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I wrapped my phone before sleep with a paper and wrote on it about lights and that I don't need to take the phone in bed, but I still overslept and don't even remember how I unwrapped it. Because I couldn't fall asleep again at night. This time I will try to set the alarm later and see if I will be conscious enough to not knock off again. SDS is done when I woke up. I felt a lot of nervous pressure today, like a mania/impatience, turned on metal songs and danced like an idiot until I got tired. I inspired this idea from Osho's dynamic meditation, consciously going insane to relief tension. I don't know what is this, probably a side effect of SDS, or some accumulated repressed emotions, or both, or damage of chronic masturbation done to brain. But this tension feels shitty, lack of awareness + lack of concentration + sense of urge + tension in the head.

@Charlotte Sounds like you are trying to chase your own tale. A hand can't grab itself, it's impossible. From my experience when you get your first glimpse of conciousness your mind starts to believe in enlightenment as some thing that you "get" like other things, which is actually totally opposite, you don't get it, you stop trying to get anything and it just happens, because the very tool that you use for seeking enlightenment is exactly what you are seeking for. What is persevering? What is that seeking tool? Who is seeking? Who is trying to become enlightened? Who is applying effort? Also you say that your "ego" is stubborn and trying to pull "you" away from something. What do you believe "you" are? What do you believe the "ego" is? What is the difference between "you" and "ego"? What did you do when you got enlightened?

Serious emotional problem!

@Charlotte Can you you stop the voice in your head? What is it like when there is nothing in your mind? What is that thing that is listening to this voice in your head? Try to close your eyes and answer to these questions for yourself as precise as possible. Meditation is making you mind more silent and clear. When your mind is silent and clear it feels great.

I overslept because I slept just for couple hours before alarm. Then I kept snoozing it and eventually completely knocked off, was too unsonscious and sleepy. So today I will get to bed early and stay there no matter what, I've seen in one video Shinzen Young said that if you can't sleep - rest, just keep your body in stillness and do some technique like do-nothing. Also I commit to 1) leave my phone on the table, turn on all lights and get to bed for ten minutes, then when the second alarn rings to wake up completely 2) make a paper note on my phone to remind me about lights and that "DON'T BRING THE PHONE IN BED" becuse I may just forget that due to sleepiness or exhaustion. 90 mins SDS done, not before breakfast thought, cause I had to help parents when I woke up. Didn't have much depression today and it seems that it is because I ate just once yesterday, I usually overeat and hunger makes me feel better. I need to stop thinking about nofap, because it only creates temptation. Detach and not be afraid to fail but at the same time to take it seriously. Best strategy shoud be: to forget about it and fill your mind with other stuff like meditation, LP, but to take urges seriously and not trying to ignore them, to cope with them by being mindful and trying to achieve relief with different means (squats, push-ups, breathing etc).

Did someone get neurotic laughter because of the lots of meditation? I had the first one when I sat for 11 hours in 3 sessions several years ago. I felt like I've gone crazy because of the exhaustion and was laughing at my family member for no reason. The second one was this fall, I concentrated on the tension in my head (I was on nofap, it created tension) for 1.5 hours, it felt like this tension is collapsing, then my heart started pumping and the tension in my head turned into nothing, I started laughing like an idiot for ten minutes, just unexplainable stupid laughter, it was very different from my first glimpse of conciousness 4 years ago. Also this day I almost cried because of music in the evening, it sounded so beautiful. Couple days ago I got another one after sitting for 3 hours, just a little, when I was in bed before sleeping, also was on nofap. Very weird phenomenon. It feels like laughing seizure.

It seems to me that you cling your mind around some fantastic image of your life that you created after consuming self-development stuff. Then you have encountered harsh reality: you gotta eat something and live somewhere and noone will provide that for you except you. And actually that's a good thing, because that's how life works and you have a great opportunity to finally truly engage in it, not just theorizing on a couch. Sorry about harshness of your situation, but I think you can find the best advice in this video. Also, what comes to my mind is that you have to set your priorities and expectations right: 1) You will have little time to self development if you will work a usual job and rent an appartment. So you have to spend all your free time wisely (hint: you may channel all your efforts on either somehow freeing more time or building your financial independancy). 2) If you will have little time all that stuff will take longer! Big suprise! It will probably take years to only be able to have more free time. And finally, do you think Leo became successful while he was sitting on his parents neck? He says he worked 4 years in business he didn't like before he launched this site, and he says it took him 10 years to figure out his life purpose.

