mandyjw

So if you're on this forum you should know by now that, "your reality" is super weird and not what you think. That's the power of focus. Focus on what you appreciate about them, what you can learn from them, what you honestly like about them. Usually it helps to start out small. Sometimes REAL small. "That's a really nice placement of that mole by their nose." Just make the intention to see things that you appreciate and you will. Then you've laid the basis for change to happen, like crazy miraculous change, cause what we are is crazy miraculous. Think about it, you create the characters in your dreams. You aren't conscious of it, you're even a character in the dream too, but you pulled them from "your" psyche. Whether you like them or not. You create people you interact with in this dream we call reality too, by the things you focus on about them. So the power of choosing things you appreciate is like, the only power that is really. Call it consciousness, call it awareness, call it love, call it whatever you want, it's up to you.

Alex, In my opinion that this book will really help with some of the misunderstandings that cause the "search" tension kinda thing that sort of has its way of pushing away exactly what we seek. The funny, ironic "reason" this sense is so heightened in the search for enlightenment and what we really are, is because we already so intimately are it. https://www.amazon.com/Transparency-Things-Contemplating-Nature-Experience/dp/1626258805/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=rupert+spira&qid=1617745439&sr=8-4 It's amazing. Also looking into Abraham Hicks and feeling into the law of attraction can bring some major revelations about how what we seek is now, without also denying what we want and how to fully enjoy the whole process. Cause really that's what you came for.

Now whenever I have a negative thought directed back at myself my mantra is, "keep the shakeweight away from your face". This guy is AMAZING.

Streetlights, people.

I dunno belly breathing, you're just TOO effective, like three breaths and I feel amazing. It's too good to be true! What are you trying to sell me? A shake weight? I'd like to hold on to my currency, my problems, I mean. I have a headache straight in the middle of my eyes, and it feels so vaguely crappy I'd like to die. I'm gonna keep that currency, thank you. I'm gonna keep thinking about it and all these problems I think are related but aren't very vaguely. I don't have to belly breathe. currency (n.) 1650s, "condition of flowing," a sense now rare or obsolete, from Latin currens, present participle of currere "to run" (from PIE root *kers- "to run"). The notion of "state or fact of flowing from person to person" led to the senses "continuity in public knowledge" (1722) and "that which is current as a medium of exchange, money" (1729). Hmm. Doesn't really seem like something the nature of which I can hold on to. Damn it. It's hard to sell things to people who already have everything they need. And that's why creation and desire are indispensable and interrelated. And also somewhat ridiculous. Here's to you, shake weight guru. "On a hot summer night Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? Will he offer me his mouth? Yes Will he offer me his teeth? Yes Will he offer me his jaws? Yes Will he offer me his hunger? Yes Again, will he offer me his hunger? Yes And will he starve without me? Yes And does he love me? Yes Yes On a hot summer night Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? Yes I bet you to say that to all the boys"

Ok, Uncle! I take it back. I feel like crap. Is chewing gum meditation? I haven't chewed gum in forever but I feel like I'm gonna hurl. Why are people so interested in the details of life rather than what life is? I guess I can't imagine not being interested in both. My kid keeps arguing with me about zero equaling infinity, he talks about infinity all the time, asks me questions to math problems including infinity. I answer with zero is infinity. He argued so I asked him if light was a "thing". He said no. I asked him if he could see any "thing" without light. He said no. I'm not feeling good today and kinda feeling crappy for not being more productive. productive (adj.) 1610s, "serving to produce," from French productif (16c.) and directly from Medieval Latin productivus "fit for production," from Latin product-, past-participle stem of producere "bring forth" (see produce (v.)). Meaning "fertile, producing abundantly" is by 1706. Related: Productively; productiveness. Ha, no wonder I feel like I'm pregnant today. (I'm not pregnant.) Nothing like being pregnant to make you LAZY AS FUCK. Yet you're also being incredibly productive by not doing anything. (Keep on telling yourself that.) I will! Old music videos, etymology, this is getting repetitive, time to shake it up. "Keep it away from your face. Keep your core tight. " Well that was entertaining, but I'm not sure the advice applies here. Maybe I'm thinking too literally. literal (adj.) late 14c., "taking words in their natural meaning" (originally in reference to Scripture and opposed to mystical or allegorical) Yeah, that's where people go wrong, everything is mystical. Ok. So what is the mystical meaning of keep it away from your face? Maybe like, with "your face" jokes, you shouldn't take things so personally. "Keep your core tight", hmm... maybe like maintain your connection with source, keep your focus on your breath. Belly breathe. Good advice shake weight dude, thank you.

