Lynnel

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Everything posted by Lynnel

  1. The idea behind my opinion is more complex : yes obviously age is a factor but "you're too old" can also be used to get rid of you if you're not attractive. So if he assumes it doesn't matter it won't bother him and obviously reality will strike and sometimes it will truly matter but at least he won't fail by thinking he's too old when he actually wasn't Overall we have to see on a case per case basis. It's very hard to have absolute statements for such things.
  2. Warning : There is gonna be a little venting and strong language because I'm quite angry but please bear with me (and mods please be comprehensive). Also for the love of god please avoid one sentence unhelpful responses with kindergarden advice. I've been looking for a job since november which is extremely hard even in a civilized western country because I lack experience. Employers feel so risk averse I sometimes think it's the great depression or a wallstreet crash - with the slightest mishap if you don't have much experience they all start rationalizing it negatively. Anyways. Back to my story. I've gotten a great first interview. Then a second one. In total I met 7 people from the company, totaly nailed both interviews. The HR offered me the job and send me a first version of the contract. All good right ? Nope. I go on negociating the contract, it goes perfectly fine and I sit waiting for the second version. The lady in charge of the recruitment then calls me and tells me she needs me to do a short trial. I'm like wtf but since I have no other choice (since i'm already committed to this job - I cancelled other interviews for it, yes big mistake) I do it. It goes fine. Several days later I send a mail asking what's up and I get the second version of the contract - finally all seems fine. Well no ! 5 day later I get a mail about how they still decided not to hire me. This is the worst way shape and form I've ever been treated in my entire life and while it's been several weeks I'm still enraged about it. I don't mind rejections much but this : acceptance, you're amazing , rejection, acception, rejection cycle just raped my self-esteem. It's a tremendous lack of respect and the employer doesn't care even a little bit about me and is gonna get away with it without ANY repercussions, while I'm here miserable having wasted several weeks and with a hole in my self-esteem on top of negative feelings about employers in general (which is not gonna help). I've never been an evil corporations guys and I'm fine with basic survival shit like not answering to candidates who you're not interested with. But going back on your word like that is just too much it's such a lack of integrity it's totaly proposterous. Thus I'm having feelings of rage I don't quite know what to do with and would like some help/insights with my situation. Thanks
  3. Yeah I learned my lesson Thanks for the support everyone ! See you arround
  4. Maybe you've never met an attractive guy who was older ? Either way you can't assume it's the case for everyone and while he can do nothing about his age he can work and should work on his social skills.
  5. Unless you are very well calibrated this is a hard no. If you look even slightly creepy those questions are gonna create anxiety in her mind about her possible safety. That's why she avoided answering in the first place. Don't. Also for the love of god don't train on random girls in your neighbourhood - go out to bars and clubs and upgrade your skills there. Don't worry age has mostly nothing to do with this - your social skills do. Best of luck
  6. In America maybe, but here we have a more chill culture + it was a average sized company. Like I totaly expected companies to be dicks and devils. But not to that extent. Lesson learned, I guess. Thanks for you comment though I felt a bit better I've already done the life purpose course and I'm still figuring it out. Negotiation is a soft skill and I accepter the contract as is, because since I have no revelant work experience I have no grounds to negotiate on. Altough I got promises of a raise within x months - which was great. Like this wasn't a negotiation problem. Companies always give you a lower amount expecting you to negotiate after. They didn't hire me so I have no one to leave Thank you Robert. Some nuance is needed : I only negotiated to have a raise later if I were to improve my skills enough. And I got that written in the second version of the contract. But I told them I was willing to take the contract as is. Yes I do underestand that employer have no decency at all - it's all survival and I hold no value in their eyes they don't bother considered me as a human being. I do disagree with that because I hope as we get more green we actually get some decency in the corporate world. Usually, if you make an offer here it's pretty official, once you make an offer you do not go back unless you go bankcrupt or a disaster happens. It's a dick move. I've checked with everyone I know they were pretty shocked. So no, did not expect them to accept the small changes I asked for and I don't think that was the issue in the end.
