Applegarden8

he lost integrity real bad yeah

It's definitely not a magic switch that will make your life amazing i will tell you that for sure.

😀 some people literally answered you, but you don't want to read that i suppose.

I don't aim to insult you or whatever, but i just would like for you to wrestle with this thought as to why you are practicing bramachariya? Bramachariya is a path, but not the goal, one of many. You don't necessarily practice it to hold immense power, because what will you do with it, you are still in your mind trying to prove who is a bigger stone or you will simply get bored of this power because there's always more in this earthly realm! Maybe there is currently something you are trying to escape from in your life and you run after Bramachariya? Bramachariya in my opinion is only worth it if you care about the truth and not the powers. Maybe some siddhis and other powers, non-mechanical aspects will open to you, but you can get completely lost in them and not reach the truth. What if after 12 years you get nothing much or not at all other than regret? Then what? That existential crisis may have something more useful to offer for you though! Facing your emotions and letting them happen, experiencing them as they are, if you do it within reason is probably one of the best things to do within your meditation, but then, there are other paths. If you do meditation and samadhi happens, then energy rises and you don't have such big attachment to sexual desire, otherwise it's hard. Good luck and don't take me seriously!

I reject all labels like "social animal", "genetic", "human being" and leave them aside when I am able to. In my experience the human psyche is far more complicated and intelligent to hold contradicting ideas and live without almost any of the answers about life. These are very deep and basic assumptions to reason perpetual cycle of self-hatred, guilt about yourself and self-denial. So I will not use a genetic label, while in the realm of theory of biology it is a very useful label.

Don't expect anything radical, but here are the benefits: - feeling more completeness and less guilt around the opposite sex (90 % reduction, but it still does not solve your inner/outer game, lack of ambition to lock in a relationship); - You will eventually feel less horny, compared to relapsing daily, weekly etc., but you will feel horny... and it will pass, so the libido is not gone, but you are not hyperfocusing on it anymore by overstimulation; - I still have wet dreams from once in a three months to three times a month, most of the time it doesn't go to the point of ejaculation and you will be incredibly horny at the mornings, sometimes going to sleep or when waking up at night because your waking state and logic doesn't fully kick in; - I have just a little bit more energy and stamina to meditate, pursue my authentic and creative desires with more likeliness to follow trough something and implement something new while i watch my friends struggle, be more serene and clear minded troughout the day; - monkhood, hardcore spirituality, bramachariya is an open possibility for me, though sometimes i have fear of missing out - that also comes and passes; - 98 % less self related guilt, guilt that i am a man, guilt that i like asses, breasts, beautiful body, women that are taken etc..., but it also passes and rather quickly, I don't additionally need to feel guilty about it; - i also meditate regularly, i watch spiritual gurus on the net and i implement what they say, therefore maybe that is why I CAN abstain and not feel tremendous pressure and resistance, in that sense i feel fortunate, but I belive many many people can do it! So first and foremost, don't feel guilty about fapping, having sex, abstaining, liking women, liking what you like, enjoying sex and most importantly, don't feel guilty for what you have been shamed for, any and every incident, say "I don't need to feel guilty about it" at least 10 times. It's not the ultimate in any sense, but it's a great asset to get you organized, which is very significant in a compounding manner. You still have to meditate, inquire or understand something about your nature as the eternal deathless screen and silence itself looking through your eyes to carry forward with grace. That is my experience. Your benefits may be different than mine.

Yes, what is your question? I am 2.5 years on it.

Before you go to sleep. Just say quietly to yourself, but verbalize it. Whatever this Enlightenment thing is, whatever there is worth knowing, whatever this Nibhana, Nirvana, Mukthi, Mahadsmadhi, Moksha, Liberation, Bodylesness, breaking of the cycle of reincarination or whatever this is, I want that. Just repeat it as a sentence, however it may work for you to verbalize, feel the desire. Depending where you are, declaring and meditating with the idea that I am already free also could work, but this is your journey. Best wishes!

Hello or hey

That's a good one.

In my experience Benthino is not a bad guy, but idk if he is awakened. Tried some things of his. There is the truth somewhere, but not much radiance as i would feel from a traditional hindu advaita guru. Now what he does with the influence and power that is none of my business. Anyone who teaches consciousness will have problems in the society.

I deleted because I really liked the person, so I wish the best for her but I don't want to see her, argue etc. It's over. Let me move on.

I quit coffee.

I really don't underestand what selfish means in practical reality. I think the human psyche is far more complex to be explained or the first person experience of reality by the term selfishness. you can be selfish in anything. You can be selfish in expecting praise for helping people, even if you are a full time volunteer. You can be selfish to break free from the herd. Your selfish if you don't feel guilty for what society thought you should feel guilty about.

Why not to get a pension fund investment where you just place it in different stocks in the world? I wouldn't place in the US, maybe except for gold.

