Lynnel

Suffering without a way out to a greater life I guess ? For instance if someone would be stuck in guantanamo forever or being a poor british peasan dying for hunger he would simply meaninglessly suffer and then die off without ever getting the chance to experience some of the greatest things of life and not realizing that he will actually experience better lifetimes ? Like the fact of suffering and being in great physical/mental pain and being unable to make it stop and go after success and living an amazing impactful life (yeah lots of orange values here). So unescapable endless suffering and unability to make it stop ? Feeling like your life has been wasted and being able to do nothing about it ? Like if you were a prisonner of war being experimented on by the japanese, or simply killed of in a war camp, a witch burned alive, etc.

So from the highest/absolute perspective everything is "fine" in the very end (I know the distinction doesn't hold at this level but anyway's) and I can have a direct realization of that ? Like in short no ego no problem ? Oh I'm not focused on enlightenment that's for sure. I'm griding my way to yellow. Enlightenment is a huge fish to fry I'm gonna care about only later it's not for my current level. Only some spirituality here and there. Thanks you for your help I appreciate that. Thank you for your words. I always felt like a old soul. Plans for this life time are getting a nobel prize, leaving a nice legacy behind and fucking off to another sweeter dimension Not to get too wrapped in the issue again but the "you" you're talking about was completely "fine" with this while the ego weren't ? Like the temporary ego existence will still be suffering which doesn't matter to you in the large scheme of thing but is gonna matter to the ego experiencing it ? I'm not trying to mentally masturbate but just reach a understanding where I can put the issue to rest until I work on enlightenment and solve it in my direct experience. Thanks

@TheAvatarState So in short the only quote on quote "real" problem is created by my limited understanding of the issue ?

So far in my understanding unless the ego becomes aware enough to see itself trough me (awareness) and thus I am being disidentified by it become more aware I believe I'm actually the ego. I can't see the practical difference between being the ego which is suffering and being the witnessing awareness behind the ego which is suffering without knowing I'm actually the awareness. Yes of course once the ego dies it doesn't "matter" anymore but still it's like living a bad completely realistic dream for a while. I can understand why everyone is so focused on becoming enlightened but I can't grasp why the hell would "I" choose to experience a endless realistic sequences of nightmares. I can grasp on a logical level that it's not gonna happen to me identified as my current self but to the awareness behind it but still it doesn't soothe me enough x)

@Serotoninluv Thanks ! At least I'm happy I'm not the only one having this problem. I know it's purely something happening in my mind and not in actuality but still it bugs me down a fair bit. I can't possibly accept a mindset of eternal suffering and possibly horrible lifetimes. I really wished I had avoided that episode x)

@Azote Check out the productivity project by Chris Bailey. It might help a lot

Aim at 2g of dry mushrooms for your first trip and thus convert truffles accordingly. It depends only on whether you feel like you've integrated everything on a psychological level and wheter there are any physical symptoms you might wanna avoid. Imho, the fact that there is a 2 week tolerance is a safeguard mecanism put on by nature to avoid you trip too often

Or not ? Why are you so obsessed with making lots of people cooperate ? Be aware that's a big distraction to play along the line of : yeah let's change the world and everyone ! While really the best thing you can do for the world is being conscious of yourself and the collateral damage/benefits that are thrown into the world as a by product of your own development. Getting to yellow and having a full time life purpose will be way more beneficial for everyone than some weird orange level academia adaptation of actualized. By focusing on yourself and making a great example out of yourself and being careful about not damaging the people around you, you are most likely have a greater positive impact than whatever you expect and for sure a better one than if you ran a self-development institution with your current level of development. As always, keep calm and do the inner work

Good luck on your journey

@billiesimon Yeah I've thought a bit about this and in short I don't really know. Leo is very advanced and I guess your socializations needs are going to be very different at turquoise and at orange/green levels. There is value in socializing and there is also great value in spending quality alone time (without distractions) such as in hardcore retreats. It's best to do both without looking for a "right" solution because there is none Do what feels right to you

I've been thinking lately about doing a retreat where I would journal about my whole life story and meditate only to reprocess everything on a feeling level, with maybe bits of shamanic breathing. What I'm afraid though is giving more power to the past instead of releasing it. Like instead of clearing my past I would get more stuck in it while journaling about it which would have the opposite effect. Like I'd like to clear all of my emotionnal baggage from my past and like be able to fully think about it without having intense emotions come up - basically a mix of hurt, wounds, boredom, low self-esteem, emotionnal pain, etc. I want to fully integrate the past so that it will have only a positive influence with the lessons, but I seem to very often be stuck on certains events unable to process them as I think about them over and over again. I'm sure psychedelics will help me with this but I wanna also put a lot of work myself and do my homework instead of just relying on one tool to do the job

@Oliver Saavedra The issue is that for a bussiness to be green you need to have a green meaningful cause backing it up. And orange often won't move towards that because it has a lot of resistance. You truly have to restructure everything, like making an orange bussiness more greenish is a pipedream. The best you can do is give everyone psychedelics and most likely they will all resign and go do something else What bussinesses need is yellow consultants which can help you structure your bussiness integrating blue orange and green towards but even that would require too much of development on a personnal level.

