JonathanG

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About JonathanG

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  • Birthday 05/04/2000

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    Houston
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  1. We all know some of the basic ones such as overpopulation and energy. But what are some others?
  2. Hello all, It's been almost a year since I got exposed to spirituality and such. I'm seriously thinking about pursuing the path and I need some help but first I thought I'd share what led me here and the traps I had fallen into before my decision. So I first discovered personal development and self-help when I was 14, I was a freshman in high school and I was really miserable because I had a severe stuttering problem. I got into personal development because I needed to know why I stuttered and the psychological mechanisms behind it. I knew this would help because I was never born like this so there was a time where I could speak normally and I vividly remember that I did. I unconsciously conditioned myself into being this way as I grew up. So after some browsing that year (2014) I discovered actualized.org and I was excited to change my ways. So after consuming new concepts and perspectives from some of leos videos and helpful books, I gained some traction in my life. I recognized my victim mentality, my negative self-image, the importance of emotional mastery, etc... but when it came to actually taking action on my speech and starting to talk people I just wouldn't I would be stymied. And I came to the conclusion that I was afraid to take action because I didn't want people to know I stuttered because I was afraid of what they'll think of me. I didn't want to be vulnerable. I was 15 when I decided to tackle this new can of worms about people pleasing and having my self-image predicated upon peoples opinions. So I gobbled up more theory blah blah blah. "Ok, I have to take action now!" And I did but it was half-assed. For example, I would speak up more in school just individually and not in a class session. it was slowly coming together but still, I had all these limiting beliefs and doubts and you know how it goes. Resistance and homeostasis. Nothing seemed to change after a while of brute forcing myself to half-assing taking action. So there I was desperately searching for that golden nugget. Then I turned 16. When I discovered a new book written by a former stutterer. That revolutionized my paradigm on the cause of it. And received a sort of therapy from the person. Long story short, again I was gobbling theory blah blah blah. I would dabble in taking action. I gave up. And I knew why yet I would still indulge in the behavior. Towards the end of 2016, I was hopeless. What could I do? Trying to control my speech doesn't work because it just reinforces it. (I have to stop here and explain that not all of my personal development journey was purely based on my stuttering. I got some great insights into my passions. I love music and space travel. So I did get something out of it.) Anyways, because I still stuttered I was afraid that my dreams about making a career out of my passions would be slim because I was terrified of doing a basic human function which is to orally communicate to people. I was even more miserable than I was in my past teen years combined. Because I was depressed I wanted another way to solve my stuttering and that was when I was exposed to spiritual enlightenment in the end of 2016 through leos spiritual enlightenment intro video. I was even more depressed after seeing that video and kind of nihilistic about my future relating to my dreams and career. Mainly because I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of reconciling doing personal development work and enlightenment at the same time. God I wish I had seen the video after that one which explained my problem because I was about to spend my entire 2017 deluding myself even more. So after my nihilistic period went away I needed an answer the paradox of personal development. So I went off seeing more spiritual videos and gurus and soon enough I was slowly becoming an ideologue. I suddenly turned my back on my dreams and success and just didn't care about it anymore because it was "anti-spiritual" (That sounds so fucking stupid just typing it XD) I'm 17 now and in my senior year of high school and my grades took a hit. Also did my music playing, my hygiene and physical health. Basically, my life was a wreck. behind already stuttering like a madman. I was doing all of this shit I guess because I believed all my spiritual beliefs were a sort of moral righteousness so basically, I was like those people in middle eastern terrorist groups so sure of themselves fighting for Allah. ...So It was like this for most of 2017 until the beginning of October where I was slowly seeing how bad in a rut I got myself into. So after some serious contemplation and journaling here we are today December 28, 2017. Where I've finally realized that the map is not the territory. Also, I realized that I only got into spirituality and did an endless mental masturbation of extra personal development theory instead of taking action for 3 years...because I'm fucking scared of taking action about my speech. And I've already been through this shit. I know why I don't want to. Because I care what other people think of me( my whole self-image is predicated upon this) and homeostasis. And I thought learning about