Probably she just doesn't get it. What if you explain her better? Give her some examples. Make sure you don't blame her for that. Woman hate when they don't know what you expect from them and blame.

You can control thoughts and staring: you can move your attention away from sexual thoughts and move your look away from what triggers sexual arousal (even subtle), you can be mindful when you do that and why it's bad which will make behaviour change. We're talking about any kind of sexual stimulation if you are addicted to it and can't abstain for a long time without any withdrawal. From just staring at women/porn to actual sex or masturbation. And yes, you can classify most of men as a lust addicts. The point of alleviating addiction is freedom. You are a slave of your own behaviour. It takes away your energy, time, joy and makes you suffer in obvious (if addiction is hard) and sneaky ways. If you are addicted to lust, when you walk along the street what do you do? Instead of being present and feeling joy of being you look for boobs, butts and pretty faces to stare. When you meet a new girl instead of enjoying interaction with her you spend too much time thinking of how to get access to her pussy faster and act according to that neediness. Women feel attraction to guys that are not addicted to pussy, because it's outstanding compared to the average over the population. If you can't last a week without jerking off you waiste your semen and feel bad instead of energized. It's not placebo. Take a blood test for testosterone, then take another one after a week or two of abstinence and see the difference. Testosterone is proven to make difference in psyche. In short: lust distracts you from more satisfying things like being, love, creation and makes you a slave of sexual stimulation, a stupid horny monkey. So @Ross I ecourage you to think of quitting lust, because it will only get worse over the time and enslave you more, gay porn may only be the beginning.

@Ilya That's withdrawals, meaning you ejaculate so much that your body is so used to it that it feels sick when you stop, just like drugs. This is possible to overcome by just waiting until your body adjusts for absence of sexual stimulation (may take months of feeling fucked), some people go celibate for years or even for the rest of their life. And we're talking about any kind of sexual stimulation. Even just fantasizing or staring at women is addictive. @LaucherJunge They are there. And they can be pretty hard if you are heavily addicted.

It's not about being feminine, it's about not being ashamed of being feminine. Being feminine is a consequence of that acceptance, you stop filtering and caring about your feminine behaviour. That's actually one of the causes why early pickup artists looked so disgusting and fake. They tried to mimic behaviour of popular guys without knowing reasons of that behaviour. Accepting femininity and trying to act feminine is not the same.

That's not true. It's like saying "people don't understand my words and don't give me their money until I point my gun at them, they only understand action". If he doesn't do what you wan't ask him for that, if he doesn't hear ask louder, if he doesn't care about it then why would you make him care by manipulation? Is this a relationships or power games? No more or less conscious guy will ever tolerate manupulation, because if you justify manipulation once you will do it again and there is no more trust in your deceitful behaviour. And if the only thing he understands is when you are threatening your relationships then it's definately a problem. Either he gives a shit only when it threatens his needs, or you just can't clearly and loudly say that "I NEED MORE ATTENTION AND CARE YOU SELFISH FUCK". It is a manipulation in its finest! By that means you can protect yourself from a healthy and open relationships. What a naive justification! It's like saying "I have stolen money because I had nothing to eat, but that doesn't mean I'm an evil thief! It's just one-time tool!".