It can stem from a belief or sense that you CAN ruin things. Especially that you can ruin things (essentially your own happiness) by thinking. Since you don't want to ruin things, you keep thinking about how you could, and then there's a "oh God, anything but that!" reaction and then there's an obsessive effort put into place to try to stop and resist thought. Because of the nature of thought to sort of defy what it's told NOT to do, it strengthens them. You can't ruin things. ruin (n.) late 14c., "act of giving way and falling down," from Old French ruine "a collapse" (14c.), and directly from Latin ruina "a collapse, a rushing down, a tumbling down" https://www.etymonline.com/word/ruin "Ruin" is a stupid word that is mostly made up of connotations. What you really want is to collapse those thoughts, but those thoughts already are collapsed, they aren't a physical thing. What OCD means is that you are a strong, fast powerful thinker. You will have to let go of many beliefs about yourself and others than most people don't seem to be bothered by. You will need to learn to focus, channel your thoughts. You're already doing this, but it will feel amazing to become conscious of it. You want to get very in touch with what you want in life, what makes you happy, what thrills you, and realize the power and thrill of focusing on that. Mediation and journaling with a sense of humor is incredibly helpful. Realize that you were given an amazing gift, an incredibly powerful mind, it's just going to take some extra training to get it moving in the right direction. It's like you're sitting in an incredibly powerful race car but you're not moving because no one has ever taught you how a manual transmission works. You see other people driving around happily in crappy regular automatic transmission cars and you're feeling jealous of them, like there's something wrong with you.

I don't think most of those thoughts are even formed or separated from feelings associated with them. They wouldn't be recordable. Once you put a thought into language it's formed, and so I think that's why we often feel constipated by unformed or partially unconscious thoughts. A huge insight I got from @Nahm but also kind of a umm.. duh! moment insight (like all the deepest insights) is that you only ever think one single thought at a time. Writing kills the illusion that there's a multiplicity of stuff spinning around, and when you write you channel them in a focused manner, and form your thoughts in one stream, one thought at a time.

When you're in a negative thought pattern, or you start to feel off, you can mediate and slow or stop thoughts. Sometimes this feels amazing, and relaxing and other times it feels like further constipating yourself. Then the other option and the best option if you cannot meditate in that moment is to do a 180 degree opposite approach and speed them up, with focus and write them out, almost like a flow of consciousness with the intent to bring things to light. It helps to not take yourself seriously and bring in a sense of humor and a willingness to go along with the impulse to change the subject randomly if it arises or you notice yourself writing on a subject that is making you feel worse, not better. If you do this you often find that there is no real such thing as random and strange connections and synchronicity come about from it. I often go into journaling feeling disgusting and come out in very little time at all, completely amused and in a state of wonder.

Last night I wrote the most ridiculous, brilliant journal entry, got a whole bunch of insights and synchronicities, my son came up and asked me why receptacles are called receptacles in the middle, and I considered how the thing that physically receives the appliance wanting of energy, is the actual source of the power. I was questioning my indecisiveness, and that my ability to channel is based on my having no preferences, and being willing to go in any direction I'm called. I came to the conclusion that it's about fun. Choices are fun, but I like to KNOW so clearly what I want that it's not a choice, because I'm so clear about what I want. Then I lost the journal entry and realized that the point of it had been purely for my own personal enjoyment. I'm still a little offended about that. I really am in a position where I have an amazing, rich, free life, that's FULL of choices. I want to start truly enjoying how wonderful this freedom is, rather than doubting every choice so much, but feeling into the fun of the choice and getting in tune with what choice feels best. I made a deeper connection that before that this is what desire is about, it's about clarity and feeling. Listened to this song all my childhood, and never actually knew what voulez vous meant until 2 days ago. Ain't no big decision. ah Ha Seems Shania Twain got it right. I wanna be free to feel the way I feel.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation." 2 Corinthians Christ- Source. Ok, meditation has been working amazingly well the past couple days, but Ima hit a wall. Geez! Stay quiet, mediate, express, channel, there's no duality between the two, you cannot make any rules. Or you make your own rules, one of those. I feel too distracted, like there's tension in my chest and peeling carrots for dinner feels like an insurmountable task. My daughter is already so much better at finding things than her older brother. The Easter egg hunt today, for whatever reason the female brain is often FAR better at finding things and scanning an environment. it's like the male brain is so honed in all the time it cannot stay open. Yet she is prone to scattering. (Am I bullshitting myself, fascinating and distracting myself by drawing differences between two genders? Goddamn it, I want to know why all the gurus are male. Osho said people don't think during orgasm. What a fucking idiot.) Very few typical males can psychologically handle the amount of scattered focus it takes to take care of a room full of young children and cook dinner. It's like the lack of being able to focus on one thing can be violent unless you're already flighty. Yet she has a kind of focus that is invaluable and amazing. I'm not sure where that's headed, but I reserve the right to completely change the subject. I went to the cemetery in gray snowy weather to cheer myself up and it didn't really work. I cannot seem to decide what I want to do, like the indecisiveness is starting to get intolerable. It's even tied with intuition, and I just want to make aligned decisions. I intend to work on this. Yesterday I had things line up SO amazingly. I went out on a hike to film a video with few intentions but to enjoy myself which I did, and it turned into the most intense feeling channeling kind of experience I've had while filming anything. Jesus' parable of the talents come to mind, I might not be so classically intelligent but I have one hell of a strong mind, and if I just let it run on autopilot with all these sort of beliefs I've carelessly taken on it's HELL. I have to put it to work, I have to focus. I think I'm TOO willing to throw it all away. Like I'm so indecisive, I don't actually GO with anything, I'm ready at the drop of a hat to let something go, to listen to intuition, to be told a better way of doing something. I don't know what this song has to do with anything but I'm choosing it, and it will be my peeling carrots soundtrack. random (adj.) "having no definite aim or purpose," 1650s, from at random (1560s), "at great speed" (thus, "carelessly, haphazardly"), alteration of Middle English noun randon "impetuosity, speed" (c. 1300), from Old French randon "rush, disorder, force, impetuosity," from randir "to run fast," from Frankish *rant "a running" or some other Germanic source, from Proto-Germanic *randa (source also of Old High German rennen "to run," Old English rinnan "to flow, to run;" see run (v.)). RAN dom. Like a bat out of hell.

