Voyager

Hi friends, my experience a few days ago. I took 200mg of MDMA and I felt my heart chakra open. I felt fear rising, I sat with it until it popped. It felt like i'd processed a block holding me back for ages. Then It felt like my field expanded very far around my body. My friend and I put on some music and it was just so beautiful. We took 2 tabs of LSD, 240ug 2 hours later. We joined hands and meditated and went into Samadhi. It was so beautiful. I felt our energies colliding and merging. The vibration was very fast and everything went white. We died together. He was me. I heard My friend say "be the hero of your story" (choose enlightenment), and I recall at some point the mind kicked back in. There was this little decision point "click" The heavenly space immediately started to contract and I had a sick feeling. I felt like I was going to hell. I saw my friends body distort like a devil. The terror and dread was so extreme. I realised I'd fucked up completely. I'd somehow made the choice to fall from grace, to fall from heaven. I realised that being an ego was being the devil, to separate from God. Eventually I said to him, It's my story, And I lifted myself out of sinking toward Hell. I lied down and felt all the layers of my Ego starting to reassert itself and torture me with Sin. I felt the shame and burden of all of humanity and I was everyone, and I hadn't been able to stay one with God. The layers haunted me as they started to zip back into my being, wrap me up, layer by layer. I felt the fear layer back in, that haunting experience merged with my Ego. My mind was so confused, I was sure that my psyche was far too scattered to ever reassemble the reality that I had once known. I was very surprised to find myself back in the reality that I had left. My intention was for emotional healing. To feel what there is to be felt. To process the feelings and release them for the well being of all. My intention was also to reconnect with God, to have that feeling that I am always supported. I was left feeling without any purpose again. Nihilistic , confused, felt like I'd fucked up my one chance for enlightenment. Now 2 days later I have the courage to be able to write this but my experience is more difficult to describe. There must be some growth that came out of that. I did not want to embark on that journey but I felt it was time as it had been a year since my last enlightenment experience where I'd broken through to Nothingness with my body intact and seen right through reality. The chakras had progressively unlocked over the course of the 6 hours or so. This time it was different because I'd already been processing being nothing for the last year, and I felt like I had a healthier ego out of it, and becoming far more aligned to my values , strengths and listening to intuition. I've made some massive changes, like leaving my job and starting a new career and about to travel India for a year. This time I died as an Ego and I was rebirthed. I realised why Indian culture they burn the Body at Varanasi to stop the Rebirth. It is literally being sent to Hell being reborn into an Ego. Still today life feels much better, different to yesterday. Guess I'm used to being SELFish again. I notice that I'm more in tune with Energy than before. I guess another learning is that I do create my reality but I'm not stuck in what I create, even if it's hellish. Enlightenment seems so far away, the direct experience is so challenging compared to conceptualization of it. Leo how can you possibly love being mind fucked?!

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo. Perhaps the dose was more than I needed to do the work that I was looking to do. In the grand scheme of things I am still a newbie to the experiences, around 5 mushroom trips and 3 LSD trips. I found the mushrooms quite pleasant the times that I used them in smaller dosages, probably because they didn't completely rip my paradigm of reality to shreds. I remember just laughing for hours one time and felt like I was the buddah himself, that was beautiful. That said i'm after emotional healing. How do you quality whether a trip has done for you what you had intended? What is your intention typically? Does it change from experience to experience?

@Nahm Thanks Nahm for your wisdom. I was watching the birds outside today and felt at peace. I realised that I have this sinking feeling of not having enough time, that I will run out of time to awaken, and i will have failed. I enjoy life the most when I just relax and Be. Slowing down does help me a lot, and having this grand life purpose to awaken all of humanity does stress me on some levels as it feels of ultimate importance. As you say perhaps it matters not whether it's watching the ant or solving world hunger, however any of these things that are within the content of Maya, makes me feel like it is important to some degree to transcend and become Brahman itself. I suppose if time is infinite i should not concern myself so much. It's just that in my story, i have a limited time to wake humanity before the very grounding (planet) that we inhabit starts to fall apart, like a car that's been pushed past red line for 50 years too many, peices of the car are flying off, and there's not much of an engine left. I like the birds. I want to continue watching them.

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo. This work is so challenging. I envy your strength. I don't know how I can muster the strength and courage to go so deep again. Being tortured, defeated, failing God, and dragged toward Hell has no words that can be written to explain it. Not knowing who you are and having absolutely no grounding and struggling to feel supported and loved by God makes it even harder. I suppose the fact that "I'm back" shows that I am still loved.

