mandyjw

@Adodd I do know but I used a more random lighthearted example to ease you into seeing from a different perspective, since this "real" one is much heavier. Love does not look back and it's not worried about the future. Love/peace is actual well being. Our idea of wellbeing is not the actual thing. We will sometimes start wars in order to secure well being for someone we love. Why, because we forgot what we really wanted. The essence of it, the being of it. Howtobewise unintentionally brought up a huge collective societal pain point that the stuff taught around this forum has the potential to totally blast through, heal and transform. Note how the "war on drugs" never works. Note how shame and blame never works. Note how it's integrally part of the problem of drug abuse. Note how absolutely shitty that perspective that he shared felt. Now, this comment was perhaps the most important comment in this thread. It's most key to loving her. When we are triggered, there's something really important behind an ugly façade. Why are there meth addicts? Because many drugs tap a person into feeling some of the love that they really are. They may be cutting themselves off from it in so many ways, but when they take that substance, the mind shuts down. It doesn't know hate for a time. It doesn't know separation. it doesn't know self doubt. It doesn't know unworthiness. What's left? Love. But because the substance is credited with the feeling that results as a lack of resistance, the resistance in life around that substance becomes HUGE. Life falls apart around it. You are either the light leading her to what she truly is, beyond the substance, or you are more resistance telling her she is a piece of shit when she isn't using it. You love. You ARE love. I have so much respect and appreciation for you right now, as a mother with young kids, this forum is full of young men who think having children is a dumb choice and you're over here being a rockstar parent. I know how hard and transformational beyond anything else it is. But we ourselves as parents, (like the abused substance) are never the credit for that love... we are not the source of Love for our children. They already are it. Love is knowing that, and it transforms without resistance and waring against. Do you see how this is all really about one thing? Do you see what walls of misunderstanding in so many areas can be shattered? Do you see that there are no bad people, no asshole comments, but really this is all your own pure Light?

Are you trying to derail another thread with your avatar?

The idea of a leader and leading is based on the notion of what?

The guilt doesn't help you see from a new perspective. You can't see clearly on a subject if the subject keeps triggering you. So before you read what I wrote below, take care of how you feel first. Listening to music, taking time to go for a walk, etc is far more productive than trying to force a perspective shift in thinking. Even if it fucked with my head a bit, I would want my bio mom to call me rather than not to call me. You don't really know how it affects your children because you can't think for them. If I was your kid and I go on a roller coaster ride because I really want to see what it's like and I puke ALL OVER the place, you might think after the fact "DAMN, I shouldn't have let her go." But that was my decision. I wanted that experience. Maybe the ride was well worth the puking at the end. It's possible that your reaction causes them confusion about the phone calls than the phone calls themselves. The illusion of control and the weight of decision making and protection weighs heavy on parents. It doesn't have to. You can make intelligent decisions much better without the emotional baggage of needing to always do right by them. If I need to do right by them and I suffer for it I will HATE anyone who doesn't seem to be doing that in comparison. They will love you and their stepmother even MORE if you freely allow them to love their bio mother if they so choose. Love is never limited. When you allow love it always becomes more, and more and more. You didn't come here to live a boringly perfect life, neither did your kids. You didn't come here for limited conditional love, neither did they.

The unintended synchronicity of our avatars here is hilarious.

@BenG That's only when the canvas is upright thought. "Becomes as good" is a bit conditional though, depending on how you mean it. Like, how do we value our life? Is there really anything except joy in the moment? I think that art makes a good example to question value. Like, is Thomas Kinkade better than Van Gogh was? It depends on what you enjoy and what you value. The idea of value is based somewhat on what you enjoy but often much more on what you've observed that other people value. When we recognize that we love art because of the way it makes us feel, that the reason we love anything is because of how it feels, that the reason we love love is because it's LOVE, LOVE here and now, LOVE. We're free. Love is free of any thoughts saying, "eh, that tree needs to be a bit taller." The reason we love beauty is simply because in the experience of beholding beauty there is NOTHING there saying "eh, could be better, I've seen better." So the idea of value can take us where we want to go, only when we drop the idea of value.

