Applegarden8

I want to change, I want to change drastically to my survival advantage and ownership of my life's purpose.

Let me tell you some abstract side effects and nuances from personal experience. Bliss in varying regions in your body, especially energy centers (chakras). Having a extended sense of how much space you are taking. You are feeling more energetic, it's like you are taking a bit more space, you feel that you are dense but somehow light at the same time, you feel how various forces are flowing trough your body. You have gaps of complete sielence in your mind (happening on their own) at some points in the day and it feels good. What you are uttering to others is more likely to manifest and you believe in yourself more. You have more power to visualize something and therefore that something happens in your life. You can sometimes shake or even your body could move by itself during meditation, this is normal. You become more present and more of a presence in general than a personality. Your personal evolution happens faster (in a shorter time period it's harder to believe that this used to be you). You can enjoy your own company without anything. Some habits could disappear since you shined light at some part of your consciousness or your life is put on a perspective and you get clearer about what you would like to do the most. Your potential and frequency of moments of satori increase. Fear of death reduces, sense of eternity evolves and deepens. And of course there are more and more that is unexplored.

I deleted basically every social media. Feels so good! I don't have to stalk anybody! Even though I don't even gain or have no intent to care what is going in their life even if i checked their instagram or facebook, it's like idle window shopping to feed my fantasy about them being in my life which is just false. My life has nothing to do with them anymore or for some even at all. I don't need have to fantasize about them. I am also on a no fap streak which makes it a lot easier. I enjoy the mental clarity I currently have. Let them live their life. And let me live mine. I have a lot of work to do anyway. I hope one day I will quit this website and youtube also. What a creative and meditative life that would be!

I worship and have feeling connection with devi figurines like saraswati, kalabhairava and pictures of yogis of the past and present. I overcheck things in my work and private life. I will for example go 5 times in one place to check If the light is turned off. I like to listen to weird and bad quality music for inspiration. I have some tendencies for BDSM, latex and bondage fetishes, but I will probably not ever explore these, just because I just don't feel like to.

Dude i heard that Steve Vai (famous, very skilled and pretty authentic guitar player) was on the virge of suicide when performing at some event. The guy has basically everything most people in this field want and it looks like with a high reproducibility that the success, fame, money etc is not what makes them happy. Same with these millionares. There is still an area that needs to be explored and is not taught in human society in masses that is linked with spirituality. It is no surprise to me anymore as emotional turmoil happens very frequently, but even with the amount of success people have, that termoil does not change if you don't keep yourself clean enough in areas you don't even bother to look.

Are you sure? Like, for real? Really? This is your conclusion? Wow, I find it fascinating that you would say that.

Disagree. I was raised without a father figure. Then I was made to feel guilty about my desire for sex for different reasons. Either the social stigma around it in general (nobody wants to disclose who they are sleeping it and the double standards and hypocrisy, including my own for their mating choices), some extra baggage of things you need to comply with to have sex and to have somebody to have sex with as a man. Either being tought of being a pedophile or rapist in a social setting, just because you are there as a man or to chase endlessly, get laughed at, taunted at and not get responses and then learn game (which is a pretty hardcore thing to learn for most men) just to get in somebody's pants and masking it as something else or how certain industries just terribly exploit human sexuality (human trafficking for pornography or endless streaming of sexual content to people trough advertising or social media, showing their body on social media because they have nothing else to show) to the point it is not sexy at all and make it a barter, even in marriages this happens. And it feeds in explpiting human vulnerability and endless gossip. I really hate touching this subject because of society. I feel I am unhealthy in this aspect. What I learned is that I listened to some yogis that you don't need this aspect to even have a fulfilling life. And I practice that and to a large extent it works. And acctually there are different aspects of life other than sex if 95 % of the energy was not wasted in that, including myself. I find it amazing that you can just sit in one posture for a period of time or practice some kriya which acctually changes your life or get rid of a habit which poisons your life once for all. That you can be extremely productive, attentive or creative. I find this sexy. When interesting people just meet and talk, that is infinitely sexier than most of what is labeled sex. That is just desperate fantasy. And I have wasted time in that.

In the field of art it makes all the difference fiscally. You can get a place and gear by yourself and practice endlessly, you have money to organize events and tours etc. In the field of music you take an instrument practice for 4 years with no knowledge prior and practice somewhat full-time with a private teacher and you will play professionally, congratulations. But you will have problems. You will have problems though. Mentally.

Yes, at least one person got into spirituality because of me telling him about it. But it was easy, because I saw that it was his destiny and he was weird in a sense, similarly like me. Wait, I remember another person, a lady significantly older than me, I also showed her some practices and I think it helped her.

Could be vitamin D, B or Ferritin. Maybe thyroid related issue or who knows whatever else. When you get tested you get specifications on your report where it tells where your levels should be. In case of anemia, honey is also what you could try to consume more often. Have your tried supplements and vitamin complexes? What about macro/micronutrients? Have you tested them? There is no big difference between meat and fish I think unless you get to eat liver. Once in a while like a month would be fine I think. Maybe you lack something from dairy products. EDIT: once I get back to meat, I know and feel I have eaten meat. I personally don't like that feeling. I feel more agitated and I feel that my digestive system is under more friction and there is additional agitation when I am doing some kriya practices.

Morale of the story; if I would be in a relationship, having a dom is something I would like to have.

Two things helped me to the point nothing else has came close. 1) Death oriented life. Meaning that you contemplate death every day by reminding yourself that your clocks are running out no matter what you do. You will inevitably die alone and there is nothing you can take to the grave with you. Lack of self-importance really helped me. Or alternatively re-live your fears until you feel peaceful (there is an elaborate techniques of how which i can tell you personally). 2) Due to spirituality, i feel and understand that there is a possibility, if you REALLY want to life a purposeful life, fulfill that ONE desire, you have as many births as you need to take to fulfill that. Just see that you have infinite amount of time actually and harness, visualize that desire daily. It will relax you and actually motivate you to live no matter the obstacles. Rather interact with the completing feeling of raw energy of desire than projection of the mind. That helped to live more intuitively. Both are related to each other. Don't kill yourself, again you will spawn here with suicidal toughts.

