DrMobius

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About DrMobius

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  • Birthday 07/08/1996

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  1. Well, I don't need one because you already posted a text tutorial on this thread, but I thought that a video would be a solid additional resource. You could show us the items you use, your weighing technique, how you actually move 5-MeO from A to B (which I found is an art of its own), how you dissolve it, etc. It's always nice to have a visual representation of the process. Of course I don't expect you to post it on YouTube, that's definitely not for everyone, but I think on your blog with a link on this topic, it would fit in just fine. Oh and a psychedelics course? Great news!
  2. Leo, when can we expect a tutorial video for rectal administration? I believe you mentioned it in your blog video.
  3. Loved your last video Leo! Since you're more at ease with 5-MeO now... maybe one day you should consider giving a shot to a really big dose, like what I did. Of course that's a serious choice to make, and I know how you feel about big doses... But as you said... the rabbit hole is infinitely deep! And it feels incredible. Again, maybe """small""" doses are good for you. But try a huge one like I did one day. There's a point where it feels like the awakening itself awakens. Take care of you my man, & keep up with the great content.
  4. Leo's face is framed on every wall of my house.
  5. I must be doing something wrong because it really becomes untenable after the 5 minutes mark. There's no way I can go further. Also, my lips get so tense! Very interesting practice though.
  6. This technique is extremely powerful, I am shocked. I honestly couldn't do it for longer than 3 minutes. I experienced extreme levels of stimulation in my head, I had to stop. EDIT: I tried again and couldn't do it for longer than 5 minutes. The intensity almost rivals that of a 5-MeO come-up, I'm not kidding. How is that possible for such a short time?
  7. He'd shit bricks, like everyone else.
  8. From your perspective, yes, consciousness is all there is. From the absolute point of view, absolute infinity is all there is (which includes consciousness, and God knows what else).
  9. @egoless You're having a healthy behavior there. A foundation based on doubts falls apart sooner or later. So follow whatever sounds best to you! Nonduality means that every path is the right one. You literally can't go wrong. Just enjoy yourself and explore the game.
  10. I was just kidding. And I was referring to the reddit guy, as his case seems hopeless.
  11. Thanks for your comments & for making me laugh guys! I really appreciate it. @John Lula I do like rollercoasters yes, although I'm often the biggest acrophobe in the room. I love a good thrill, and when I do something I like, I do it to the fullest. But it's not what motivated this 5-MeO trip. Before anything else, I just wanted to get as close to Truth as possible... As it turned out, I found something even beyond such a restricting word. @pluto Your quotes are simple but indeed very powerful. Strongest quotes are usually the shortest. "Just Be", because that's all we really do anyways. And "All is Well", because we are in the perfect place, and at the perfect time. Beautiful! @WildeChilde As Leo said, there's almost certainly nothing to fear as long as you start with a low dose like 15 mg (more or less, depending on the ROA), and slowly make your way up. But your question regarded breakthrough doses, and like @zikzak often says, hardly anyone is ready for something like this, no matter how many psychedelic experiences they had before. In a way, 5-MeO is supposed to be too far of a leap, you see? Then, it boils down to you as an individual. Do you quickly get back on your feet after a defining episode of your life?