  7. I still can't grasp my head around the idea of the law of attraction. Like it's such a bad design : if whatever I think come trues it also means that me believing law of attraction doesn't work - will make it fail ? So since I believe that it's too good to be true, it's gonna be too good to be true and there is nothing that can make me change that belief ? Because I truly believe I cannot make it work in my favour So to some extent I'm completely lost on that issue because I do not believe that I can make anything happen with positive thinking. At least not on that scale. It's horrible. I'd love any help/tips with this.
  8. Wait I just realized - it's awareness or more like literaly nothing. That's a very great question to ask.
  9. I have several points I need to throw in this debate for anyone to understand : 1) You cannot be higher than a stage you're judgmental about. So if you are judgmental about stage orange pickup you clearly have not integrated it. There is nothing wrong with casual sex - also notice how labeling sex as "casual" makes it sound bad ? Typical stage blue I might as well say that semi irregular sex is bad, like sleeping with someone only on monday's is very very bad. Please don't. You'll go straight to hell. If you can't get something you want you might as well call it bad, it's a great survival classic. 2) Green builds on top of orange. There is a lot of talk about how "greeeeen or yellow" girls are all into this emotionnal connection which means that "they'll like me because I'm needy because I'm giving them all my romance and deep needy intimacy they all want" Nope. You need to understand that completely integrated yellow is VERY rare, as well as green, and in every case the people involved will have their own preferences and will not ignore their survival agenda and biology, things that may seem like they respond to """orange""" value tactics because they still have a good deal of integration to go trough. Being a vegan hippie or socialist doesn't mean you're at green and will like someone based on his ability to provide deep intimacy. Like huuuge general statements about other members are completely proposterous : Who told you 1 night stands cannot have deep emotionnal connection ? How do you know what they like and what they don't ? Maybe casual sex doesn't even exist in their reality and any sex is always beautiful no matter the time shape or form ? Also I'm quite sure they won't look down on people who are having so called "casual" sex just because they have their own personnal preferences.
  10. The deal is it's never gonna be like that in real life. Like you've surely had a girlfriend tell you a story along the lines " oh I just met this nice guy and we had great chemistry and we went for drinks and now we've been dating for 3 months and it's great". If an attractive guy is suddently talking to you you're not gonna be like "omg I have to run I am a pick up target" You're just gonna tell yourself a story oh I randomly met a cute guy while going out yesterday or during my lectures and that's it. The story of how you met your boyfriend is not gonna be : oh well he had to train for several years before he approached me (and it was the 51 first girls he talked to that night) and we got a great connection because he actually spent time working on his social skills and not being a complete looser. Duh. Becoming attractive has nothing to do with the creepy examples the media LOVES to throw at you !
  11. It's completely backwards. It's not rational and a girl is never thinking oh I choose this because it's gonna make me happy. The sex is good BECAUSE there is a value gain on her part. The financial support, taking her out on dinner or vacation does nothing. If she likes you, financial support is gonna be nice and if she sees no value in you it's gonna be creepy like oh he's trying to buy me what a looser. Exactly the same. If she likes you it doesn't matter ! She's gonna rationalize it! Plenty of people hate gays and they have loving wifes If she likes you she's just gonna think : " oh he's so cute when he's watching footbal", "great I love someone who is ambitious and wants to make a lot of money" "yeah whatever gays aren't great anyways" Yes she won't care. How she views that will be based on whatever she feels and the value she sees in you.
  12. @electroBeam Honestly everyone will project crazy stories on top of you interpretation which will only muddy the waters. The core dynamic is broken and it only means you didn't provide enough value in terms of fitting to her survival needs. That's why she slowly got rid of you. It has nothing to do with not being similar do not even believe that for a second. That's a complete lie. Get better with women in general and stop overthinking it. It's that easy.
