mandyjw

We call what is ungiving "strong". Resistance is like walls, they protect, guide and confine depending on your perception. Resistance is not felt as resistance until there is resistance TO resistance, until those same walls are perceived as confining. This is actually impossible, having resistance to resistance. When you're 5, having a step stool to reach the sink and brush your teeth is enabling and liberating. When you're 10, it's a pain in the ass thing in the way you'd trip over. You get rid of it. Unless it never occurs to you that it was there only to assist you, and now that it doesn't, you can get rid of it.

I would take a much lighter approach. I'd look to volunteer my time and foster my own interests. When you're on the lookout to meet interesting people it makes activities even more fun because not only are you there because you're passionate about the cause or enjoying the activity, but you're also interested in the people around you too. You already have something to connect over, a shared interest. This is healing in itself. First just appreciate casual connections with people. Sometimes if we're too fixated on the lack of the close deeper relationship we miss the beauty in casual interactions, and it's always from these that deeper connections form. Also, here's the thing, if you think you NEED someone as a mirror, all you'll get mirrored back is that need. The mirror is a given. Follow your loves, passions and interests and it will be mirrored back to you.

Teaching is art. It's just that. Art is knowing the rules of your craft and then breaking them. A good teacher comes out and teaches you even this, "I'm teaching you the rules, now you connect with it, deeply, intuitively for yourself and break them." I'll never forget being told this when I was 14 by my art teacher. It was the only class that was almost entirely made out of firsthand experience, just creating on your own within some guidelines. Those guidelines gave you the confidence and permission to experience exploration, to create. When the guidelines stopped being freeing and enabling for the creator, they could be dropped. When you're 5, having a step stool to reach the sink, brush your teeth and wash your hands is enabling and liberating. When you're 10, it's a pain in the ass thing you'd trip over. I see it as the same with pointer like "present moment" and "awareness". If my art teacher had said "there are no rules, there's nothing I'm asking you to do or explore" that would have been the only rule we were given and we would have just sat and talked through the entire class.

Teaching is art. It's just that. People think it's so critical to get it right, well no, art is knowing the rules of your craft and then breaking them. A good teacher comes out and teaches you even this, just like my art teacher taught me this when I was 14, "I'm teaching you the rules, now you connect with it, deeply, intuitively for yourself and break them." It was the only class that was almost entirely made out of firsthand experience, just creating on your own within some guidelines. Those guidelines gave you the confidence and permission to experience exploration, to create. When the guidelines stopped being freeing and enabling for the creator, they could be dropped. When you're 5, having a step stool to reach the sink, brush your teeth and wash your hands is enabling and liberating. When you're 10, it's a pain in the ass thing you'd trip over. If my art teacher had said "there are no rules, there's nothing I'm asking you to do or explore" we would have just sat and talked through the entire class. "People think", opps.

The Goddess Mother IS a hamster. Devastating.

le go go, she broke her f-ing foot to be able to write that book. I'd like to key in to the universe's desire a little easier than that. Colateral damage. col·lat·er·al /kəˈladərəl,kəˈlatrəl/ Learn to pronounce noun 1.something pledged as security for repayment of a loan, to be forfeited in the event of a default. Oh what the fuck, you can have it. You can have my cloak too, Jesus said. Mother fuckers. He didn't add that part, I did. "I’ll think of it all tomorrow, at Tara. I can stand it then. Tomorrow, I’ll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day. These words, Scarlett’s personal motto, conclude Gone with the Wind. Scarlett repeats some variation of this line several times over the course of the novel when hardships plague her. She knows that she often acts immorally and that she faces absurdly difficult circumstances, and to avoid feelings of guilt and helplessness she simply avoids reflecting on her life. Scarlett knows that eventually she should mull over her plight, but she always puts it off until another, different day, which never truly comes. But this refusal to reflect is crucial to Scarlett’s survival. Her attitude contrasts directly with Ashley’s obsession with the past and his inability to let go of nostalgia and adapt to new times. Scarlett’s determination to believe that “tomorrow is another day” indicates her fundamental optimism about the future." https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/gonewith/quotes/page/5/ Oh, Ashley.

