Shin

Couldn't get up until 13:00, too much pain to process until then, so I let myself do that. Missed two classes, but fortunately I met a good potential friend two days ago that already cares (as a friend I hope) quite a lot, I like her, she's quite funny and seems like a good caring and open-hearted person. I don't think I will get a new relationship that soon, I have to get a rock solid, consistent daily routine first. I need to get from 30/1 hours a meditation a day to 2, and add a 1 hour self-inquiry. Adding 30 more minutes of reading would be nice too, but that isn't a priority. I noticed a hint of jealousy when a female friend got approached today, even though I don't even want that girl, but fortunately I was conscious enough of that and let it pass, even later told her (genuinely) that I was happy for her. I also noticed that sometimes I internally fake my confidence, especially when I'm tired and feel weak, as if always looking confident was important. I still feel arrogant and insensitive at times. Arrogant because I assume I'm better and well informed than most people, even if it was true (which I can't know and is probably not true in most cases) it doesn't matter because those are signs of identification. Insensitive, because I tend to speak too fast before analyzing how my words and ideas could impact other people (example: Saying that one of the reason I'm doing sport, is because I don't want to get fat, while forgetting that a fat person was just besides me). Even though I would like to tackles those more in depth, I have to tackle my manipulation issue in priority, because you never know what is on the corner, and if I fall madly in love, I doubt I would be able to say no to that, not now, I'm too inconscious and I don't have the resolve to stay single if that happens. I don't want to hurt anyone like I did, if I lose or have to break the relationship for other reasons, fine, but hurting someone like this cannot happen again. The main goal is still to awaken to serves the whole, and if something really threatens this, by making me too inconscious, it should be cut off of my life as soon as possible. The remaining distractions are Movies and TV Shows, potentially friends (even though going out once every (two) weeks is acceptable imo). Even college if I go to the extreme, because I already know deep down that I won't be a traditional psychologist, if a psychologist at all. I'll deal with that later, the priority is to get the daily routine done and get so used to it that it feels natural. I still don't feel the need to take psychedelics, I should comtemplate if it's because I'm secretly afraid, or if it is because I genuinely don't have the will for it. Even if it turns out that it's a genuine lack of will, I should probably still eat some mushrooms and 5-meo to at least get to some extreme mindfuck once for each. Things I did today: Studying for two hours with a friend Doing the "I am honest" affirmations 45 minutes of meditation Working out for 30 minutes Swimming for 1 hour Things I didn't do today: Reading for 30 minutes

The camera could be as tall as 90 cm though …

He's tall enough to stand in front of the camera. That's all we will ever need.

Teal Swan is an alien !!!!!!!! https://medium.com/@bescofield/the-gucci-guru-inside-teal-swans-posh-cult-36168edaf62f This website seems so legit

@8Ball How are you doing ?

The Supreme Leader Is Wise (Sneaky bump )

You are your dog who tried to have sex with your legs.

