Jannes

I had a time in my teens where I loved video games but hated real life. Then I thought to myself that life is simply a way more complex and awesome game then any video game and so it had to be my own way of looking at the world that must be wrong.

@Mods This can be put into self actualization journeys, although comments are always welcomed.

@Delusion Slayer I didnt expect other people to tell me my LP but it can be very helpful to hear from other perspectives for motivation and tipps. Consider that I have mental health problems that you dont understand. I was/ am out of touch with my authentic self for at least a decade and for years in a state of constant unease. I came as close to my LP as was possible. lol... If you read my thread so far, I am making small bets. I was already doing acting, I work in a school 5 hours a week to see how I like it as a teacher, I am writing small theatre plays, on my self actualization journey I sometimes post art, I have made an audition for an acting school and there are a couple of other projects that I will follow as well. But I am also practical. I have to balance my pursuits with survival and an adhd mind which craves certain foundations to be healthy.

Yes I totally feel stupid with it. It cuts me off from something profound. I feel like I totally entered the dream. It's total shit. But it works for practical purposes. Although it brings to light how shitty I articulate myself with adhd. I just read some of the things I wrote and I sometimes write things in a way that cant be understood.

25:13 - 32:00 Somehow I never watched this video. Thats an important piece of the puzzle. Well it's kind of what I intuited about art as well. I want to see and help others see beauty in shitty things. That kind of seems like meaningful pursuit in life. I just dont know to which degree I gravitate towards it because I need it to heal myself. So if I healed maybe I wouldnt see it as that meaningful anymore.

thats correct I dont get it. The mind numbing comes from the game being demanding on your psyche which drains me and also I get easily addicted so that I can only think about that one game. Yes. I dont like it though, I feel like it makes me less conscious, it disconnects me from something deep. I dont even like to philosophize on meds I become way more practical. I have only tested medikinet recently though, (I tested other things as a kid as well) maybe others work better for me now. I will get a renewed diagnosis in like 5 months, so then I will have the chance.

Had my weekly adhd self help group session today. People sometimes have exactly the same body language there as me. I felt so incorporated on a rarely reached deep level. I felt a lot of interesting emotions because of it today. At the end of the session I felt so comfortable and calm I became very conscious and felt like I had superpowers. Parts of my brain suddenly activated. I could articulate myself a lot better. I activated a hyper focus where I could imagine anime scenes, the moment of contact between two blades and so forth... I thought about theatre plays. I wanted to do acting scenes with complex exploding emotions. The other person who mirrored my adhd body language and in a way put my at ease with it got me to an idea. Maybe thats what I need as a meditation technique. A way to completely exhaust my adhd brain to put it at ease.

Interesting, good that you found that out for yourself. hmm its probably true that your instincts can speak to you. You have to purify that instinct though that it distinguishes itself from craving (like for sugar). What was using uppercase I wrong in that context? I use German keyboard settings so yeah an i standing by itself will get automatically be transformed into an uppercase I. And maybe my writing is a bit German at times, with a lot of comma at times, but I rarely translate anything. I played a lot of team fortress 2. But basically every game which invites you into a different world: Mario kart, Pokemon, Assassins Creed, ... I have also completely blocked YouTube and Spotify. I only listen to radio sometimes where I cant get the best hits and scroll through profile pictures on WhatsApp as entertainment. Otherwise I couldnt assert myself in this world being too unsharp. Podcasts also seem okay. Good to know it isnt stress for you. I also realized that when you are exposed to an environment which demands you to be sharp constantly like a school environment you will be more sharp.

I am German. I dont think much of her content is translated. Her recorded seminars are gold.

Oh thanks for the correction.

Is it better know? For me I realized that diet plays a role but there are other big factors. I have inattentive adhd. I have a very sensitive consciousness, when I indulge in playing video games for two hours my mind feels soft and unsharp for a few days. My mind is also not at rest often and emotions play into it. When I am emotionally unstable I literally cant think straight, when I am emotionally secured and in an environment where my mind is put in a restful state my mind functions perfectly.

Our ex chancellor in Germany Angela Merkel said that Trump is somebody who doesnt believe in win win situations, for him there is always a winner and a looser. Coming from that philosophy his decision on the tariffs seem reasonable. But countries already seemed prepared for this and are doing counter tariffs and looking for other trading partners. So this looks like it ends up being a loose loose situation. No holistic thinking capabilities from trump.

Its 25% on Mexico, 25% on Canada and 10% on China

Vera F. Birkenbihl

Some beauty can only be seen when you are sufficiently developed to see it.

I won't become easier as you age so it's good that you start now. Why do you want to do online stuff? It's so less personal and you said yourself that you find mostly weird people there. Are you socially insecure? Through work or some kind of community might be a good start.