Here are some main reasons of depression: Effects of substance abuse: imbalance of substances in your body (hormones, neurotransmitters etc.) Poor health because of sleep/food/lack of moving/overworking which is similar to previous because ultimately it creates imbalance of your body substances. Also depression may be a result of some deseases like cancer (or chemo threatment), kidney failure etc. Genetic issues: bipolar, epilepsy, schizophrenia, endogenous depression etc. Conditioning/traumas/negative thinking habits (environmental stuff): your parents treat you like shit and you get used to think that you are bad and everyone wishes you evil, or vice versa parents love you so much that you can't handle life by yourself after that much care, bullying, betrayal, sexual abuse etc. Existential stuff: reality is a total ego's disappointment. You will die no matter what, satisfying desires is chasing your own tale, pain is unavoidable and you will experience it no matter what. Takes some depression to accept and causes more depression if left unaccepted. Avoiding pain/conflict/confusion/difficulties/uncertainty: working at a job that you hate, staying in a dysfunctional relationships, studying in the university because your parents conditioned you to go there, avoiding any risks at all etc. No, being playful is nice and can make people feel better in some cases but it's too little to cure depression, depression is a very strong and complicated psychophysiological habit that is caused by many factors and not just a bad mood, it takes a lot of work to overcome. Also in many cases quality kick in the ass is much more needed rather then being playful, can you kick people in the ass and make sure you won't do things worse and that you don't just push them? It would be helpful to have some person that can hold you accountable. But ultimately all of work is done by the depressed person because well, having fish is good, but you need to learn how to fish by your own. If they don't wanna cure their depression more than you there's not much you can do to help them.

How about the opposite of crying - anger? When I feel strong tension in my body or mind (which is stored suppressed emotions and other traumatic stuff I guess) I turn music loud and let myself go insane, dance like and idiot, rock my head, sing with the song, walk around in circles and make stupid faces, and all kind off stuff I can come up with, I try to express myself as freely and non-judgementally as I can. Try to make yourself angry, you can mix this with crying also, listen to some metal music alone in the room if you listen to such a music, try to sing it at least silently, you'll catch fire and warm yourself up with practice and eventually and will be able to release the portion of tension every time you do this and feel a relief. Also, strong determination sitting seems to help trauma a lot, you just sit and it upacks by itself, it feels shitty and you continue to sit and suffer and it just works itself, all that is required from you is to just sit and let youself suffer and be aware of it, hundreds of hours. Here are the excerpts from "The Mind Illuminated", a book about meditation: Also what I've learned from my experience is that crying and trying to savor your suffering sometimes is just snowballing and ineffective, you just cry-cry-cry and feel no relief. It's like when you fell from your bicycle, scratched your knee, this wound is covered with a shell and you tear off this shell for weeks and weeks, instead of letting the fucking wound to heal itself. Just be aware that your knee has a wound and don't touch it until it's healed.

I do nofap for 2 weeks and it feels amazing, I have a lot of energy, more confidence, improved mood and sleep, less anxiety and depression (almost none of it, suprisingly). But my sexual energy is scattering my attention with INCREDIBLE power. Even when I was masturbating and spaced out most of the time I could concentrate better. I feel that hundreds of hours of meditation completely changed my experience of nofap. The chemical cocktail that nofap produces doesn't make me angry and depressed, instead of getting angry I just laugh and become concious of that energy flash. Yesterday before sleep I was in my bed doing breathing exercises and tried to concentrate my attention on the sexual energy and I got a pleasant experience, it felt like some orgasmic energy flush. It made me wonder, how do we transform sexual energy to help meditation? Is there some exercises to calm down the energy, or to produce that orgasm-like experiences? Is my concentration problem happening merely because my body is not used to abstinence from ejaculation? Of cource exercises, jogging and breathing gymnastics help, I do that, but I'm curious is there something more interesting that really works?

I was idealizing people because I thought that if I was like them I would be happy. But when I understood that outer things don't bring the kind of happiness that I want I stopped. You have unique circumstances and personality and habits and environment and genes etc. Success of someone else can't be applied to you at all. So when you look at someone and think that they are so cool the only thing you can do is to inspire youself, but the way you will work on yourself and kind of your success will be different, inspiration can come from outwards but change is guided by the inner forces, like intuition, feelings. Being yourself is way more fulfilling than trying to imitate. Also, idolizing is a process of rating things, ego likes to value everything, looking for what is better than other and claim it good and disregard other things. Which is absurd, world is grey, not black and white. Ego likes to claim that "this is right and this is wrong", and it applies this kind of thinking to people, it makes some people totally worthy and good and some totally unworthy and bad. Which is absurd again. Also ego likes to disregard the unseen part of success, years of failure and suffering and even the damage that this person perhaps did in the past to other people. There is no reason and value to idolize someone, it's just ego tricks that it plays on you. You must question and doubt even the most true-looking guru, because anyone can be wrong. And there's no reason to glorify anyone, just learn from them and look for others too, there's a lot more amazing people than one. The answer to your question is: be aware that you do that, be aware that it's meaningless and limiting.

