Elevated

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Everything posted by Elevated

  1. Is going to the gym an act of self-love or self-hatred? It certainly hurts, but the hurt leads to something better. Pursuing life purpose can be one of the most painful things you do with the amount of emotional labour that it entails, but you wouldn't call pursuing your life purpose an act of self-hatred. Just because something is painful to do does not mean that it is bad. Some of the most difficult and painful things you can do are the things that are the best for you in the long-term. Is your desire for change coming from a negative place, running away from something scary, or from a positive place, moving toward something beautiful? Like I said, there will be positive and negative motivations in every decision you make. So, you need to bring consciousness to your decision-making and bring love to the negative motivations. Casual sex is not just about the pleasure of cumming inside someone. It's about the fun of meeting a real life person, getting to know them, connecting with them, laughing with them, and then ending the night with something you can both enjoy sharing with one another. I'm not trying to change your mind on casual sex. That is your choice. However, do not reduce casual sex to a few seconds of pleasure. It is the entire experience of coming to know another human being, even if only for a single night.
  2. I thought you did, but I do still think the same rules apply. Learning to be okay with your emotions is key in a truly polyamorous relationship. It certainly could be, but it could also be you just aren't good at it yet. That's really a decision that you have to make. If you decide that you want to want something, then you can teach yourself how to be okay in the exercising of that want. That's what I'm talking about. Perhaps it is scarcity thinking to desire multiple partners, perhaps it's a fear of intimacy, likely enough it is a whole host of other things and a combination of all those things and all the positive things. You can't escape the fact that there will be positive and negative motivations. If you want something, you have to deal with those motivations eventually or everything will self-destruct. This is true no matter what you do. So, if you want something, do it and be prepared to deal with the emotional consequences of choosing to actualize that want. Like I said, you're on the path of self-improvement. You're going to have to deal with these things sooner or later. There definitely could be. Personally I just enjoy the process of going out and meeting someone new, getting to know them, having a good time, and if we end up having sex then we end up having sex. It's something I enjoy doing. I'm not afraid of being intimate with such partners, but I'm also not afraid of having my intimacy rejected. It certainly hurts a little bit if I wanted to be intimate, but that's just how it currently is. I'm also okay just having casual sex without intimacy, and usually no one gets hurt because I always try to be as honest as possible with what I want from casual partners, and I always try to be as honest with my self as I can be. I'm not a perfect human being though. Mistakes are going to be made. You can only do your best to soothe hurt feelings when they arise.
  3. @intotheblack I do think there is a biological monogamy drive to some extent, more so in some and less so in others. Personally I would rather be in a monogamous relationship if I have children just because I wouldn't have time to give myself fully to my children, my work, and all my partners. I also am young and wanting to have fun with people so the desire for a casual relationship will probably dull with age as well.
  4. I am in a casual relationship. She is my primary partner, and we're both allowed to sleep with whoever we want. We are open about when we are seeing someone though and when we have sex. If I am going to see someone I will let her know that I've made plans with someone. If we have sex I tell her about it. We don't give too many details if it makes the other uncomfortable, but if there was something especially interesting we'll share it. We very rarely feel jealousy over one another, and when we do we're completely open about it. We don't try to hide our jealousy, but we also don't drown each other in the jealousy when we do feel it. For example, I'll just tell her, "I'm feeling a bit jealous right now." She'll apologize and I'll usually say, "don't worry, I love you and I trust you." She says it back and then we're usually good to go because we've brought those emotions into the open and honoured them together without shame. Polyamorous relationships are difficult when you don't honour your emotions. When I first got into them I had to deal with a lot of jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, and I probably could have done it better, but I couldn't have learned how to do it better unless I had gone through those early experiences. When it comes to something like learning the guitar, people can understand that when you first start playing you aren't very good. They know that if you want to get better you have to play and go through the process, take your lumps, and come out the better for it. Applying that same logic to emotions doesn't come naturally to people, but it is the same. If you get into a polyamorous relationship (of whatever kind) don't be surprised when you feel jealousy, even anger. That will inevitably come up. Trying to hide it or saying, "oh I felt bad now I have to give up," is how you don't succeed. Let those emotions come up and simply sit with them, let them tell you what you're afraid of. Eventually