Lastnight3am

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About Lastnight3am

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    Newbie
  • Birthday 02/15/1996

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  • Location
    Gatineau, Quebec
  • Gender
    Female

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  1. @tashadwoodfall from what you wrote, your story sounds similar to mine. Honestly, knowing my journey and how painful and difficult it was to get to this place, I just want to say wow it must feel really good to finally say oh boy how much ive changed over the years, you're a really strong person. Im in that same emptiness right now trying to clear the fog, but i dont know how to turn the resisitance off.
  2. I'll make this as short as possible, since there is a lot. Up till 2020, i put myself in positions where i was abused for 23 years straight. I had no self worth and I was a hard blue/orange in the spiral dynamic category, I am a green/yellow now. Awareness and wanting better helped me push myself away from these people and relationships. Ive worked really hard the last 2 years and i can see my growth has been significant. Ive cut all ties with people I didnt think I could live without which was very hard. I know my self talk and lifestyle has changed for the better dramatically, but im starting to think I may have trauma from my past because of my responses to certain stimuli. Im actively trying to heal that with patience and allowing myself to be. Is it possible to make peace with your PTSD or is professional help something that should be looked into? I dont doubt that I can do it myself but I would like to know options that way I can choose the option of least resistance. Second of all, I think this might be tied to the last part, now that I dont have any attachments to the past nor do i want to associate with anyone from my past since I am doing quite well on my own. Im finding that my ego is trying to grasp anything that gives me a temporary reassurance or a high. Im catching a lot of addictive tendencies, to sugar, weed, sex, or social media and I get caught in the trap and it does stagnate me. Im not doing so good at the moment but I can keep very level headed. I actually have no friends at all and my family tends to try to push their religion onto me and refuse to understand me which has made me feel like something is wrong but I cant put a finger on what or what to do. Im addicted to sugar, marijuana, sex and validation and its putting me in a dark place. I completely got rid of marijuana and sex in the last two weeks and now Im grasping onto newer addictions like coffee or listening to music every second of the day. help??? anyone else going through this or has gone through this?