The verses are taken from https://terebess.hu/english/oxherding.html The reason is there was too much words I didn't understand to write them down 1) Searching For The Ox Stumbling around in life , suffering, scratching your head, hear people heard people talk about enlightenment, basically lost and clueless You must begin with an intense desire for the truth, renunctiation of the desire is on an another stage When you first affirm the vow to attain enlightenment, at that very moment there is already a splendid enlightement" = important step The Ox = Enlightenment 2) Seeing The Footprints When you have tiny glimpses, for few seconds Stage when you conceptualize enlightenment so much taht you think you understand it. It's a trap because it's just a story in your head, it isn't the real experiential thing. You will delude yourself if you don't study non-duality 100% chance of awakening if you are serious and comitted. 3) Seeing The Ox First Mystical experiences When you understand for real what all this stuff is about, you are SURE that the Ox is real now. So beautiful and awesome that you can't looks at it in the eyes for long, you need to develop yourself just to look at it. Hard to talk about something that includes everything (the Ox) by trying to explain it with only a tiny part of it (language). 4) Catching the Ox This is when you go beyond the first glimpses and embody them in your own life, and realize how difficult that is. Can't have the full Ox if you're still full of desires and attachments. The Ox would make all those desires and attachments feel stupid and childish, irrelevant. You need to cleanse all your concepts about the Ox (emptying your cup) to let it approach you. 5) Taming The Ox This is the stage when you get really serious about taming the Ox, about letting it purified you. There is a will to let go of all the egotism. What is really hard is having a mind with no thoughts, that is the mark of a master. 6) Riding the Ox Home The stage where you seriously embodied enlightenment. Not even a need to talk about it anymore, since it's your natural way to live life. You bring back the mystical into the mondains. At this stage many enlightened people gives the advices that there is nothing to do. This is only true at this stage. 7) Ox Transcended The stage when you have transcended the seeking of awakening and enlightenment. You realize that everything that ever was has always been the Ox, that there was not a single moment of not being it in the first place. There will be no distinction between anything. Also the stage when unconditional happiness is realized. The reason is because you realized you've never been born, you're already dead, the worst thing that could have happened to you, already happened, so everything now is a bonus. 8) Ox and self transcendance You transcend everything, you let go of everything. True emptiness -> Infinity You realize that everything that has happened never really happened, it's all pure emptiness/nothingness. All distinction collapse, all boundaries or objects, everything. You can't even distinguish existence from non-existence anymore (life from death) You realize the source of the universe, where it come from and where it goes, namely that it never really happened. = Fana Al-Fana At this point you've never been born. 9) Return to the source This map is a general guideline, it's not rigid, especially if you've used psychedelics/unorthodox practices or are spiritually gifted for example. There are different depth to realize the oneness of the same thing. Some dualities still stays untill stage 10 is "achieved" Wherever you go or do you're already going one step too far from the present moment. If you do nothing you're gonna be carry away by society and will forget everything about this. If you take the path you're also wrong. It's a paradox you're stuck. By taking the path you'll backtrack to the source, to the step zero. 10) Re-Entering The Marketplace You're so ordinary and humble that you blend in "normal life" fully, there is nothing special about you anymore, not even an once of selfishness or ego left in you. You don't even talk to non-duality to people. Humility is the most genuine signal of a spiritual master.

The next time Leo produce a video with 40 quotes, I'll do the 9/11 to his house. I swear to the 99 virgins I'll do it

Relapse ?

Yes that's what I'm saying. I have no idea if that's true, you'll have to figure that out yourself though. If this is the case, it's impairing your progress to a degree you don't realize now. It's not helping you to judge and hate yourself, whatever part of yourself is in question. You'll be much better served by loving yourself inconditionally and being ok with being lazy or failing when it happens. It may sounds threatening because you'll think you'll do less, but actually, if you have real genuine goals, it will help you to progress faster. The energy you use to judge and hating yourself (and others most likely) could have been used to work on yourself and on what you want to do. There is tremendous energy that goes into those mental processes, and most of your problems are linked to this.

Yes, yes, yes. To normal consciousness people, questioning their beliefs = attacking them. You need to realize that and become compassionate enough to stop doing it. Just say that you didn't know or aren't interested in it, or make a joke about it, but there is no need to go beyond that. If you go beyond that, you (inconsciously) wants them to suffer.

Translation "I miss the old times where I could whip my 56th wife when she cooks my dinner while I get sucked by my new 8 year old wife !!!

What the hell are you talking about ? Are you alright man ?

You're full of assumptions an projections about this. Being enlightened doesn't mean you're wise, it means you know the Truth experientially. There is a correlation, but one does not imply the other. You're still trying to cling to certain idols by thinking this way anyway. It really doesn't matter if one is saying bs or not, what matters is what Truth can you extract from what someone says, Regardless of what this person is saying is bs or not (on the surface). If you want to really be wise, you need to be positionless about who is a fraud or not, it shouldn't even interest you. Taking what helps you, wherever you read it, from whoever you read it is what you want, but that requires open-mindedness to the extreme (which you don't have right now, don't lie to yourself). Even Hitler has something wise to teach you, as Judas and Donald Trump.

Ok I read all your journal (finally). I think you should stop to push yourself so hard, by being hard on yourself so much. Not saying to stop trying to push yourself as hard as you can, but to not feel guilty or mad at yourself if you "fail". You will always fail with this mentality, cause you're expecting too much of yourself (trust me I know ). This and also stop judging and hating yourself so much too. Nobody is perfect and nobody has to be, we're all different and have no interest to be like someone else. Which of course doesn't mean you can't improve, but you gotta love yourself as you are now, or you're literally creating you're own hell.

Where are you ?