@BenG If Bob Ross paints a landscape, he puts the highest point where ever that pleases him. He does this to give depth or the illusion of perspective. If I thought I was a figure in the painting, I might also think that another figure might know the way to the highest point of Bob Ross' mountain. But the "highest point" of Bob Ross' mountain is the enjoyment of creating and beholding it. Its not a point at all. The perspective of the painting is based on the assumed location of the viewer and it is entirely created. Higher and lower is something that can be determined only after there is a chosen perspective. The figure in the painting is the seen not the one who sees. Happy trees.

Do you think Jesus himself was stage blue? Is this more about concern for what others would think and judge you rather than freeing yourself of how you judge yourself?

The knowing mistakes itself for the known. The knower is always actually the known. However there is no known without the knowing of it. (These three statements go full circle.) In your direct experience, what you might have thought to be you is always the known. I am aware of my hands typing, but the thought of an entity behind or doing this is always a thought I am also aware of. It is on equal level with the seeing of my hands, the sensation, it is never something that owns it. I am mistaken in my belief that I am ever the knower, when I have never experienced this but have only ever been knowing. known knowing There is no knowing outside of now, hence "already". If one was to strip themselves of the known, strip themselves of themselves, "Be melting snow, wash yourself of yourself" -Rumi, this would only entail letting go of thoughts that knowing is aware of that claim to be the knower. However this can only be "done" now, and because of its timelessness is a seeing, not a doing.

After psychologically projecting myself on the entire alphabet, I'm feeling a little empty. "This is who I be, this is who I be, this is who I be." I don't want to be that! Rejection of thought is mistaken for rejection of who I am. "I'm an aloof little bitch. I don't love enough." "I'm obsessive, needy, annoying, compulsive." "I'm OCD, I'm crazy." How do these things even co-exist? Go on, COEXIST you bunch of assholes! Oh... I'm narcissus and echo. My thoughts are always dualistic. This is how I create my stories. "I hated myself. I hurt myself. I feel in love with myself. The end." That was supposed to be fell not feel. One letter changes everything. letter (v.) "write in letters," 1660s, from letter (n.1). Earlier it was used in a now obsolete sense "instruct" (mid-15c.). Related: Lettered; lettering. letter (n.2) "one who lets" in any sense, c. 1400, agent noun from let (v.). I am a love letter!

That was really fucking profoundly deep, so just so you realize and know how profound it is... Each letter and number has it's own character. You are the author of them. A is aloof and kinda sexy. Kind of an asshole though. B is pretty lazy, kinda fun, but also not one to count on very much. C is pretty well rounded and admirable, one of those people that makes you jealous. D Is a bit of a downer most of the time, but honest, and really good when you're in a bind. E Is a really sexy letter. A little nerdy, and very intelligent. F is a real fuck up. We love her though. She brightens all our lives. G is sort of like that uncle you are a bit embarrassed that you're related to but that always kind of makes you laugh. H is haughty and a bit airy. I Is a bit of a narcissist. J Is a unique mix of relatable and fun but also kind of aloof, like A, but much less so. J will get you hooked. K Is a total bitch. L is elegant, loving, just everything you want and love. Pairs well with E, They make beautiful babies. Literally. M is a bit insecure, but gives you that warm place to come home to kind of feeling. N Is also a bit of a bitch. She keeps saying no to everything. Never. O Is very well rounded. Also a bit shy and lazy. P Is one of those annoying people that are pretentious but also really sort of silly, but they just can't see it. Q Is kinda sexy, in one of those exotic models with really wide set eyes kind of ways. R Is a bit of a snob but always goes for what she wants. You have to respect her. S Is a weaselly letter. Beautiful but seductive. What would we do without her? She adds so much spice to the alphabet. T Is one of those strong men that goes to the gym and drinks protein shakes. His wife is little and blonde. He isn't that smart, but you respect him anyway. U Is very bland and boring, a little annoying sometimes. V Is really sexy but has a bit of a dark side, a lot like the letter S, W Is a lot like M, only upside down. The only problem with him is that he just doesn't know his own worth. X Is hardly even a letter, it's a communication unto itself which is why it's hardly ever used. It marks the spot and also excludes it. It is one of those extremely weird people you secretly love, but also don't get half the time. Y is very sweet. She always makes projects complete by coming in at the very end, makes things sound funny and relatable but never asks for any credit and thanks. Z is a total slacker, smokes pot, never shows up on time. Fun to hang out with though.

