mandyjw

Meditation, running, anything that improves or practices focus. Focus comes naturally when we're interested but what happens when you train your focus and start watching your thoughts is something very strange, everything becomes deeply fascinating. Or at least progressively more and more will. Also by intentionally learning about things you aren't normally interested in, you can achieve a similar effect, for example most of us have experienced how once you learn a new vocabulary word, your awareness of it increases, and you start seeing it and appreciating it more, then later using it yourself. You have to sort of train this perspective with people, become interested in them, by first dropping the thoughts about them and just giving them pure aware attention. Dropping thoughts in favor of a chosen focus "point", learning, awareness and interest in a subject are all really the same thing, the same focus, and are all ways to "open your mind" and they have same effect.

@EmptyVase Of course! My thoughts from reading this and not knowing much more about it are that you're in the tension of searching for a "how I relate to people now" which is searching for a new self concept or identity that holds over time, that you'll never really find and secure. Kinda feels like the ground fell out from under you, and you wanted and loved the freedom of that, but it still feels funny sometimes, and every now and then you're like "OMG where's the f-ing ground?!". So a great way to deal with this is to determine what we want. Before, we were wanting to see ourselves a certain way, and now there's no reason to do that. It's tricky with other people because we want to use how we THINK they see us as how we will see ourselves, that's the perpetual search, "how do I see myself?". But what you really want now is to either drop the subject because it feels confusing the perplexing and because you can't receive and answer if you're continually putting out the question vibration. If you want to or must think about it focus on how you truly WANT to feel when you interact with people. Some of us have been driven so far into self image concerns and people pleasing that reclaiming that dream or vision feels like the most coveted thing, covered over, disallowed fantastical thing that we ever could have dreamed to want. And finally we get to allow that desire. We have no reason not to. So love, fun, standing in my truth even if on the surface it seems like an uncomfortable interaction, truly appreciating the other person, truly hearing/receiving/feeling what they have to say, and truly listening and receiving and feeling for the response, in flow, inspired. Not judging myself when I'm not feeling all these things I want to feel.

If you were blissful, infinity and you decided that in order to create you were going to seemingly (but not really) incarnate as a bodymind, what is the ONE thing you could do to ensure that you wouldn't totally lose yourself in the thinking process? You'd make something seemingly go "wrong" with your thinking process so you'd have to look back at it, question it and realize that that's all it's made of, and all you are... a thought.

It can be hard to grow up as a girl with Hollywood and advertising and not equate your looks with your worth to society, career and relationships as a whole. There are even studies published that say women who wear make up are seen as more competent. This was paid for by Proctor and Gamble and was widely published. So no, it's definitely not just about men, but you can't really remove them from the equation either. With that said, I absolutely love to see the changes happening in advertising with a lot more variations of beauty being represented than ever before. Flowers are only beautiful to attract bees, those dirty WHORES. Beauty just is. Survival is a perspective, if it's the only one you can see reflected by the world then it may be the make up (or made up) perspective you're wearing yourself.

Why does it hurt when you abuse your body? Because you are acting against yourself, the pain is actually a loving, guiding indication. Psychological suffering works the same way. When we hold perspectives about ourselves that aren't True and aren't going in the direction of what we want to create, it hurts. It's telling you to drop the perspective, drop the thought or choose another one. It's incredibly simple and amazingly Fair but most of us have been taught to let the mind be king, because that's who we are. Turns out feeling, Love and Truth are so intimately intertwined, and so intimately what we really are that we can't disconnect ourselves from that without feeling awful. Yet we still have the freedom to do so. Unbelievable, perfect Love.

Every human behavior is completely understandable. One of my biggest blockages to creating and just genuinely enjoying life is that sometimes I feel overlooked or insignificant. Of course, I Awareness am overlooked and already insignificant in that moment. Damn... tricky, brilliant, obvious AF. When you create something, some people are gonna LOVE it some are gonna HATE it, most won't give a shit at all if it even enters their awareness. I'm not sure why I would think that what I create should be any different from the normal range of reactions to music, fashion, or anything. When something becomes really popular people are given a motive to open their mind to it, "everyone loves this so it must be good" but then they might just be people who aren't really in touch with what in particular tickles their fancy in just the right way. So you have people who hate and avoid popular things, cause these things are unintelligent and watered down. And funny enough, they fall into the same trap. Vanilla is vanilla, but when you line up with your choice whether anyone thinks it's cliche, or vanilla or incredibly obscure and weird and fully enjoy it as if it's the only thing for you in that moment, there's nothing better.