Anyone reasonably healthy experience random feet swelling? If so, what was ya issue? I sit for most of my 12 hours shifts for 8 days straight and wear boots. Not surprising right? Although it's only just started occurring and I've been doing this for nearly 6 years. In this time I've also been improving my health with a naturopath so i'm the healthiest i've been. I haven't been doing as much yoga this month though as been quite distracted with other things, but that's about the only life style change. I eat a high veg/salad diet, but do eat a lot of raw cruciferous which i offset with lemon juice due to the uric acid / oxalate crystal issue in joints. I went for a talk last night after work with my flip flops on and the swelling went down. Prolly just circulation. I'm not hugely worried as I only just got my latest blood tests back from naturopath and overall i'm healthy so unlikely to be dieing Suspect after my 6 days in Bali next week doing 1.5 hours yoga each day and walking the swelling will go away, if not, then i'll be more worried

I'd love if you shared one of your most memorable, joyful, beautiful moments in your life, that you've experienced with such presence - it's stuck with you. (It may even give us readers an idea of an experience to try!) Standing a top a small Island in Indonesia, near Komodo, there was nobody in sight other than my small boat my 2 Indonesian crew had sailed me in on. The island was deep green, lush from heavy rains. I looked down toward my little boat, gently rocking side to side in the crystal clear waters. The sea was calm and lapping softly against the shore. The sun's golden rays danced on the surface of the water playfully. I turned to face the other side of the island, and noticed that a huge part had been eaten away by the ever pounding ferocity of waves. For on this side of the island, it was nothing like what i'd seen a mere turn of the head a second before. Large waves crashed heavily against the island, and its shadow loomed over the bay. Dark clouds ominously approached, and the wind picked up, sending a cool chill to my bones through my thin shirt. Suddenly the heavens opened and heavy warm rain drops starting to pelt down over my face and soaked me completely. I started laughing hysterically and crying joyfully. How beautiful is this planet, this experience, this life. How lucky I am to be experiencing this with such presence. Highly recommend taking a boat around the islands of Indonesia. Komodo, Rinca etc. You can take it from Labuan Bajo. The diving is so beautiful it cannot be explained. It's like diving into a tropical fish tank times a million. I even saw one of those Deuce Bigalo Tiger Fish And Manta Rays!

@Lynnel Practiced a few years already Yeah I've already gotten lazy with it argh, start again tomorrow

Can you do this? I feel like it's worth the investment of time to learn. I have started doing the first step, Uddiyana Bandha daily. (Just sucking in)

@Nahm I think this physical body would still be pleased to have a number to call for 24/7 emergency support should I be lying on the side of the road somewhere torn and bloody left for dead. Being that I can afford the insurance, I'll get it.

I spend about 40% of my life overseas in 3rd world countries. I am yet to have any serious injury. I think about if I did, and I didn't have insurance, It could screw up my life potentially. I may not be able to afford to have a required surgery, or may not be able to be evacuated. But then I think, chances are those bastards wouldn't pay anyway as there are so many loopholes. I am leaning toward not having insurance, but keeping $10,000 in the bank to cover most basic surgeries, such as a broken leg operation. What do you people think about insurance based on the premises of non duality and no self, should I bother with it?

I eat it raw only. Only cook with saturated fats.

@Nexeternity I am sure there are infinite ways

Just in case your interested, I noticed that the documentary about Teal Swan's life is released today. https://www.openshadowfilm.com/ Funnily enough I only just came across her the other day, and this vid popped up, which really resonated with me.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no idea how you even pump these bad boys out every week!

Everytime I do it I get insane cramping in my body. I haven't had any visions. Just discomfort. Rolling around the floor in pain. I thought maybe my body isn't used to the hypoxia. So i tried it a few times at my house and had the same reaction, think I need to stick with it.

@Gabriel Antonio I'm doing cold morning showers now, and hot then cold evening showers. I find it easier to soap up my body in the hot water, so i think i'll do a few minutes hot first only in the evening. The morning is just a wake up shock shower so cold is actually a better option! I've already been finishing off all my showers cold for the last few years which has been pretty awesome. Loved it in Japan where the water was FREEZING. Even just doing that really helped I rekon. Hopefully I won't be missing out on any crazy benefits by doing a bit of hot in the evening ;D Perhaps i'll phase it out . I think the finishing off thing has helped as it's quite easy for me to take that cold morning shower now.

