caspex

Accept yourself for what you are, let go and give up on changing yourself to something else. It will indeed lower your self esteem, but you'll accept yourself. Accepting your feelings of unworthiness and untalentedness would mean crying about it, feeling pathetic, etc. Once these emotions are settled, you'll find and build up self esteem regarding some other field naturally. Since you are stuck not being able to accept your inferiority in a particular field, you cannot see where you are indeed superior or on par. It's simply not possible that you are inferior to the average person in every field.

It's how my mind works as well. But instead of memories, it goes to the sensation of those memories. Let me explain. Let's say I had experienced a new sensation when entering a large body of water for the first time. My mind would detach the sensation from the memory, and use it as an anchoring point for concepts and thoughts, and connect it with with other anchor points, for easier contemplation. Your mind probably just uses the whole memory as an anchor. Anchoring is good, it develops your capability of thinking more abstractly as it anchors the abstract for you. It's probably something your mind just does as you contemplate a lot.

Being God is entirely logical, just not in the traditional sense of logic(which refers to the common way of thinking, not truly 'logic'). It's because you logically see that you are God that you feel you are God. It makes sense, it's not just something to feel. God makes sense to itself. When you see that you are God, your functioning at a higher capacity of connecting dots which explains to you why you must be God. The way you explain it here seems as if you are making yourself believe you are God. It might be wise to reconsider your conclusion.

I believe that I can do it. It'll be hard, but not impossible. I don't know to which degree it is but I can enter 'No Self' in seconds on a good day and in minutes on a bad one, hence my belief that I am capable of embodiment. It has been maybe two years since my first understanding into No Self but I have never really tried to embody it, but to only take it deeper everytime. It's about time that I tried. The rules are simple, I'll meditate after releasing this post and try to go as deep as possible into No Self and maybe beyond if I am capable. Once I am there, I'll attempt to stay in it for the next twenty four hours. My prediction is that as I interact with people my state will go down, but after several dips back into the ego, I'd learn to keep my head afloat, a low degree of No Self. My goal is simply embodiment, even if it means the shallowest possible degree of No Self, but not a fake idea of No Self and the real deal. I welcome anyone else who'd like to try out this challenge. It doesn't have to be No Self, but the highest possible state you feel that you can reach. I'll post my results after 24 hours of this post.

Quick Note: I have gotten sick again even though I recovered from yesterday's sickness. So I apologise if my explanations are not great. Furthermore, my keyboard broke down so I am writing on my mobile, which I am not comfortable with therefore affecting my explanation. Results: I would call the experiment a mild success. I have learnt a lot from trying to embody No Self for 24 hours, but I can't do it completely just yet. At this pace, complete embodiment should take a week or less. I had some insights regarding No Self when trying to embody it permanently. Which gave me a further insight when I compared it to insights gained when trying to deepen the experience. It was that when you try to embody some truth, you get wildly different insights than when you try to deepen it. Embodiment requires a further understanding of a state without deepening it. While trying to embody a degree of No Self, I gained an insight into the character's relationship with everything else. To start off, let's clear a few things. The character, the witness/observer and the cone of perception originating from the observer are all part of a single experience. Perception is therefore without boundaries or center, and not a cone. This whole cone of perception along with the observer and the character all take a back seat once one sees that experiences don't originate because you see them but that your character, witness and cone of perception originates as an experience with everything else. In fact, the cone is seen to be entirely false originating from the false idea that the witness is the center. Furthermore, the character and the witness actually do not possess any substance since they are also infact just an experience. With no source for experience to originate from, it's simply a hologram. There's no self. If you must call anything a self, it's this hologram. How I term such things is the following. I call the witness, distinguished from the character, as the atma. While I call this hologram as Paramatma. Here's how the insight regarding embodiment goes. The reason one falls back to ego identification is because the Atma habitually takes a major part of the experience. An illusiory center is created which the Atma thinks to be itself. In reality the Atma is a undefined however smaller part of the overral experience and there is no center. For proper embodiment, one(Atma) must practice surrender. Surrenderring oneself means to dissolve, which only happens when one let's go of itself. But what is it that is being held together? It's experience. Atma is dense experience. Once the Atma surrenders, focus(where experience is the most dense) naturally spreads out evenly. This is the state of No Self. So, the key to embodiment of No Self is surrender, which I am sure you have heard for years, but hopefully my explanation can help you understand it yourself. This lead to a bigger insight that if you view reality as a giant muscle, all these different objects, people, your focus, you, are simply a contraction. The degree of density although varies. This also explains why distinctions are always blurry and what distinctions truly are, since you can imagine, there would no clear boundry between where the contraction in the muscle ends and the relaxed muscle begins. All no self is, is relaxing that dense contraction of experience that 'was' you. Interestingly, just like you can't simply decide to relax the density that is a rock in front of you, making it dissappear, you can't do it with the character either. Sure, the kernal is gone, but the character still functions absolutely fine, and this is exactly how 'you' will operate when you embody No Self, without paralyzing yourself. This insight also helped me draw parallels and integrate Bhakti and No Self together, which previously seemed exclusive to each other. I'll write about this in my "Upasana Journal" soon.