Society is becoming more and more demanding that public figures lives clean lives. I think that this is a positive sign of an evolving society, and it's making life a lot more fair but as always, there's a danger of neurosis, expectation of perfection and of witch hunt like behaviors. I think with spiritual teachers this obsession becomes even more neurotic. We are like monkeys, if we see something wrong with another monkey, we are much less willing to follow his crazy new ideas of how to climb trees. If he's limping, and you follow his advice, you might break your leg. Common sense. So with spiritual teachers and taking them as encouragement, knowledge and an example of success in letting go of long held beliefs, it's sort of like, "uhmm hold up, can I see your basement first and check that there are no dead bodies in there before I implement all this?" (If the teacher is sensitive to this dynamic, and tries to avoid it rather than understanding it, they will be the Pastor whose only last perceived source of freedom is to screw their secretary.) And that metaphorical checking the basement won't satisfy, because you're trying to turn yourself into a new creation without realizing that the idea of you is always your new creation, already, anyway. "Whoever is in Christ/(Source) is a new creation." It really doesn't "do" to make people into people, "I Am the Light, the Way and the Truth" turns into an thought of Jesus on the cross will save me from eternal hell in the future. And so we shouldn't make teachers into teachers. "Jesus said to them, "When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner like the outer and the outer like the inner, and the upper like the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male will not be male nor the female be female, when you make eyes in place of an eye, a hand in place of a hand, a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image, then you will enter [the kingdom]." The Gospel of Thomas So in the scenario of the Pastor screwing the secretary or the guru with his groupies, nice try guys! Close but no cigar.

Not sure this is it, but many women LOVE men in uniform, or men in their work environments is the next best thing, even if it's an office. It could have been a fantasy kind of thing, that environment allowed her to see a side of you that she didn't see at home.

Any way. Hadn't thought about that one much either. Any way Yaweh, it's my way or the High way. Yup, I'm insane. Ohh... I see what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to use the thought of specific other people to bolster my own confidence in seeking, embodying and expressing this stuff. Cause it seems insane sometimes. In other words, I'm still personally concerned it's insane. My idea of sane is an idea a sick society gave me, and it was never a very clear, nor inspiring picture. I never did get to meet Sane. I'm sure he was a great guy. Certainly couldn't have been a woman. That's why wanting validation from people around this subject is SO strong I think. I could test out my new autonomy and independence and use how things feel to judge them by, and be free and connected with Source. But then, I sort of think that I might need the moldly lentil soup for something later, you never know.