  13. It's more of a light read but I really liked Marie Cardinal's " Les mots pour le dire" at some point during my therapy. She had quite some mother issues and her story could give you some comfort
  14. Where to start, huh ? it's never what you expect, right ? Preparations/set and setting/details mushroom type : cubensis golden teacher 2 g method : tea infusion I did all my daily habits before tripping, including meditation and made the green tea with the shrooms. I choose not to have a sitter because I didn't feel the need. I could have talked to my girlfriend if I started freaking out but doing it alone isn't for the faint of the heart and may not be appropriate for higher doses. You really have to know yourself and trust your intuition. For me it was quite obvious because well you are born in here alone and you die alone. You are always handling all of your shit alone. And you can only face your inner demons alone too. I did it alone, in my house, undisturbed, with some music sometimes to ease the stress it case it would happen. Also be fucking respectful and honor the substance. Be humble. I cannot stress this enough. It's even more crucial than letting go. As leo said tripping takes faith and there is this sinner vs not sinner mentality. if you're not humble the substance will kick your ass into being humble. You may even have fear coming into the trip but the world is gonna treat you the way you've treated the world. If deep down you are a compassionate, kind and gentle person, the substance shall treat you gently also. I didn't follow the guidelines completely and for instance watched game of thrones yesterday, I've watched a whole season of thirteen reasons why with my girlfriend last week this is why maybe I saw Golden Teacher as a chill ass nigga counselor at some point. Either way my lifestyle overall is very clean so that didn't account for much. Just kids be careful. ****Trip**** I payed my respect to the substance, without a clear goal in mind because the consensus seems to be shrooms show you what you need to grow and not what you want, so I simply decided to enjoy the ride and that's it. And it was quite a gentle ride. it felt at time underwhelming with little to no visuals. I was a bit scared of what to come and then also expected some flashes of genius insight from the heavens, and it wasn't like that. It was only awareness at work, and at some point, I just noticed : 1) Stop trusting your thoughts I had this whole OCD dynamic going on where I would argue with my thought like OMG did I turn off the oven, am I gonna die ? Shit am I gonna have a bad trip when thinking this ? And It simply occured to me : Oh wait it's just a thought. I can kinda disobey it. It's not truth. It's just a thought. I don't have to follow it, to trust it to say the truth about reality, etc. It's just a thought. A got a bit of a glimpse of that. 2) Fear is only fear. Fear is only that. I was scared of something bad happening, or I was just scare and at some point it hit me : what am I scared of ? I mean I felt it in my body and I couldn't run away from it. It was there. Whatever bad could really happen next and there was no escape. And then over a wave of trance it hit me...what am I scared of, even ? seriously? there is nothing to be scared of. Fear is illusory. There is nothing to be feared about fear. Also, I've been wondering lately why is there so much suffering and such a lack of joy in life ? Why is there so little we are truly enjoying? From a phenomenal perspective of course, I wasn't depressed or anything. Here, I quote the golden teacher : The early stages of my trip felt like a abused guy with a very hot girl and the hot girl very slightly touching him and being very kind, wanting to massively sex him into nirvana and I'm like shit I'm scarred I've been abused before. The great lesson is : 3) trying to avoid fear, everything you label as bad, the nagative shit overall, the danger, so called negative emotions prevents you from truly LIVING. You need to embrace it. An experience is just and experience. You need to learn to like live trough it. Just letting it happen ! Also I learned that I feel shitty because I'm scared all the time of : - other - judgement of others and myself most likely - what's gonna happen But overall : there is nothing to be scarred of. And I felt like a little kid with my listening to the turtle to feel better and not have a bad trip. And I was lying there wondering...how do people even get bad trips ? What have they done to fuck up so much ? Either way, fear is just that : fear. A primal feeling. Ultimately fear is pointless and there is nothing to fear. Don't escape from scarry experiences, they will end, all in nature ends, nothing is eternal. Also I learned I feel shitty because my body is very tense and very scared inside. Way more than I expected. 