the emotion will subside and you'll know, "oh I feel inadequate to this person, and I'm afraid that she'll leave me for them." This is the second part. You have to have trust. Trust that when your partner tells you that they love you, they really mean it. Be self-honest enough to say that you don't always feel like they do, but calmly remind yourself that they do. The more fearful you become the more you'll push your partner away. Over time, you'll eventually be at ease with the situation. In the end, learn to be okay with the possibility that they could leave you for someone else. If they do, be happy for them. It may be very difficult, but make that your goal to allow happiness to arise for them. If they loved you as much as they did and they still wanted to leave you, then that means that they've found someone really special. Or maybe they didn't and they made a big mistake, in which case you also win because you learned they weren't right for you. That's not thought in a petty or resentful way, it's simply a statement of fact. Don't hide from your hurt and resentment, and don't hide from your feelings of inadequacy. Again, honour your emotions. Realize though, that you will also be able to find someone who is just as special for you. You're on the path of self-improvement. You are becoming a better person with more to offer. You are going to find someone who is more aligned with you. This is why learning a little pickup is essential. If you don't have confidence in your ability to find someone else you'll naturally be more needy for your current partner because you fear they're the best you can get. I'm by no means a master pickup artist, but I know that I can meet someone else and I also know that I can get better at meeting someone else because I've seen the improvement I've already made. When you're in a place of true abundance with partners it doesn't necessarily mean that you have a lot of them. It means that you trust your ability to find another partner. So to summarize: Set clear boundaries for what you allow in the relationship. Open does not mean anything goes. It's okay to have boundaries. Be open about any emotions that you have with yourself, and learn to be okay feeling them Be open about any emotions that you have with your partner, and do not shame each other when you feel them. Touch in with one another and honour the other's emotions Trust that your partner honestly loves you. This is a choice that you'll have to make many times before it sinks in. Don't expect it to just happen passively. Realize that if they do leave you, it is likely that they found someone they align with better. Choose to be happy for them. This is especially true if they are also into self-improvement because then it is less likely that they made the wrong choice. Focus on improving yourself. Become a better person and create more value to offer the world. That is how you ensure that you remain a high quality partner. Learn dating skills. Be confident in your ability to find someone else, and you'll be less needy for your partner's attention. You can ALWAYS find someone better in some ways than your previous partner (and probably some worse, you'll never find a truly perfect partner). I hope that helps.
  5. Personally I think this is what happens when you have too much time on your hands, actively train your imaginative capacities, and get into a deep meditative trance. I remember watching a video on this and the guy speculated that this is what happens when children who have had entertainment force fed to them since they were toddlers finally discover their own imagination for the first time lmao. Also I'm not 100% on this one, but I don't think it's accurate to say that if there are infinite realities that means that every possible reality exists.
  6. @Jaccobtw If you're willing to spend some money, or...search around a bit, you can find courses online. I recommend: RSD Julien's Pimp RSD Derek's 10 Commandments of Game Those are probably the only two courses you'd ever need to get an idea of what game is actually about. After that, you'd have a solid foundations on how to branch off. As you get better, you also get better at identifying specific sticking points. When you identify that sticking point, you can search on youtube or google for a video on getting past that sticking point. You should be taking a lot of action. My major recommendation though, is to buy a bootcamp. Go out with one of the RSD instructors once they start doing them again, and get someone who is a master to watch you in the field. Then go out and practice a lot on your own based on what they tell you to work on, and from those programs. Then get another bootcamp and have them redirect you. If you go out consistently for a year and have a couple bootcamps during that time, the amount of progress you'll make will blow your mind. Please, if you do anything, just get a coach, go out consistently, and APPROACH.
  7. Yeah, reading the Game to learn about pickup is like reading Freud to learn about modern psychology. It can show you where it came from, but has nothing to do with where it currently is. Pickup has evolved past that in a lot of ways. Are there still elements that are like that? Yes absolutely, but the bleeding edge of pickup has begun emerging into Stage Green. If I were you, I'd stick with Todd Valentine or Real Social Dynamics like the other person said. I would recommend against Rollo Tomassi though. It's certainly an interesting perspective and one that should be taken in, but there is a lot of resentment in that man's books. If you're not equipped with enough healthy experiences with women, it can easily corrupt your view of women. That's just my opinion.
