Pallero

@Afonso That's so great! Good for you! You let out negative emotion that you were resisting before and that was stored in your body for a long time. This way you can truly leave your past behind you. I try to do this regularly. It always brings relief and raises my self-esteem. It's very hard work, but it's worth the trouble.

Isn't rationalization a defence mechanism? This idea seems to be a way to distance yourself emotionally. Isn't that unhealthy?

It depends on the type of your anxiety. What makes you anxious? Instinctively, I'd say that you need female energy, but I can't be 100% sure.

@Anna Konstantaki Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi.

Yes, this is very common. It will take time, but don't worry, you can master it! Just let it happen for now, accept it while you continue your meditation and other practices. Don't fight it or it will get worse. Let it become obsolete as you focus on your own well-being.

There are no "right" and "wrong" decisions. You will never know how life would have gone had you made a different choice, anyway. We only call them choices, but actually there is only an illusion of choice. So what if it takes you a long time to decide? That's your style and you should accept it. You lost your self-confidence and now you are doing the best with what you have - that's great! I would say that you know yourself extremely well - since you know how much time you need. The world is in a rush. Most of us don't spend enough time on life decisions. Have you read the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown? It's a very inspiring read. He talks about the same thing as Leo in his video Lifestyle Minimalism. We all need to slow the f*ck down. Congrats on mastering the art!

Me too. How great is it that kids like that exist and are working to make this world better!

@Canadian How I understand this... so, according to Eastern philosophies everything is a mix of yin and yang, two powerful forces. Yin is the dark, soft, inclusive, pondering, feeling, feminine. Yang is light, expressive, active, masculine. The trick is to get them to be in balance. Everybody has both masculine and feminine energy inside them but many people make the mistake of expressing only one of them and suppressing the other. We make the mistake of thinking that since our biological bodies are either male or female, we must "act the part", express "our own" and suppress "the other". Problem is this type of behavior makes people very unbalanced. In order to be in balance we must express both. So "the asshole" might be an example of a man who expresses only his masculine energy. Let's not blame him for doing that. He thinks it's the right thing to do. But anyway... He might act confident and seem confident to those who don't know him, but the people closest to him (like his family) will tell you that he is only acting and is actually insecure. Why? Because he doesn't feel confident and he actually is not. (He might get a lot of girls but he can't get one to stick, he can't find true love. His love life is full of highs and lows.) The confident man, on the other hand, might seem not confident to those who don't know him. He doesn't care how he appears to others, because inside he feels confident. And those who are interested in him and become attracted to him soon realize that he is a very confident and balanced individual. He has embraced both masculine and feminine parts of himself. (This guy might not get so many girls but he tends to attract loving and amazing partners. His love life has some highs and lows but is mostly balanced.) Now, obviously, no one is ever just one or the other. Everybody is a mix of both. If you want to be an asshole, go on, be an asshole. See how it feels.

Hi, I'm interested too! What's the difference between lucid dreaming and astral travel? I tried a few astral travel inducing exercises a while back and experienced some floaty feelings, numbness in my body et cetera, but no actual travel yet, at least not that I remember.

@Martin123 I'm so happy that you started this topic! I'm really interested in star children and I hope that this topic will attract all the indigos of this forum.

@WelcometoReality Yeah, everybody is saying "I want to be happy, ME ME ME!" And what we think we want is in fact impossible. It's funny and interesting. And then when we hear about enlightenment, we say "I don't want that, that sounds like misery. How can enlightenment bring me happiness if there's no me? No, I want to be happy, ME ME ME!"

@Canadian Good question. The truth is there is a huge, like light year long difference between a confident man and an asshole, but it's not easy to see. What do you think of this video?

@WelcometoReality You are not a person, but you can feel happy. Isn't that interesting! <3

Thank you for sharing your story. It's really exciting to read and think "yes YES me too, this is so COOL!!!". I have recently noticed a change too in my own life - a specific one. In Finnish language we have this word "myötähäpeä" which means feeling embarrassment for someone else, like if you see someone do something embarrassing and cringe-worthy on TV or in real life, you get this feeling of *aargh facepalm horrible*. I just realized that I don't get that feeling anymore. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I did. I can't remember what sort of things made me feel that way in the past. I noticed this change, because I have observed other people cringe at stuff and wondered, like "I don't understand what's so bad about that." I just don't get it anymore. It's a small thing, and still it's quite liberating.

@avk123 Seconding (thirding? fourthing?) everyone here. Meditation did and does make me feel superior but it has also helped me to see that it's my ego that feels superior, not the real me. So yeah, it's normal, nothing to worry about.

Sounds like a plan, have fun!

Me too, when I was concentrating on another person's third eye trying to see their aura, their face started to ripple like there were something moving under the skin. Same thing happened as I was staring at my hand. I also did this thing a year ago where I stared straight at the sun for a while. Don't ask me why. Pretty stupid. Don't do it. But then a strange thing started happening. Sometimes when I would look at someone, it was as though the space between us would disappear. I would only see their face, like I was here and there and everywhere. At first I thought that I had damaged my eyes by staring at the sun, but now I'm not so sure. I think I'm having glimpses of something cool, like 5th dimension.