To elaborate, being honest and truthful would not mean anything along the lines of giving out your credit card number if someone asks for it. You can deny requests and all that. However, it does mean that if you do choose to say something it has to be truthful and honest, to what you know and feel, to the best of your ability. This also involves no sugarcoating things you want to say, making sure the person you are trying to convey something to really does get what you mean. This also means doing everything you'd say you do. If you say you'll go to the movies a few days later in this period, you will go to the movies a few days later. Meaning that you have be a lot more careful with what you decide to say. This involves being truthful and honest even in writing anything onto online forums, chatrooms, comment sections etc. and not simply speech. If you are not able to be truthful and honest for something, you still continue onward until the period is over. And not doing all the things, that I can't think of, that are in bad faith in trying to find a loophole and such to being truthful and honest. At first thought, it seems bad for the purposes of survival, but I can't help but intuit there is something more to it. It would really test my limits and show me how truthful and authentic I am truly willing to be. I intuit that practicing truthfulness and honesty in your words would infuse them with power. To give an example, if you want to commit to reading an hour everyday until some book is finished, you'd simply say that you'd do so, and magically you'll gain the energy and motivation to do so until you complete the task, simply because your words have become so powerful to yourself. But I don't know if such a thing can happen or not, and if yes, to what extent. This is why I have decided to do this, starting from when I post this, to 24 hours later. I'll post what I have learnt here tomorrow. If the experience wills it, I'll recommit and possibly go for another period of truthfulness. If any of you want to do this along with me, feel free to do so and post your report in this thread.

I forgot to mention it in my report earlier, one key point I have realized is that being truthful and honest as a principal encourages you strongly to not do 'bad' actions in the first place. Since you know you cannot lie about it later, you are better off not doing such things in the first place. It also encourages you to promise very carefully. So far, I have seen nothing but positives.

Sounds pretty backwards.

@gettoefl Much appreciated.

Thanks, just what I needed.

