Fernanda

I figured I might have Asperger for a variery of solid reasons. I never enjoyed labeling characteristics or conditions, as I think some distinctions might not be useful. I always avoided "diagnosis" in general. But I think it has been helpful to realize differences as it easier to love deeply the aspects in ourselves we do understand, so I am investigating more deeply how my brain operates and why some things that seem so easy to most people are hard for me and vice versa. Now I am aware I may seem odd to most people and I am learning to love that, instead of hating and trying to change it somehow. I struggle a lot with executing really simple tasks in daily life- I really do- at the same time I have such rare gifts most people wouldn't get in a lifetime. I also struggle with intimate relationships. I don't find the attraction game hard, but it is hard for me accepting other's limitations when in a relationship. I think I project my perfectionism and high standards on to them, but it is not on purpose, I just don't see things the same way as they do. I can't help it. I would really like to get married but somehow it seems I wasn't born for that. I think I've developed a fear of hurting the people I love the most. Despite all that, I've developed an imense capacity for love and my mind is pretty open and non judgemental. I would appreciate if anyone with Asperger could share something about it. Should I get a proper diagnosis, would it help somehow? Are you able to keep intimate relationships? It's very important ❤ Thank you.

That's exactly it! Not only I cannot get subtle social clues but I find super exausting having to attend to social norms and events, because I get hypersensitive about everything around me, because the broad and complex connections run crazy inside my mind, and most of the times it's telling me clearly that those societal things don't make any sense. I can't even explain, but I've trained all my life so I could handle it a little better and enjoy the odness of it. That's great. Let me know when you finish it ? thank you for bringing your perspective.

@Reciprocality I might be using an imprecise wording here, as "being" and "having" are quite different, indeed. I know how I've been all my life and I know I share many states of being with people who have been reportedly diagnosed as such. As I said, I didn’t even have a clue about any of that before, I just knew there was something different about me that I just couldn't make sense of, and now I can. As we raise in consciousness, we learn to love ourselves better and we can confront somethings fearlessly, as we are not so bothered or identified with the relative, so to speak. But as you have beautifully written no diagnosis could possibly "ESSENTIALIZE" me. It's just a compass for making sense of my direct experience/behaviors. As Leo said, it's second order stuff.

Yes. That's why he said you can chose to feed the hungry or to wake up from the dream. The hunger will go away, either way is fine.

You are right. It's hard to trust tests and specialists on that. I've investigated a lot and I am pretty sure I share many traits. I spent a lot of time practicing being social and "reading" people. By now, I could say I got even good at it. Sometimes when something doesn't come by default and you have to learn it the hard way you can be better than average, which is ironic. But I invested a lot learning to socialize because it used to drain my energy. Now, I am researching how to improve my focus. Thanks

That's right. I am radically honest and I can't help it, but the caring and chilling part is still there. It can be hard to some people and good for others. I have to chose a lot who I can relate with, though. Good to know about your experience. Thanks ?

@Nilsi very clarifying. Thak you?

@Mormegil thank you? Let me me know if you went further with the diagnosis. I am pondering about that, it's tough even to find good doctors around here.

I dont want to create an identity, but I guess it could be helpful for my carreer, as you said. I am in conflict here. Yes. I was a lonely child who loved to read, but I always found people who got facinated by my intelligence, so I felt a little less lonely at times. I still spend A LOT of time alone. Do you still need time alone? That's the thing I am struggling the most. I think the patterns of repetitive behaviors are getting worse somehow. I can really get obsessed with a subject or something and I can't get my focus out of there. I need to find some healthy practices for that Thank you. I will never forget that.❤

Yes. When it's time to set boundaries, usually people get scared, because I need a lot of time alone and expect people to be there for me when I want connection. That is why open relationships or those which don't demand commitment work best for me. But at the same time I wish I had someone who could fully commit to who I am. It's tricky.

Good to know that. Cheers.

Exactly. Past, imagined as it is, is a factor of understanding.

That's true and we have this habit of seeing separation and distinction where there is none. I feel I sometimes go back to an automatic mode of seeing separation which robs my joy for a moment. We have to unlearn, deconstructing the mind, layer by layer through direct experience. What a journey this is! ❤

It's beautiful to see each person as they are, where they are, lovingly no matter what. Truth has many layers and it is not linear, if you are awakened you will see how everybody is doing their best even in the midst of ignorance and suffering. The feminine has this capacity. That's being awake beyond holding rigid concepts of what is.

Beautiful!

Understanding is action, perception acts. Just notice that.

@Razard86 it's an interesting subject. I think about that dance between the masculine and the feminine within ourselves a lot. It's a beautiful energetic flow of energy. I think a really healthy integrated human being could have a deep and fullfilling relationship with anybody he/she wishes, despite the gender. It's about energy, not gender, I guess. I think it's a POV that embraces more possibilities and perspectives. All relationships present room for growth, because it's a mirror. The problem is that we create so many labels and identifications that really become a veil to true seeing.

Yes, pure magic! I heard many people tell me lately that I am so INTENSE and that's what they like about me. I was thinking about what this means and I think it is related of this quality of attention that pulls us out of time. You leave an impression, a trademark all around you without any effort. Sometimes a moment is so intense that you keep feeling its impression for weeks or months.

@Galyna when there is an impersonal sense of awareness time seems to pass neither fast or slowly, the moment seems to be totally out of time, it's hard to explain it in words. I mean...when you are having a great conversation which just flows and you get "lost" in the moment and in the reflection of "another", you can only make sense of time when you get back to the concept of time and try to make sense of it.

Yes. It was a though journey. Thank you for understanding, I am glad I found you❤

I was a kid, I was playing on the rocks and I slipped, I was falling down a huge waterfall. Then something brought me back, I was taken back to the top, against gravity, against science, against any possible explanation. That experience scared me for many years, until I managed to report it to my mother, who didn't understand, no one seemed to understand what I couldn't prove...oh my God! Only I could understand. (do you understand me?)

I do get it and thank you for this great post! I've been having similar insights about the TRUTH. Yesterday I was at a party and I simply realized how each thing happening was capital "m" ME/GOD doing it in real time. The realization deepens the quality of attention and non resistance, it's just you with yourself, loving whatever is shown about yourself.

Perfect advice! That will change the reflection. If you fear being hurt, love that fear to death, then the deception with people won't get your attention that much, it will still happen, but you will move on so quickly as though it didn't happen.

When is the right time to confess your romantic feelings for someone? We know each other for quite a while and we are friends. Never kissed, never had a romantic date, because we both were in another relationship, but we always hang out a lot in person and we do flirt. A few days before, after we had a wonferful afternoon together, He texted me..."I really adore being with you". I said the same, but it seems we are both afraid to cross the lines. Maybe you can help me with some insights on that. Thank you❤

Verbals are actually 8% of communication, as I was researching, the rest is body language. I guess I just need to show up and be authentic. That is something to be more aware of.