Abraham Hicks says that your vibration on any subject is where you last left it. During an awakening do you clean up several subjects all together? That's what happened to me, a lot of long dormant but kind of awful feeling perspectives were shifted and some newer ones too. I noticed today that I have resistance to throwing out old food in the fridge. It's already too old to eat, but in order to clean it out and throw it out, I have to face the fact that I wasted the food, and the feeling of regret or neglect. So that feeling causes me to leave old food in the fridge, which causes me to waste more food because the fridge is cluttered and I can't see all of what is in there. If I could just ditch the feeling of regret and failed personal responsibility, the entire situation would be so much more efficient. If I get myself all motivated and psyched up to have an amazingly clean fridge, (couldn't take it any longer and stopped to actually clean old stuff out of fridge) then I can in one go, let go of all the old stuff, cause my focus is the result I want, and I get in the flow. So the awakening I experienced was like cleaning the fridge out in one go. But I may have missed some old moldy stuff in the back, (but god DAMN that thing looked spectacular from that vantage point!) and I never learned the habit of throwing out stuff when I realize it's old. There was this spectacular moment when I was in *poof* bliss state that I went to my parents house and they dumped some strangely reacting homemade kefir down the sink and both exclaimed over what a shame it was. That bottle of kefir was worth its weight in GOLD in my eyes. I watched this and I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that nothing could be wasted. "What a shadow of a doubt." Just saw this extra text floating around. Where did that come from? Says it originated with The Scarlet Letter, "beyond a shadow of a doubt". Love that book. Fascinating phrase when you think of it. beyond (prep., adv.) Old English begeondan "on the other side of, from the farther side," from be- "by," here probably indicating position, + geond "yonder" (prep.); see yond. A compound not found elsewhere in Germanic. From late 14c. as "further on than," 1530s as "out of reach of." To be beyond (someone) "to pass (someone's) comprehension" is by 1812. be yond. Jesus language is dumb. I've been hoodwinked. hoodwink (v.) 1560s, "to blindfold, blind by covering the eyes," from hood (n.1) + wink (n.); figurative sense of "blind the mind, mislead, deceive by disguise" is c. 1600. Related: Hoodwinked; hoodwinking. hood wink? Really, that's all that means? Face palm. Anyway. I dunno, am I reaching for perfection? I'm not one to have a perfect fridge. I am not my fridge. I am be yond my fridge. I just want to let go of the stupid guilt about getting rid of stuff that doesn't serve me, that motivates me to hold on to it. I realized this morning that this sort of storyline of clingy personalities in my family wasn't true and wasn't serving me, and was the moldy lentil soup in the fridge. But I'm glad it bubbled up. I realized that loneliness and neediness is driven not by any conditions of people or myself but by not taking the time to appreciate myself and other people. Conversations are a learning experience because I have in place so many old habits of relating. I remember when I first discovered Eckhart Tolle I was so determined that I put on this fake persona and refused to complain and started repressing emotions. A week or two later I blew up and felt much better. It's a process. It's not a process. process (n.) early 14c., proces, "fact of being carried on" (as in in process), from Old French proces "a journey; continuation, development; legal trial" (13c.) and directly from Latin processus "a going forward, advance, progress," from past-participle stem of procedere "go forward" (see proceed). Masquerading as a man with a reason My charade is the event of the season And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know

Pursue as much as you want, as long as it's fun, comes from inspiration and love rather than attachment, fear, neediness. Feel into the difference but don't overthink it. Great self care and doing things that make you happy and feel amazing will go a long way too helping you tune into inspiration to know when to act and when to focus on something else. It will also make the whole thing more enjoyable and that's what you really want all along, right?

So if you're on this forum you should know by now that, "your reality" is super weird and not what you think. That's the power of focus. Focus on what you appreciate about them, what you can learn from them, what you honestly like about them. Usually it helps to start out small. Sometimes REAL small. "That's a really nice placement of that mole by their nose." Just make the intention to see things that you appreciate and you will. Then you've laid the basis for change to happen, like crazy miraculous change, cause what we are is crazy miraculous. Think about it, you create the characters in your dreams. You aren't conscious of it, you're even a character in the dream too, but you pulled them from "your" psyche. Whether you like them or not. You create people you interact with in this dream we call reality too, by the things you focus on about them. So the power of choosing things you appreciate is like, the only power that is really. Call it consciousness, call it awareness, call it love, call it whatever you want, it's up to you.

Alex, In my opinion that this book will really help with some of the misunderstandings that cause the "search" tension kinda thing that sort of has its way of pushing away exactly what we seek. The funny, ironic "reason" this sense is so heightened in the search for enlightenment and what we really are, is because we already so intimately are it. https://www.amazon.com/Transparency-Things-Contemplating-Nature-Experience/dp/1626258805/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=rupert+spira&qid=1617745439&sr=8-4 It's amazing. Also looking into Abraham Hicks and feeling into the law of attraction can bring some major revelations about how what we seek is now, without also denying what we want and how to fully enjoy the whole process. Cause really that's what you came for.

Now whenever I have a negative thought directed back at myself my mantra is, "keep the shakeweight away from your face". This guy is AMAZING.

Streetlights, people.

