Brandon Nankivell

Bang on ey. Tried 5meo for the first time recently and the environment was the only thing I felt was stopping me from letting go. Finding it challenging to find an environment where I can feel comfortable to scream my lungs out if that would eventuate but will find a place. Thank you for the emphasis on this.

Funny, my first DMT trip, the sole, unrelenting message was "slow down with the success stuff"

I love your songs mate

Peter Ralston: https://chenghsin.com/workshops/

Acceptance

Accepting everything

Current understanding: I've had what felt like a very potent yet incomplete awakening to infinity, where the 'thereness' as described by Peter Ralston, of objects in my surroundings, became so 'there-like', it was insane, and started feeling I was behind the eyes of other people I'd encounter. My surroundings merging with who I normally identify as me (my body etc). A fear arose that I am everything and therefore completely alone... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk.... I'm just gonna go back to mowing the lawn or something... Where I feel I don't understand: I remain ignorant to what you mean by my current POV is absolute infinity. What about other forum members and their POV? If my POV is absolute infinity, how can it be, since others have their own POV (I guess I can't prove it, but I assume so). In some sense their POV is still the true me, as God, Infinity, but I as Brandon, the one writing this, don't know what thoughts other forum members are having and what their POV is like, I can only guess. There may be something in the analogies you provided that I'm missing. Something to do with time and how my reel is the only one playing and another reel (another POV) will play when my body dies. But aren't all the POV's running right now, I'm just not aware of precisely what the other POV's are like of other forum members?

Have a mentor that has helped guide me through breakthroughs, the mind loves to jump in and say, "It can't be this simple!" "Truth is simple and truth is difficult. In fact it is difficult because it is simple. It is so simple and your minds are so complicated that you cannot understand it." -Osho

I speak for myself: I don't get the impression that Yogananda lies.

Actualized.org seems to attract more intellectually oriented truth seekers but I am curious about those who follow bhakti as their meditation practice or have devoted themselves to a Guru. What has your experience been like? What insights have you had? Why did you choose this way? Note: This was meant to be posted into the Meditation section

Sounds good, was feeling a little while back it was time

Choose to pay more attention. If that's difficult, then engage in a regular meditation practice and keep your head and senses clear with sunshine, good breathing, whole foods, good sleep.

Nobody is forcing you to continue engaging with your friend. If you are in a situation (like a job) where you must interact with your friend, then simply accept that they aren't willing to go there.

Pursuing self-realization

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Second this. Connects offer exclusive career opportunities, social life upgrades, around-the-world 'home bases', comradery, accountability, intro to even more great connections. This list goes on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNg13Ju5HN8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJwX2jTXWwQ

These feelings are temporary. All part of growth :).

Watch your thoughts. At some point they will settle down and you will experience peace.

Welcome. What brings you here?

David Hawkins offers a starting point with his map of consciousness. The Ten Ox-Herding Images may also appeal to you. Leo's video. The transcribed and translated lectures by Yamada Mumon are great for going deeper. Spiral Dynamics is a staple in the Actualized.org community. Models aside, the one I heed most attention to is the simple question: How much peace do you feel on a daily basis? Gotta let go of measuring all-together at some point Hope this helps.

<3

I battled with this for a long-time but eventually understood. Awareness requires no effort. The effort you feel is you (your sense of self, ego-mind) trying to be somewhere other than where you are. That trying is a thought. You've stated, "I'm back to unconsciousness and automatic thinking" and this is may be what you feel will happen if you don't try to be aware. But this is trying, the very thing keeping you unaware! So what to do? Here's some pointers based on my experience: Investigate, inquire into, understand the thoughts that arise. From where do they arise? What is their motive? Are these thoughts useful? Once you 'see it', you may have an 'Aha!' moment, or laugh - It will be hilariously clear By 'it' I mean the movements of the mind that stem from the Ego You'll realize that all these thoughts you've had about effort and trying are just the Ego doing it's thing to distract you from realizing you are Awareness Ingrained thought patterns of the mind are often deep and habitual due to conditioning, so be at peace and chill if Awareness isn't effortless straight-away, but nor you need to believe it has to take a squillion years to realize, drop all expectations of how long realizing should take There are so many methods of meditation that it may feel confusing - mindfulness sounds like the one you are using, which can work and take effort, however I prefer going back to understanding (my first point), because once you understand the inner workings of the mind, it's more frequently seen for the nonsense that it creates, and so you become effortlessly aware. Another more recent method I've been using when I fall out of effortless Awareness, is literally just going about life, not worrying about reminding myself, giving myself full permission to fall into old thought patterns, but just accepting any life situation that comes up when my energy is resistant (from the minor things to the big things). Accepting that an ant is on my foot rather than instantly killing it. Seeing frustration come up in a conversation with a family member, then instantly accepting it because I realize it's the ego-mind up to mischief keeping me unaware. So it's a bit of effort but because I don't have to think or do anything until a situation arises, it makes for a breezy kind-of-meditation. That's all the ancient Saints mean when they say just love... give... be kind... I found immense help in Osho's book: Learning to Silence the Mind.