Emerald

I'm not saying to do pick-up inside the warm social circle. It's a good way to get kicked out of one. What I'm saying is to have a warm social circle. And then, if one decides to do pick-up to do it as normal with women at bars and clubs or other places like that. And yes, it's important to plan and initiate conversions.

Yes, I totally agree with this. If I guy is over the age of 32 and is still focused on doing pick-up and going out to clubs to meet 9s and 10s, it just comes across as a bit immature. Funny story... I remember going to a club once with my friend Asha (we were 20 and 19, respectively) and these mid-30-something guys (or older) came in wearing the tackiest suits I've ever seen (like big-shots)... and they started awkwardly dancing up on us and other girls in the club. And it was a crowded club and we couldn't go left or right. So, Asha started subtly backing up as she was dancing because she had about a foot of space behind her... and I started subtly backing up as I was dancing (making it look like a dance move to be subtle)... as one of these older suited guys was gyrating towards us. And I eventually collided with Asha and we were both pressed up against one another backing up. And she eventually collided into another woman behind us... and all three of us we dancing and subtly backing up towards the wall as the guy continued his awkward gyration dance moving closer and closer until he was doing his gyration on me and grinding his crotch into me... and I squirmed out of the way as he turned the focus of his gyration dance elsewhere. That's the kind of immaturity that it feels like, when a man who's beyond his early 30s is still doing pick-up. But if a guy is under the age of 25 or is really struggling to meet women, I can get why they'd want to learn pick-up. For very young guys (proximal to college age), it's just the phase of life to want to sexually experiment... and pick-up is a way to make that happen. It's a similar motivation to why young people want to go to clubs. And for guys struggling to meet women, I can see it feeling like the only solution. But for the latter group, they'd do SOOO much better to just develop a warm social circle. And they'd be a lot more likely to develop a relationship from it that feels good to be in. Like, I had TONS of nerdy guy friends as a teenager because I was a gothy nerd myself. And they all lost their virginity by their mid to late teens because... they had a warm social circle with both male and female friends (myself being one of them). Like, we were all always hanging out and getting into teenage shenanigans. So, these relationships and hook-ups naturally happened. Like my most late-bloomer nerdy friend, didn't lose his virginity until he was 19. And at the time, by comparison, that was quite late as most lost their virginity by 16 or 17. But the main common denominator with these nerdy guys is that they were social and had both male and female friends. So, my bias was "All the nerdy guy friends that I know are having sex with either me or one of my nerdy girl friends." It never occurred to me that guys would even have that much of a struggle finding a sexual partner, as even the most awkward guys that I knew were getting girlfriends and having sex. There were even guys (that I didn't like) who were in my broader social circle of acquaintance friends that had the combo of being unattractive, awkward, unhygienic, and poor of character... and they still had sex and got girlfriends. And I just feel like pick-up stunts guys who are isolated and struggling to meet women because it keeps them isolated and held back from socializing and building community around themselves. They just keep thinking taking actions that will isolate and stunt them more.

If you're seeing pick-up as a means of developing a warm social circle... I don't observe that working out very well. The healthiest way would be to build a platonic social circle... and then to launch from your platonic social circle to approach new women. The other way around it is that you build your social circle around your sexual needs... and the guys and your wingmen and the women are your conquests. It just doesn't seem like a very healthy social circle.

There's probably a good reason why these kinds of unusual positions are unpopular... things like the wheel barrel and stuff like that. I honestly can't imagine that feeling very good, as it would be in at an awkward angle that he couldn't go very deep and would easily slip out. And the spinning would probably just be awkward and cause chafing from weird angles. And the angle might put pressure on her public bone. That's what I imagine it feeling like when I look at this image. I also can't imagine that the man would be properly stimulated here... and he'd have to do a tons of work for not a lot of return for him or his partner.

@Joshe's advice is a lot more realistic and helpful for guys who are struggling with dating, as it will teach them how to be a normal social guy and to cultivate a warm social circle. The crisis affecting young men isn't that they aren't getting the hottest women. The crisis is that they're isolated and not connecting with any women (or people) at all. And pick-up artistry can't solve that issue... and will likely exacerbate it because it doesn't teach socializing under normal circumstances. Pick-up is fine as a supplement for men who already have a warm social circle and who have already developed socialization skills. But young guys now aren't developing a warm social circle as easily because the social landscape has changed to where people aren't interacting in person as often. Consider that, being a millennial, you have a lot of those needs already met. So, you can afford to dabble around with pick-up. But these younger guys don't have such a luxury, as their social support systems for interacting with women have worn thin. And they have to learn to initiate community for themselves if they want to be able to have sex, have a girlfriend, wife, children, etc.