  8. I think you may be approaching this from a magic pill mentality. No combination of a drug is going to lead to greater personal growth than in-depth journalling to set an intention, preparing your mind with consistent meditation, taking notes during the trip, and extensive journalling and integration work afterward. With that being said, could there be combinations of certain psychedelics that increase their effectiveness or provide some sort of beneficial twist on the experience? Maybe, but I'd say the risk also increases, likely unnecessarily.
  9. Think of relatability as respecting where the other person currently is. It's coming from an authentic place of empathy, understanding that the other person may not know who you are, what you're about, and what you really mean when you say or do the things that are authentic to you. Showing a side of yourself to these people that is taking into account how they feel is not sacrificing authenticity if the side of yourself you show is authentic to you. Having a shit may be very authentic, but it would be a violation of the other person if I were to do it in front of them saying, "respect my authenticity." So think of it like that, relatable means being authentic without violating the other. It's a tricky dance, but it is a dance. It becomes fun when you learn the nuances of the dance.
  10. Firstly, you're still not seeing the difference between map and territory. It doesn't matter how useful a map may be, or what effect it may have on reality. It is still imperfect, it is still illusory because it cannot fully capture the entirety of reality. Just think it through. Can your mind fully capture the intricate complexity of reality? The answer is no. It cannot. Therefore, you are operating in reality with a map that does not perfectly reflect that reality. That doesn't mean the map is useless. The map is incredibly useful for certain goals and can become more useful the more complex it becomes and the more accurately it reflects reality. Secondly, I am not saying that Waking Up is any more useful than using a map. We are not talking about usefulness here. We are talking about Truth. It is true that if you use a map that informs you to invest in biotech so that blind people can see again, you are creating a reality in which blind people can see again. That is true and incredibly useful. The "Truth" of the map though, is that the map you and the people in biotech used to inform your decisions doesn't perfectly reflect the reality you are changing. That doesn't mean you cannot use it to create very real change, but you are still just using an imperfect map. So then, what is the usefulness of Waking Up? It opens up your epistemological and ontological toolkit. Once you realize that your interface with reality is an imperfect map that will never be perfect you are able to see the map for what it is, an imperfect map. This prevents you from becoming ideological about whatever map you're currently using, be it Christianity, Islam, Science, Capitalism, etc., because you realize that whatever the belief system, whatever the toolkit, it is an imperfect map. You may argue then that science already does this through peer-review and the other elements that ensure science is being updated and more accurately reflecting reality, that science doesn't claim to have a perfect map. This is also true. However, it is also true that science informs and limits how science can be used to understand reality. The system you use to create your map defines what shapes the map can take, and what elements of reality the map can represent. Many people within science don't understand this, and assume that science is a perfect map for creating maps. It is not. That does not mean I am anti-science, nor does not it mean that I don't think science is useful. I am a behavioural neuroscience student, I love science. However, it does mean that I think science is imperfect. Waking Up to that fact helps us do science better, rather than being dogmatically blind about science.
  11. The fact that these parties can even exist and win certain elections is a really good sign. Bleeding edge or not, they still exist. Just like the Green party's views on climate change, their ideas will eventually seed into the larger parties.
  12. By Waking Up I mean having an enlightenment experience. Psychedelics can give you a temporary blast deeply into this. I've experienced myself as the Universe while on acid for example. I literally felt as if I was everything around me, and that every person was myself as the Universe. There was still an "I" in the sense that I was still there, but "I" was the exact same as the "You" and "It" of the rest of the Universe. As such, I felt intense love for all things as myself. These experiences can be had completely sober to a lesser and even greater extent. There are also different types of these experiences, like different flavours that can be tasted alone or in various combinations. In the sense that I have used it in this thread though, I am highlighting the realization that all knowledge you have about reality is NOT the reality. Given all the cognitive biases we have, the imperfect memory, the inability to fully understand the infinite experience around us, it's like we are walking around with an imperfect map of Paris. We think we've actually seen Paris when we've really just had our head buried in our imperfect map. That's how our consciousness interfaces with the reality around it. When we Wake Up, we are waking up to that fact.