I wanted to post this 12 hours ago as promised however I have gotten sick once again so I could not. I lied twice but did rectify it by stating the truth. However, it was fascinating to see how I lied almost without thought in fear of the repercussions. I also wanted to conceal things which I ought to reveal, which I did do eventually. Overall I was more truthful and honest and the most major effect from that was my integration as a single person. Every time one lies or conceals something, or acts dishonestly, they create a distinction between them as appearing outside vs. them as inside. These separations eventually pile up and get buried deep inside you and are rarely resolved. You become more fragmented the more you lie. Truthfulness as a principle is necessary for the sake spiritual growth. Integrity is a very literal world in that it means literally being integrated within into one being. I found myself often obsessing and getting confused over the details of the words that I am saying, but I realized that my words do not matter as much as the meaning portrayed by them. Moreover, it's less about being truthful to others than it is being to yourself. I followed through all the promises I made during the period and it was eye-opening to see how many time I say I'll do something without thinking much on it. Since I did say those things, I did do them and taught me to think more on my words. What's more is that truthfulness as a principle encourages one to speak in a more probabilistic way because you are not sure about most things in life. The use of the words 'maybe' 'perhaps' 'I guess' and such also drastically increase so as to save yourself from making a commitment or to conceal some meaning in your words. This makes you look very unsure as a person. This is an ego-game and must be eliminated. So, along with one being truthful, one should also make it a principle to speak only absolute statements as is possible given the situation, unless of course the situation is of a probabilistic nature or the situation calls for probabilistic statements. If one doesn't really mean anything by something, or one's words don't add anything to the world, whether a lie or a truth or something else, one should not speak at all. If one is not sure about something, one should admit it separately, and if one doesn't know something one should admit it without talking in circles. None of this is without nuance, but I am plotting out what I have learned here broadly. One situation that occurs when one is honest about their not-knowing is that they appear less 'intelligent' in the colloquial sense. The reason is that most people know very little about most things, but do not admit so and say one or the other to hide their not knowing. Compare them with yourself, who is truthful about their not knowing, it's easy to be seen as someone who knows less. This is only a problem if being seen as intelligent is in line with your goals, if it's not, and only for pride then one should deal with it within themselves. I think I am going to continue this experiment of being truthful and honest to the best of my ability. Sticking to my word is not something I am good at so I need to develop this capability. @Razard86 Thanks for the heads up, I noticed this develop within me at the very start of the day. However, I rectified it by detaching from that identity. I love myself as a liar, therefore I love others as a liar as well. Lying and dishonesty in the rest of the world is not something I can fix but I can work on it within myself for the betterment of my spirituality. I understand that as I become more honest and truthful, it will become harder to stay detached but that's also part of the experiment. @gettoefl Thanks, this phrase is very meaningful and something I can easily forget. I'll use this to remind myself what it really means to be truthful until it's ingrained in my brain. However I would appreciate it if you elaborate on this point.

I find that many of us tend to confine ourselves to familiar online realms, revolving around particular topics and interests. I, however, aspire to transcend these boundaries and embark on a digital journey akin to exploring uncharted lands. My goal is to diversify my online experience, uncovering novel facets of the internet, rather than rehashing what I already know. I seek to expand my online horizons, treating the web as an open world ready for exploration. But what are the best ways to do so? It doesn't seem like it, but it's pretty hard to go out of your sphere of knowing. What could be a lot more useful is to develop a system of surfing the web so that it becomes easier to expand into new domains. By 'system' I do not mean anything technical, although that'd be cool, what I mean is to develop a habit of visiting certain places that expands oneself into newer domains. What kind of a mindset would one need to constantly go out of one's comfort zone online, watching and reading random things you'd usually never read? There's so much to discover on the internet yet we tend create a home somewhere and stay there most of the time, only occasionally expanding into new areas when something from over there, wanders over here. In my case, I spend my time on the internet watching anime, shows and movies for the most part sprinkled in with gaming content. Politics would be second in place while things like this forum would be on the 'occasional' visiting list. Since most my spirituality is offline, it does not form a big part of my online presence. I can't help but notice how much I waste the potential of the internet through confining myself to these topics and places. What do you limit yourself to? How is it that one can break out of these limits consistently and become an online adventurer?

@An young being Thanks for the crawler link, didn't know that existed. I was thinking of making a bucket list for exploring things online each day, however I had no idea of what I could add to it, thanks for the topic list you provided. I can extract a bunch of value from that! Thanks again.

While going deeper into the Truth is much more important, I see that a big part of spirituality is ignored here regarding practicality. Spirituality can actually help you survive much better than most on the planet. For example, if one achieves Sambhava(equanimity), they can remain unaffected by life events and live a more satisfactory life. It does not mean forsaking emotion, you still emote frequently, it's just that life events mean nothing to you anymore. It also includes forsaking worries regarding yourself, but still worrying for others well being. It's the Service to Others path, which is biased. As you can see, this has nothing to do with the Truth for the most part, but I believe one should achieve at least practical things like this in their path to spirituality, because it helps in further exploration of Truth and Reality. For example, discomfort and worries regarding self may lead to escapism and consumption of content or food that is not in line with your goals. Sambhava in that regard is extremely practical even for advancement in spirituality. The satisfaction meditation provided by Leo is fundamentally practicing Sambhava. If you do not give it enough importance then I urge you to do so. It directly leads to emotional mastery.