@JustinS I think that maybe your body is trying to get some more oxygen. Are you breathing deeply? Anyway, let it happen.

Hi! In my own personal experience medication is only a quick fix. When you are feeling really bad, it can be a good idea to use medication to get you through the toughest time. But it's not a good long term solution, because it gives you relief through chemically altering your brain and actually prevents you from naturally expanding your consciousness. I have used medication twice for the absolute worst anxiety that I felt like I couldn't handle, but on both occasions same thing happened. I began feeling like the medication was hindering my mental growth and distorting my natural emotions (aside from all the side effects). The first time it happened, I had been on meds for two years, the second time - six months. So it's best to find other tools for relief than medication. Meditation proved effective for you, because it brought all the suppressed pain to the surface, which is good and it's supposed to do that. The only problem is that perhaps you weren't expecting it and didn't know how to handle it. That's why you're scared to try it again. Who wouldn't be, after the experience you had? Daily meditation isn't for everyone or for every life situation. While it can be very helpful for many, if you suffer from a lot of suppressed pain in the form of anxiety and depression, it can be a little "too effective", which scares you and you stop. Teal Swan has a lot of interesting videos on embracing your negative emotions, depression, suffering and healing. See if you resonate with her message. There are a lot of things that you can try before you feel confident enough to try meditation again. Whatever feels good to you will work. Express yourself in any way you want: art, dance, music, fashion, writing, rearranging your furniture, sewing, being with animals, cooking, walking, taking photographs, building something... anything you enjoy. Take out a pen and a piece of paper. Make a list of things that you enjoy or have enjoyed in the past as a child. BE HONEST. Then do them if you can. Soon you will have let out enough painful emotions and can resume your meditation habit with confidence. If you have any more questions, let me know.

(I'm not enlightened) But I think that the fact that makes you happy is the fact that you're one with all reality. You no longer suffer from loneliness or other feelings of separation/difference/isolation and that feels very very nice.

@DimmedBulb I read most of your posts in this thread and it surprised me how strongly I could identify with some of them. I used to be very depressed, anxious, apathetic and full of self-loathing for several years. It's really really REALLY hard! I'm now trying to rack my brain for something I could say, something that would have helped me when I was in that situation. I tried to get help back then, but nothing anyone said or did seemed to make any difference. It only depressed me further. I thought I had to be completely abnormal and beyond any help. My beliefs of my own incompetence and worthlessness were so strong that nothing seemed to shift them. My life was living hell and I thought it would always stay that way. I wish I could give you an easy answer, but I haven't found one. Truth is, what finally happened to me was that I had been suffering for so long that I hit my personal limit (which is different for everyone, is my guess). It just got too painful and too awful to handle. I became very desperate. I had to make myself feel better, even for a little while! It became my sole purpose, just to feel better, whatever the cost. So I started fighting. Weakly at first and getting discouraged all the time, but then I perhaps found a video that sounded kinda motivating and then I found something else and the ball started rolling. Only you can feel how bad you feel and how much work needs to be done. And I feel that you really have to want it and want it bad. But don't worry, if you're not there yet, you will definitely get there sooner or later. Suffering doesn't last forever - it's a fact of life. And you might be thinking that it's not fair. How come others have it easy and you have to do all this crap? But please believe me when I say that no matter how impossible it may now feel, you WILL reap your rewards and they will be so amazing that no cello-playing Einstein will ever compare. Don't lose heart!

Do you do life-planning, time-management stuff, scheduling, to do lists et cetera? (I'm assuming that you have to.) Was it hard for you to learn or are you a natural organizator? How does it relate to enlightenment? Do they go together naturally?

Scream and shout and swear if you feel like it. Get angry with an ugly face. Scratch your butt in public if it's itchy. Burp and fart. Don't be too afraid of sounding sarcastic or mean. If you don't like children/puppies/decorating/makeup/et cetera, admit it and proudly embrace it. Be nerdy, be intellectual, be smart as hell. And be brave. Driven. Go after your dreams. Basically, do whatever you want.

Interesting question. I think that many people are struggling with "fear of enlightenment". For example, I worry that if I become enlightened, I'm going to leave my partner who I really love (but authentically? I don't know). I think that it's important to examine the worry. Why are you afraid of becoming gay? Would something bad happed if you did?

@spicy_pickles Those things that you get upset over might seem small or odd at first glance or to other people, but they are never that. The reason that you can't understand them might be that emotions and trauma run very very deep, and some of those things you have already forgotten. Then suddenly you come across something that inexplicably upsets you - it's cause it triggers something unresolved in your past, something that you haven't given enough attention to. You're not too emotional. You're as emotional as you should be and there's nothing to be embarrassed about.