  13. The path I've laid out before me so far seems to be heading toward psychotherapist with a public presence. As such, I definitely have to learn to be very open about my own personal issues, such as mental health, sexuality, family, etc. I've learned that there are just appropriate places to be more open than others. In school I usually don't talk about my sexuality, but I do talk about my mental health because I'm in psychology so it's kind of expected. When I'm with my friends I'm very open about all aspects of my self, though I have surrounded myself with very liberal, open-minded friends who value authenticity as well. I guess my point here is, that you have to learn to read the room. You have to learn when your authenticity is relatable, or when it just seems like you're oversharing. A really big pointer I received when it came to mental health for example, is that people are okay talking about mental health if you say, "but I'm working on it, and have been making great progress." People want to know that you're in control. If you're generally a relatable person they enjoy being around, and you've developed that baseline level of trust that you're not a "weird" person who doesn't understand basic social norms, you can be quite open about that kind of stuff. How do you know that you came across cocky? Either way, a really good channel I've found for being socially relatable and authentic, is JulienHimself. He is an ex-pickup coach turned spiritual social skills guy. Basically Stage Orange realizing the limitations and evolving into Stage Green where he cares more about social emotional bonding and being a good person. Here are a few videos to get you started if you're interested. I haven't watched them in a while, but I remember them being decent enough:
  14. I'm talking about maps we use to navigate reality being bullshit, not their usefulness. What I mean by that is that the map used by the people who invented such technologies has been incredibly useful and has led to a lot of prosperity. However, the actual map they used to understand them is, ultimately, bullshit because it doesn't actually reflect the reality of the thing. It reflects it well enough so as to be useful, but it will never reflect it perfectly. This is what Waking Up is about, it's about realizing these maps are just maps and not the territory. This is why Spiral development and Waking Up are two completely different things. As I already said in previous replies, having Stage Orange alone will help you make money, or invent fertilizer, far better than Waking Up alone. I never made the point that exponential growth or technology was useless.
  15. Consider that it's not a case of "either one or the other," but is instead, "both this and that." You can have practices that are very Stage Orange and, "anti-mystical," so to speak, but are okay when you know that they are at the end of the day, all bullshit. Remember, what mysticism tells us is that the map is not the territory, but that doesn't mean that the map is not useful. Learn to build a very robust Stage Orange map, while knowing that it is just a map at the end of the day. Once you feel you've really integrated the lessons of Stage Orange, then begin updating that map with Stage Green ideas, and then Stage Yellow ideas, and so on. Do all of that, while knowing full well that the map is all bullshit anyway. Like I said, Waking Up is different from Growing Up. Growing Up is about making more complex, and robust maps as you ascend the Spiral. Waking Up is about realizing the maps are all bullshit. However, like I said, don't make the mistake of thinking that just because the maps are all bullshit they are all useless. They are very useful. There is a reason that Leo calls some of his videos, "very advanced teachings." This is because these are teachings that take a long time to really understand. I don't understand them fully. Very few people on this forum really understand them. Trust the process. Do your due diligence. Study, practice, and take action. As you do, these things will begin to fall into place and you'll begin having a bigger and bigger picture understanding of what's actually going on.
  16. I have 40 pages left of my current book and then I'm starting "Sex, Ecology, Spirituality," I'm pretty excited to actually get into Ken Wilber's own work. The vast majority of what I know about his thinking is from what others have said.