@Voyager I've read this book couple years ago, same with understanding. I'm curious that maybe someone have mastered/practiced some techniques (not only from this book) and can suggest what really works. @Amit That's what I do, it helps with tension but attention is still very scattered and mindfulness is decreased. @Nahm I don't believe there's something bad about that energy, more like my ego is not sure how to deal with intensity of it and probably needs to develop some habits to help that. What kind of happening do you mean for example? @Martin123 Interesting, I will look for kundalini yoga practices. P.S. Yesteday I turned music on loud and danced for 40 minutes like an idiot mixing it with breathing exercises, it helped a lot to calm down my impatience and agitation. I probably shoud go to some metal gigs and MOSH the shit out of me

Hey, I have fucked up sleeping pattern. I struggle with this for several years, very little success so far. Here are the things I find to be problematic: 1) I tried to wake up at the same time for several weeks and had an accountability with my friend. But when we stop I automatically backslash because I am totally unconcious and turn off an alarm clock and then don't even remember how I overslept. I tried tricky alarm clocks, I tried to write big note to myself and put it on my phone so I will not go to bed when I wake up and will sit on the chair until I wake up, none of this works, I really don't even remember then how did I ignore it. Only other person's control helps. And not always I have that person. 2) The reason I backslash when I adjust good pattern is insomnia. Either it is because of nofap testosterone boost, or relapse. Or energy/mania because of strong determination sitting. Or impatience because of unconcious and agitated engage in something like internet surfing. 3) I tried to go to bed 2 hours before time of falling asleep and practicing "strong determination laying in the bed" + breathing exercises before it. It works, but very rarely, usually it just makes me calmer and more concious and I still can't fall asleep. 4) When I have insomnia and still wake up early I am really fucked, especially for several days in a row, usualy it leads to relapse in productivity and some addictions. And then we got vicious circle: bad sleep -> fixing bad sleep -> good sleep -> insomnia -> relapse -> bad sleep Do I make so little progress just because I don't try hard/long/consistent enough? Is there any more productive way to go about it than my current efforts? What is the most crucial thing to focus on in training yourself sleep well and in time? Please share your advice.

I jog in the summer and exercise at home in the winter, doesn't help my sleep. If I jog too much it only gets even worse. I tried that, also I use blue light filter on my computer and phone, it makes me a little sleepy, but after 10 minutes that passes. Also I have seasonal mood disorder so my body reacts to darkness with weird stuff, when I meditate with no light I can barely concentrate. I prevent that. If this is the case I still think that it has to be solved somehow naturally. I'm not a fan of medication, although I look towards supplements and stuff. Thanks for your advice!

I meditated many times on my depression and discovered that when I am aware of it it feels like: numbness of mind, spaceoutedness, heaviness of thinking, impatience, lack of concentration. And it seems to me that depression only becomes depression when you resist to those phenomena. What is your experience of depression when you are really aware of it? Please answer only if you can clearly distinguish your depression from you suffering from it, everybody knows what depression is like when you are unaware and suffering.

There is no such thing as you being an object/entity. Self is an event. Not because you are aware of it and you are awareness, no. When your awareness is pointed on something exept yourself you don't exist. Self is an event! It starts when you say/feel "I am" and it ends when you shift your awarenes somewhere else. When you shut up and are seeing an object that is in front of you there is only an object, which is another event, and you are you again only when you get back to you, generating another event of experience of you by feeling sence of self or thinking of yourself. You are a sentient being (not creature, being!), the whole point of life is that it's a bunch of events sensing themselves. Your body and whole life experience is an event. You start and you end. Like a flick of a finger 80 years long. Emptiness is the ultimate entity, it's unmovable and permanent, it is, not happen.

I'm russian, too lazy to learn english grammar. Like sound that is disappearing right when it appears? Just the fact that sound appeared means that it will disappear, thus it is appearing and disappearing at the same time.

I needed this today, thanks.

@Aware Do you protect your awareness when you argue with someone?