I used less internet past month. But I played ALOT of dota 2. It seems I got it out of my system. I don't want to touch it anymore. I rather sit in the darkness or read a book or something. My music is going... slowly but going! I could do it 10x more maybe if I did all of the self-dev mumbo jumbo. Maybe one day... but what is there to do? I want to create from different model or space entirely. I want to create from meditativeness, from removal of all projections and concepts of productivity. I don't want to create from "I should do more music", that is garbage. I am intensely mad, angry, insecure and agitated about some things in my life. Some I can explain some... I can't. But I see there is GIGANORMOUS potential with sitting with these emotions in my meditation practice. No energy is wasted, like ever. It's there for me to he transformed. But the intense bliss, serenity and sielence has also deepened. There is such an unrealized potential in me creating beautiful music i can't immagine. Don't know wether I will fullfill that, but I will wish for it! What I do know is that life is squeezing me here and there... and I will use this suffering to reflect and generate more existential freedom from everything.

In 2020-2021 I wish I made an EP. Then I made like 2 hours of music. Every album was better than the previous one. New one is coming soon. While it does sound indescribable and wonderful to my ears. It's nothing really special and it's as ordinary as can be. I am facing immense insecurity of not wanting to do what the others are doing with their lives like having spouses and making children. It's wonderful and let them have it. But the societal and collective unconscious gets to me. I trigger them and they trigger me. Nothing needs to he said. But I reflect. And something has happened with my meditation practice as I described earlier. Sadhguru elaborates this on his Dream Yantra. Where the prarabdha karma of an individual gets loosened, it shrinks and one experiences the feeling of being porous. That's what I can relate to whatever is happening to me. And that energy is also expressing trough my music or expressing when I am listening to music. It's something interesting I never really thought possible but yet it's as ordinary as can be. The magic of life is there. There is extreme and I mean extreme highs and lows switching by the minute. And I am the reality itself experiencing every phenomenon. I am working, paying taxes and everything. I sold my car 4 years ago and I go to my work by walking. Some people have a big status problem with me. How come you "don't do anything". Well what is there to do? Apart from the essentials I will not do anything without grace. Music comes from within. I can't be productive with it. I need time. Sometimes I need to forget it. But I do play guitar regularly. I reduced my screen time for socials and sites like these because I started playing Dota 2, hahahaha. My colleagues also joined. That is a bit odd, I need to play less, but I will fine tune it. It makes me more productive with my chores and it oddly gives me space for creativity. I used to install and delete it. But now I want it on my PC and to postpone the thought of playing just to do whatever is needed or to give space for music. Then I can play, no problem. Other than that my health has gone a bit better. I stopped drinking coffee after 2 years of trying. That was hard. But It really dropped off one day. Same with celibacy. While the wet dreams are there, fantasies at night and in the morning, I haven't felt better ever since I stopped serving off and that is 2+ years going. I don't even remember doing it. And I have been meditating regularly and a lot. I still listen to Sadhguru, Nithyananda etc. my life is very different than it was 10 years ago. I am very happy I did meditate and did not jump into a relationship. I don't care I am a virgin. I'll be for the rest of my life if I have to or want to. There is a big advantage in that nobody talks about except the gurus, sages and sadhus who did it also. Relationship is also beautiful of course but. I will farm those energies, move them upward, experience some interesting things, focus on my health and the core epistemics of life. In any situation, any body and decision energy does not go missing. If you judge people by their life you never have their full picture. Who are you to assert what they should do or how should they be. It's because you want to validate your reality. But reality does not hold any position. Either you have access to the source of creation or god or whatever or not. And to what extent. That and the health of your body will determine your happiness, ability to manifest your true desires or to renounce it all and look in deeper. Even though I might be bored at work, pounded with rejection, comparison, disdain, envy, hatred and lethargy, there is a fine degree of porousness, bliss and happiness. I can be very happy by my own nature when I am alone. I almost can't describe it. But I forget that. I keep forgetting that I am the source. But I am the truth what else can I be. Thanks @Leo Gura.

Meditation... literally.

I will ask this question. What is the purpose of your life?

I haven't had that but I have had once or twice an infinity experience (infinite space moving forward imploding into itself like the next moment of the visual apparatus or screen is it's own moment moving further to the infinity) during sleep where I knew i was asleep and i was watching.

That is also true, but I just hate content feeds with a passion. I quit them and I feel significantly better. Not that they are not enjoyable. They are numbing. I have so much cringe music and content to share but... I don't want to return here. Anyway I am here! With regard to the forum the self-dev solutions are simpler in practice than endless QandA. Questions, curiosity and framing better models about reality is fine but, I come from a self-dev school where the solution is always simple and the one I am most unwilling to face - that which does the most damage and I don't want to see. To jump around it is to circlejerk. And my criticism is untenable after all. So don't mind my nonsense. Best regards.