I dunno belly breathing, you're just TOO effective, like three breaths and I feel amazing. It's too good to be true! What are you trying to sell me? A shake weight? I'd like to hold on to my currency, my problems, I mean. I have a headache straight in the middle of my eyes, and it feels so vaguely crappy I'd like to die. I'm gonna keep that currency, thank you. I'm gonna keep thinking about it and all these problems I think are related but aren't very vaguely. I don't have to belly breathe. currency (n.) 1650s, "condition of flowing," a sense now rare or obsolete, from Latin currens, present participle of currere "to run" (from PIE root *kers- "to run"). The notion of "state or fact of flowing from person to person" led to the senses "continuity in public knowledge" (1722) and "that which is current as a medium of exchange, money" (1729). Hmm. Doesn't really seem like something the nature of which I can hold on to. Damn it. It's hard to sell things to people who already have everything they need. And that's why creation and desire are indispensable and interrelated. And also somewhat ridiculous. Here's to you, shake weight guru. "On a hot summer night Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? Will he offer me his mouth? Yes Will he offer me his teeth? Yes Will he offer me his jaws? Yes Will he offer me his hunger? Yes Again, will he offer me his hunger? Yes And will he starve without me? Yes And does he love me? Yes Yes On a hot summer night Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? Yes I bet you to say that to all the boys"

Ok, Uncle! I take it back. I feel like crap. Is chewing gum meditation? I haven't chewed gum in forever but I feel like I'm gonna hurl. Why are people so interested in the details of life rather than what life is? I guess I can't imagine not being interested in both. My kid keeps arguing with me about zero equaling infinity, he talks about infinity all the time, asks me questions to math problems including infinity. I answer with zero is infinity. He argued so I asked him if light was a "thing". He said no. I asked him if he could see any "thing" without light. He said no. I'm not feeling good today and kinda feeling crappy for not being more productive. productive (adj.) 1610s, "serving to produce," from French productif (16c.) and directly from Medieval Latin productivus "fit for production," from Latin product-, past-participle stem of producere "bring forth" (see produce (v.)). Meaning "fertile, producing abundantly" is by 1706. Related: Productively; productiveness. Ha, no wonder I feel like I'm pregnant today. (I'm not pregnant.) Nothing like being pregnant to make you LAZY AS FUCK. Yet you're also being incredibly productive by not doing anything. (Keep on telling yourself that.) I will! Old music videos, etymology, this is getting repetitive, time to shake it up. "Keep it away from your face. Keep your core tight. " Well that was entertaining, but I'm not sure the advice applies here. Maybe I'm thinking too literally. literal (adj.) late 14c., "taking words in their natural meaning" (originally in reference to Scripture and opposed to mystical or allegorical) Yeah, that's where people go wrong, everything is mystical. Ok. So what is the mystical meaning of keep it away from your face? Maybe like, with "your face" jokes, you shouldn't take things so personally. "Keep your core tight", hmm... maybe like maintain your connection with source, keep your focus on your breath. Belly breathe. Good advice shake weight dude, thank you.

It can stem from a belief or sense that you CAN ruin things. Especially that you can ruin things (essentially your own happiness) by thinking. Since you don't want to ruin things, you keep thinking about how you could, and then there's a "oh God, anything but that!" reaction and then there's an obsessive effort put into place to try to stop and resist thought. Because of the nature of thought to sort of defy what it's told NOT to do, it strengthens them. You can't ruin things. ruin (n.) late 14c., "act of giving way and falling down," from Old French ruine "a collapse" (14c.), and directly from Latin ruina "a collapse, a rushing down, a tumbling down" https://www.etymonline.com/word/ruin "Ruin" is a stupid word that is mostly made up of connotations. What you really want is to collapse those thoughts, but those thoughts already are collapsed, they aren't a physical thing. What OCD means is that you are a strong, fast powerful thinker. You will have to let go of many beliefs about yourself and others than most people don't seem to be bothered by. You will need to learn to focus, channel your thoughts. You're already doing this, but it will feel amazing to become conscious of it. You want to get very in touch with what you want in life, what makes you happy, what thrills you, and realize the power and thrill of focusing on that. Mediation and journaling with a sense of humor is incredibly helpful. Realize that you were given an amazing gift, an incredibly powerful mind, it's just going to take some extra training to get it moving in the right direction. It's like you're sitting in an incredibly powerful race car but you're not moving because no one has ever taught you how a manual transmission works. You see other people driving around happily in crappy regular automatic transmission cars and you're feeling jealous of them, like there's something wrong with you.

