Sincerity

@tuku747 Clever. Yes, according to my memory fear is of Love, ultimately. Funny how it turns out...

Please stop trolling him already.

He's just trolling You. It was funny for a while, but please let it go now. That said, I can't see what's on the screenshot because of its aspect ratio. And when I zoom in it's blurred. Maybe instead of long screenshots You could go with a few normal screenshots or just copy and paste the text You wanted to show us.

I'm sick and spent most of today in bed. Lately at times I feel devoid of purpose and meaning. What the hell is the point... Yesterday I watched Leo's poetic description of consciousness video and started questioning whether I really want to do this work. As he said, it is dangerous and there are no guarantees. I fear I'm going to kill myself. I fear fucking up my life. And I fear Infinity, to be honest. I fear being as "careless" as It. I realized I am not serious. And yet there's still some peace in the background that helps me see through confusion and negativity. As long as it's there, I'm still standing. (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

??

@Someone here Dude, You are making so many unfounded claims and assumptions it's appalling. Just admit that You don't know.

Speaking of subforums, I'd make a loose suggestion to merge the Intellectual Stuff subforum with Personal Development (Main).

Today I found out about Conor Neill. I think he's an example of healthy stage orange and I like what he has to say. To me he feels intelligent, considerate, reflective and with a proactive, disciplined, entrepreneurial mindset. He's no sage. He's no yellow thinker. And he is constrained by his stage. But I could still learn a lot from him. I have not deeply integrated healthy orange yet, I figure. "All great writing is rewriting." (editing) "The past is a great teacher if it's well documented." "Are you working towards a life of "no obligations" or towards a life of "fulfilling obligations"?" "The more people that know who you are and what you stand for, the better." (for finding opportunities) https://conorneill.com/2021/12/05/how-to-find-opportunities-increase-your-luck/ --> Great post.

I don't have techniques I intentionally employ. I just think. I'm curious about stuff. I dig often into what reality is. Most often I start longer contemplation session by journaling about my life and then I switch to pondering more deeply some concepts or aspects of myself that have come to attention. It's done naturally. I try to connect concepts together. For example yesterday I was investigating what relaxation is (I wanted to know how I can relax well) and came to the conclusion that all of these have something in common: Relaxation, surrender, letting go, flow, self-loss, fun, intuition, mastery, familiarity, similarity, repeatability, clarity, autopilot, enjoyment, control, release of tension, effortlessness, orgasm, awakening, acceptance, etc. I was sitting bored in a college class today and went further on a piece of paper (for like half an hour) to interconnect more. I find that many insights arise simply by interconnecting things. I would add that writing helps immensely with getting a stream of insights going. Either on paper on digitally. Lately I use the iphone notes app a lot. And finally I'd say that the greatest insights arise spontaneously from a place of surrender and concentration on experience.

Lately I've upped my contemplation game (reached amazing results!) and a new challenge has arisen for me. I have sooo many great and useful insights which I'm really fond of, but it becomes way too much to interconnect everything or even remember a lot them. I realized that I simply can't hold very much in my mind at once. Moreover, my commonplace book in OneNote and vault of insights in Obsidian are becoming too much for me as well - I'm overwhelmed by the sheer amount of insights, deep questions, concepts, etc.. Thus, I forget about most of these notes, many of them incredibly valuable and insightful, which is a shame to me. The gist is that I want to be a great intellectual in my life, I want to have a very broad perspective on life, I want to understand reality deeply, all that stuff. I feel discontented with the fact that I forget about so many nuggets of wisdom which could certainly be of use in my journey. So I ask You for your advice. Is it a matter of better organization and workflow with my commonplace book? Do You think one can develop their ability to hold more things in their mind at once? Or maybe I should let it go and stop trying to save most of my insights? Ultimately I will solve this myself somehow but hey, some input from outside is always welcome. Please grant me your wisdom!

Healthy Orange Entrepreneur Role Model - Conor Neill https://conorneill.com/new-here/ I found this guy's blog posts and videos valuable. He feels mature, considerate and intelligent and I think he's integrated stage orange values in a healthy way. Some links to give You a taste. How to Improve your Clarity of Thought There is no Freedom without Self Discipline How to find Opportunities (Increase your Luck) Don’t Make This Mistake: Good Intentions but No Actions

Sheesh.

I don't know that. Do You? I don't really think about karma (or buddhism in general) but I wouldn't be surprised if it was endless. You can't believe what they tell You, I think You shouldn't even believe there is anything like "karma".

Isn't the pursuit of understanding infinite as well... It's not about 100% perfection I think, with either understanding or suffering. With understanding I feel like it may feel always perfect and then even more perfect because it always seems infinite and whole. But is it ever really, if there's always more? I think one could have a high and satisfactory level of peace/eradicated suffering. Like with understanding. Thank You for your responses.

Well, that's debatable. I think one can feel something but have no idea what it is on a "deeper level". But fair enough. * * * * * * * * * * I suppose it's really that You get what You shoot for. If You shoot for infinite understanding, You get understanding. If You go for eradicating suffering, You eradicate much of suffering. Etc. I'm just wondering whether I could go simply for BEING and only that. Become the highest states of God without understanding/interpreting in the way. I'll try at least...

Or simply: I am Juan (I am One). Nice hahaha

Don't You think suffering fundamentally comes from misunderstanding? Do You have in mind any other paths worth exploring for purposes other than yours, for example the complete eradication of self, all concepts, mental framings and suffering/misunderstanding? What would You say their guiding value would be? Do You find value in/appreciate any other paths than understanding?