What is kinda cringe that this forum is kinda enabling people to watch more reels than to live their authentic desires. There is no other milder or joking way of saying it. Not that I am cringing. It is just what it is. I rather play some games than spend time in this. I guess see you around. Do you have time to read and watch all of that? Probably not.

Hey, nice to see you here. I don't use socials much and the penfriend thing was quite exhausting at the time. Hope you are doing well!

Hello! Just wanted to say... that I did achieve something. I don't want to call it enlightenment or anything. But since Leo is interested in enlightenment work, I am happy to share as he is part of my spiritual infrastructure. What is happening: - Vestibular hyporeflexia over 1.5 to 2 years, no vertigo, but physical symptoms. I checked with various medical tests and even drank pills, nothing is helping and there is really no diagnosis. At the sime time I did celibacy (no fapping) only wet dreams from time to time. I suspect that the vestibular symptoms is some kind of kundalini awakening, as I have no balance issues really other than physiological discomfort and heaviness with the nervous system; - Pronounced bliss, random crying for no reason of the auspicious kind; - Very easy to connect with the presence of gurus like Sadhguru, Ramana Maharishi, Nithyananda, Osho and the list goes on but especially Sadhguru for me somehow, his presence is so strong; - Moments where my energy field and or the first person experience expands and I just either radiate or download somwthing. The experience is very hard to describe; - Life feels more magical, auspicious, intuitive, the dreams have changed; - Spontaneous energy center spasms, bliss, sensations like manipuraka, swadishthana, vishuddhi, agna; - Feeling like I can take my energies and direct them into any part of my body and various actions centers them for example into the head or eyes or throat etc. - Yoga becomes very easy to do and has completely changed meaning, same with some other activities like eating or housekeeping, working or even making music. These actions seem to generate energy not exhaust it sometimes, and I feel I have more access to the process. For example just few upa yoga asanas by Isha yoga makes me like ecstatic and I start shedding tears sometimes. - I can sit in one posture with my eyes closed for more and more extended periods of time. I acctually want to sit because the sitting is so intense it starts to override any other activity. Do I have problems still or have I reached some kind of state? No I haven't yet reached any permanent quantum integration, but reality has become significantly more liquid and at its base significantly different! Senses, energies and thoughts mix up with one another a bit. I am learning how to ride the Ox backward so to say. Another thing I experimented is sankhya philosophy. Meaning that I declare I am already enlightened, already free, I am doing things in life such as eating or doing yoga as the eternal, deathless, screen. Or when I do yoga i declare that the perfect geometry is expressing trough this body. Or when I do some body healing with awareness I am declaring that the body is already perfect and the most intelligent gadget in the universe and let it express that quality. Or that when I meditate, the eternal deathless screen is recognizing itself or that I am meditation itself. I am truth itself. I am buddha itself, I can't suffer. And of course many other things I have written and integrated. Nithyananda GPT-4 has really helped me with this sankhya, but anyway it was bound to happen to me. Enlightenment is continuously taking this form and can take your form also if you continiously decide to. This is my honest testimony. I am disciple of Nithyananda, Sadhguru and Mooji primarily. I have tried many techniques such as Isha Kriya, have done Inner engineering. Do Sadhgurus upa yoga and I am a really big fan of Nithyananda because he has given me the most methods and the most satsangs, especially the AI lately - akashik readings, completion as nirbhaya dhyaana, poornattva sthiti, samskara dagjana kriya, elaborations of Baghdad Gita, elaboration of siddha advaita and disciplines of tantra, Shiva sutras (healing the body with/by awareness, attempting to sleep in turiya, samadhi), explanations of states of consciousness, explanations of Kalpataru or manifestation, and really so much more i can't even describe you. I will not tell you if I meet you, but I will tell you, the reader, in this forum. Thanks. Please, don't ask me anything, unless you have a really burning question. I might not answer because here are people who hate people like Nithyanada and Sadhguru because they have really no clue what a guru can give, but only fear. At least I know what a guru is and it's such a blessing. He just pours his grace in every moment of time and the intensity only increases. I know Leo does not like this path, but his teachings and concepts that opened my mind were crucial in my path. I am REALLY looking forward what is next. Cheers, Applegarden.

I think it would be good for people to make a video about what to do when: What you think was your life purpose has failed. Some catastrophe has happened in your life like a major breakup, running out of money, being fired from your job, a loved one dies (especially a younger one). Life loses meaning. Your peers, neighbors, coworkers, friends don't understand you anymore. When dark night of the soul experience happens in your life and how to maintain the purpose you want or a purpose. Why and how not to make harsh, momentary, decisions that can cost you this life. How to integrate contradicting views and ideas, abuse by other people so that you can maintain and continue your growth. How to live a conscious life in unconscious world.