4) You have no idea how much you are in your head While I was gone making myself a sandwich ( with a butter knife of course be fucking careful ) which is not the most clever thing to do, I was thinking about MY TRIP REPORT. WHILE ON THE TRIP. I noticed that instead of having my trip I narrated my trip in some sort of future. And I was blown away by this. By this HUGE MENTAL ACTIVITY. You can't BE if you are conceptually narrating shit about x or y or w. The deal is, you only get NOW. I looked at my cheese toast and I was like YEAH this is ALL i get : the now. And I started tearing up thinking it would be the last toast in my life. You only have this moment. And most likely you are unaware of how much meta-thinking activity goes on in your mind and it's simply fucking amazing. I'm honestly mindblown by this. And it's true, sometimes I would have sex, and I would be like : oh yeah here I am, having sex, great. Life doesn't feel great in your mind. Too much mind kills the mind. 5) There is no magic pill, absolutely none. While sitting here tripping I was wondering, where is my mindblowing non dual experience and deep profound insight about my life situation whichi will fix everything over night and all shall become better? Where is the magic dust ? Newflash: it doesn't work that way. Leo got his great and amazing insight because he spent way more time actualizing than I did. And so he got way more results also. You do not get shit for free and you have to work for it. It takes a lot of work AND nature rewards work and effort. Psychedelics are not a magic pill. Well unless we are talking about the 5-meo atomic bomb. And even that, it would be actually pretty pointless for a commoner. He wouldn't be able to integrate his experience. Leo isn't just walking arround collecting amazing insights from the universe freely. Nah. You have to work many many hours, be very consistent and diligent, then trip balls, have mystical experiences and then convert them into gold with a strong framework you have built before. As I said before, life gets really good if you stop avoiding all the "negative" and "shitty" aspect but you embrace them. 6) You do not KNOW what a NEW experience will be like. A part of me was like : why would I need to travel, i mean I know what it feels like there or there, just some rocks, why fuck hotters girls, why do this and why do that ? Well. You cannot know. Something NEW is by definition SOMETHING you have NOT experienced BEFORE. THEREFORE there is NO way for you to know HOW it will feel/be like. No way. You can imagine, dream, speculate, but i will never match. The only way is to try. The only way is to 7) Jump To experience something new and unpredictable, where fear is involved, you have to take a leap of faith. THis is very key. There is always ALWAYS some risk in life. You just have to jump and do it. You cannot make the fear magically disappear, you cannot make it easy. Sometimes to experience something new, like a kiss, sex, or w/e, psychedelics, you just have to do it, take the leap of faith, go with the experience and truly leave. Yeah it will feel fucking intense and yes you have to be very very careful. But that's what life it about. You will never live if you are scared of making jumps. So jump, carefully, gracefully, but do it. Never stop jumping. 8) No one has to tell you how to live your life I feel often very judged by all the rules and thing you have to do right, like the simple lifestyle, the meditation, this or that practice, watching some game of thrones being bad, x or y being neurotic, there is always so much to upgrade, change, etc it becomes obnoxious. Honesly just do what you want. Higher consciousness will not force itsefl upon you. Most likely it's a projection of myself feeling bad about myself and imagining everyone is telling me how to live my life and what to do with it. I'll think this trough. 9) Random insights - You can't appreciate what you have because your awareness is way too low - you're missing a lot of life because you're afraid of the """bad""" experience - too much mind activity / you're too worried to enjoy life - You need to try new thing because judging them => you feel shitty because you'r eon the sidelines judging them. To conclude, I was expecting some harder visuals and more amazing very mystical insights but I guess I need to work for it a bit more. It felt sometimes overhelming. I will try to deal with all the issues mushrooms listed for me and then try a higher dose because I feel I'm quite ready for it. Also I wasn't able to meditate because of the body load which didn't feel always confortable. It was a very positive and charming experience and I believe it went very great for a first time trip alone. Proud of saying I lost my psychedelic virginity hehe. Thank you guys for you support @Leo Gura@nightrider1435@phoenix666@AstralProjection@OBEler@pluto PS: sorry for the english mistakes
  15. This is exactly what tripping on mushrooms does for me so you're 100% mistaken. Don't forget that tripping is extremely personnal and I'm somehow advanced when it comes to personnal development. Feel inspired about what's possible and work on yourself. People have way crazied trip reports than mine.