Two nights in a row the word "gnosis" comes to me while sleeping. On waking I realized that one thought is known that says that it knows. What is missed is that the thought is known, the person who knows is always a thought that is known. "Knowledge" is always one thought that seems to occur, and for it to occur, it does not know. The one who has knowledge is always only the known. The known cannot know. The known cannot know. The only way to not know, to not being knowing is to mistake the known for the knower. THIS is it, essentially, this is the grand "mistake". No one can know this though. No one can make this mistake and no one can correct it. Funny, these silent letters we put ahead of words "gnosis", "know". Funny that communication through silence has the power to change the sounds and the meaning.

Sometimes self doubt can be hijacked as awareness. It's thought that claims to be "true" or reality. When we doubt some thoughts but believe the thoughts about ourselves to be true, (or do not see them) it becomes self doubt. It's the personalization of this distrust. The same exact thing happens with self confidence which is the avoidance of self doubt. How can you doubt or confide in what's not there? Sometimes you'll get this pure glimpse of how Source thinks, how the author feels about contrast and its characters and then when you (character) try to prove this to another character it falls horribly flat. Of course! You stopped being a character to see from that vantage point. Then you might doubt. The question is how does a character get another character to realize that they are not a character? The predicament seems funny. You'd have to believe you were a character to even believe that this was where the plot needed to go. You'd have to believe you were a character to believe that another character had any knowledge you could not access. I'm reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone to my son and Malfoy is the villian and the catalyst for good. He steals Neville's rememberall and throws it from the broom during flying lessons, Harry's Quidditch talents are discovered. Malfoy challenges Harry to a duel to trick him and get him caught for sneaking around at night and Harry discovers where the Sorcerer's Stone is being hid. Everything is all the time, "empty boat." https://www.thedailyzen.org/2015/05/27/the-empty-boat-by-chuang-tzu/ You can realize that if a boat hits you, it's always empty. But to realize that your own boat is empty, that there's no "fool" in that boat for being angry and taken aback by the collision with an empty boat or a manned boat, then you really got the empty boat. It seems to be the last boss... forgiving oneself. It's our lack of self forgiveness that perpetuates maliciousness. It's the trying to convince other characters we're good. I'm good. I'm really good. No you aren't. You aren't.

Hmm.. "I need you as a stepping stone so I can climb the ladder to more important things." Doesn't really go over well.

These three letters on the screen are obviously enlightened, or you wouldn't be able to see them, ----> Leo.

@Yarco For me it's about respecting the land itself, the Natives had a connection that we lost in our deep need to own it. It's not that we stole the land they owned, the problem that could be repaired is the idea of ownership. I think that the way we interact with land will evolve as we do. Spirit of place is an incredible thing and it's that connection that really transforms, more than documentaries, guilt and preaching inconvenient truths. The Natives had that wisdom and connection in many cases, and there's much to be learned from history as we move forward, together.

Create something. Someone expressed this in a creative self accepting way and it's got over 2 billion views cause so many people relate. Kinda funny and ironic, right? https://youtu.be/fLexgOxsZu0

Check out Abraham Hicks, the emotional scale and start to familiarize yourself with how she talks about vibration. If it resonates of course. OMG the insights and revelations that ensue! ??

