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  1. @Elisabeth Yes deep surrender, it makes me so content. I think I feel BDSM has something to it , but I don't know yet how to systematically get out of it what is best for me , spiritually. I will be searching for this.
  2. @bloomer It's all fine. Everybody has different desires and needs. Most kinky people love vanilla sex too and each kinky person is also quite different.
  3. Your making a cliche out of BDSM. There are lots of male slave who cant find a female dominatrix. Both genders enjoy losing control, surrender, the thrill etc. And there are lots of people like me who do both roles. I just want te eat whole of the cake . The way BDSM is portrayed a lot in the media is not the way it has to be. I dont even wear any leather. And if I am dominant I laugh and smile and say please , while having full control. The stereotypes are just one form some BDSMers play
  4. @Javfly33 doesnt sound interesting to me. Thats not useally how it goes. There is a lot of negotiation and talk going on to make it a good experience. Paying for it is not what would interest me. I want to build up a bond of trust. No its not a lower frequency. No not a ego wound. The bdsm community faces a lot of discrimination and looks at ways to be confident with what they are. There is nothing wrong with, stop hurting yourself with a sexual preference you wont lose No this has nothing to do with BDSM. If you are into BDSM go to newbie forums to learn about healthy bdsm. You need that anyway. Your very negative about BDSM but you dont have the substance to back it up. If your part of the community there are different ways people look after each other to make sure this is healthy. And repressing sex will make you even more slave to the inner urges.
  5. @Javfly33 No don't think its about ego wounds. BDSM has been viewed as evidence of underlying psychopathology, and even today many people believe sadomasochistic feelings and behaviours are the result of childhood trauma, personality deficits, sexual dysfunction and an underdeveloped sense of morality. It’s easy (and lazy) to simply fabricate theories on why people behave differently from what is considered the norm, since actual research requires an investment in time, resources and money. SM is not correlated with physical abuse, sexual abuse, childhood trauma, symptoms of PTSS, personality disorder, sexual disorder, mood disorder, anxiety disorder, or, well, anything really. We’re as healthy (or ill) as the rest of the population. However, there’s thing that sets kinksters apart: they usually love sex It appears to be impossible to distinguish kinksters from non-kinksters, except for the fact that kinksters are kinky. Contrary to what early psychologists believed, BDSM is not correlated with any Axis I classifications (depression/trauma/etc), any Axis II classification (personality disorders) or anything negative or pathological at all. Quite the opposite, actually. Some research has shown significantly higher levels of education and income than in the general population, show that kinksters are more involved in community service and a recent study in Tilburg show favourable psychological characteristics in BDSMers. Maybe its about losing senses of some ego, that makes it rewarding. Ego is heavy.
  6. A good session as a submissive gets me way faster to a silent mind. Stronger than 3 days vipassana retreat. Maybe even more but I only did 3 days of retreat.
  7. @Javfly33 Can you see its deeply connective such an experience? And also plays with more than just the body. Also the mind. Which makes it bigger for me. Look just found something. Research about medition and BDSM quote: But what's clear is that you can find mediative peace anywhere: whether sitting cross-legged in the wintry Himalayan mountains, drinking coffee in your office chair between meetings, or hanging from bondage ropes on the ceiling of a BDSM dungeon. I know from experience this is true. The silence of mind I get from this is stronger than a three day vipassana retreat.
  8. @Yarco Maybe read this from a psychologist who is really deep in the community. Not a judgement but you seem a bit old fashioned.
  9. @Yarco Your wrong this is not true. I know this on a scientific level. This is your bias. The people there are more open so it can seem as if there is more trauma. But trauma is everywhere. What you call being largely tied to sex is what I call being much open and less repressive about sex. Embracing the full you. And enjoying eachother more. I dont often see a community so open about a lot of things and also transpeople and all kinds of people feel more safe there. It comes over to me as more healthy and openminded than the general population.
  10. @bloomer Then just go to a tantric massage course, if you dare. Most people only experience a few procent of what is possible. Then burn the karma so you dont have those big urges and your more ready for the spiritual stuff. But actually your more fine than you think, sex isnt everything. But do keep working on yourself. The path to a very distant location starts at 1 step and step by step develops.
  11. @Preety_IndiaYes well said. It goes much deeper than just being turned on for me.
  12. @bloomer Haha LOL. No! I wanted actually to have it about the spiritual thing. Its a question I have for a longer time now.
  13. @bloomer That is a very nice experience very connective. Like a rollercoaster ride. It has a thrill to it but in the end you know your safe. Ok make the thread about everything Bdsm. But the spiritual side is more interesting to me.
  14. @Preety_India Yes same for me as submissive. I have to let go and lose of my thinking mind and accept what will happen to me. It feels like getting a rest of my ego. When I feel safe and get more intens sensations for a longer time, subspace isn't far away. I also find it rewarding as a Master when she is al turned on and in the end happy about it. Although I am not nice at all as a dominant, that wouldn't be stimulating. I of-course am always aware of safety. If my sub would feel bad about it in the end I wouldn't like it.
  15. @bloomer This topic is not for disrespectful remarks which have nothing to do with subspace.