mandyjw

Nahm's advice is great. Focus on working to deal with the self talk and self criticism. Make peace of mind and clarity in everyday life your goal. It sounds like you've read chapter one and the last chapter of the book while skipping all the stuff in between. I'd also highly recommend Eckhart Tolle's, The Power of Now.

Being bored is just a signal that something is amiss like if you lay down and go to sleep and realize you forgot to turn the light off. You stop doing an activity that engages the brain. The brain is still on and says "we have crap to do, why aren't you doing crap, what's wrong with you". You either have to go do crap that engages the brain, or turn off the mind. Some people don't know how to turn off the mind.

I try hard to remember that if I notice something, am bothered by it and judge someone for something, then it has to be present in myself. When I was chasing material success I was most bothered by people who were doing the same. I thought I was bothered by the fact that they were more blatant about it than I was or did it in a less honest way but that wasn't it at all. The real problem was that I was trying to find happiness in the wrong place. Whenever I see myself wishing someone else was different I try to always bring the focus back to myself. I ask myself what there is in me that is mirrored in that person that I need to address.

I never ever thought I'd get into stuff I consider woo woo, ghosts, spirits, energies, channeled stuff. I was always really closed minded to that stuff and even afraid of it. I've been doing consciousness work for 4 years now. During that time I haven't thought much about those things but rather just stopped negatively judging them as much. I always have had a strong connection with nature. As a young adult I started becoming fascinated with old houses. A year ago I started feeling something more than that, I started feeling very strong energies from places. I had a few slightly odd experiences in a cemetery (I love cemeteries, I practically grew up in one because my parents were caretakers and never had any strange experiences) which led me to reading a book written by the person who's grave I was interested in when those strange things happened. His book ended up having some amazing parallels to my life and is shaping the path that I'm in a big way. I later found after reading it that his home was built overlooking a spot I had experienced an irresistible attraction to visiting for the past year. The feeling was so irresistible I couldn't understand it and thought I was fixated on a thought because I was letting go of other thoughts and my mind didn't know what to do. Last week my Grandmother died. We were close, she lived right next to my parent's house and my parents worked a lot and she was there whenever I needed her. The night she died I knew she was going to die and I did a quick tong len meditation to send her peace. The first breath out bounced back as if she was sending peace to me. The second breath was like a letting go for me. Two hours later she died. I thought I was just opening my mind up to peace. I thought I was making myself bulletproof to feeling things I didn't want to feel. I thought the death of a loved one wouldn't really bother me. I didn't think I was opening myself up to intense feeling, emotion and connection. I thought I was separating myself from the physical world and rising above. I didn't realize there was a whole bunch of stuff in between. Has anyone else found themselves in this place? I feel like there is a major temptation to get wrapped up in this stuff that needs to be watched closely. It feels equal parts fascinating, embarrassing and scary. It makes sense that maybe I had created a duality between form and formless and rather there is something that bridges the two and communicates with them? Or that the two are actually one?

Ah, ok I see now. And I'll forget later, I'm sure. I just went to the old stone foundation of my new friend from 1800's. By it there was this big old tree, one that had grown from one stump into two large trees. They were splitting apart in the center, so actively that the tree was making slight sounds and I moved away for fear that it would split when I was by it. We are one but we are separate but we are one but we are two. This is what life is! There can be NO NON DUALITY WITHOUT DUALITY!

Where is this from, or do you know who is the artist?

Understanding it as a different frequency is super helpful, thank you.

I understand that it's all just part of the dream. I also know how important it is to ground myself in the pure present moment experience without thought and judgement. But there is some sort of guidance and knowledge outside myself coming to form-based me. I can do things I didn't know that I could do and I can know things I didn't know I knew. However of course I and it are one.

@Markus I can tell that there's a real danger in getting sucked into it. I can't get lost in my mind because I'll make myself miserable. I can't get lost in being or I won't be able to take care of myself and feed my kids. I can't get lost in whatever is in between or I'll end up in the mental institution. lol

One of the most important things Leo taught me was to be open minded and because I was able to do that I was able to glean a lot from his content which is what made me seek out other spiritual teachers. I was able to see that Leo being involved in the pick up community was a good sign that he had a lot of growing to do but still enjoy most of his content. Don't ever idolize a teacher and don't ever discount their work because they aren't perfect.