I don't think most of those thoughts are even formed or separated from feelings associated with them. They wouldn't be recordable. Once you put a thought into language it's formed, and so I think that's why we often feel constipated by unformed or partially unconscious thoughts. A huge insight I got from @Nahm but also kind of a umm.. duh! moment insight (like all the deepest insights) is that you only ever think one single thought at a time. Writing kills the illusion that there's a multiplicity of stuff spinning around, and when you write you channel them in a focused manner, and form your thoughts in one stream, one thought at a time.

When you're in a negative thought pattern, or you start to feel off, you can mediate and slow or stop thoughts. Sometimes this feels amazing, and relaxing and other times it feels like further constipating yourself. Then the other option and the best option if you cannot meditate in that moment is to do a 180 degree opposite approach and speed them up, with focus and write them out, almost like a flow of consciousness with the intent to bring things to light. It helps to not take yourself seriously and bring in a sense of humor and a willingness to go along with the impulse to change the subject randomly if it arises or you notice yourself writing on a subject that is making you feel worse, not better. If you do this you often find that there is no real such thing as random and strange connections and synchronicity come about from it. I often go into journaling feeling disgusting and come out in very little time at all, completely amused and in a state of wonder.

Last night I wrote the most ridiculous, brilliant journal entry, got a whole bunch of insights and synchronicities, my son came up and asked me why receptacles are called receptacles in the middle, and I considered how the thing that physically receives the appliance wanting of energy, is the actual source of the power. I was questioning my indecisiveness, and that my ability to channel is based on my having no preferences, and being willing to go in any direction I'm called. I came to the conclusion that it's about fun. Choices are fun, but I like to KNOW so clearly what I want that it's not a choice, because I'm so clear about what I want. Then I lost the journal entry and realized that the point of it had been purely for my own personal enjoyment. I'm still a little offended about that. I really am in a position where I have an amazing, rich, free life, that's FULL of choices. I want to start truly enjoying how wonderful this freedom is, rather than doubting every choice so much, but feeling into the fun of the choice and getting in tune with what choice feels best. I made a deeper connection that before that this is what desire is about, it's about clarity and feeling. Listened to this song all my childhood, and never actually knew what voulez vous meant until 2 days ago. Ain't no big decision. ah Ha Seems Shania Twain got it right. I wanna be free to feel the way I feel.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation." 2 Corinthians Christ- Source. Ok, meditation has been working amazingly well the past couple days, but Ima hit a wall. Geez! Stay quiet, mediate, express, channel, there's no duality between the two, you cannot make any rules. Or you make your own rules, one of those. I feel too distracted, like there's tension in my chest and peeling carrots for dinner feels like an insurmountable task. My daughter is already so much better at finding things than her older brother. The Easter egg hunt today, for whatever reason the female brain is often FAR better at finding things and scanning an environment. it's like the male brain is so honed in all the time it cannot stay open. Yet she is prone to scattering. (Am I bullshitting myself, fascinating and distracting myself by drawing differences between two genders? Goddamn it, I want to know why all the gurus are male. Osho said people don't think during orgasm. What a fucking idiot.) Very few typical males can psychologically handle the amount of scattered focus it takes to take care of a room full of young children and cook dinner. It's like the lack of being able to focus on one thing can be violent unless you're already flighty. Yet she has a kind of focus that is invaluable and amazing. I'm not sure where that's headed, but I reserve the right to completely change the subject. I went to the cemetery in gray snowy weather to cheer myself up and it didn't really work. I cannot seem to decide what I want to do, like the indecisiveness is starting to get intolerable. It's even tied with intuition, and I just want to make aligned decisions. I intend to work on this. Yesterday I had things line up SO amazingly. I went out on a hike to film a video with few intentions but to enjoy myself which I did, and it turned into the most intense feeling channeling kind of experience I've had while filming anything. Jesus' parable of the talents come to mind, I might not be so classically intelligent but I have one hell of a strong mind, and if I just let it run on autopilot with all these sort of beliefs I've carelessly taken on it's HELL. I have to put it to work, I have to focus. I think I'm TOO willing to throw it all away. Like I'm so indecisive, I don't actually GO with anything, I'm ready at the drop of a hat to let something go, to listen to intuition, to be told a better way of doing something. I don't know what this song has to do with anything but I'm choosing it, and it will be my peeling carrots soundtrack. random (adj.) "having no definite aim or purpose," 1650s, from at random (1560s), "at great speed" (thus, "carelessly, haphazardly"), alteration of Middle English noun randon "impetuosity, speed" (c. 1300), from Old French randon "rush, disorder, force, impetuosity," from randir "to run fast," from Frankish *rant "a running" or some other Germanic source, from Proto-Germanic *randa (source also of Old High German rennen "to run," Old English rinnan "to flow, to run;" see run (v.)). RAN dom. Like a bat out of hell.