  12. • Substance: 5-MeO-DMT (HCl) • ROA: Intranasal • Dose: 40 mg • Total duration: 45 min. --- In what follows, I will try my best to convey the utter insanity that was that trip. Writing about 5-MeO-DMT is difficult because words simply fall short to honor this substance enough. It proved itself to be far beyond anything I could have imagined, and then some. Since many of you don't have access to this admittedly rare psychedelic, I will detail everything as much as I can, step by step. What are the different effects? Can it really induce an Awakening? What did I take away from the experience? I will cover these questions in length, so stick with me if you're interested in the matter or hesitant to give it a whirl yourself. Still, please keep in mind that this TR is unfortunately not half as accurate as I would like it to be. Using text to describe this is like attempting to explain the uniqueness of Salvador Dalí's paintings to a person blind from birth. I think it's a matter of fact that there are no words. But I still want to try! Set & setting, onset Aside from this trip, I had two other experiences with 5-MeO that left me unsatisfied: one of 16 mg, and another of 23 mg. Although quite powerful in their own right, those trips didn't lead me to spiritual discoveries because they were not strong enough for my ego to break, thus mainly being moments of useless physical and mental discomfort. My intuition told me there was much more to it and I was eager to feel it all for myself, so I decided to have a massive dose this time around: 40 mg. It was all that was left, and I didn't feel like wasting 10 mg by going with a more conventional 30 mg dose. As you'll figure out shortly, it was not exactly a good idea. Now that the dust has settled, I don't regret going that far. But please be extremely cautious and confident if you want to go beyond 30 mg yourself, as it seems already more than enough for most people. Those quantities are no joke at all. If you're new to it, start with 10-15 mg and increase gradually. Otherwise it will catch you by surprise and destroy you, as it did with me. Like the majority of my psychoactive experiences, this one took place at home while I was alone. It would have been safer to have a sitter, especially given the dose, but it's only unaccompanied that I can take the most out of a substance. After weighing out my remaining powder with a milligram scale, I split it in two lines and disposed them on a glass plate in front of me. Up until that point, I was enthusiastic and in a good mood; seeing the two impressive beasts waiting for me calmed me down quite fast. It was a behemoth dose of a behemoth psychedelic, there was nothing trivial in what I was about to do. I became filled with apprehension, almost terrified by the small amount of powder, and stared at it for maybe an hour before finally finding the courage. 'Now or never', I said to myself as I insufflated the 5-MeO with a straw in both of my nostrils. It had a pleasant flowery, candy-like aroma to it, albeit quickly followed by a much less welcomed burning sensation. Twenty seconds in and I was already shaking of both excitement and fear. I tried to relax and layed on the couch. To maximize the absorption of the chemical by my nose, I tilted my head upside down and proceeded to massage my nostrils in a circular pattern, although I'm not entirely sure it helped much. A few minutes went by like that. My heart was pounding like crazy. And eventually, after 5 minutes or so, it began. Phase 1: The dismantling I started to feel a pressure in my head. A fastly growing dizziness followed shortly after, eventually spreading malaise to the rest of my body. No longer at ease on the couch, I layed down on the floor and focused on keeping my inner balance for as long as I could. It was already hitting strong, but I was in known territory. Yet my heart was beating so much that I could hear the pulse in my neck like a drum. As the vertigo became barely manageable, new bizarre sensations manifested all over me and specifically in the chest and the abdomen; it felt like my internal organs were disappearing. At the same time, my hands and arms became oversensitive. It was getting odd. I started to hyperventilate because I was under the impression that my breathing was inadequate. Before I had a chance to accustom myself to anything, my skull was compressed, my head was buzzing, and my whole body vibrating. All of this was incredibly fast, and more importantly, ever-growing. It didn't take me much longer to realize that this time, I wouldn't be able to handle it. But that was only the beginning. Only a couple of minutes... with an eternity ahead. I was getting very hot, but reaching for the window was impossible. My head and body were too heavy to move. I was literally smacked to the floor. Of course the intensity of these physical effects only continued to increase and increase. At this point it was already the strongest thing I've ever felt in my life, and I knew very well that I was still only at the bottom of the curve. The various sensations eventually culminated into one unified, all-encompassing