I think that's definitely right. Talking about/thinking about enlightenment is very stage yellow. I think that it's a good thing to be aware of but if we pretend that we are turquoise when we are thoroughly still yellow we will just hinder out growth. Also how else can we help stage green get to stage yellow if we don't discuss anything? As long as you take the time to embody it, talking about it some of the time is fine.

Because life is amazingly beautiful and fun when you learn to focus on the beautiful fun parts and see the rest for contrast that allows the beauty and fun to exist. There's no light without dark. Life is a gift but if you focus on the wrong things, cling to things and expect the wrong things to fulfill you, it's not so fun. You can still enjoy everything life has to offer, you just know that you bring the fulfillment to the things, they don't bring it to you.

@Joseph Maynor What better way to see through the ego than to observe without judgement and have compassion for the ego in one's own self and in others? What you demonize grows stronger.

@Joseph Maynor He wouldn't be warning others of spiritual egos if he didn't also have one. Most people can spot a spiritual ego in someone else a mile away but are blind to their own. If you see and make a negative judgement in someone it is also present in you. The opposite is true, if you see light or love in someone it is also present in you. Eckhart Tolle talks about the spiritual ego but he does it in a way that makes the whole dilemma seem amusing or funny. He doesn't make judgements about people who condemn them with saying things like there is "no light" in them. There are ways to point things out without making a superior you and an other. I think that Mooji fell into that trap there.

Just be careful, it's really easy to bring the ego in the back door after pronouncing "It's gone forever!". I try to keep mine out in the light and keep an eye on it at all times.

@Joseph Maynor Having been raised as a conservative Christian listening to it checks too many of those red flag boxes I'm so familiar with from organized religion. 1. Look at all these examples of people who fail. 2. These particular people are not worth spending time with. They are dangerous to your own spiritual growth. There is no light in them.

It's using spirituality as a way to make you more or better, the ego has latched onto spirituality as a way to separate it from other people who aren't spiritual.

The bird is already enlightened. Let the bird chirp and hear the beauty in it. Otherwise you get stuck in thoughts of should and should not and annoyance. Just keep coming back to your point of focus. If you didn't go away from it you wouldn't be strengthening anything by doing the practice. The bird is you own enlightened zen master.

A healthy ego is one that has been carefully weeded out so that you can use it when needed to survive as an individual in a world of form, create in a world of form and help others. Your ego helps you manage your time, care for yourself and others, plan for the future. Any past knowledge or future planning is all from your ego. You learn to use the ego and not have it use you. Denying the ego or not having compassion for the ego means denying your physical form and the physical world as whole. On the other hand, yes the ego IS the devil. But contrast is what allows our existence. There is no light without dark. They key is to keep as little of the ego around as possible and still have an amazing life while you are incarnate in the world of form.

I don't know if I've never seen a spiritual teacher give that much air time to negativity and judgement on other people's spiritual paths.

That's because you're splitting your attention, instead of getting completely lost in thought you're still grounded in awareness. Very cool.

God is always looking through your eyes.

It's your pain body, it's nothing personal. It's like a negative energy that comes over you. You were trying to be highly conscious and then engaged in an activity that put you an a completely unconscious state. It's completely understandable that that would bring it on. Try to be present with the energy of it. You're making a story about it, how it reminds you of a bad trip, how you have a history of depression. There's no story, there's just now. Just this energy. It can take years to dissolve the pain body. The episode get weaker and weaker and more infrequent. Staying in the present moment and not engaging with the story about it is the best way to dissolve it.

You became more aware and your awareness if focused on the inner body. You're nature is energy so you're literally feeling/experiencing your true self and aliveness. Your awareness has crossed over from meditation to everyday life. That's the goal, right?

That's not a question that should be answered on an intellectual level or that anyone can answer for you. Getting married and having a family is a bigger challenge than just focusing on spirituality but if you can stay present during all the responsibilities and distractions you can still evolve as much or more than if you set everything aside to focus. Because it's a bigger challenge you may be more likely to fail at it so it takes both a huge commitment to your family and your spirituality.