@cosmicrays Can't retain heat for 2 days? Do you exersize? Move your body more. I don't see a cold shower doing that honestly. It automatically starts heating your body up once you get out. Sounds like a circulation problem. MOVE MOVE MOVE

Setup one of those communities where people can come work and live off the land, and everybody works towards becoming more whole and the Truth. Y'all invited.

@Leo Gura I miss your worksheets! It's a really generous idea and I personally believe helps us followers a lot to do the practical work and make those behavior changes. Would love to see some again <3

OK, the penny has finally dropped. I'm going to apply this to my sex addiction (porn/masturbation particularly). And also start using the technique to "Grow Up" through the stages of consciousness evolution. A paragraph of Ken Wilber's Integral Meditation. Highly recommend you buy this book! When a drive arises, if you haven’t completely transcended and included it, it will temporarily take you over; it will have you, you won’t have it. And that means it is remaining as a “hidden subject” in your awareness, in your identity. Some part of you is still identified with this stage. When this drive arises, then you won’t simply have or possess that drive, you will be that drive. It will be experienced as a part of your core-self feeling, as part of what you are. You will be <desire>, looking to be satisfied. And at that specific point, nothing is more important. All other concerns will be shoved aside, as the driven-ness of the desire completely dominates awareness. You want one and one thing only: to make this painful unmet need go away; to satisfy it and thus eliminate it, at least temporarily (until it raises its head again, and again overwhelms you). When you were first at this stage, all of you was identified with it. You did not have the desire, you were the desire. Some part of your identify remains fixated at this early stage. This drive has remained as a real but hidden part of your very self-sense, your actual feeling of being yourself. It has remained a part of your subject, your self, and that is why seeing it as an object- using mindfulness on it, it to actually begin to let go of it, to dis-identify with it, to look at it instead of using it to look at and grasp the world with, to have it instead of being had by it. So particularly the next time the desire arises, truly give it attention, give it mindfulness awareness. This is just like videotaping something: you’re a perfectly neutral camera, seeing everything just as it is without any judgement. You don’t want to criticize it, condemn it, or identify with it; simply be aware of it neutrally, and pervasively, from all angles. Where is this hunger desire located? (head, mouth, heart, stomach, gut, hands, feet)? What colour is it? (just whatever comes to mind) What shape is it? (also, whatever come to mind) What does it smell like? (whatever comes to mind) Really feel the primitiveness and urgency. Make that subjective drive an object of awareness. Really look at it, long and steady. Feel it directly, with feeling-awareness, which can be seen as another term for “mindfulness”.

@Hardkill I don't know but I feel my crown chakra going mental when I watch it or a super sayan transformation

This book describes many biohacks to improve energy & brain function. It is orientated around improving the energy output of mitochondria, the ancient bacteria that are in charge of running our human system. As it's their survival at stake, they call the shots. It's true we have no control, and you'll realize why this is the case once read. I have personally tested most of the biohacks in this book to this date. Well worth the purchase IMO.

@OnceMore Your parents didn't get you onto Photoshop when you were 5? That's too bad man. It's never too late to learn!

@Leo Gura OMG they didn't go away? I never read the descriptions! I'll have to check if you put worksheets on video's where you didn't mention there was a worksheet!

Man, the first few years of personal development I was so driven, excited, grateful, calm, peaceful, joyful. I would regularly cry about how amazing I felt. I did the work as prescribed by Leo and from all the other sources. Then I had my first God experience. It opened my curiosity up a lot, and made the world that much more beautiful. Then the second,far more powerful God experience, which rattled me to the core, staring at the nothingness that I was. After several months it has me feeling like i'm stuck in limbo, and have no clue what is real and what is not. I am literally always in a state of unknowing and confusion. I am stuck in this Nihilism. I feel the only way to get out of this is to see the full picture. And of course despite feeling terrified of the existential, I can't help but continue, because I have no where else to go, nothing else I can do. I feel like that rain drop on Leo's InSights that has bounced twice off the ocean and still has another 4 bounces before it merges back with its source. Leo seems to deliver his weekly Video's and looks pretty damn happy every week, considering how long his Hey's are and how Smiley he's getting! Am I missing something here? Are you all also facing these Dark Nights for extended periods? How do I stay motivated when I am nihilistic, sane when I am insane, and joyful when I am in purgatory? <3