Nahm

@B_HAZ By noticing nothing actually happens when your ‘needs’ aren’t fulfilled, you’re free of them (the beliefs), thus realizing they’re wants, not actually needs. If you need intimacy, you hold yourself captive to neediness. If you express your wants, you infuse desire into your life and what you want shows up. You can introspect and write on paper whatever thoughts or emotions arise, as to when you first ‘learned’ to desire a man which is not available to you. It is likely someone key in your childhood did not make themself available to you, and you’re subconsciously seeking to ‘fix’ that - so you can feel better. One way to let that go is to understand the position they were in, and how they thought, and why they were the way they were… to the extent you realize you would have been exactly the same way if you were in their shoes. When you then feel this understanding & compassion, there is that ‘better’ feeling that was desired in the first place. It is then realized it was there all along, just a bit veiled by the need beliefs.

Don’t frame it as something you have to deal with. Just experience it, while relaxing the body & feeling breathing from your stomach. See that the impulse arises, and then passes, and that you’re totally fine. The mind says ‘do x, y or z to feel better’, but the absolute goodness right there within you would think that’s funny. Inevitably, you’ll get insight as to what makes this whole merry go round go round, and you’ll liberate of the cycles & see reality as it is.

@Rinne The key is feeling the relief of the slow change in your orientation, in your aligning. Not expecting one big change from one big thing to occur on one day. Not expecting ‘results’, but recognizing that it feels good to you to focus more & more on what you want, more (more than pmo). It’s a momentum thing. Presently, you’re experiencing the accumulation of many years of momentum. The momentum that got you there, wherever or whatever that is, is the very same momentum that will get you where you now more so desire to be. So know what that is which you are now more desiring. Creating a dreamboard makes that pretty easy because it’s right in front of you, can’t miss it or forget. Then the change over… now you have you ‘why’, or, that which you want more which is the reason there seems to be a problem with how you’re spending your time in the first place. It’s only relative. If there wasn’t experience you wanted more, if that desire hadn’t arose within you, it wouldn’t be possible to desire change. Slow changeover… when you are experiencing the thick of the situation, which would be seeing what’s on your board, and knowing you want that more… but yet being drawn to porn & masturbating… remember the slowness of the changeover, and feel the peace & relief in not expecting great change all at once. When that momentous impulse for immediate short term gratification arises… at first just spend literally 5 minutes before going to the screen… on what you want more. Your mind will be more settled, knowing you’re about to experience the short term pleasure in just five minutes. Then next time make it ten minutes, then fifteen, and so on. You’ll find yourself realizing there was never, and is not right now, a ‘problem’. That that was the previous perspective. Life will get more exciting as what you write on your board really actually does start ‘showing up’, and your focus will naturally (slowly over time) shift toward that. Internalizing, or self judgement probably plays a role in the inner world in this regard too. When you experience such thoughts, which are basically about feeling bad for the pmo, take pause and ‘reach for’ a slightly better feeling thought. You might say an overall shift is coming, from loving yourself, to Loving Yourself. If you choose now to focus on a good feeling thought, then it’s already underway.

@Kalki Avatar Focusing on protecting against judgement is kind of automatic (conditioning), until you’re aware of it. Then you’re aware you’re focusing on that perspective(s). You don’t have to focus on thinking or worrying about what people think or might think about you. You’re feeling your thoughts, they’re feeling theirs. Presently, you believe to some degree you’re feeling theirs, or some kind of effects of theirs. But you’re feeling what you’re thinking, about what they might be thinking… without ever having any actual experience, of what they’re thinking. Focusing on thoughts that don’t feel good to you is the energy drainer. Not ‘dealing with what other people think or say’. Order spaghetti at a restaurant and dump it on your head. (Or something of that nature). See how this ‘embarrassment’ really feels. It’s not as bad as the worrying about it is. Better to get stung than to live a life afraid of bee’s. Get your hands dirty in this life thingy. Get in the mud of it. Really live. To be without the seriousness… just be serious on purpose.