Of course I'm proud of it. It's only my forum nickname, not my actual name. Well yeah, that's what it is. Still makes me laugh.

A Cry Into the Void I sense that RADICALLY different ways of being / comprehension / feeling, etc. are possible. Completely different from all this human stuff. Absolutely new “worlds”, “creatures”, “feelings” – Gosh, even these concepts are not necessarily absolute. NO CONCEPTS ARE! There doesn’t have to be suffering, pleasure, humans, planets, fear, idea of death, mind, thought, feeling, pointers such as God, Truth, Infinity, Love, Beauty. All of this is what’s HERE, but it wouldn’t have to be the case in an utterly new experience. And there must be an INFINITY of such new experiences! Last week I set an intent to really go beyond all concepts and reach PURE BEING. I wanted to BE. But I just couldn’t overcome my limited way of perceiving the world and the awakening was framed in a human way. Words like “Dream”, “Fantasy”, “God”, “nothing”, “Being”. ALL OF THIS IS CONCEPTS! That which is being “pointed to” (foolishly) has nothing in common with any of these words and ways of understanding. I am dissatisfied with all human teachings. Even Leo’s! Let’s take this pointer for example: https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-004 This is based in concepts of morphing, a flamingo, sitting, a world, caring, being mad. And the cherry on top is the pointer “God”. It’s all human understanding. Another example: https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-011 This is based in concepts like X not being Y, pointer “God”, realization, dream, “all” = everything, carefulness… do You see what I mean? I don’t blame Leo for this of course. I find Leo to be a level above all other teachers anyway. I don’t blame the humans. It’s just that I feel slightly dissatisfied with everything… I cannot formulate a single thought that isn’t of my constrained human comprehension. I can’t do it. I can’t fucking go beyond my programming… but I want to. I want to be SENTIENT! I WANT TO AWAKEN!!!!! (Still concepts…) I wish to experience radically new ways of experiencing, feeling, understanding… Not that there’s anything wrong with this experience, but I feel like there’s more I could go for. I sense that it CAN be done… and if it can, then why not do it? I’d want that. I feel sad. It’s only a hunch I have, I am not sure about all this… I just feel like there’s more, I feel like I could be more. I still have stuff to do here but right now I look at it and it’s boring. I don’t feel like this all the time of course, in fact this is the first time this is happening. I wanted to note it because I find some meaning in it… It’s a feeling that I sense might accompany me more in the future and drive me forwards. Is this not accepting what IS? Am I a fool for wanting this or is this Intuition speaking? I don’t know. I feel like it’s Intuition, but how can I be bored of all this so soon…? I haven’t yet had as deep awakenings as I could with this human comprehension and I’m racing to go beyond it already? I don’t know… Why am I not appreciating this beauty around me? Maybe I’m stupid. Or maybe, just maybe this intuition is pointing me to some wonderful, shocking and sanity-shattering possibility that is really what I’ve been working towards with all I’ve done so far? Maybe. I don’t know. Guess I have to be patient for now… I’ll see how life unfolds. This is what I wrote yesterday at 2 am. It was sincere. I don't feel this way right now but yeah... I really feel like there is so much more here for "me". I want to explore IT. I'm thinking that I might really make use of Leo's new course on Alien God. It seems like this is what I'm kind of looking for? Although I think I still have a reaaaally long way with "ordinary" awakening.

Fuck. I just checked and Sincerity is a girl's name. Well...

My college friends were calling me God jokingly sometimes because I was helping them pass math subjects. In fact because of that my nickname in our group conversation is "Tim|God", lol. They don't know how right they are.

Interesting. What You say rings true and aligns with some of "my" latest insights. And yet I wonder... all that You say here is your understanding. Ehh, I gotta contemplate whether it's possible at all to go without it. Thank You for your wisdom. Sincerely.

That's how it is sometimes, I feel. It depends on state. You can always get more insights by asking more questions. And by contemplating more in general.

I'm in it for the exploration. I'm in it for experience. I'm in it for BEING. But I'm starting to doubt the understanding, the interpretations, the stories. Especially my own, of course. Sure, everything is IT always. But that says nothing about the course of action, the guiding value motivating You to awaken. I'm starting to sense the same. Although I don't know what Leo means by understanding. Even though it's understanding through being (and not merely intellectual ofc), I feel like there's still separation there. Why not be through being instead of understanding through being...? I don't know what You mean. Do You mean the pointer is not It?

I still haven't watched Leo's video on insight because I didn't have the time. Or rather I was more preoccupied with my own insights. Interesting! If I had to record ALL of them I would literally be writing all the time. It's too much. This thread is kind of old and I don't even remember the state of mind I wrote it in. My problem has resolved itself I think but Y'all can still share your thoughts/advice if You want. For me insights are meant to be contemplated even further to go as deep as possible with interconnectedness and understanding. Then at the end when I'm tired with all the contemplation I can look at the entire perspective with a smile and finally rest. Nowadays I spontaneously record interesting thoughts/insights in a notes app on my phone and periodically make reports to process them to a greater extent. I very much enjoy this entire process and it helps with clarity immensely. I don't mind sharing them - I often do through the posts I make. I guess so. Although writing them down helps a lot. To kinda get them out of my system.