  16. @Anna1 Actually I've just had an epiphany while reading Meetjeoblack. It's not about the women. Culturally having a family/partner (w/e it's stage orange or blue) is an extremely important. At stage blue family + great job/status is like 99% of your survival. And since we are an underevolved species we are deadly when your survival is threatened. There is no decency when your survival is at stake at those stages. (and maybe even after I need direct experience for turquoise :p). No one is hating women directly : people are simply hating the fact that other people are severly threatening their own suvival. It's just the cruel dynamics of survival that are playing out in romantic relationships. If we had way more genders we would still all hate each others in varying degrees. Like we do with cultures
  17. You might be laughing but it does make sense. Philosophy is very difficult to translate. For instance, you can't properly study any ancient greek or roman philosopher without knowing latin. A translation of Heiddiger's work is not the same as the original in german or at least such a translation would contain some translator's biais you might wanna avoid. It's more complicated than it sounds at first glance.
  18. I mean at blue you sometimes only get what you're given by society while at orange you can hope to get an amazing relationship. By better I mean that you have a higher chance of having an amazing relationship (defined by your own terms or common things such as loving) at orange than at blue. And obviously an even better one at green, yellow, etc. I mentionned blue because blue is at the source of a lot of conditionning and you were most likely born to very blue parents. Most people nowadays even in the more developped countries are a mix of blue - orange - green. So blue is very important to understand.
  19. Okay it's way more complex. You need to understand that orange dating is better than blue dating on an individual level. It's obviously not perfect and obviously you should aim with experience to get to green. For some context, arranged marriage, social hierarchy about who is marrying whom, no sex before marriage, the king/lord of the country being able to sexually exploit lower subjects is something orange does away with. Also the dumb myth of the prince getting the princess. Basically until you have your fair share of experiences with dating at stage orange you will not be able to evolve to green. You need rules for things that would be (I hope) automatic at stage green such as for instance not telling a girl you only want her for sex not because it's false but because that would make her uncomfortable. You also need to get a grasp of the more "markety"/survival aspects of dating at stage orange which can feel like a free market when before it was more of a diplomatic arrangement kind of stuff. There is a tremendous danger in thinking that you're above pick up and criticising the whole mouvement is that you're never gonna do the work. if you're gonna be a good boy and stay where you're at waiting for your princess you're just gonna stay miserable. Obviously don't fall into the whole extreme ideology thing. In short : get way more experience. You can't fix your neediness by thinking. Get way way way more experience. Get so much experience it becomes completely automatic and natural.
  20. I did not have any ill intent - but yes I should have framed that a bit differently. I'll avoid posting on people's journals when they mostly need emotionnal support. I understand it's a serious issue and I wanted to pinpoint the fact she needed to take drastic measures because there are dire consequences such as liver failure at play. I also find that something along the lines of drinking 6 days out of 7 and using the other day to rest and process your emotions would work best than simply drinking less daily. Yeah I was too quick to speak, and I'm sorry for that. (About the troll : not stopping drinking completely just because you're french is not a great excuse and last time I saw someone ration alcohol it was in Bojack Horseman.) But yes I should have read more before thinking in that direction. I'll be more careful in the future. On the other hand I disagree with showering Amandine with praise just because she recieved a harsh comment while said she wrote several angry comments to insult me and is attacking anyone who contradicts her on sight. This is supposed to be a civic discussion and I don't wanna be witch hunted just because I stated my opinion carelessly once.
  21. @Nahm@Serotoninluv @mods There is a personal attack up there and I'm not liking it
  22. @Amandine In case you're not a troll I would encourage you to take this issue way more seriously. Like set a more powerful goal such as drinking only once per week or something. There isn't much difference between being a hardcore alcoholic and a medium one - it's just the speed at which you decay. I hope you stop decaying all together.
  23. Yeah I understood the value of detoxing very very quickly :D. Unfortunately I focused on some other stuff and didn't take the time to detox very deeply
  24. Sorry Leo that's a complete lie. Your Brand's name matters enormously. For instance Actualized.org is very well chosen = it's not an accident it's framed as an .org (higher purpose) while it's a LLC for instance. And also since it starts with Ac it's always at the very beginning of youtube subcriptions. Marketing is in the details.
  25. The way you counter this is having a curated instagram profile showing great moments with tons of social proof. That helps. Otherwise just stick to reality.