I love and am also annoyed that I can let go of any perspective. Just, *poof*. It's funny that we think it's so world shattering and profound to realize what is already our direct experience and always has been. I'm feeling a bit lost, like, "where am I gonna go, what am I gonna do", and sort of wanting to know/own this in a way that I can secure and that in return secures me. I know from experience that doing this is a prison cell, because a self made prison cell is never very secure. secure (adj.) 1530s, "without care, dreading no evil," from Latin securus, of persons, "free from care, quiet, easy," also in a bad sense, "careless, reckless;" of things, "tranquil; free from danger, safe," from *se cura, from se "free from" (see secret (n.)) + cura "care" (see cure (n.)). Ahhh, yes THIS sounds more like real security. prison (n.) late Old English, prisoun, "place of confinement or involuntary restraint, dungeon, jail," from Old French prisoun "captivity, imprisonment; prison; prisoner, captive" (11c., Modern French prison), altered (by influence of pris "taken;" see prize (n.2)) from earlier preson, from Vulgar Latin *presionem, from Latin prensionem (nominative prensio), shortening of prehensionem (nominative *prehensio) "a taking," noun of action from past-participle stem of prehendere "to take" (from prae- "before," see pre-, + -hendere, from PIE root *ghend- "to seize, take"). What do I take myself to be? ? fun (n.) "diversion, amusement, mirthful sport," 1727, earlier "a cheat, trick" (c. 1700), from verb fun (1680s) "to cheat, hoax," which is of uncertain origin, probably a variant of Middle English fonnen "befool" (c. 1400; see fond). OOOOH! Diversion. divert (v.) early 15c., diverten, "change the direction or course of; change the aim or destination of, turn aside or away" (transitive), from Old French divertir (14c.) and directly from Latin divertere "to turn in different directions," blended with devertere "turn aside," from vertere "to turn" (from PIE root *wer- (2) "to turn, bend") with, in the first word, an assimilated form of dis- "aside," and in the second with de- "from." Sense of "draw off (someone) from a particular intention or state of mind" is from c. 1600, hence the meaning "amuse, entertain" (1660s). Related: Diverted; diverting. Amuse A muse. muse (v.) "to reflect, ponder, meditate; to be absorbed in thought," mid-14c., from Old French muser (12c.) "to ponder, dream, wonder; loiter, waste time," which is of uncertain origin; the explanation in Diez and Skeat is literally "to stand with one's nose in the air" (or, possibly, "to sniff about" like a dog who has lost the scent), from muse "muzzle," from Gallo-Roman *musa "snout," itself a word of unknown origin. The modern word probably has been influenced in sense by muse (n.). Muse (n.) late 14c., "one of the nine Muses of classical mythology," daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, protectors of the arts; from Old French Muse and directly from Latin Musa, from Greek Mousa, "the Muse," also "music, song," ultimately from PIE root *men- (1) "to think." Meaning "inspiring goddess of a particular poet" (with a lower-case m-) is from late 14c. You sit around getting older There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me I'll shake this world off my shoulders Come on, baby, the laugh's on me

demon (n.) https://www.etymonline.com/word/demon c. 1200, "an evil spirit, malignant supernatural being, an incubus, a devil," from Latin daemon "spirit," from Greek daimōn "deity, divine power; lesser god; guiding spirit, tutelary deity" (sometimes including souls of the dead); "one's genius, lot, or fortune;" from PIE *dai-mon- "divider, provider" (of fortunes or destinies), from root *da- "to divide." Lucky for you, you're an individual! Interesting, nondual and individual mean the same thing.