enlightenment and gathering beliefs about it would be a magic pill panacea to shatter my old conditioned beliefs about people pleasing which would then help me stop stuttering. So now, I've already accepted the paradox of personal development. And I'm aware of my traps and potential traps upon holding spiritual beliefs. So I decided that I was going to start anew with the spiritual path. I just have to keep two things in mind. 1. I have to be open-minded and self-honest with myself and 2. I have to embrace paradox. So after rewatching leos enlightenment intro video and the one where it says what to do after learning about it and the 2nd part. I want to take this path because I want to suffer less and get in touch with the nature of I. But there's this voice in me saying that that the only reason why I want to take this path is that I want to destroy my stuttering self-image. And I feel guilty because it could be true but I'm not supposed to be doing it for purely for that reason. You would want to take this path because you are searching for the truth for truth's sake. And not because you think this journey will be an easy step guide to getting rid of your stuttering ego. I mean I've convinced myself that I stutter based on self-fulfilling prophecies and cognitive biases and transcending the ego would dissolve it. So that's my question. Do I take this path or not? Actually, that's not even my intended question. I actually intended asking questions about the first 2 parts of leos enlightenment videos, (About the voice he talks about in the video and how self can get out of self) But it seems I've made it into some else entirely. I guess you can answer the first question and then I can talk about the original questions I have.
  3. Are there any foundational books, blogs, videos out there I could learn from?
  4. Hello all, I've recently been wanting to do some inner shadow work and some contemplation on my emotional problems relating to a stuttering problem that I have, but whenever I meditate I can always feel my breathing shallow and chest tense It really bothers me. I do some mindfulness and I try to just focus on the shallowness and just let it be while concentrating on it but it takes a while and I get distracted by thoughts. I think I should incorporate a breathing technique before my meditation so any suggestions? Thanks, :D.
  5. So I'm a newbie in Personal Development and recently I've been exposed to Spirituality and Enlightenment and I had a bit of a crisis, relating to the paradoxical insight of how can self-development happen when there is no real self. I then found some groundwork and I was able to make them both compatible. But I've recently noticed at times when I am off track on my self-actualization I use my "knowledge" of spirituality as a defense mechanism and I end up feeling lost and complacent. I know that they're just beliefs assimilated erroneously and that I shouldn't take it seriously at face value, I have to experience it first. But I still cling to it like a madman, I want to let this go because I'm not progressing in my practical life, I'm deluding myself. Help would be much appreciated, Thanks!
  6. Hello All, I've been having some emotional problems(anxiety, mild anger, pessimism, victim mentality) and I have been getting some good insights and exercises such as meditation, breathing exercises, and Sedona method. But they keep prevailing. But somehow I keep resisting. I'd like to try an alternative. I want to experiment with psychedelics so I went to the book list and checked the psychedelic list but all of the books with psychedelics deal with 5meo and enlightenment and I want to experiment with them for my anxiety treatment. So does anyone have some good suggestions? Thanks! (I somehow feel like I want to use psychedelics as a magic pill that will cure all my emotional problems, but I'm not sure if it's justified.) I'm pretty sure it doesn't, some practical work also needs to be accompanied.
  7. Hello I'm 15 and I want to start a clothing brand business and I already have some capital, my research, analytics, logo, e-commerce platform(not set yet but I know which one), mission statement etc... but school starts again on Monday. and I'm worried If I start now I won't have too much time to work on it because of schoolwork (I really value academics) so basically I would just waste the little amount of money I have. I mean I could become a workaholic but then again I don't want to damage my health, life is short. I have all these teenage norms to be engaging in(nothing time wasting or crass) like sports, dating, getting my first job, learning about other money making ways, playing my music etc... I'm really passionate about business and I really want to start my first one although there will be challenges and failure will be inevitable. I'm going to turn 16 soon so should I get and save to startup or should I risk it and invest my money in starting it now?
  8. I am a 15-year-old high school student and I've been trying to start a meditation habit during school weeks. Since I have school and other teenage norms. The only time I get to meditate is in the morning. I still meditate on weekends, though. I tried variously to wake up really early and do my morning routine and then meditate. But when that alarm rings I always tend to feel extremely lazy and in a way sort of depressed(I currently have self-esteem issues). I always end up turning off the alarm which has resulted in me being tardy when I go to school. Help!