Friday A lot to say about this day. First thing is that when I was chilling listening to music, the music literally spoke to me. I don't remember what it said, I don't even think it can be put into words, maybe that's why I can't remember. Anyway, it planted something because it was pretty deep and moving. After that I fall asleep, and it was a dreamless sleep. The only thing I can say about this, is that the dreamless sleep and reality has the same "background", one isn't separate from the other. Happened several times in the past, when I could be aware in deep sleep, and waking up being fully aware that I was waking up, there was no distinction in awareness. Dream, reality and deep sleep share the same substance or experiencer. Then a lot of thoughts about playing video games came about (again). I let it go and go downstair see my dog, and at the tv (that my parents were watching) was a commercial about the new Pokemon game Pokemon games was what my mind was trying to convince me I could allow myself to play I was like: Then I started to read the passage about Ruper Spira I underlined in the book I bought by mistake (Being aware of being aware). The analogy about the screen: "Unlike a conventional television screen that is being watched tv someone sitting on a sofa, the aware screen of pure knowing or being aware is watching the movie of experience that is playing upon it". For 50 minutes the mind was even quieter than usual and I understood what I needed to do. 1 or 2 hours before the inquiry I wrote this "You need to come back to the place of non-doing Where even the doing of non-doing take places Which is already there in your experience" And a random voice with no identification whatsoever (not just a greatly diminished identification) came and say this afterwards: "There is nothing for you" I know what to do know, I knew it all the time but I overlooked it, I'm even doing it right now without knowing it. The only thing I need to "do" is to be aware of everything fully, so fully that a sense of self cannot be created at the same time. Which happened earlier today when I took some dessert, I still thought that I was moving the body, but it was only a thought, it wasn't actually what was happening. It's pretty simple, like the screen analogy, the entire field of perceptions is a television, there is just nothing external to it that is watching it, the screen itself (the perceptions themselves) is (are) watching itself (themselves). The whole thing is the screen, stop watching your computer/phone and look right in front of you. Every perceptions (thoughts, emotions, hearing, seeing, touching, tasting) are the screen:

Yeah that's what I'm doing now, the screen analogy from Ruper Spira is super powerful. It's exactly how it feel if you focus super hard, but I know I didn't even scratched the surface yet.

Please don't. That's the reason why you will loose it.

"I think I will ask this question to Eckhart"

Answer the questions.

«Seems to» Why ? And why Osho teachings would be bs ?

It really doesn't matter what the teacher does or doesn't. What is important is the teaching. If you refuse to hear a teaching because the teacher isn't appealing to your set of values, it's because you're still judgmental and cherish/cling your set of values too much, and project them on what the teacher should be in order to be considered as one. This isn't how life works, a teacher can have all the "negative" aspect in the world, it doesn't matter as long as the teaching comes from the source/the Truth. What is negative is relative, you could be the most pure version of yourself ever, and still be judged by most people on earth for not being like how they would like you to be. And honestly, I don't see where Bentinho isn't pure or evil, he's just being himself. The cost of his seminar ? Why not, it's only for yellow/turquoise that want to have a big impact on the world anyway, those people usually have that kind of money to spend. How do you know how that money will be spend anyway ? Maybe he has a vision about something and need the money to make it happen. You may think Leo is better on this for example, but Leo still charge 250$ his Life purpose course while the one of Bentinho is free (and his enlightenment course too btw), same thing with the book list. Now I'm not critizising Leo on this, it's just for the sake of comparison, and if you look at it, every teacher make some of their content behind a paywall ... Badboy who fuck lots of girls ? I don't see any problem with that, sex isn't a sin, so why not have fun with all the ladies that wants to have fun with you ? Btw, Rumi was known to fuck a lot of different women. Spending money on huge cars ? If it's something he has interest in, and enjoys it, how is that a problem ? Look at Osho The quote you posted, I don't see any problem with that too. He's basically saying that if you can't handle him (the Truth), it is because you (the devil/ego/illusion) wants to continue to lie to yourself. Every teacher says the exact same thing, just with differents words, and without the word "I". But remember that the "I" for an enlightenment person doesn't mean the same thing, he's not talking about Bentinho when he says that. I actually like him for saying it that directly, it shows he doesn't give a fuck about his self-image/reputation, cause a lot of teacher would sugar coat their sentences to save the appearance of the pure and intouchable guru (which is a lie for most of them).