@An young being In reality there are various rituals for certain tantric deities that require you to use a dead body. I forgot which one was it, but one of the Mahvidyas is worshiped this way for major spiritual progress. The Aghoris don't really mean anything bad by it actually but they could indeed use it for such rituals. The dead body does indeed have value in this regard. What I have heard is that a lot do things such as living in cremation grounds, eating out of the same skull as a bowl everyday, only wearing clothes taken from the dead, smearing yourself in ashes of the dead, because it's part of a sadhana for a deity. For this, Aghoris really aren't malicious and are actually misunderstood. They don't really care about worldly things or causing harm.

Demonized but respected. Most view them as something scary but also show respect for the dedication they show towards spirituality. Although the more widespread reason for showing them respect is a fear of getting cursed by an Aghori, which I don't think is really justified. Facts like how Aghoris eating out of skulls, meditate on dead bodies for certain rituals and other taboo things are widespread because of there shocking nature. The depth and meaning of their practice remains widely unknown to the masses. People avoid them, but do not hate them. Many in Varanasi stay cautious when burning their dead, fearing that the body of their loved one might be stolen by an Aghori or Tantric for malicious use of either their body or their soul. Aside from the shocking nature of their practices, they are widely unknown to the masses. Most stories relating to Aghoris are told as a source of horror entertainment. Personally, I don't think Aghoris are something to be scared of, you can go talk to one sitting on the banks of Ganges if you want. Even though their appearance is so outrageously taboo, it still won't show through a simple conversation how many limits of human emotions and experiences they have transcended. A lot of their practices are also done at night. We don't really view them as contrary to Hinduism but a wild part of it. I would speculate that for the locals of Benaras, there is much less demonization and more acceptance for them than the rest of India. I have only told you the view most other Indians hold.

Actually a lot of spiritually advanced people in India believe in deities or have experienced them. You can hear about siddhis achieved through worship of deities by certain people. Sure it doesn't necessarily mean awareness of the absolute truth but a lot of these people are aware that everything is one at least, and embody some level of this truth much better than most of us here on the forum. For examples, Neem Karoli Baba was a devotee of Hanumana and one look at his face tells you he was embodying love and oneness better than most of us. It's mostly western spirituality that separates itself from religion. Even a lot of yogis here who we might consider enlightened believe in such deities. Adishankracharya who basically birthed this whole advaita spirituality, was arguably a lot more intelligent and conscious than a lot of us here, yet he also believed in supernatural entities which is evident through the many poems and songs he wrote for various deities. It's confusing for many why someone who is so non-dual would also be into Bhakti(worshipping), and no, it was not simply because of cultural brainwashing. There is something more to all this deity jargon than simple belief.

If you are hoping for a spiritual encounter or adventure then I believe you must increase the number of visits to spiritual places in India, which are mostly Hindu Religious sites. The spiritual people here, the most accomplished ones are also usually religious. You won't really find anyone like Leo here who are advanced in spirituality but not so religious. I think you'll only be able to contact truly spiritually advanced people through talking to people and actually going searching for them. Most Indians have never seen such people and are only heard about through connections. If you want a spiritual adventure you'll have to make your whole trip about that. Your average aghori out on the streets might not be as advanced you expect him to be, but he might know gurus who certainly are. If you want to witness more occultish stuff where people with siddhis might gather you should search up Tantric temples and such. There are a bunch of places where a lot of Tantrics gather to worship certain deities, but tourists usually don't care to visit. But it's also very easy to get something done to yourself through "Black Magic". It's dangerous digging around this stuff but this is one of the way how you'll have a spiritual adventure. You can also sniff out places famous for yogis and tapasvis(intense meditators). Certain forests are packed with tapasvis especially in the north. IMHO visit places like slums or popular tourist attractions, or even the modern parts of India is a waste of time unless it's for the expansion of personal sense of culture. I can't really recommend you places but it's possible to look for them online, and then going further from there by asking locals. Being an Indian I think most places in India are overhyped while the real gems are left unseen. But I am used to this place so I am biased.

you didn't deny it ?

