sleep

Something doesnt have to be true for you to say it, sometimes its ok to have fun with words if thats your thing, if its not then thats ok.

Theres a chance you wont have any negative consequences, but theres a chance you will. Obviously the risk is always there, but for you its big enough I wouldnt do it personally.

Ive always had this desire on the back of my mind to be more loving. I dont know if its because of my upbringing or what, but Ive never been good at receiving or demonstrating affection, in fact im kind of repulsed by it, especially physical touch. Im also not very empathic, even though I would like to be. Im troubled by this because in my opinion love should be genuine or it is no good. Yet I barely feel love for others or myself.

@Basman that might be the case. Yeah, I dont hate people, I actually desire for most people if not everybody to attain happiness. I guess the problem lies more with the expression of love.

@Hojo more than hating id say i simply feel an aversion towards love. Its not like i hate people, i just dont feel like i love them. If my mom hugs me for example, all I think about is how i want her to stop hugging me. I also cant return words of affection genuinely or stuff like that. Thanks for the advice guys btw. Seems like an important part of empathy is being able to understand people's situations and understanding i might act the same way they do if i were in their shoes, which seems also like a first step towards love.

Ive been reading santata's books and started doing the kriya pranayama focusing on the crown as per the instructions in his second book on kriya, but he mentions that you should so it after being experienced with doing the kriya pranayama in the third eye. I do the crown one because I feel like I get more of an effect from that one, but is it dangerous or something? I know nothing about chakras, but is the crown chakra somehow more dangerous to mess with than the third eye one or something?

Im a pretty heavy user of drugs, the main ones being alcohol, weed and cigarettes. I think the main one is cigarettes, though. There is just something so soothing about the act of smoking for me. Guess im stuck in the oral phase. Ive tried leaving cigarettes many time and have succeeded for a few weeks a couple of times, but I always end up coming back to it. If I dont control myself I end up smoking a pack a day. Its gotten to the point where I have trouble breathing and my body hurts. Rn im using an app called "I am sober" which is supposed to help leave addictions, and it helps somewhat, but I cant seem to quit completely. I thinkt he reason is that I dont have many things I enjoy and smoking is one of the few ones I like. Im not even sure I want to quit, even though I know its the rational thing to do and im starting to suffer the consequences. Anyone here has had any luck with addictions? Any tips you could offer are much appreciated.

How do I stop hating myself

Funny. Im in my early 20's, and I wish I were younger with the knowledge I have now too.

@Salvijus Inspiring, thanks.

@Yimpa The video is blocked in my country

Thanks for all your answers guys. To reply to a few points, yeah, I guess I dislike the character Ive built, but I also recognize that the conventional self doesnt really exist. Thats helped me a lot to get through my negative self talk, which used to be a major issue for many years but isnt so much anymore. I liked the point razar made about being my own friend, I will try to be.

Im thinking of pursuing the formless jhanas, though I dlmt know if its really worthwhile or if its just another distraction. Anyone here who has experience with them, any insights would be appreciated

@CoolDreamThanks judt out of curiosity, what kind of spiritual practice do you do?

Id say research the effect your specific ssri has on psychedelics and if there is any risk. Personally when I drop acid I stop taking mine for 2 days https://thesignsoflife.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/Antidepressants-and-Psychedelics-DDIChart-V2.pdf there is this pdf, not sure how trustowrthy it is but its something.

I wasnt sure if I should post here because weed isnt really a psychedelic, but it seemed appropiate. Anyways I cant take psychedelics because of the medication I am on, but smoking cannabis isnt an issue. I was wondering if anyone here uses weed for spiritual purposes and how they do so, Ive done self enquiry and meditation on it but I havent really gained any insights from it, maybe because I was a habitual user in the past and it doesnt affect me very strongly anymore, unless I consume an ungodly amount. Any experiences or tips would be appreciated.

@Paradoxed Yeah, I was thinking that might be the case, but maybe someone here has had a different experience. As for the addictions part, its true. Im not really a habitual user of weed anymore, but im having trouble quitting nicotine. Its a real bitch.

The gist Ive gotten from leos videos about realizing youre god is that besides psychedelics there are no adequate means. However I am hestitant to use them (Ive used lsd, shrooms and DMT in the past, but to reach enlightenment Id need to keep using them for a while I think) because of having a family history of schizophrenia and my usage of antidepressants. Im interested in hearing if any people here have realized god through means other than psychedelics. So far Ive tried do nothing style meditation, mindfulness meditation, self enquiry and kriya yoga shortly, but I dont see myself reaching those levels of enlightenment with those techniques. The other thing I can think of to reach it is suicide but I will not be attempting that any time soon. Thanks for any help.

I dont know much, but you dobt seem very enlightened to me. You certainly dont carry that presence that some spirituals teachers have, you just seem like some random guy whos trying to receive validation from other people.

Sometimes Ill have a spiritual experience, and my first impulse is to put it into words. I guess because my way to deal with the world has always been to conceptualize it. But lately ive been wondering, is there any point to this? Maybe its actually harmful? Since true spiritual exprriences are experiential, it seems like trying too hard to conceptualize it could be counterproductive since it in a way putting it into words is distancing it from the realm of pure experience. Can you actually gain a deeper understanding of spirituality by conceptualizing it, or are you doing yourself a disservice by not simply experiencing it?

I used to watch them because I thought it teached me about some of life's darker undertones, like I was learning how messed up it can be. Now I realize I was just watching it for the entertainment value, I dont know if it has any real positive effects but its probably more harm than good so its better to avoid them.

I watched Leo's video again, and I think his method of self inquiry is more like a self abidance, abidance as awareness. Pretty much like the "awareness watching awareness" meditation, wherein you put your attention on awareness, or you "watch the watcher". His points about the division between the external and the internal or the material and the spiritual blurring really left an impression on me, as its similar to what Ive been feeling lately. @Shrooms_Alvarez I kind of agree with you, but I have an uncle with schizophrenia and I dont wanna risk it honestly.

@ActualizedJohn ive already watched that video on acid a couple of times. Seems like my brain is enlightenment-resistant.

@Inliytened1 I find that when I do that kind of language oriented self inquiry, I just end up going into philosophical tangents. For example, I think things like "Whatever answer I can find to the question who am I depends on the definition I choose of "I", and why should I choose this definition rather than other? There is no real "I", its only a word game." From what Ive gathered from leos video and what Ive read of ramana mahasi, the question of who I am is meant to quieten the mind and" sink it back into its source" rather than just produce more thoughts. I have the impression that I am doing self inquiry wrong, as when I do it I just end up with more thoughts when I think it should be the opposite.

@Inliytened1 I missed the bit where you talked about leos video in my original reply but Ive edited it. I already watched the video, I just wanted to know the way you do it. I found his instructions to be a bit vague, so Im not sure if im doing it right.