Oh definitely, it was VERY dangerous what I was doing. If I were doing it consciously and deliberately and with full acceptance (without slut-shaming myself), I would have been more selective about the targets of my escapades and would have actually enjoyed them more with men who I knew and was attracted to. But because I was unconscious and repressing my sexuality for years before that, it was like I just kept rationalizing myself into agreeing to hang out with random guys that I wasn't particularly attracted to... and then having no ability to resist the dynamic going into sexual territory. It was like depriving myself of a needs (like food) for years because I believed that eating food and wanting variety with food was shameful. So, then (from a state of starvation) I just "binged" on whatever was in front of me... like eating poison apples because I'm starving. And now, I think having some variety of sexual experiences is very important for people to understand themselves. I just had too much of a purity mindset about sex and romance that I had baked into my identity. And it put me in the position for a binge and restrict relationship with my sexuality. And once I was out of that relationship and the restrictions that I placed on myself, I binged in a way that I didn't feel like I could stop or control. But it sounds like you and your partner have been having important discussions about it. It's a tricky situation to navigate for sure. But if you're both on the same page, you could try an open relationship. It is challenging if he's not quite feeling as strongly about it as you are. So, that's definitely something to consider. But one thing that I would say is that, those experiences did satisfy my curiosities. And I recognized that the experiences of hooking up are not that interesting. If I hadn't had those experiences, it would certainly have made it harder to settle down with someone.

@Schizophonia I really wasn't being bitchy to you. I really do mean that it's normal for someone your age to not have experience yet. That probably describes at least 1/3 of guys in their early 20s. I was just saying that you'll need some more experience before you're able to speak on what men (ages 18-90) generally enjoy (and what it implies about their level of Masculinity and psychological state). And you'll even need more experience to know what you like specifically. Once you have some experience, you'll find that a lot of what you think about and fantasize about now may not actually be the experiences you'd like to have, in real life. It's best to not get too bogged down in extrapolating theories based on your current fantasies before you have the actual experience. That's the point that I'm making. But it also makes sense that you'd want to have that experience with a woman who has similar levels of experience to yours. Like I said, people tend to want to have experiences with others who are on the same page.

Sure, I'll share some insights first... and then a personal anecdote. One thing I would say is that, I found that (when I was younger) the guys who I had found attractive on paper don't necessarily feel satisfying to sleep with. It's more about the chemistry and bonding. So, I wouldn't say that sleeping with your physical type would put you off your partner. That very likely won't happen. But I would tend to advise you to get everything out of your system and explore yourself sexually. That's the advice I'd give to my younger self. Yet again, that's difficult because you'd have to break up to have those experiences. It's truly a difficult bind to be in. But I find that it's important to let the bull run until it becomes content because you only have one life. And I want to share a personal anecdote to give a sense of why this is my perspective... -- When I was with my first serious boyfriend who I lost my virginity to, I was so attached to him that I thought we would marry and that he would be the only person I'd ever be with for my entire life. I was with him from the time I was 16 until I was 20. And I would try to deny to myself that the idea that being with him for life bothered me and that I wanted to have other sexual and romantic experiences, because I was very attached to the relationship. I feared that wanting these things meant that I wasn't valuing the relationship enough, so I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind. Now, the relationship was bad... so it really needed to end. That should have been like a yearlong relationships MAX. And this is where things are very different than your example. But even if it were an amazing relationship, I feel like I needed to have those sexual experiences with different partners to feel like I wasn't depriving myself of knowing myself that way for my entire life. And the reality (that I was suppressing and repressing) was that I wanted to have other sexual experiences and to explore my sexuality more openly and freely. But I was in denial of this... because I was attached to him... and I was highly identified with being the "chaste woman who will only have sex with one man for her whole life." And I had a bunch of slut-shamy narratives at the time where I felt like my value went down with every guy I slept with... and I had judgments towards promiscuous women that I would compare myself to to inflate my ego as the "chaste woman who's only been with one man and will only be with one man for life". And I wouldn't even allow myself to admit to myself that I found other guys attractive the whole 4 years that I was with my ex-boyfriend. So, I was deeply repressing my sexuality to maintain that relationship... and to maintain the identities associated with reserving my sexuality only for him for my whole life. So, when the relationship finally ended... I unconsciously "sleepwalked" my way into having sex with 4 random guys in the span of two weeks. Like, I'd meet a guy and he'd invite me over. I wasn't even that attracted to them. But I'd rationalize my way into saying yes. And I'd tell myself, "If he tries to sleep with me, I'll just say no". And then, I just wouldn't say no. Or if I did say no and the guy didn't take the first no, I just wasn't able to resist it. The reality was that I wanted to. But I wasn't conscious that I wanted to. But I would put myself in positions where it was bound to happen. And I would even shave off all my body hair from the neck down before I met them... and rationalize that away too. And in just a couple weeks, I dashed my "chaste woman" identity on the rocks... which made me feel like I was losing my value and my identity. And I was super confused because I didn't consciously want to have sex with these guys... except for one of them who I deliberately sought out to have a sexual placeholder to stop myself from sleeping with random guys to avoid upping my number. Like I was having a huge problem. And I wasn't even admitting to myself that I wanted to have hook-ups. And I had no boundaries or defenses against sleeping with random guys. After that two weeks, I pretty much isolated myself as I felt like I had just come down with a hardcore sex addiction that I had no control over. And because all of this was as a result of my deeply repressed sexuality, I wasn't consciously choosing who to sleep with. I was just agreeing to hang out with random guys and letting it happen to me. If I were to go back and time and talk to my 20 year old self, I would have urged her to admit to herself that she just wants to have some random sexual experiences... but that she should admit that to herself, so that she chooses to do it with guys she actually wants to. But I really repressed my sexuality hardcore to preserve my relationship and my identity... and it came back with a vengeance as soon as that relationship ended where it just took ahold of me. And it was SUPER confusing to me at the time, as to why I was doing that. So, I tend to recommend to young people to get these experiences out of their system for this reason.