Month Long Break I decided to take a break for a few days which quickly turned into a month. It was only the beginning of last month when I continued. Due to MAJOR positive changes in my life situations I vastly changed my pooja routine and duration and have learned a lot more regarding upasana. While I mentioned in my previous post that 21 chalisas are way too weak, it seems it is not so simple. Even doing one chalisa properly, mentally and sung with devotion is better than doing a 100 verbally with little devotion. In fact, when one sings the chalisa with devotion even once with the meaning in mind, it's more enjoyable than doing a 100. Enjoyment aside, if you strictly want spiritual growth, then increasing the length of your pooja and the number of chants is crucial. Let me explain to you what I mean. My Current Practice Currently I do 1 chalisa in the morning and 1 in the evening followed by an aarti(a song for the deity sung at the end of poojas). I sing the chalisa with instruments in hand to make it for more fun for the rest of my family members. It's 10 times more fun than doing a 100 like I used to. However, it's clearly not as spiritually effective. Sure, the enjoyment can reach levels of bliss and it heals you which can be deemed as spiritual progress. But for progress relating to unlocking of new energies within you and witnessing new mystical experiences, doing proper sadhanas and sankalpas which are difficult in nature is crucial. I have taken a very easy sankalpa currently, which is that I'll fast every Tuesday for Hanumana for 21 Tuesdays. It should end on 13th of February next year. I cannot take any other sankalpas during this period. So I'll just be doing your basic 30 mins pooja twice everyday. Don't get me wrong, it's very enjoyable and makes life feel a lot more positive and generates favorable thoughts within my psyche. However, serious spiritual growth would only happen when I take up something like 40 chalisas a day or something more intense. Which I currently can't, due to my material life, however I'll make my best efforts to do so. This journal will not be updated as frequently as it was before simply because the rate of developments has slowed because of the lighter poojas. However, a good thing out of this light but long sankalpa would come out is that doing such sankalpas makes your relation favorable with the deity in question. So when you do indeed do difficult sankalpas, the results are that much more intense. Types of Japa There are three: Vachika, Upanshu and Mansik. Vachika is when you chant verbally. Upanshu is when you move your lips and tongue but produce little to no sound. Mansik means mental chanting. Each is more effective than the last. IMO one should not simply start chanting mentally but build up to it from Vachika. This is because if you chant mentally straight away, it may be harder to build up the practice and you may easily become demotivated. Even though my poojas are not as intense anymore, I still occasionally perform 3 - 4 hour long poojas where I chant a 100 Hanuman Chalisas. I have recently reached the level of Upanshu. It came naturally to me after a month or two of verbal chanting. What occurred was simple, I detached from my voice as it automatically ran the chalisa as if some background music. I did not need to consciously recite the chalisa as my mouth was accustomed to the movements and remembered everything. It felt as if I was hearing someone else chant. Eventually my breath slowed down and my voice went lower until it was inaudible, however my lips and tongue kept moving. This is Upanshu japa reached naturally. I sometimes perform single chalisas in my mind as a form of Mansik Japa and it's so more satisfactory and beautiful than even Upanshu as you think of the meaning of the chalisa in it's entirety and don't have space to think anything else. It's like watching a movie run before your eyes. I believe true Mansik Japa would be as if watching scenes unfold with the chanting in your mind describing these scenes, as you simply sit and witness the events of who you love (the deity). While this side is very enjoyable and blissful, I still keep an eye out for how this can aid in spiritual growth of the sort relating to insights and energies.

Anyone who uses toilet paper is automatically barbaric

This is why it's important to study religions and traditions in the morals they preach, sort out the ones you rationalize to be best and open your mind to other morals that you simply might discard. It's very probable that humanity in it's long history would have realized that certain actions have far reaching consequences and implemented morals that curb these. Hinduism, in this regard, has the largest most informative knowledge through the concept of karma in my honest opinion.

These synchronicity are more a sign that your life has entered a certain phase than anything trying to give you signs. Universe won't bother to give you signs, most of the times it's you who'd recognize it's patterns and predict an outcome. If there are any signs being given it'd be from another entity not necessarily at the highest level. If this is the case, since you are open, you'd easily get the message. Otherwise, you're just finding meaning in synchronicity, or manifesting these synchronicity according to your current mindset or experience.

Never thought of it that way. The reason I don't call it my baseline is because I believe it's possible to keep up a higher degree of this understanding constantly, than I am already doing. For sure that the highest states impair movement even, but I want to make constant the highest state that can still function. I also intuit that if I practice enough, I'd be able to function even in the higher states.

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