Falling in love is very much like awakening. Seems like you’re the thinker, and the thoughts, strategizing, planning, etc all matter. LOL but they don’t. It’s all a facade. The thought narrative about you doing isn’t actual, it’s apparent. Thoughts which are a smokescreen to the fact you are presently love in love. Sounds conflicting if you think about it.

It’s preference, opinion, not wisdom. Been with my wife since 21. Wouldn’t change a single thing. Greatest, happiest, most fulfilling relationship, family and life. More so than I ever could have possibly imagined. These things you’re addressing with your threads, very key and very impressive that you’re looking into this. Without changing themselves (beliefs & perspectives) people seem to miss their connotation of relationships, marriage, family, etc, will play out just like their childhood experience… and without changing, either they avoid it via dismissal their entire life, or they proceed and experience their own self full-filling prophecy. At age 46 now, I can tell you that 100% of my friends & peers which did not have a family (specifically kids) regret it. And of all which did, they very much do not regret it. Not to imply you should, or need to. Just sharing some actual local demographics (round 100 people or so). Again, good for you girl. No rush imo, and ‘earlier’ is relative, also just opinion. Getting yourself situated in all ways solo first is probably most ideal. You’re unknowingly internalizing / making it about you. When people do whatever, it’s not about you. So it’s not inferiority. It’s jealousy. Jealousy is a great gift for a creator, as it reveals things you want that you maybe weren’t aware you wanted, and or makes you more aware and more inspired.

@somegirl No one can withdrawal love. That’s a bogus belief. No one can actually withdrawal attention either. She just chooses to put it on something else. Trying to control someone else’s behaviors vs loving them unconditionally is fruitless. If you believe you can’t be happy unless someone does x, y or z… that is your condition you are voluntarily holding. It’s a mindset of powerlessness, and a veil of your actual power; love, happiness. Yesterday I talked with a woman who at age 62 found out through Ancestry.com her mom and dad are not her biological parents, and she has been filled with anger and resentment because her dad (mom died when she was 12) never told her the truth. Her belief was that he didn’t want anyone to know because of his pride. Raised her from day 1.

@Guillem12 Inhaling. Then later, exhaling. Also, try inhaling downward such that you feel the expansion of muscles & tissue lower and lower. Then the same with upward. Then upward & downward expansion at the same time. Keep spine straight. Notice tendency of muscles to contract, and relax more & more deeply until it’s happening but it’s clear you aren’t doing it.

Imagine reality into being, then don’t imagine reality into being. Should be clearer.

@Guillem12 Start with up. When you really connect and feel it, then bring in the down connection.

@blessedlion1993 You could look into realestate. 500k at 7% market return makes 35k annually. A 500k airbnb for example nets about 260k annually. Many risks & disclaimers apply of course, but look into it if interested. You could also split the investment among a variety of locations, and live in them, while also using the money to stay / travel to wherever you want. Psychologically, loa & spheres wise, avoidance or the escaping of something doesn’t created much. Focus upon wanted does.

Meditative mind …. then that but … then self referential thoughts arise (a thought which the content seems to be about yourself but isn’t). Notice how quickly & sneakily thought ‘pulls you in’ to a story about a you in time. The more awareness is aware of this ‘story telling’ ‘ ‘monkey mind’, the less it’s believed / the more meditative mind ‘is experienced’ so to speak / by no one. There are apparent thoughts “about” a thinker of thoughts, about “the one who is thinking”, but there is no thinker. There is no “myself being conscious”, no “me which is constantly getting distracted”, no “me which can’t maintain attention”, no “me which goes all the way”, no “me which could or couldn’t maintain an it”, no “you which rests as pure awareness”, no “you which is stuck”, no “you for which it’s been a year”. There are these apparent thoughts… there is not that “other me” which the thought appear to be about. The awareness sought in thought content… is actually the awareness which is already aware of the thoughts. Look at your hand, that’s awareness. That’s what’s sought. Look at the chair. That’s awareness. Look at the sky, that’s awareness. The looking ‘itself’, is awareness. Awareness can’t be found, because all there is, is awareness. Or as Rumi says a bit more poetically, ‘what you seek is seeking you’ (not two). Keep it so incredibly simple… express & share how you feel, what you think about anything (so to speak), etc… but choose to stop talking about yourself. Thoughts about this alleged separate self will cease and ‘awakening’ will follow.