feeling. It was an explosive energy of unfathomable power. There was nearly nothing else in my field of awareness than this. Hundreds of thoughts raced in my head simultaneously. The burning in the nose was the least of my concerns now. It was my very life that was at stake. Oh, the terror. The sheer, gut-wrenching, mind-crushing terror. If you ever had a panic attack, multiply this feeling by a million and you will begin to have a pretty good idea of the emotionnal abyss I was falling into. Falling into myself and just dissolving, this is exactly how it felt. A few words on the visual component, although it was clearly the most underwhelming aspect of the experience so far: everything around me was morphing, breathing, and drifting very concretely. A bright yellowish tint overlapped my visual field. I didn't care much. Hard to marvel at geometric distortions when your consciousness is freaking evaporating. My imminent death became a certainty to me. I managed to get on my feet and just proceeded to scream my lungs out. 'No! No! NOOO!!' I'd never suspected I could shout so hard. Let me tell you that I meant these noes more than anything I've ever meant in my whole life before. I was desperate. But also very angry at myself for making such a foolish mistake. The intensity continued to increase and expand. Every nerve, every fiber, every last corner of my body and mind was completely and totally overstimulated. It felt like a supernova was exploding in each and every cell of my brain. I was still screaming and running all over my apartment—perhaps not having a sitter was for the best after all. It was in me. No escape, nothing to hold on to, not the slightest relief in anything. Still to this day, I don't understand how it's humanly possible to experience such an overwhelming, tremendous power. Waves of pure destructive energy flowed through my whole being. Everything exterior and interior to me was collapsing on itself. I didn't even care about survival anymore. My life didn't matter, all I wanted was to get out. I would have used a gun without a single second of hesitation if I had one, just to make it stop. Undoubtedly the worst and hardest time of my life. I really wanted to stress out this somatic aspect of the experience because it's a reality that everyone has to face to a relative degree when using psychedelics. It can get extremely taxing on your body (and consequently on your mental well-being), so you have to be prepared for this kind of things. 5-MeO is not an 'easy shortcut' to infinite consciousness as some might think. 5-MeO is suicide. It's still a small price to pay, though, for the reward is... Well, you already know. Phase 2: The Ultimate Dive The obliteration continued to burst. About 10 minutes into the experience, I just gave up. As I was running to the kitchen in my attempt to somehow dissipate this infinite overflowing energy, yelling like a madman, I blacked out. The last bit of me was annihilated. From this moment on, my body went on full autopilot, and I couldn't remember doing or controlling anything afterwards. 'I' was gone. But one thing remained: awareness. Thus started the real trip. This is where things become challenging to word. Despite the chaotic nature of the process, the transition from the physical to the 'metaphysical' phase felt quite smooth. I can't tell if this transition was quick or slow, because it felt like both, but at a given point, I realized that a change was made, like a click. You probably know it by now: the key thing about 5-MeO-DMT, the number one rule, is to surrender completely. You have to let go in order to tap into the deepest realms. And this is what happened, quite mechanically I must admit, when I blacked out. Precisely because there was no one to resist anymore, all resistance vanished for good. Which is not to say that the stream ceased to deploy itself. As I abandoned myself, and all the rest, to this experience, it exploded even more. The energy skyrocketed to infinity. There was no one and nothing in the world to hold it back. The stream was free, and so was I. I found myself floating in what I can only describe as an eternal, infinite void. In this 'dimension', there was no time, and no space. I forgot their meanings. I forgot my human senses, all of them. This perception was so direct and total, that it was beyond any sense; it was not visual, not tactile, not soniferous... It was everything at once and more. Unified, undefined, compressed. I forgot the life I had before. I forgot who or what I used to be. One thing only was certain: I was. I was this omnipotent flow of purity. When this realization poped out, it was so deep and clear, that I could only think 'This is absolutely incredible.', although it was a feeling rather than a thought. An obvious and undeniable feeling, a beam of unprocessed truth. Like opening my eyes to light for the first time. And discovering existence as what it truly is. I remained in this state for what felt like an eternity. Immersed in this divine light. One with it. The serenity I felt was of cosmic proportions. It was intense, even more so than the destructive energy of before, but this time, it was positive and healing. It felt like home. Home of the soul. The one and only place I ever wanted to end up within. While deeply mystical and mysterious, there was nothing to understand, nothing to analyze, nothing to conceptualize... It was the clearest, and the most obvious, and the most unquestionable feeling ever. My body was laying on the cold tiles of my kitchen. But I... I was laying on the ultimate layer of reality. 