MissMiki

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About MissMiki

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    Denver
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    Female
  1. Just went to a charming feminist variety show. I change my mind about everything. Learned a lot too. Won't tell you what, but that mayne give something like that a try some time.
  2. I shudder at the idea of an epistocracy. That's what we had before people of color and women could vote. We were considered intellectually inferior. How does one actually measure intelligence without bias anyways? Citizenship candidates know more about the nitty gritty of American government than most Americans. Does that make them better Americans, and more fit for decision making? How can we encourage people to become involved in decision making if we repeatedly tell them that they are not fit for making decisions, and they begin to internalize this? What if the lower class is perpetually forces to forgo their education because their labor is so demanding? I think one thing that your Socrates video hints at is that one solution could be to attempt to educate all citizens more deeply. This would take massive ammounts of compassionate work from the few individuals who are set up to really speak out (and they do put out quite an effort). Another unlooked piece is how our social interactions on a very micro scale cause massive chain reactions. I personally don't worry so much about politics because it is what it is, reflecting a weird amalgamation of what the masses think and what the politicians think we think. How boring to get caught up in such a bull shit game? I would prefer to play with this game from an individual perspective, and develop my own sense of right and wrong. I esteem to be more responsible this way. I don't watch the news ever, and can gather quite a large ammount of data just by listening to how other people speak about it. I might engage directly with media just for fun, but I'm always so underwhelmed. Perhaps I would prefer to use my voice in less ridged ways such as voting.
  3. My first meditation teacher was very compassionate: Mingyur Rinpoche. He helped write the Joy of Living. This and probably any of the books in the recommended book section of the forum can probably be easily requested through your local inter-library loan system. I like books because when it feels like there's noone there to hold your hand, you at least have another being's mind to work with. Very calming, and beautiful.
  4. You are so right. I've spent too much time listening to assholes and not enough listening to myself or to people who want to show me kindness, which colors my whole world brown. Yes, I know I am doing this to myself, but if anyone wants to say it's my fault go fuck yourself. I'm not the Buddha, and most of these frustrations comes from subconcious processes that are going to take many years of cycling through the same unaligned shit in order to sort any of it out. Leo himself acknowledges that the no self realization is very beautiful, but isn't exactly a poet about this. He is more of a clever thinker. I can't remember who said it, but I'd prefer to think of it this way: why not see what we CAN do with this existence that is aparently before us. I know I'm saying the same thing essentialy but it allows me to let down my psychic censor more easily. I want to fill my emptiness with the four immeasurables, not panic about whether or not my ego is making things up. Of course it is. I don't care! I think I'm gonna join you in finding a wrigglier, prettier, warmer version of spirituality. Maybe we can make up our own?
  5. There were all such beautiful respnses! I've been having increasing night terror where I just instantle wake up with a gut wrenching feeling of shame and guilt and hopelessness for having lived such a lame life. I wake up from my meditation from these terrors too. Usually I can shake it off, and at the very least try to take steps towards a less lame life, and this process brings me a lot of joy even though I'm usually not very successful. Does anyone else have these instant very intense feelings?
  6. I suppose we could call what I'm referring to as networking. I also think, as I like thing seems to be showing concern for, think that professional help is needed here. If I might use your post to grow myself, I might go find a hypnotherapist as soon as I can.
  7. More than just the allowance to be honest, talking to strangers is like roulette whereas talking to people who play set roles in my life ALWAYS go back to the same patterns and work me back into my same patterns, and before I realize it we're having issues again with each other. When I go out for an evening (annd maybe have a cup of coffee or 1 beer), I get to play different personalities like jelly bean flavors. It actually makes it swifter and more detached from old patterns so that I may examine my thoughts and beliefs through a completely new viewpoint and then challenge myself to create deep conversations with people. In essence we are creating a patterned conversation too, but it's usually much different than the ones that I hear all the time or are grid locked.