I love and am also annoyed that I can let go of any perspective. Just, *poof*. It's funny that we think it's so world shattering and profound to realize what is already our direct experience and always has been. I'm feeling a bit lost, like, "where am I gonna go, what am I gonna do", and sort of wanting to know/own this in a way that I can secure and that in return secures me. I know from experience that doing this is a prison cell, because a self made prison cell is never very secure. secure (adj.) 1530s, "without care, dreading no evil," from Latin securus, of persons, "free from care, quiet, easy," also in a bad sense, "careless, reckless;" of things, "tranquil; free from danger, safe," from *se cura, from se "free from" (see secret (n.)) + cura "care" (see cure (n.)). Ahhh, yes THIS sounds more like real security. prison (n.) late Old English, prisoun, "place of confinement or involuntary restraint, dungeon, jail," from Old French prisoun "captivity, imprisonment; prison; prisoner, captive" (11c., Modern French prison), altered (by influence of pris "taken;" see prize (n.2)) from earlier preson, from Vulgar Latin *presionem, from Latin prensionem (nominative prensio), shortening of prehensionem (nominative *prehensio) "a taking," noun of action from past-participle stem of prehendere "to take" (from prae- "before," see pre-, + -hendere, from PIE root *ghend- "to seize, take"). What do I take myself to be? ? fun (n.) "diversion, amusement, mirthful sport," 1727, earlier "a cheat, trick" (c. 1700), from verb fun (1680s) "to cheat, hoax," which is of uncertain origin, probably a variant of Middle English fonnen "befool" (c. 1400; see fond). OOOOH! Diversion. divert (v.) early 15c., diverten, "change the direction or course of; change the aim or destination of, turn aside or away" (transitive), from Old French divertir (14c.) and directly from Latin divertere "to turn in different directions," blended with devertere "turn aside," from vertere "to turn" (from PIE root *wer- (2) "to turn, bend") with, in the first word, an assimilated form of dis- "aside," and in the second with de- "from." Sense of "draw off (someone) from a particular intention or state of mind" is from c. 1600, hence the meaning "amuse, entertain" (1660s). Related: Diverted; diverting. Amuse A muse. muse (v.) "to reflect, ponder, meditate; to be absorbed in thought," mid-14c., from Old French muser (12c.) "to ponder, dream, wonder; loiter, waste time," which is of uncertain origin; the explanation in Diez and Skeat is literally "to stand with one's nose in the air" (or, possibly, "to sniff about" like a dog who has lost the scent), from muse "muzzle," from Gallo-Roman *musa "snout," itself a word of unknown origin. The modern word probably has been influenced in sense by muse (n.). Muse (n.) late 14c., "one of the nine Muses of classical mythology," daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, protectors of the arts; from Old French Muse and directly from Latin Musa, from Greek Mousa, "the Muse," also "music, song," ultimately from PIE root *men- (1) "to think." Meaning "inspiring goddess of a particular poet" (with a lower-case m-) is from late 14c. You sit around getting older There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me I'll shake this world off my shoulders Come on, baby, the laugh's on me

demon (n.) https://www.etymonline.com/word/demon c. 1200, "an evil spirit, malignant supernatural being, an incubus, a devil," from Latin daemon "spirit," from Greek daimōn "deity, divine power; lesser god; guiding spirit, tutelary deity" (sometimes including souls of the dead); "one's genius, lot, or fortune;" from PIE *dai-mon- "divider, provider" (of fortunes or destinies), from root *da- "to divide." Lucky for you, you're an individual! Interesting, nondual and individual mean the same thing.

You too!