Juan

I empathize with Curt that he is doing his best for come up with good questions. I feel it could take weeks,months or even years to integrate and understand at least one subject of your videos. Also studying multiple people at the same time.

Hey everyone this is my first ever post,I'm glad to be here. I'm having a big hard situation right now... I been doing actualized.org work progress and personal development since I was 18 years old(now I'm 23). Since then I was doing good with my life,been doing my life purpose,having up and downs but always being aware with my higher self and intuition...I had this flight on October through November(1 month) last year,I went to Nashville,TN for 3 weeks and 1 week with the idea to "live in New York". Somehow my intuition told me to go back to Puerto Rico wich is where I live now and before the flight but I came back diferently,the trip was hard and by myself...Before the trip I blocked all the people I had sex with to just "forget them" but karma did his thing. I knew since I buyed that ticket for go and live in the USA wasn't the best idea... Fastfoward to now I had to said sorry to everyone including the people I blocked.I felt weird and not grounded(and I been meditating for years)also been dealing with a porn/masturbation recovery. The thing is that now I'm dealing with a trauma and I belive is a PTSD symptom. I can't even go out anymore because I feel the outside world is my enemy(the way a victim thinks). I been aware most of my live until now that I feel the right opposite,like something happened on that trip... Since I cameback from the trip I tried by myself: LSD(December),DMT(on group but wasnt big,it made my symptoms worst),thats why I did later Magic Mushroom(for "grounding") on January and finally MDMA on February. I did it alone but in a urban place... I knew I had to fix this but can't do it alone,it's been getting worst and worst the symptoms like a spiral that now I came back to live with a family member wich I know they are not so "aware of themself" and my parents are separated and my mom live outside Puerto Rico and my dad doesn't have a car so we can met and he is having his trouble with money... I thought suicide but not yet...I visited a psychologist and then took pills for depression from a psychiatrist (wich I felt to let go after a week,felt worst). The last option for me is do an Ayahuasca ceremony but not sure if it gonna work on me,I have small faith,very small,need to wait a week or so for the day to come...I even done nootropics but still,not helping to fix the main problem... Someone have suggestion or know some similar experience? Thankyou for everyone who could read my story. Blessings.

@zambize thanks brother. I apreciate and will do it. @Nahm Sounds like a good idea,I apreciate alot the help.

@zambize Thanks alot I apreciate brother,I din't expected even a response so I'm glad this works. Yea I try those things but seems very difficult (and I'm aware what is emotionally hard is key) but is like I had this mental block trauma thing wish doesnt allow me. I go outside and I already start panicking/fight and flight response, is like a negative spiral thing,I try be positive but my mind doesn't allow me much. I did some journaling,but seems not taking anywhere yet,definitely helps for organize. @Serotoninluv Gracias/Thanks,daily I do educate myself from the medicine so when I do it I sort of prepare what would happen still I have to let myself go and expectations. Thanks both of you guys for respond,means alot.

Is blocking a person a necessity?