school, every teaching, every book, every video, every lecture, every chemical, etc leaves you with only a partial perspective and often they result in seemingly unreconciable paradox. This is the nature of this reality as it appears to me. Information is so dense, our inclanation to learn and change so slow and frought with the potential for self deception and error... It's really challenging. There seems to be things which I can't prove or disprove that Leo says to me in these videos and these are things which I can't know if I an interpreting him properly or not or understanding the contexts in which he is speaking. The Video I linked above is him talking about God Realization... Not Zen. I won't quit. I will tear down everything until I master life and figure this out.

Indras net - the same reflects the same within the same I am absolutely recursive for there is nothing else Within the same there must be infinite recursions Within the infinite recursions there must be the same recursion = echo = mirror = iteration = self-referentiality The appearances - just different degrees of self-referentiality/various iteration rates, or infinite subsets of infinity

@Serotoninluv It is. But it was not an issue before the scientific revolution. (or better say stage orange)^^ Before modern racism, there were no explicitly racist societies, nor a finished mindset to judge and categorise people. @Emerald I know your channel. That's really an awesome name for a Youtubechannel. Congrats on that. Indras Net is buddhist, yes? Would like to share this comment, which is somehow relevant, i guess. https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/27088-is-enlightenment-the-permanent-way-out-of-the-loop-new-video/?do=findComment&comment=307791

What is a perspective that does not arise in "I"? Who am "I" though? I understand that psychedelics offer a path of surrender that can be quite useful in deconditioning ones mind to attachment, and the games of the ego, but it is only one of many paths, none more significant than an other, for all reflect your beauty, unconditionally, relentlessly, endlessly. Indras net is very fitting and points towards an ability to see beyond I and to experience through other eyes, although really, is that any more or less of an illusion than seeing from My I alone?