Asking them about hard problems and their life problems. Being blatantly arrogant. Feeling insecure and afraid. Waiting for then to initiate something. Saying yes to everything they say, being too agreeable. Being needy and asking them to be around you constantly and to reply you instantly. Showing off your possessions and achievements turns a lot of women off. Having a lack of social circle or hobbies. Ect.ect.

I share your desires. I do music when I can and try to focus on truth and of course work to get some income. But nothing else, if you want to have some reasonable success. I still have to strive and figure out a lot of things like how to eat the cheapest and healthiest, how to live the most minimalistic, how to integrate yoga practice in my life like after work for example, how to deal with other people which constantly say that you should do this and that and why you don't have what others have and project the insecurities they have. Then I have to figure how to buy an apt and where could get an apartment where I could practice my instrument also. How to organize music related things like finishing my ep which I am going to perform live, rehearsing that, organizing and finding the event, figuring technical aspects and much more. Yeah... it's is a lot of pressure. Fear to lose it all. Fear of constantly standing out. It would be socially easier and "be a man" and "do something" like only work, buy something, renovate it, have a wife, make children, drink occasionally etc. Then you would be more "accepted". And then there is the truth question. How much truth to seek? To stay healthy? To keep your Fear of death minimum? To keep pure of values people project to you every day? It's a lot of pressure and very little amount of people practically will resonate with you. But at the end of it you will have this authentic smile which screams "i went trough it and it was worth it." And you will gain a lot of valuable insights in this path also trough music. Question how to make it sustainable.

My DMs are empty anyways, but let it be so.

A woman singing jazz tunes, if she knows how to sing. If only they knew how effective it is aginst me...

But not for chimps right?

I am a pretty feminine guy. My friends tell me that my body posture is that of a woman. I like to sit with my legs crossed like always for example.

I just checked what he is up to on yt and, well... I don't think that's what an awake person would do. Because he acts as orange as it gets.

To be honest, I can tell you my dating strategy if I ever had one. I am not a PUA or anything like that. And it is to become a human being you would want to be around with. You can become sweet, blissfull yet you can be ferocious. And generally the best characteristic is that you don't need things from people. But how would you have to feel to be like that? If I had a wife for example, I would like it to be in such a way that sex for example is not even needed. I have been contemplating this and I understood that 10 years of jerking off is not what I want to do because I feel that I am altering my proportions of desires of what I have come to do here. And it constitutes doing the same thing and it puts more boundaries that you have to live trough your dick and emotional need for somebody and you become more mentally unstable. And I have power to change that just to not have those artificial peaks in my hormones and it will sit in it's place naturally and I will have more freedom to live. From there I would like to live. I think her touch, voice or just presence is enough for me. I can't relate with red pillers and PUAs that you have to fuck constantly and always and the more partners the better. I think it's stupid and there has to be a way for those who do not want to handle sexuality it this way and want to adjust their very life for something else.

If people would develop whatever of these powers that ancient scriptures talk about, I don't think they will be sitting in this forum.

Ahh, the question why to do spirituality: "Meditation is a waste of time" "There are studies that meditation calms the mind and body" "Hmm I had an instersting experience that I i didn't feel I was breathing" "Huh, i started to feel happy for no reason" "Meditation helps with my depression" "I felt such an intense existential crisis, but I am happy" "I underestand that I may be nothing and life has no meaning" "Maybe death is not bad after all" "Society has their values completely wrong" "Maybe human kind has a different history" "Maybe aliens exist?" "Maybe life is a dream" "I don't feel like I have to be guilty for who I am" "Maybe I don't need what the other has? And they get very mad about it." "Maybe my life is completely about something else" "Maybe yoga is not just about stretching" "Some guy is conscetrating lingas somewhere in India, while your life is mostly thinking about sexual desire" "Maybe it's time to give, not only to take" My values have completely changed in 10 years of somewhat moderate amount spiritual practice. I have no idea what I will be like... "What for" is like Ramana Maharishi projecting to you: "Who am I", but you are supposed to find out for yourself. Hahahaha.

Be careful what you wish for, here you go. And the actual technique (i can find at least 2 more techniques, but I am lazy today)

You're fine. I have free days when I do nothing. I have days where I have breakthroughs. Work influences me. Society influences me. My bad habits influence me. I can act only on a free day and I have to go to a different location to play my instrument. I haven't lost my ability etc., it has gone a bit better acctually. There are times I envy everyone who is living a more traditional life, but I yet I fail to see a reason why and acctually I don't want to live like them. I just need to calm down and continue. Still have to figure a lot of stuff to have a sustainable lifestyle and a good foundation for the future. And then work on my life purpose. You are fine, if you don't want to do anything today, sit and visualize what you wanted prior, write on paper. Remind yourself of your core values. Just sit and relax. You can't fault yourself that you feel bad, so many things are influencing you. You feeling guilty about it leads to suicide. I sometimes envy people who have time to play their instruments more too, but I have what I have. So no reason to feel bad and just relax. Also, me and people I envy and I am envied by all have this fear of losing the ability to do the things we love. Remember that. Sustainable lifestyle is also very important. Don't kill by yourself overstressing and overworking too.

I see people who use their potential versus people who don't use their potential and repeat the same mistakes. I see people who think about others versus people who think only about themselves. I see people who are focused on their life and I see people who don't know what to do and how it manifests. I think there are many ways to look at it.