I feel slightly less weird now for having Gone with the Wind totally fuck me up. I keep forgetting to eat. I feel so much better though. Can't eat, can't sleep, creating. Ah... I'm the AUTHOR, I'm the light behind the author. Not Scarlett. Ooooohhhh... Uhhhhhh.... Well this is going downhill fast. I wrote two pages. Like man, I dunno. This has been pretty exhausting. You spent half the morning dramatizing over it and picking up legos. So drop it. This is my magic. You asked, you've asked new questions and I'll fill in the empty space. Ha, that sounds dirty. Hey, this is ALL what she said. And frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

As I picked up the legos, my daughter kicked her older brother out of the chair and he got hurt and then she was so mad she started kicking the legos and smashed me in the mouth and my tooth went into my lip. Fucking legos. Alright, that didn't seem so difficult. conjure (v.) late 13c., "command on oath;" c. 1300, "summon by a sacred name, invoke by incantation or magic," from Old French conjurer "invoke, conjure" (12c.) and directly from Latin coniurare "to swear together; conspire," from assimilated form of com "with, together" (see con-) + iurare "to swear," from ius (genitive iuris) "law, an oath" (see jurist). The magical sense is from the notion of "constraining by spell" a demon to do one's bidding. Related: Conjured; conjuring. Phrase conjure up "cause to appear in the mind" (as if by magic) attested from 1580s. Oh... Just write. Write the fucking book. If you can manifest an antique scythe for your own entertainment and write a poem, you can write a novel. I'm afraid it will be bad. I'm sure it will be covered in porcupine shit. What did you say about this place? Your Tara, Scarlett? It's a fucking dump made of pure gold. You're like someone who doesn't want to eat a candy bar they've just been handed because you're thinking about what the wrapper will taste like. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Frankly my dear, you're the cover.

HAHAHA! It's a new page. My arrow is irrelevant. Alright. Le go.

Hooo! That was a bunch of BS. ⬆ I'm putting my talent to use picking up legos and folding laundry. 3 2 1 Yup. Scarlett “Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." "I don't give a RAT'S ASS about you." LEGOS LEGOS The name 'LEGO' is an abbreviation of the two Danish words “leg godt”, meaning “play well”. Well why do they hurt so bad to step on you bunch of highly intelligent, innovative, creative, assholes ? Le go let go.

I could have been pretty. Boob job, probably a nose job. A lot more attention to my hair. nah. I could have been smart. College, a little more application. nah. I could have been respectable. A little less impulsiveness and emotional acting out. nah. I could have been enlightened. A little less thinking. nah. I could have been a good mother. A little less screen time, a lot more reading to my kids. nah. An I for an I. It's only a worthy trade if you don't get anything out of it.

This is exactly what it's like to live here, it's like discovering these magic, infinitely fascinating places and history amidst what looks like poverty, neglect and isolation. I know I'm borrowing this from some greater truth, projecting it out. But damn. Damn. I've never loved a place like I've loved this place. I never knew you could love a place, like I've loved this place. It loves me back. You threw the baby bird out the nest. I am my own mother. Next time I'll be reborn a hamster and eat my own young. You should write a poem about that. Oh fuck off. I'm glad that the fighting with myself is externalized now. Progress. Feels kinda like something missing thought. Maybe it's because, that's the way I like it. Empty. Pure. Subtle. Soft. Like a white rose. I am the magician who conjers something out of nothing. How in the fuck do you spell conger? congjer. I am so fucked. Google won't even help me. Googles just like, WTF? Some magician I am. It's all write. Oh fuck off.