You too!

Lady from the church just delivered some Easter bags for my kids and inside is a lenticular printed card with the stone in front of Jesus' tomb "moving" or flipping from one image to the next. Her license plate reads 666. I cannot tell you how much I'm enjoying that. Anyway, my son was fascinated with the card and I tried to describe how it worked. Then it hit me, movement IS perspective. It's only ever perspective. Movement in time or place is two thoughts, experienced together as one? perspective (n.) late 14c., perspectif, "the science of optics," from Old French perspective and directly from Medieval Latin perspectiva ars "science of optics," from fem. of perspectivus "of sight, optical" from Latin perspectus "clearly perceived," past participle of perspicere "inspect, look through, look closely at," from per "through" (from PIE root *per- (1) "forward," hence "through") + specere "look at" (from PIE root *spek- "to observe"). The English word is also attested from early 15c. as an adjective, "pertaining to the science of optics." Right. Cause a movie (move ie) is a bunch of frames, but there are no frames in real "life", but we have to do the framing (thinking) ourselves in order to experience time and movement and progression, ultimately us/world is the two frames. progression (n.) late 14c., progressioun, "action of moving from one condition to another," from Old French progression and directly from Latin progressionem (nominative progressio) "a going forward, advancement, growth, increase," noun of action from past-participle stem of progredi "go forward," from pro "forward" (see pro-) + gradi "to step, walk," from gradus "a step" (from PIE root *ghredh- "to walk, go"). The musical sense of "an advance from one note to another" or later one chord to another is by c. 1600. Related: Progressional. Reminds me of the @Faceless here on the forum, or J. Krishnamurti I've been told or this. https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/4061075808484662238/4979570694074447007 So learning to "stay" and realizing you don't ever move are one in the same. I'm still working on teaching myself to sit before I try to teach stay, and it doesn't go so well when I run out of treats or a squirrel runs by. Or the UPS man. That reminds me of something that happened one winter we got several blizzards and I was leaving but had to stop because the UPS driver showed up and I couldn't easily get out of my car cause I was parked momentarily by a snowbank. I struggled to get out to take the package and complained about the snow to the driver and instead of commiserating or even humoring me, like is the well practiced regional societal expectation of relating to one another, he just said " I LOVE it", with such clear, real enthusiasm, I was taken aback. Couldn't forget it either. It was one of those interactions that's far better than anything good that can randomly happen to you, like finding a $20 bill on the street. You just don't always fully "get" the value at the time.

Because the cure we seek is a complete change of perspective about these past issues, we must seek the feeling of healing and integration we are looking for in the present. That means seeking a better feeling with disregard to what the subject is about. Because we keep thinking about past issues unintentionally we practice the same perspective and keep them active in our thoughts as a block or a trauma or trigger of some kind. This is why it's important to drop certain subjects that you cannot find a good feeling perspective about, and instead seek the feeling that you DO want, rather than choosing what you think about based on your thoughts of "importance" of the subject. While to some this may seem like avoidance, it's going directly to the source of the healing you seek, and recognizing that the thoughts we have about these issues are like a dog obsessively licking a sore, not allowing it to heal. Its attention to the issue, is actually perpetuating the issue and preventing healing. Meditation and making a list of things to do every day that make you feel amazing is the kinder equivalent of putting a cone around the metaphorical dog's head so it has to leave the sore spot alone. Eventually, sometimes, when ready to be released the subjects of issue come back to you and are seen in such an incredibly loving, wholistic, healing perspective that there's a huge emotional release. Then you realize that the thinking about it in a way that felt bad WAS the actual avoidance. Abraham Hicks is an amazing teacher who teaches this perspective from a lot of different angles. You can search her videos on youtube, and I particularly find it incredibly helpful to search for particular subjects. Her videos on the topic of obsession are absolutely amazing as most people have a real shameful/sore spot perspective about that issue.