  8. Hmm... I wonder, actually, if you are able to dissociate easily, maybe you can capture this ability when you do feel like doing something you might have felt anxiety about before. I am finding that it is excessively easier to deal with vulnerability and awkwardness around strangers than around my family who I have relied so heavily upon. I actually feel like being vulnerable around strangers is empowering because they suddenly applaud my bravery and are impressed my my uniqueness and find solace to their own long surpressed issues. I'm actually gonna go downtown today to do people's i ching readings for fun. Wish me luck with getting donations!
  9. What's so wrong with meditating. Can someone please explain this to me!? Do these haters want me to literally take action during all parts of my day, and never let my thoughts settle? Pops: Don't listen to enlightened people! They're so full of shit. No, I'm not gonna help you with getting to a Vipassana retreat, but I'll sign you up for an ayahausca retreat any day. Mom: organized religion is the worst thing in the world and it's only purpose is to shame and guilt you. Step Dad: why would you go on a meditation retreat? I think riding my bike is pretty much meditation. Ex: I don't care if yoi want peace. I am going to watch the TV loudly all the time and talk your ear off whenever I feel like and then get angry at you when it seems like your drifting off. Buddhist Sanctuary: You probably have mental health issues, so you're not welcome to stay with us. Me: Can any of you see that meditation has been one of the most profound tools that have helped me through times when you were absent? Can any of you see that I need to be a part of a supportive community in order to actually pursue my own path? Maybe I should ditch all of you.
  10. I have drastic ups and downs like you. Noone but me notices because I know that people will have a hard time seeing the whole me. It makes ot hard for me to see the whole me. If you can, use your recent upswing to schedule those therapist appointments so that you have someone consistent to work with to sort things out. There really is nothing wrong with you. I would put it this way for myself: I have a rich interweaving history and a multifaceted personality, and a social acceptance disorder. You will slowly but surely become more skillful at addressing the issues in your very unique corner of the world. You are already quite talented at explaining your experience, and that makes me feel less alone in mine.
  11. I can perfrom for little children. They actually want to make music with me, and chime in when I read a story. I started having fewer problems in life when I realized how all people are children.
  12. Go do something else rather than go home all the time.
  13. It is so important to be in touch with your inner child, rather than repressing it. Maybe you weren't meant to be a Doctor, and need to be self-honest about whether or not you have the integrity to actually go deep with it? Maybe you were meant to be a healer of a different sort. Or a nurse or a commedian or a part time nurse/commedian. Maybe you were meant to be a Doctor, but need to go on a meditation retreat first so you can feel the full depth of the equanimity required.
  14. YOU ALREADY ARE SPECIAL. Fuck potential. "Potential" is a lie parents tell their children because they don't have faith in themselves. Your specialness will manifest naturally when you are literally not trying to be special. So go make taking care of yourself the priority and don't worry about the rest. It will all make more sense when you can actually breath deeply like you were made to.
  15. This happens to a lot of couples who run away together. Your isolation deepens in your unfamiliar environment, and you begin to lose connection with the inspiration and encouragement you were once able to take for granted in your birth community. No that you are away it is vital that you find a new spirit community. Friends, mentors, aquaintances that you can enjoy spending time with and who can introduce you to new flavors of the rainbow, and who you can offer guidance to as well. Literally stop habing sex for a while. It is actually a major stepping stone for a couple to be able to transcend the physical. Maybe someday when your feeling fun, go read a book about tantra or something, but for now, go out and do something else that you think will bring you a different sense of purpose calm or joy. It'll be hard at first because you feel isolated already, but as you begin to release that, you will find creative ways to fill your cup. Maybe there are other dysfunctions in the relationship too? Especially if your feeling guilty (you shouldn't necessarily feel guilty about not being able to perform). Maybe you also feel too much pressure in other areas of your life. What this calls for is Sorting Emotions Out. I hear therapy can be a good way, but there are a lot of great avenues. Try them all!