Hanna Luna

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About Hanna Luna

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    Miami, FL
  • Gender
    Female
  1. I feel as though I have to believe we have SOME control over what we think, or at least over our level of awareness of the thoughts/impulses/cravings that come to mind. Is our level/state of consciousness an independent factor, or is it yet another aspect of all that falls under a lack of free will? Would raising your level of consciousness/awareness affect the degree to which you may have some percentage of free will? I struggle to see the point of "working toward self-discipline" or planning the development of any sort of disciplinary practice ie. yoga, meditation, etc. if things are simply meant to work out however they may. Do I sit on the sidelines and watch my life unfold before me? To say that free will doesn't exist is to admit to being a puppet in the world we live in. Everything has, is, and will be decided for us. How we feel, how we think, what we do, how we react, where we go, the rate at which we do things... LIKE WHAT? How could I have been so clueless as to believe I had any control over everything that's happened in my life up until this point if every sense of control I had was merely an illusion? How could I have bought into something so fundamentally wrong, but natural? I just don't get it.
  2. I'd like to understand why we speak on this topic, to begin with. If we have no free will, okay, we have no free will. Why even discuss it? Why talk about it? It's like stating the sky is blue... There isn't anything that can be done to change that, therefore, why bring that up? In the case of discussing free will and its existence, I believe all it behaves as is a waste of time, but maybe that's just my ego trying to keep from coming in contact with death. I kind of wish I could un-know that free will doesn't exist because now I'm just being mind-fucked and I'm struggling to think about anything other than this fact or possibility.
  3. @Nahm What a thoughtful, loving response. I'm not where he is emotionally, but I've often been there, and your words would have been JUST what I needed at that moment. Thank you for taking the time to write this out. Your love, and selflessness is beautiful.
  4. @joshuahuebner You guys seem so brave in my eyes. I feel I'm so far from ready to experience psychedelics, simply because I know the abnormality and loss of control would probably scare the living fuck out of me. What was your first experience with psychedelics like?
  5. @knakoo What did you feel while listening to the binaural beats you linked above? Did you feel/think anything in particular? Did this happen while you were listening to it, or afterward, or both?
  6. @Haumea2018 How do I integrate more Fe? Spend more time with others? Act on my emotions? Then again, I've noticed when I spend a lot of time (too much time) by myself, I find I'm doing far too much theorizing/hypothesizing, and I'm not able to act of these with/around other people, which I think is vital to my mental well-being. I just feel as though I shouldn't HAVE to depend on others to be mentally fulfilled or well off, as Leo mentions in his videos. He often suggests spending time with one's self, and looking inward for answers, but maybe to a degree for certain individuals such as myself?
  7. @Forestluv Did the curiosity that propelled you to take on all of these new adventures and experiences lead to a feeling of satisfaction or lasting joy? I mean, really, I struggle to see the point of any of it sometimes. I find myself often contemplating if it'd simply be best to ignore my desire to learn and allow myself to indulge in actions/thoughts that fill my ego with excitement and joy while not swimming too deep into the ocean sea to reach a point of confusion, and dissatisfaction. However, upon thinking this, I realize that I had done this for many years, and in the end, when I'd wake up and realize how insignificant the actions I was part-taking in were (despite how easy and instantly-gratifying they were), and how dissatisfied I felt leading such a life I'd find myself depressed, and ultimately lost. These actions were eating junk food, playing video games for 8+ hours a day, mooching off my parents, and constantly distracting myself by always stimulating my mind with instantly gratifying treats which actually left me in a perpetual state of sadness and dissatisfaction when the action would come to an end for the day, or when I found myself bored with such actions. In other words, that's not a path I want to go down. Really, I just don't know. I simply don't know.