It's a fantastic exercise is not caring what people think. When you're alone, you're thinking of them, that's the actual situation, you don't experience their thoughts about you, just your thoughts about you and them. Whether you're in your room or out with them, become aware that the anxious thoughts are your interpretation of the situation. The awkwardness is your own interpretation of feeling, it's no one's fault, you're creating it. If you embrace the awkwardness the situation becomes funny and relaxed, which just so happens to be the exact opposite of awkwardness. Isn't that funny how that works? So learn into it rather than avoid it. That doesn't mean you have to act awkward purposefully or anything, just be kind to yourself.

Awesome plan.

If you take people in an isolated area who don't know that they don't have much, there is very little angst about it and their ability to find joy and feel abundance and appreciation over little things is well developed. They also don't really know what's possible for them, this can be good or bad when judging the situation in terms of general development of a person or a community. By using awareness you can be aware of anything, and use it to allow joy in anything. No matter where you are there is always wealth of something and lack of something as according to the comparing, thinking mind, and you have the power to focus on either.

Everybody responds to your vibration (better to look at this as that it's to teach you something not as a punishment). Seems that mentally ill people, (or anyone in a state that they don't have societal filters in place at the moment) and animals are extremely fast, clear responders and indicators of our vibration. The two times I've been bitten by a dog and had a confrontation with a moose in the woods, I was in a scared or insecure place to begin with.

When you leave the "now" everything is a thought, so if the thought is hurting now, drop it, if it feels good, enjoy. Becoming conscious/getting good at this requires connecting with feeling and becoming very aware and present, same thing really. We have a lot of patterns and beliefs that tell us there's a reason to hold onto thoughts that don't feel good, disregarding and seeing through these is what we're interested in. If spirituality becomes a new pattern and belief that we use to give ourselves some reason to continue with thoughts that don't feel good, it's likely an old tendency or belief that has just been renovated. You gotta knock that house down. New tile in the bathroom ain't gonna fix a house that's got toxic mold and is falling down around you.

I want to focus! What do we want to focus on? No idea! Give me and F, give me a U... I mean O! Give me a C, give me a U, give me an S! What does that spell? A small Ford car? No! I feel like a bunch of misled, somewhat jumbled creative energy, I feel like this describes what I am quote accurately and if you read Nissargadatta, he pretty much agrees with that. Come to find out, the actual energetics of "where babies come from" is FAR more complicated and delightfully awkward than even sex ed. But did this happen in the past? NO! It is mandyfestation, (oh geez, that sounds awful) right NOW. Ok, what do we want to focus on? I've been making a lot of these recently, they are for wearing essential oil. perfume or pet or people ashes. The purple glass on the top is specialty and just came out, and I've worked 17 years in glass without having a nice shade of purple like this. There are some absolutely brilliant glassmakers who live on the west coast who have filled in all the missing color gaps in the glass pallet. It's just a husband and wife I think. When I started glasswork pink turned to gray unless you were really careful, and they solved that and totally innovated silver laden glass. They are absolutely brilliant, really. It's amazing how much brilliance shines in weird niches across the world, that you have to be really involved with to even understand enough about it to fully appreciate it. I wonder if that's maybe sort of my "issue", I seem to have the unfortunate tendency to think that if I don't get more popularity or feedback from something, that it's trash. But the brilliance of creation is its own recognition, it needs no other. Imagine if nature was like "Ok, you ungrateful little fuckers, you aren't appreciating the flowers enough, we're NOT MAKING THEM ANYMORE."

Strange things I love, Freezer burned ice cream. The smell of mold, like a good moldy basement. Mmm. Running through mud. Jello molds from the 50's.

Very few people actually want a lot of money. Yeah, seems like a stupid statement, but think about it in a deeper way. No one actually wants a lot of money, they want freedom in the particular form that money will bring. There's nothing wrong with wanting money, it's an awesome, fun tool. You don't care about money itself, no one does, it's like taking down the Mona Lisa and hanging a paintbrush on the wall instead. Plus money is relative, what is rich to one person is tiddly winks to another. Problem is when we think that success is more than what it actually is directly experienced as... a sense of enjoyment or fulfillment, freedom of lack. Instead we think it is a status that one can permanently achieve, and in this belief we kill our own inherent, already here freedom that the desire for money was all about and was in its purest form ANYWAY. You're just using other people as an excuse to maintain this belief. But you're already free. It's also good to contemplate/question how freedom and a sense of "worth" is the same thing, essentially.

ruin (n.) late 14c., "act of giving way and falling down," from Old French ruine "a collapse" (14c.), and directly from Latin ruina "a collapse, a rushing down, a tumbling down" Thinking I could "ruin" anything was all along part of the collapse I really sought.