'I only exist to be here.', I thought. 'I only exist to feel this. To be this. Nothing else matters. There is nothing else.' And indeed, how could there be anything else? It was silly obvious. Being is everything. Being is the core, the substance of all, the Father of All, the Son, the Holy Spirit. And I'm sure every religion has other nice names... I realized this, and I laughed internally. It felt so good, so unbelievably good. 'I have won.', I thought. 'I have already won everything there is to win.' And then: 'Yes. Oh yes. OH YES. YEEES!!' I became a yes. God, the euphoria. Infinite pleasure. Infinite love. Infinite heavenly energy flowing and filling everything. It was way too good. Forbiddenly good. A billion times more that anything I've ever desired. And at last, I thought 'This is It.' When I received and became everything, and fully accepted it, and fully acknowledged it, this thought, this feeling popped out from the very core, like the ultimate truth. 'This is It.' ... But what is It, you might ask? Hahaha... You fool. It is It! Itself. You can't name it, it's all names. You can't define it, it means everything. You can't understand it. You can only feel it, only become it. It hit me, and it was the breakthrough of the experience. Incidentally, the most important moment of my existence. Phase 3: Rebirth & aftermath I wish I stayed in this state of totality forever. As I said, this experience was timeless and didn't feel short by any means. But unsurprisingly, it had to wear down, and eventually I began to reemerge. Slowly, my vision and other senses came back. At first, it was surprising, because I was no longer familiar with them. I was perceiving a lot of information that I couldn't make sense of, seeing colors, and hearing sounds... It was marvelous, beautiful, maybe the kind of things a newborn experiences during the first minutes of his life. I was too shaken to formulate coherent conclusions about anything. I didn't want to think, so I just continued to savour this awesome exotic feeling that was still very much present and flowing through me. The greatness was taking form, diversifying into uncountable gorgeous shapes. Everything around me was magnificent. And in this very moment, I realized very clearly, that all of these different things were branches extending from a single tree. Not separate from it, but prolongations of the tree itself. It was extremely lucid and clear. I was perceiving raw reality, like a single gradient containing every possible color, without any disconnection within it, or any false separation. And I felt that it was all possible only through me... Wow! As far as what I can articulate goes, this understanding was probably the greatest. It's one thing to have a theoretical, conceptual image of non-duality, but it's a drastically different thing to actually feel and embody it. I noticed that I was laying on the refreshing floor of my kitchen, which felt stupidly great. Honestly, part of it was just gratefulness for still being alive. I heard some sounds, and saw a silhouette standing over me. I couldn't process what I was perceiving, although I knew it was important. As I faced my inability to make sense of things, I took a step back and was offered another precious fragment of truth: raw reality is meaningless. In and of itself, completely meaningless! How deliciously ironic is it? I found one of the best pieces of wisdom of my life within complete 'confusion'. A fact that speaks a lot itself. Much to my dismay, this lucidity started to wear off as well. The sound that I was hearing was the person's voice. They were loudly calling me by name, and hearing it triggered a response. 'Oh, that's right. I am someone.', I thought. Funny how this was my first logical, constructed reflection. The ego was among the first things to creep back, as the fierce beast that it is. 'I had a life before... But something very big happened. I took something.' And like that, other similar thoughts and observations continued to spawn and multiply. 'This will change my life completely.', I thought. 