@iboughtleosbooklist

@michaelcycle00 If you had a bunch of words spelled out on the floor with legos, you could say there are words there, yet there aren’t really, they’re legos.

1 is conjecture, belief, someone else’s view.

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Did you eat em or make tea?

Great life advice relatively speaking, but horrible mindset on psychedelics. If your orientation mentally is what you can get out of it, this will clash with the effectiveness of the substance and leave ‘you’ disappointed & disillusioned.

Those are covered by Reiki & Vipassana. They overlap. The two reveal one bigger picture. I’d read a couple books on each, take the classes, try a retreat, and continue experimenting with the suggested practices & application. And most importantly, enjoy it.

@Loving Radiance Awesome. What a crazy friend mushrooms are. So wild lol.

Underlying the experiences is the identity or identifying. At first glance it may seem insignificant & just semantical, but while fears are thought of repeatedly, aka believed, to be “my fears”, it’s as if you’re saying “this is mine… that much is incontestable… now, how do I be without it?”. Once it is considered X (in this case fears, but could be anything thought of) isn’t, and never was “yours”, you are already without it. When a view, outlook, or perspective is chosen & focused upon… which does not align (via feeling) with your inner being so to speak, it simply doesn’t. It’s self evident and needs no logic, rationale, justification, or labeling. Most importantly perhaps, it needs no solution. Another lens… you are saying ‘your fears’ have to do with other people. If that were true there’d be absolutely nothing you could do about it, because of course you are not in charge of or in control of other people. But, if ‘your fears’ have nothing to do with other people, and only to do with your perspectives, then you’re absolutely in control as you can change your perspectives. Who you are, how you are, is never actual, it’s just a perspective. One likely very effective specific consideration… you say the fear comes back, as in fear comes & goes. If you tried to point to it you’d find you can not. But if a bus was said to come & go, you could point to it. This stands to help you see your perspective is what’s coming and going, yet, miraculously, you never come & go. For what never comes & goes to hold a perspective of any problem with what only comes and goes makes less sense by the minute, because you are the maker of sense, you are the ineffable sense itself. What can experience time must be eternal, what can experience finite must be infinite, and what can experience fear must be love. For what is eternal, infinite, and love itself… some perspectives will feel off. I suggest the new ‘label’ of ‘feels off’, rather than ‘fear’. ‘Feels off’ denotes to me… but ‘fear’ denotes this other thing (which causes me fear, or which I fear). That there is ‘this other thing’, is fundamentally what feels off.

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Option 3, share honestly your world view rather than your beliefs. 1 & 2 are assumptive a priori claims.

@Paulus Amadeus Claiming you (or someone else) have something is experiential but never actual. An experience so to speak of gained & lost, not an actuality of anything gained & lost. Or if you will, the claim is definitely (apparently) experienced, but there is no actuality of a having of said thing claimed to be had. Same for identity. There is certainly (apparently) the experience of being someone or something, but no actuality of it. If that seems vague or cryptic, though it sounds colder yet clearer to put this way, just apply the term monkey mind (which is likewise not exceptional).

In a separate universe or world which consists of separate physical things there would be separate ‘characters’, ‘elements of truth’, ‘solipsism’, ‘life’ and ‘endings’, as you say. And these separate physical things would have their own separate things. And there would be separate characters or souls which do, and this doing would be dreaming, and this dreaming would be separate.