Exactly... it's just precisely what he drew.

It looks like a four-armed woman man-handling a limbless man and turning him upside down and cracking his head open on her knee.

Best and most realistic dating advice for guys that I've seen on this entire forum.

I just watched the video. How does it help you with your goal to get better with women? Is it just like, "Haha. Yeah, women are delusional." while feeling validated and everything else stays the same. Or does it actually concretely help you meet women?

That's been my experience too that it's a continuation of other non-sexual forms of communication.

Yes, that's an important point. Men tend to like to feel like they're having a powerful positive effect towards their partner. So, open emotional expression shows him his impact on you. And there's also the vicarious enjoyment of experiencing a woman who's in touch with her emotions and body.

100%

He's said so himself that he doesn't have a wife or children.

Definitely 100% bad faith from the beginning... but more convincing back then. Also, that's surprising that these Jubilee videos are actually doing something positive. I had always chalked them up to just being a way to "both sides" some really cut and dried issue. Like, I would only be slightly surprised to see a Jubilee video that's like "Child murderers versus Parents" where both sides share the "merits" of their arguments. But it's good to know that this format is actually exposing the weaknesses and inconsistencies of the paradigms that these right wing pundits operate off of. Perhaps this format really does throw some light on the realities of what these pundits believe, for political normies.

There's more to it than that. Remember... there is good and bad sex... and both involve penetration and going back and forth. Good sex is more like a communicative dance. And it usually takes a while to learn how to stay in sync with one another... and to keep the communication going throughout the experience. And there's a learning curve that newbies (male and female) have to go through to get to that point.

My experience has been that mature men tend to want a woman who is roughly on the same page as them, sexually and otherwise. And men who are over a certain age who are all about virginity just come across like they never quite grew up. This may be something that you're not tuned into as a guy in his early 20s. But it's important to be aware of how it's perceived by adult women and adult society in general. But the main issue with what you're posting here is that you're making these posts off of random conjectures when you haven't even had sex yourself. And it's not a problem that you haven't had sex yet, in itself. There is no shame in being a virgin. Lots of guys your age are in the same boat. But you should recognize that you really don't even know what you're going to like yet. All you have is fantasies. And those fantasies may not be all they're cracked up to be in actuality. For example, when I was fantasizing before I lost my virginity, I thought that I was going to be into 69ing and BDSM switching with all the ropes and accouterments. (I just thought the BDSM look was sexy, so it had become short-hand for sex) And I had my first serious boyfriend what I was 16 who I lost my virginity to. And I lived with him and his family until I moved away for college at 18. So, over the course of about a year and half living together, we tried out a lot of things sexually... including those fantasies. And I was really surprised to find that those things I'd been fantasizing about, just didn't do it for me. First off, 69ing is super annoying because trying give and receive at the same time is awkward and no one can surrender to the receiving because there is a responsibility to keep giving. I don't see why anyone likes it at all. And the BDSM thing just didn't do much for me. It was cool looking... but it didn't push any buttons. And then, things that I hadn't fantasized or even thought about before did do it for me. Like I was surprised at how much I liked the feeling of skin-to-skin contact. I hadn't even considered that I might enjoy the more vanilla or cuddly parts of sex because they weren't part of my pop culture/porn education about sex... and they didn't seem as interesting as other more "flashy" sexual acts. Point being, you don't even know what you like yet.... let alone other men your age... let alone fully grown mature men.