Another Dalton like idea 8: Pessimism saved my life! - life after death probably sucks even more! 37DDA927-D619-4D27-87F9-EC6E41E25D28.pdf

I had a talk with the adhd group yesterday and it was very productive as I asked what kind of careers the other people had and how they feel their adhd contributes to that. It isnt as easy but there are some niches where you can excel in because of adhd. As a basic a certain structure seems to be important for adhd people, creativity and not sensory overload. As a teacher I get structure, creativity but sometimes sensory overload. As I grow more as a teacher I might not get a sensory overload anymore. Its difficult to predict, I cant tell how much I will still grow and how it will be then exactly but I predict that it will become notably easier. Today it wasn't as tough, I am a bit more hopeful. Ergotheraphy is also an option. A person said that it is the perfect job for adhd people. But it doesn't pay well. I am interested in finding something I can do part time to focus on other projects. The head of the adhd group was there and she talked about working in counseling business creators. She has a special super creative method for that. She said she thinks I could work in that field especially with my studies as a teacher. So that could be an option as well. The plan is to find a job that gives me structure. That isnt just good for money but it grounds me. Then I am more happy to create whatever I want in my free time. I still playing with the thought of becoming an actor though even though it doesn't seem like a rationally good decision. Sometimes as an actor you get in touch with very profound pieces of consciousness. It's hard to explain, you need some experience to relate but basically you refine and refine your role more and more. And you always search for something that feels solid and sometimes you touch something deep which you then manifest in the expression in your role. And I deeply value excellence. When I dont study to become an actor I will never touch certain gems. Even though I can find gems elsewhere which I couldnt find if I do acting, it's hard to turn your back to that. When I see friends being in acting schools... But right now I am not emotionally stable enough to do acting and I dont think it would make me super happy but maybe it would. And when I see other friends being in acting schools now... What was almost more important though is that I dont feel weird around other people with adhd. I noticed that people with adhd put a ton of attention and expression to little signs of body language. It's a whole different way of communication. Because of the confusion I made with my different way of communicating I felt so weird. I put a lot of force into acting more normal. Now I see more that it might be okay to just be a little different.

For me it's the opposite. To many options stress me out, I need some basic structure.

I put way to much hope on this picture I found on the internet as a guide but it does fit me very well.

Teaching can be very tough... I won't lengthen the contract that I have atm. Even if I just teach for one hour a day it's very mentally taxing. I go to my limits every time trying to control the class (which is out of control). The situation is that I am not yet grounded and confident in myself and relatively inexperienced so when I grow as a person over the years this will all become a lot easier. But if it doesnt become a lot easier then this is not a good option for me. Sure I can work relatively few hours and still make decent money off that and it seems okay as a job but if it is so mentally taxing that I need to recover after a few hours of teaching then I won't be able to use my free time effectively either. I emanate a lot of calmness naturally. It's one of the first things people notice about me. I can put people to peace just by being around them. I think a lot about working in counseling right now. I always thought about studying psychology. But I dont have the grades to study it and on closer inspection it seems relatively dry, so much statistics and not enough juiciness. I like to learn about my mind through contemplation, psychedelics and stuff. Thats a juicy understanding. But you cant work of that, or at least there is no clear path. And I dont think I could do another studies. I learned that I am not cut for studying, or that I haven't found the right support to do it well.

I really want to consume more political news, it's important for my life, but I just find it so damn uninteresting. I enjoy reading politics from Leos blog though as this is embedded in spiritual understanding. That makes sense to me. But without that most of the political sources I consume just seems like shadows fighting each other. My political understand isnt good enough to easily and accurately make sense of political discussions so I cant really connect it to the existential roots and then it becomes uninteresting. Does politics become more interesting when you understand more of it? I dont want to consume cheap dopamin political stories either of course. I have a news source I could listen to every day for 5mins to get some basic understanding but I rarely find the motivation to do it. Thats an interesting perspective: when you are happy in life I guess it becomes easier for you to consume high quality political news because you have enough feel good emotions in your system to endure listening to dry and nuanced political news without the need of dopamine hits to keep you aware. So there seems to be a real necessity and many life purposes to package nuanced and mature politics into something entertaining to listen to. I haven't found that connection been made all that often though. What I want to know as I am sure I am not alone with this, when and how have you found access to politics?

That was my thought process as well for quite some time. Well I would like to create art, maybe theatre plays, maybe inventions and I feel like if I want to tell or do anything I need to understand the world around me to know which impact whatever I create will have.

I am not a master at anything yet. I am still at the stage where I dont even really know what I want to pursue. At the moment the closest thing is writing theatre plays and acting where I have some experience in. The other thing is that I dont know if I even want to work on my LP full time. I need time to get some inspiration and some kind of grounding routine in work could be very beneficial. I dont think I could manage working on creative pursuits all day. For my mental health I actually cling to some kind of (loose) structures. What you share is all valueable though. I guess even if what I have atm is just an offshoot, seeing that I could potentially make a living of that might be manure to growth. You said you didnt make it yet. Maybe you want to share your journey so far though.

That would be interesting to analyze from an ethical point of view and to compare it to meat and other animal products. Insects are a lot less sentient then mammals like cows so the life of a single insect might worth less then that of a single cow. But a cow has many kilograms of meat while an insect is light, so for one cow you would need to kill thousands of insects. But to feed a cow lots of crops need to be produced which kills many insects anyway while insects need less fuel. That is also good for the environment as a whole which saves lots of lives...