  17. Okay the first thing you have to take into consideration is that "Waking Up" is different than Spiral Dynamics, which is "Growing Up." They're two different things that aren't necessarily related, though are obviously related at the level of Non-Duality. And this is where a major distinction comes in. There are certain truths that are more and less true depending on what level you're looking at things. At the level of making money, Non-Duality really isn't that valuable. You could make the case that Stage Orange mindsets + Non-Duality are better than just Stage Orange, however it is also likely true that when it comes to making money Stage Orange alone trumps Non-Duality alone. You have to decide on what goal you're trying to achieve. If you want to make enough money doing something you enjoy so that you can be financially free, then you are going to want to adopt Stage Orange mindsets. Secondly, you have to realize that the stages of the Spiral are all necessary. You must transcend AND include. If you are merely transcending without learning the lessons of each stage, you are missing out on a lot of contextualization that is necessary to truly understand the higher stages. If you haven't sufficiently learned the lessons of Orange or Green, and try to learn about Yellow ideas, you'll likely just be interpreting them through a Stage Orange worldview. You have to take your lumps and put in the work, being self-honest and humble about what stage you're really at. Downward assimilation is when you take a higher stage idea and interpret it through a lower stage. For example, when many Stage Orange people hear about Spiral Dynamics, they think, "oh the higher stages are the best so I have to go to the top stages!" That is a very Stage Orange understanding of a Stage Yellow model because they motivated by a need to become the best rather than by a genuine desire to understand complex systems. Be self-honest with where you are and get the education you need to fully integrate the stage you're at. Leo says this in all of his videos on Spiral Dynamics. Understand that certain ways of thinking are better for certain goals, especially given your current stage of development.
  18. I would recommend Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen. It's a good book for masculinity. From what I can gather at about 2/3rds of the way through, he is talking about Stage Green man.
  19. If I understand you properly, you're saying that you are having a hard time accepting the Stage Orange materialistic advice, because Leo's teachings talk a lot about mysticism and enlightenment?
  20. 250mg sounds like a microdose for mushrooms. So is the chocolate bar 250mg of mushrooms? I've had trips using 1g and found a lot of value doing them. If you have the opportunity to select the strain, I recommend Mazaptec. I've also done 2g and 2.5g. I felt at that point it became too difficult to really grasp at down to earth insights, but not enough for mystical insights.
  21. I think the issue here is that you need to learn to dumb yourself down with people. Being able to relate to people who aren't as developed as you are is part of becoming developed. Looking at it through the perspective of Spiral Dynamics, if you want to be a real Spiral Wizard you have to be able to go down to whatever stage someone is at and connect with them on that level. Learn to speak their language, and see how you can help raise them up to the next stage in a way that doesn't seem preachy or manipulative. That may be your next path of development: integrating all you've learned so far and becoming that true Spiral Wizard who can talk to people who are stuck at Stage Blue, or Red, or Orange and connect with them, empathize with them, and understand them such that you can help them grow simply through a fun, meaningful conversation.
  22. Yeah there is nothing wrong with wanting to share something you find interesting with other people, especially people you care about. The issue is when you need them to be as interested in it as you are. It's a trap that I've fallen for, and am still working on. You don't want to be the proselytizer who people learn to tiptoe around so as to not bring up whatever topic you try to convert them to.
  23. Yeah I'm down with the mystical topics, but it's also nice to have more down to earth topics as well. There is more to life than just mysticism.
  24. You need to start surround yourself with higher quality people. This does not mean you just stop hanging out with your old friends, but limit the time you spend with them. It sound like you were working on your social skills at first, but it seems like you were just hanging out with friends. That's not really working on your social skills. There is nothing that trumps cold approach pickup in a nightclub for developing overall social skills. At least as far as I'm aware. If you're going to be socializing with a purpose, you must do that. Get a mentor, get coaching, etc. On your own time, do the Life Purpose course. You are wasting your life if you don't do it. It's absolutely amazing for figuring out what you want to do and why you want to do it. Once you have that down, you need to start finding groups of people doing that same thing. Get into a mastermind, create one of your own with likeminded people. Listen very, very carefully. You will make progress you cannot even imagine if you surround yourself with the right people. If you don't take that to heart, just give up now. Seriously, give up. You are shooting yourself in the foot if you don't get with the right people. You have to make the choice, today, whether you're capable of succeeding with your goals. Either do the thing the people who have what you want tell you to do, or be unsuccessful. Your choice.
  25. Yeah I think there is a happy medium where you can just play a little bit each week or whenever. I used the KitchenSafe timed lock box to keep them locked up, but I found that I wasn't playing from a place of genuine entertainment and instead just used it as an escape.