Yes, that's a great point. It has to be without agenda... as agenda and manipulation is going into Masculine energy. But if she just shares her feelings with no expectations that is her in the Feminine. And it tends to draw a man in toward her.

I don't believe that the majority of full grown men would agree that a virgin is more attractive or interesting to have sex with. The reality is that virgins (male and female) are inexperienced and will tend to fumble around in the bedroom. That's why the first sexual experience is usually very mutually awkward. But I can understand how a lad who is also a virgin himself might prefer a virgin woman... as both parties will be going in blind to the experience and he won't feel as much insecurity or pressure to perform well at something he himself has no experience in.

Yes, all sources that I've read from or listened to have been in agreement about which chakras are associated with which polarity. I haven't heard anyone stating otherwise in the 12 or 13 years that I've known information about chakras. Same thing with the colors of the chakras and what facet of experience they're associated with.. The sources have been quite consistent about what each chakra relates to. And there is a lot of consistency between all sorts of archetypal systems to characterize that which is Masculine as higher and non-physical and to characterize the Feminine as lower and physical. It's even a thing in American sign language to do the female signs lower and male signs higher. So... very consistent in, not just the chakra system... but in most systems of human meaning. But while there has been consistency in the use of the model, of course most people don't relate to the chakra system in a deep way. Most people relate to it at face value... unless someone dives very deeply into the topic. For me, I've read a couple books on the topic, and I've watched quite a few videos on the topic over the years. But it's more of a passing knowledge. And the way I've used it has been mostly just another archetypal system of meaning that I use to cross-reference with other archetypal systems to tease out the meaning of symbols in dreams, synchronicities, and stories. But I was doing some Kundalini yoga about a decade ago. And I certainly experienced energy up the spine... just not evidently organized into vortexes.

You're reading too much sincerity into his public statements. Any waffling he does is to give off the vibe of nuanced intellectual professor-type who is moderate, open-minded, and willing to admit he doesn't know and question everything, so that he can bring up "thought experiments" about (his) fringe political takes with plausible deniability and the veneer of "just asking questions" in the eyes of political normies. So, he knows he can be more effective at that goal if he never takes a solid position on anything... but rather generally hints in the direction of the ideology he wants to plant the seeds for by getting others to open themselves up to questioning everything... even the meaning of basic words. It's been his game the entire time. So, of course he was never going to directly admit to being Christian... as that is part of the worldview he's trying to usher everyone into. And he has to keep that 'hush hush' as to not scare away the normies. But now, he's just gotten a lot worse at playing the game that he's been playing for the past decade. So, it just comes across like he has no position at all... in a deliberately obtuse way. But he definitely has an ideology... and a really closed sense of what's right. The waffling and uncertainty is and has always been just a dog and pony show. The dog and pony show of "Who can say what I believe?" just isn't as convincing anymore.

Jordan Peterson has ALWAYS been pulling this trick of... "Say something that sounds complex and intellectual... and endlessly obfuscate what you really mean and avoid taking a stance in order to maintain mainstream appeal. And do this by dog whistling for far-right talking points under the guise of being a neutral moderate intellectual that's being open-minded and 'considering all perspectives'... in order to grease the wheels to send normies further down the far-right pipeline towards more openly extreme voices." And many have recognized this from the very beginning with him. But he fooled many. It seems to me that, after his opiate addiction, he lost several steps. So, now he can't do the obfuscation convincingly anymore. And now, it's glaringly obvious to the average person that all he does is gish gallop all over the place and engage in intellectual dishonesty by means of splitting hairs and endlessly questioning the definition of words.

I don't know a ton about Ralston. I read his "Book of Not Knowing" which was really quite brilliant and helpful for emptying your cup. And I've watched a few of his videos... but not many. In the little bit that I know of him, he seems fine... but I don't know him well enough to even know the criticisms.