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About jdeugarte

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  1. @jse , thank you but I think I was overreacting a little while writing the post. I don't want you to worry for me. I guess you're right, I am going through a bit of a gray phase. I really do appreciate your kind words. English is not my first language and I tend to write and say things in a different connotation. I am a little embarrassed. Thanks!
  2. @Prabhaker bad news for me then.
  3. Lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I've been thinking that death is the only thing that would stop the uneasyness that creeps in. I feel as if I am ultimately useless because all the things that I used to want, and still do in a way, and the things I am presently doing are not only useless but somewhat impure and evil. I know it is something to expect but it feels good to write it and know someone will read it. It feels as if I am what I do.
  4. Something that has a very strong connection to enlightenment in my opinion, is the lyric of Paul McCartney's Beatle song, "I'm Fixing a Hole". I don't know why but It seems to have something to do with it.
  5. @Bob84 thats what I thought. Thanks
  6. @Leo Gura Thank you, honestly.
  7. @Guivs I don't have a teacher. i live in a very isolated country in South America and I've never heard of any teacher down here. That is no excuse but for that reason I always tried to get guidance from what I found in the web. I've had some really special experiences, three or four to be more precise. At the time I thought they were it but I always had a weak feeling that told me the opposite.
  8. Lately I feel as if i were going in circles in this path to enlightenment. Right now, as I am writing this somewhat of a question, my mind finds a way give an anwer to my question, but it's not a satisfying answer. So i think that what I really want to ask is, is this it? Is there something beyond this? Or should I resign myself and learn to live with this? Thank you.