Shit. This angst thing keeps happening. I need to focus. Work. Clean the house. Can't eat, can't sleep in love. This isn't love. I can't stop thinking how ridiculous this all is. I'd like to be something respectful, something responsible and so I am ridiculous and irresponsible because all I see if absence of those things in regard to myself. I could drop the absence. I could drop the self. Either way would work. If there were an I who could. Last night I drove out the where the dilapidated house with no door used to be and there was a for sale sign, (it's under contract I guess) so I walked out there, disregarding the no trespassing signs. I don't know if I'll get to go back. It's just the most gorgeous piece of property I've ever seen. I've put so much in the vortex regarding this property, but not much in the way of wanting to own it. I got there at sunset. Fuck. Me. Let's just bathe in desire, desire that comes from nowhere, goes no where and has no where to resolve, no source. THERE'S NO FUCKING SOURCE ABRAHAM. I took a white rose with me, and an apple. So fucking romantic, I put the rose on my pillow. The apple was not good. What am I even doing? What am I even doing? This love is everywhere, and it feels like a denial. Like frustration. Why do I keep insisting on the use of the word love? Is this wisdom, or is it pure delusion? I want one thing. I want love to feel like love, I want to feel love. Everything else, BE DAMNED. Ha, I can have my wisdom cake and delusionarily eat it too. Whew, let's let some light in here. It's dusty and dirty but I love nothing more than staring at dust motes. The abandoned house has no door. In truth, there's no house here anymore. Pink and white roses and a quarter moon. Mold, rot, decay and ruin. Peeling paint on green stairs and caved in floor. I feel something calling me to my very core. Blackened out windows, green pyramid roof A question arises, which is the truth? Do I from without this empty house see? Or are those black windows eyes that peer amid me? From what direction comes the light? That only grows brighter, as it turns to night? Well that's some creepy shit. I never liked poetry. Why you gotta shit on everything? It's what I do. I'm just a porcupine squatting in an abandoned house. What other perspective did you think the poem was written from? Oh fuck you August. My favorite month. You stir my heart strings like nothing else. You're like the pinnacle of ecstasy and also the beginning of death. Harvest. So get this, my dad actually has an antique scythe. Not because it's cool and he likes creepy stuff but because you know, farming.

The nature of creation is that limitation equals creation. Red is not blue. A square is not round. Creation is actually complete freedom though, so....

You could say wisdom a frequency, like light. How is the light of the sun co-opted? Co-option is only possible because you attribute an outside source to it, the light is the sun's. How is light spread?

Awareness isn't something you do.

Huh, I promised that in my marriage vows. Never sat quite right. I think "forsaken" often has negative connotations like "meaningless". We're so busy feeling the discord of the negative connotations, we miss the actual liberation and inherent love that thought is covering over.

@Zeroguy I enjoy nuts. Yay, 25 points for Gryffindor! Now if I could just get Daniel Radcliff in Equus out of my head, life would be perfect.

You want enlightenment, how come? Oh my God, because it will feel amazing, the very source of bliss, inspiration, creativity, the very Author of all the climaxes and resolutions of every dramatic story and every seemingly impossible math problem ever dreamed up. Satisfaction itself. Beyond the question and the answer. The more I push it away, the more impossible it seems the more DELICIOUS the answer when it comes to me. I cannot fuck this up. I love knowing I cannot fuck this up. There is no "I" to fuck this up. Sigh..... Pure. Fucking. Delight.

The infinite has no end. This is already "Happily Ever After". It is from love, out of love which suffering arises and is healed. When you do not take on and feel other's suffering as an excuse for yourself on the account of another to perpetuate your own suffering, but you instead feel love, you then have the power (which is also their power) to connect them with their own stream of infinite/love well being. Love feels like love. Love does not feel like sacrifice. If you aren't feeling love, you aren't healing. notice, I didn't say who. There is no "who" to heal. Just healing. Love. Healing. End of story. Oh wait, I told you there's no end of story, When did suffering arise? If we find where it began maybe we could put an end to it. It didn't. The threats in this chain letter aren't real, never were real and in fact are very funny, so we can laugh and stop forwarding it on to others. Happily Ever Before.

@Zeroguy Enjoying your poetry.

It doesn't mean that you have to go door to door to get everyone enlightened before you can get enlightened it means you see them with and as your own Light.

No, she means something like, everyone is enlightened, for You.

If there are clouds in the sky where I live, is it fair for me to think the sun is just a lazy piece of shit today?