Me : No I can't everything is true and false at the same time ! ? People : but... Me : Yes you're right. And also wrong. People : ...

You would be insane to pass such a big opportunity. Even if you don't use them to awaken, using them for psychological benefits is something you shoudn't pass on. They're imho the best personnal development tool available - as strong as you need to, naturally adapted to your needs, fast-acting , with permanent effects and they SCALE with your level of development. Like what else would you want ?

Theory is limited by its nature in the sense that by itself it does very little to you. For every bit of theory you need 100x times more action and experience to master and apply it. On top of that, every theory is by itself generic, it's advice relative to the one that gives it, not relative to yourself. You will need to go meta and find theory and adapt it so that it's relevant to you. In short, you're getting tons of maps from actualized but what matters is your actual navigation experience. It's helpful to have some generic maps not to get too lost, but at some point you gotta chart the waters yourself.

Dude SJS is way more horrible than simple red spots. Penicilin allergies are of a different nature I believe. Hope Leo gets well soon

I've recently been reading the book "what to say when you talk to yourself" and came to understand that there is indeed a lot of bad conditionning I need to get rid of and using self-talk (=affirmations) might be a great tool. I have one issue though : I feel like it's not because you believe in something that it will actually make it true. I mean you're not gonna get rich just because you're saying to yourself "I'm rich" every morning. In the same way you're not gonna achieve any impossible things or that won't influence your "objective" reality just because you're saying affirmations. So they're done mostly to remove negative conditionning which will allow you to actually achieve those things in the world ? I kinda can't pin point my doubt actually. I feel like I understand that programming created beliefs then attitudes and then emotions and then behaviour and how you act in the world influences it. At the same time I'm doubtful that actually programming your mind in that way will ALLOW you to succeed in the world just by itself, I mean basically it's like fixing the software so it can finally let the hardware do it's job ? Do affirmations have any influence in the grand scheme of things ? Couldn't you just act and do and let that change your beliefs ? Also, I feel like sometimes you need to accept painful realities and you're gonna have "negative" thoughts to some extent. In short, my biggest objection is : won't just changing your beliefs and believing in something make you completely out of touch with reality instead of making you take action, especially if the affirmation feels like it's false compared to your objective reality ? (I can grasp that there is no "objective" reality in short) What am I understanding and not understanding correctly here ? Thanks guys EDIT : TLDR Questions ; 1) Are affirmation a useful/powerful self-development tool or not ? 2) Will making affirmation that run against my beliefs (and experience) make me neurotic instead of changing my beliefs ? 3) What is the best way to make affirmations yourself => what is the best way to use affirmations ? 4) What are some good ressources to read on affirmations ?

Dose : 5.3g (dry) Method : Lemon tea with ginger and mint Set&setting : since this was a heroic dose I got a friend to tripsit me The trip This was an amazing experience. First of all I had all kinds of roleplay's and different perspectives like some parts of me revealing themselves and old pre-programmed things that appeared in my mind which I could recognize and reconstruct, like I could feel my Russian past, some type of fatherly love, some type of motherly love, etc. To sum up : I had a lot of revelations about adulthood and how there is no like "real" adult and consensus about that, there is no magic threshold where you become one, you just start At some point mushrooms showed me the hatred and bitterness I had against women and the mushrooms made a little teabag out of it which they cut out of me and told me I could get rid of this trash ! I could just let it go ! i cried you some of that pain. At some point I got "myself" thinking : wait but what is this voice in my head actually ? I felt like the mind was a strange enemy entity which was put into my body to control it and that I have to get rid of it. I also had revelations about how not everything happens in linear straight thinking and I'm too absorbed in my logical straight solutions ("my" mind's). At the peak, i got myself into loops, but "I" handled them like a boss : basically every time I would think about something there would be three perspectives and three loops arround it and I would have several vortexes of infinity at the same time and I was perfectly fine with that ! I felt like Poseidon on vortexes of water ! And the most crazy thing was, I was creating loops by thinking about the loops that where happening from my perspective, like what does that mean to me, and in bringing them to myself I was stopping their natural flow and I thought to myself wait it would be SO MUCH better if there was no "me" to stop that natural flow I could just experience without having it thought relative to me every time. Deep. Your mind and your subconscious are very impressionable. Everything has a good or bad influence on you. It's extremely important to handle that carefully. Your trip is also what you bring to it. You need a great setting and mindset going into it to bring the best out of it. The dosage helps but it won't make the work for you. I'm looking forward to tripping in nature and or in some more elaborate setting to bring out more depth out of the experience. I also should be more prepaired in terms of meditating more, contemplating more and allowing for deeper trips to happen. I was a very smooth experience because there was less "me" to resist the loop in part, so higher doses can help you a lot Also they don't seem too radically different from the 3.5g doses - I feel like what you bring to your experience matters as much as the dose. If you're ready psychedelics will totaly transform your life. Go try them !