  8. Recently, I've been doing a lot of spiritual investigation through deep contemplation, research, listening to other people's experiences and descriptions of reality 'beyond the illusion'. What I've sensed is that when I combine the sexy guru with crazy, but truthful descriptions of what reality really is, a brew of insecurity and deep longing for understanding and validation rises within my body (my sense of self). I feel like that 12-year-old girl on Facebook fooling herself into thinking that she had an online, long-distance relationship with Justin Bieber (which was obviously not really him, but I wanted so badly to believe it was) because I was SO desperate for validation, and sexual intimacy at SUCH a young age, for whatever reason. To me, this fake online relationship gave me a sense that I was worthy of sex, intimacy, love, compassion, attraction, connection, and belonging. I craved (crave) validation from those I look up to highly and those people whose traits I strongly admire whether physical or non-physical (intellect, skills, status, sense of humor, charisma, confidence etc.) What qualities do these people have that I so desperately want to have myself? Confidence. Why do you want to be confident? Because where there's confidence there's a sense of control and power over one's circumstances. Why do you want that? Because control and power = ability to attract other attractive men who I believe are what I need to feel whole and validated and accepted and loved and wanted. Why do you want to attract men? Because growing up, it felt like such an impossibility, something I would never attain, something that wasn't for me, something only to be indulged through imagination because I didn't think of myself as attractive or worthy of being attracted to, I felt worthless and ugly. Why did you feel worthless and ugly? Because society and my family treated me poorly and judged me for my physical appearance/weight. They often reminded me of how I should eat less, eat better, exercise. They reminded me I wasn't enough. They filled me with the belief that I'm only as valuable or as worthy as the value I provide others. When I was younger, that value was giving others a sense of control through surrendering to their orders and doing as they pleased, doing what they were happy seeing me do. I thought my only purpose was to serve others and to do so through manipulating my desires to align with what they wanted from me. I still believe this to be what gives me worth/value. Of course, society only deems you as worthy as what you can do for it because of the level of consciousness it's at. When I was younger, having been a native Spanish speaker, my ability to articulate myself in English wasn't great and because I spoke two different languages and attempted to utilize/learn about both simultaneously, it made developing a level of expertise in either language more difficult. I didn't like the feeling of inadequacy I derived from my inability to properly articulate myself or speak English (what I believed to be the superior language) with a Hispanic accent. I found this wasn't admirable or a sign of competence/intelligence so I was very hard on myself whenever anyone would point out flaws within this category in myself ie. pointing out my accent or not understanding what I was saying. I worked very hard to develop my vocabulary, and notice that I still beat myself up for not having the largest vocabulary or when I stumble on my words (a sign of incompetence which I believe to be dangerous for whatever reason). I pride myself heavily on my intellect, knowledge, and my ability to come off that way around others. Like Connor Murphy, I've built my identity around this, the way he had around his body. If you take this away from me, from my perspective, I'm worthless. I feel I'm only as valuable as the ideas/solutions I provide myself and others. I know that isn't fair, and I know that isn't true Self-Love. How do I go about solving these deep-rooted issues and insecurities? Through acceptance? Through letting go? To what degree? You need an identity to function in society, right? Is pride and the idea of further developing the parts of your identity to which you're attached not what pushes you forward in self-actualization and spiritual development? Without a yearning, why do it at all? Without a sense of worth or purpose, how is one meant to feel any desire to change one's self? I fear that if I break my ego down or "let go" of the things I pride myself on, I'll no longer have the ability to function in society cause I'll either have a psychotic break or enter a level of depression I won't be able to crawl my way out of. Context: 21-year old INTP female Goal: To love myself and others unconditionally, and break free from false beliefs to embrace life, both the good and the bad without resisting it (as a result of my past trauma, false beliefs, false ideologies, etc.). The only way I've found this to be possible is to identify my past trauma and work through it via psychotherapy, talk-therapy, so I guess I'm looking for some external guidance/support/context on my problems. This post may or may not be taken down, but I'd like to state that any insight on the matter would be of great value, regardless. Thank you.
  9. @Leo Gura I suppose my desire to reach this ultimate destination is derived from seeing the point of consciousness you've acquired which I never could have imagined possible, accompanied by the sense of urgency I interpret from your videos. Though I love the journey, it can also feel as though I'm missing a key point or exploring ineffectively. Ahh, perfectionism at its finest. Anyway, appreciate you taking the time to reply.
  10. @WhatAWondefulWorld It's really when I find myself completely unmotivated to do anything other than contemplating/self-inquiry as a result of all the varying ideas and possibilities I'm absorbing through his videos that I find it difficult to enjoy the process. It's as though I can't move forward before stumbling upon a satisfactory conclusion or answer. I guess it's a matter of finding a balance between practical self-development vs spiritual/consciousness work, and accepting that I won't always immediately stumble upon the answer.
  11. @charlie cho It certainly is. At times harder than others, but that's just par for the course.
  12. I've been watching Leo's videos pretty religiously over the past month, and I've found myself in some dark places emotionally due to the complete lack of true understanding that comes with watching his videos without really KNOWING what he's talking about (having never experienced enlightenment, psychedelics or other). Anyway, I've been doing a lot of self-inquiry, so much questioning, meditation, and through this process (inspired by the wisdom Leo provides through his videos) I've come to experience higher levels of consciousness, but with it, I've experienced varying levels of ego backlash. I find that I'm constantly questioning my every thought, move, and idea. Sometimes I relish the idea that life just IS and I take in all its beauty. A few hours or moments later I may find myself having some sort of existential crisis. Is this normal? I feel as though I'm shifting between varying levels of consciousness throughout the day, every day, and the more of Leo's videos I watch/listen to, the more these varying levels of consciousness persist. I want a perspective other than that of my own on the matter. I'm so fucking lost, and when my state of consciousness drops, my productivity and sense of purpose go with it until the next morning or until my next minor epiphany/shift in perspective. For context: I'm an INTP female, 21 years old, and trying to discover the truth, though I find I may not REALLY want to know what that is. All thoughts on the above are welcome! I'm looking for perspective, even if all that'll lead to is more mind-fuckery and confusion. Thank you.