'How could it possibly be the same after something like THIS?' It was amazing, but at the same time frightening. I knew it would have enormous implications for the future. A not so distant future... I recognized the face of my uncle, who lives nearby. He was worried and I could feel it, which in turn made me sad. I wanted to tell him that I was feeling better than ever, but I couldn't squeeze out a single word out of my mouth, nor could I move a finger, for almost ten minutes. As he told me later, he heard me screaming for several minutes straight like I was being murdered. Apparently, I was also bashing everything around me, because he heard loud thuds coming from inside as he knocked to my door. He later found me in the kitchen, motionless and unaware, with a blank expression and an empty stare. Laying on the ground among overturned tables and chairs. I can only imagine what he must have thought... So naturally he called an ambulance because I was unresponsive, and shortly after I was surrounded by turbulent rescuers running around and checking my pulse. I could speak by the time they arrived, and said I felt perfectly fine, but they wouldn't listen. It was a truly pityful moment, they all had no idea. I was honest and said them what I did, much to their disregard. Some of them looked at me like at a piece of garbage. I can't blame them, the whole scene objectively didn't look good. I had to be taken to the hospital, but that's a story for another time. So much for after-trip integration! Insights & conclusion Alright, let's pretend the embarrassing turn of events never happened. It's time to discuss the trip as a whole. Holy moly, wasn't that strong! From a purely organic standpoint, this thing hits like a high-speed train. Be very ready if you plan to do it yourself. And of course, don't take such a high dose, unless being body slammed by the Universe is your thing. I want to say this loud and clear: as far as I'm concerned, everything they say about 5-MeO is true. This substance is the key to the kingdom of God. My understanding of words like 'existence' or 'being' changed entirely. In less than half an hour, I experienced absolute infinity, the whole spectrum of human emotions and sensations, the collapsing of time and space themselves, and litteraly merged with the core of reality. I honestly doubt it goes much further than that... This trip was total. Now, does this qualify to be called a genuine Enlightenment experience? Look, I don't want to offend anyone and I honestly don't know the first thing about true spirituality. I am in no position to say what is actual Awakening, and what is not. All I can say, is that it was the freaking most unbelievable moment of my life, something that I never would have dreamed was possible. I will remember this until the day I die, and will cherish it, and will always stand behind it. Whatever it was, it was it up to the hilt. You be the judge. But for me, it was as authentic as it gets. This trip happened in August 2017, so I allowed myself a lot of time to assimilate it and find the right words. I'm not sure if I succeeded. I know that I used a lot grandiloquent sentances and superlatives and bombastic metaphors, but clearly I don't know if there's any other way to put it. To me, if there's one thing that truly deserves to be called infinite without abusing language, it's this. I thought about it a lot, and tried to reach states of this nature by my own, during meditation or even in every day life. Sometimes I have short glimpses, mostly randomly out of the blue, and they're awesome. Like fresh reminders of this experience that help me to remember some aspects of the trip I forgot. Also, my subsequent trips with other psychedelics like LSD changed a lot. They feel much more limpid and enjoyable. Some of what I wrote here was thanks to other substances. They helped me to connect the dots and make sense of the craziest parts of the experience. I withdraw from this trip three major insights of which I still have a very solid and fresh understanding as I write these lines: • Everything is one. I mean, obviously. It's so undeniable at this point. There's not a shadow of a doubt in my heart. This reality is one. And it exists by itself, for itself, does whatever it wants, expands through the never and through the nowhere, like a savage, insane, infinite and eternal fractal. Being is its substance. Being is the common denominator of all things within it. • The present moment is the only thing that there is. Let that sink in, carefully understand what's being said. The present moment is the only thing that there is. Can you see? Can you feel it? This thing that you are experiencing at this very moment. This elusive little thing that you so rarely pay attention to. It's eternity itself!! Do you realize that there will never be a future, and never was a past? There's only this! This small present moment, shorter than a femtosecond, so short it can't be measured, it will go on for ever, and ever, and ever... • Reality has no meaning whatsoever. It's contents have no meaning. Meaning exists only within the utilitarian minds of some living creatures. It's artificial and fake. You can use this tool as you please, but try to not get lost in the web. Don't waste your time chasing moral chimeras... Don't think any of this has purpose other than just being itself. Aaand... phew. That's about it. I think it's time to wrap this up. I said what I had to say, and I hope some of you guys found this useful. Thanks for sticking up with me until the end. Please feel free to comment if you have remarks or questions, I will gladly address those. And damn... Definitely try 5-MeO at least once in your lifetime before you die, if that wasn't clear by now. Peace!