I feel like there's a lot of context missing here. We don't even know your situation properly so how can we help? You said you budgetted whatever you could and did everything you could, but did you really? I'm not trying to be rude here but are you being honest with yourself and with us? Anyways, my reason for never committing suicide is that your life can always get better. Doesn't matter how dire your life situation is right now, there's always at least SOMETHING you can do to improve your life. And for you it may seem you've tried everything, but as you may know our egos tend to trick ourselves. So maybe there's some ddifferent approach you haven't tried yet who knows? But in the end it's your decision. I've just always viewed suicide as cowardly, at least in the context of emotional suffering like in your case, because how cowardly does one have to be to run away from all their problems in life? Again i don't know your circumstances but that's just how i'd see it if i were in your shoes. And the fact that not knowing what's after death is the only thing stopping you just sounds like an excuse to not take radical action to start changing your life.
I'm making a lot of assumptions here because you didn't really give me much to work with, especially considering the limited context you asked this question. I only know that you're 28, live in a moldy room somewhere, have financial problems, and probably lives in the US? Like i don't even know in which country you live. Look man there's always light at the end of the tunnel, even if doesn't seem that way. I truly believe this tho, and i also believe that you can control how you feel about your life. But to end things of i can ask a few questions:
In which country do you live? (Different health care systems in different countries)
Why do you live in a moldy appartment? (As in what's stopping you from moving to a better place?)
Do you have financial constraints? Why? (Can influence your possibilities for getting help or not)
What got you to this situation at the age of 28? What past experiences and wvents caused you to feel/live this way? Like if you're going to ask a loaded question as you put it, then at least give the appropriate context so people can actually help you you know?
There are just a looot of questions unanswered here, of which the answers to those questions matter a lot on what kind of help you need. Do you have any mental illnesses for example? Are you physivally healthy? Are you not obese? Is your sleep schedule good? Do you have a job? What kind of job and what kind of influence does it have over your life? How much money do you make? Can you make ends meet? Etc.
Do you get what i'm saying man?
Anyways sorry for the long message but if you're truly considering suicide then get some help brother. And if you can't, then ask yourself why. There's always a way.