@PsiloPutty @Nahm Thanks guys I've been wondering about bad trips : there are reports of bad trips happening out of the blue and I've been quite sceptical about it. Like I can't imagine how mushrooms can produce anxiety - they simply relax me during the come up. Sure loops were quite challenging but nothing as extreme anxiety people are supposed to get after 4.8g. I don't wanna jinx anything but I mean with some spiritual experience, a great set and setting how and the ability to surrender there shouldn't be any reason for an anxious experience ? I mean I feel like this heroic dose was a bit too smooth - I didn't experience true ego death I believe or if I did why the hell does it feel so good ? In short am I just responsible and doing a good job or quite lucky ? Would love to hear from you

@Nexeternity In the light of my recent experiences I came to reconsider my opinion on the subject. I've had a mushroom experience where I was basically becoming different women having sex with myself realizing it was completely normal and the best thing you can offer a girl is yourself aka your body and in the same way you desire them for sex they also desire you for it and it's a completely normal and non-sacred process. Big mushroom orgy followed. Anyways I realized there was a huge lack of authenticity like having sex for self-esteem and not simply sharing and a lot of BLUE conditionning related to sex and relationship with the whole virgin, sex is sacred and the orange sex and sexuality is a merchandise thing. Sex has been overly conceptualized and overly polluted by immense egoic agenda and we are still very very respressed (at a personnal level and for sure as a society) in terms of sex and relationships. While I still do believe some concepts of attraction apply (I'm still figuring this out bear with me xD) it is a great idea to leave needless conceptualisation and deep rooted conditioning behind. And you never realize how deep the conditionning goes nor how wrong you can often be until you get a fresh perspective. I mean relationships at blue/orange lack authenticity and intimacy so much I'm amazed they're even called relationships.

@ajasatya Yes sure thanks for the suggestion ! In short : 1) Are affirmation a useful/powerful self-development tool or not ? 2) Will making affirmation that run against my beliefs (and experience) make me neurotic instead of changing my beliefs ?

Thanks ! In physical time there is a come up of 40-60 minutes, a peak between 3-4 hours and then an hour comedown (most peak effects drop off in like 10 minutes, then I need 50 minutes to come to normal consciousness). So, around 6 hours total

@Leo Gura I've had issues with firefox on windows 7. It wouldn't sometimes load the forum, at other time would stop working after some things loaded totaly fine. No pattern in sight unfortunately.

When meditating and focusing on a single point I've had diverse moving shapes of violet/blue/green colors which would dance and underline objects. I took it as if I'm meditating correctly and ignored it. Most recently I noticed that if I focused on some thing for a bit I would get some sort of visual snow, especially blank surfaces. In the dark I tend to get more diverse colorful visuals and this is freaking me out a bit. What is it ? Could it be HPPD or visual snow or migraine aura ? I'm aksing because I'm afraid tripping more might make those symptoms worse and it seems that those symptoms in the dark have appeared after me tripping on mushrooms. In my day to day life I don't notice them if I don't pay attention (except in a quite dark room), thus I'm not too bothered by them yet but I'll rather be sure. Any tips and insights ? Edit : I've been meditating for a bit more than 3 years, 1 year of kriya yoga and tripped 3 times so it's hard to really understand the cause of this.

Okay great, at least this part is normal. Do you get some sort of visual snow looking at dark surfaces ? I'm trying to understand if I have some slight HPPD or it's just something I always had but never noticed before. I'm not sure if mushrooms created the visual snow or I'm freaking out for nothing I found a lot of useful ressources about Visual Snow and it appears to be related to clarivoyance ? http://www.occultforum.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=37358 https://in5d.com/diagnosed-incurable-medical-condition-turns-just-waking/ https://theawakenedstate.net/i-read-your-answer-to-a-question-about-visual/ http://theawakenedstate.tumblr.com/post/31924505680/do-you-know-anything-about-visual-snow-and-its