Reality is like a priceless present, wrapped in very strange, questionable wrapping paper, wrapped with duck tape, with a lot of cat hair stuck to it. Life is a gift that's why they call it the present. YOU'VE NEVER actually HEARD THAT CLICHE BEFORE, never. ? That's an illusion. ?I Am completely original all the time. I Am so original I created the idea of copying.

If you believe you are a mind that lives in a body and hold the belief that you are a materialist or not a materialist based on the beliefs the mind somehow "holds", then that is an unsatisfyingly ironic perspective. This "perspective" is only a thought that arises. There's nothing behind it, but maybe it seems to be a belief. If so, that's nothing to be ashamed of whatsoever, nothing lacking about you or anyone else whatsoever, it just means there are more wonders to be uncovered. This is better and more free than you ever could have imagined. We can interact with people with love and appreciation, because we fundamentally are that, rather than another person who agrees or disagrees, who recognizes or passes over. From experience, there are stages and times where it's frustrating and infuriating that you cannot explain or be understood by others. (Hugs) Those emotions might need to be expressed but then what becomes more clearly felt is the deeper desire is to be free of needing others to a be a certain way to feel at peace.

Essentially what is going on is thoughts saying you aren't ok where you are. It's possible those thought patterns got started and just kept getting stronger. Where I grew up was in the middle of the woods. I slept SO peacefully. I also spent a ton of time in the woods, everyday. There was almost no history of anything being built and anyone having lived there before, it was just woods. When we my husband and I bought an old house in an old neighborhood, I realized that I was very sensitive to "past" energies. Started waking up in the night with the delirium sense that there were people around me, with me. I didn't like having neighbors, it felt wrong for a very long time. I even completely regretted buying the house for years, even though at the time we looked at it I was overtaken with some kind of wonder and feeling of potential that wasn't logical. Sometimes walking around the neighborhood, I'd feel like I stepped into a fairytale. Weirdly synchronistic things happened, I felt things I couldn't explain. To fully explain all of what transpired, I'd have to write a book, but the point is sometimes you have to transition into a place and it takes time. The weird sense of presences in the night stopped at some point recently. Many years later, it feels like home in a way I never could have imagined. And I know if I left here, the same thing could happen somewhere else. I'm not limited to or stuck staying anywhere, but there are endless things to discover. While I can relate a lot, I think you might be associating a simpler time with home. Being a young adult is very challenging time for a lot of people. But now you get to take aspects from home and create something that you envision, something that's even better than what you're missing. But you can't as long as you're missing it. Everywhere is home. Sometimes when I go on a long trip I realize that my idea of home is relative. What is a long drive and is far from home on a daytrip seems like "a big welcome home" on the return drive home from a very long road trip. There are a number of things you can do to make where to live now home. Rituals, sage, tuning forks, decorating, routines, etc. I'd look into any that call to you. Mostly these are actions that aid in the letting go of thoughts that say "I ought to be somewhere else." FOMO and homesickness are actually the same thing. Mediation gets us to see that thought creates that feeling of being unsettled. I think the deeper desire here is "I want to feel at home everywhere". Sometimes before we examine and are aware of the deeper desire it's translated to us as a more particular material desire.

@B_HAZ One thing you learn when you write a lot is that you can write from any perspective you want to evoke any sort of feeling you want. For example I can a story about my childhood that appears to be an honest summary of the whole thing, but would make you feel like my childhood was awful and traumatic. Or I could do the same thing and make you come away believing that I was uniquely and rarely blessed. When we are thinking, it's as if we are writing and choosing perspectives, except the thoughts so often go by unseen, uncaught and they claim that they are true. We haven't sat down and thought about how we want the reader to feel (or how we want to feel) We haven't considered any direction or editing. Like I said, both versions of my childhood are completely true. However, in order to tell it, I have to choose on which things to focus on. The summary is never a clear picture of the experience of it. Thoughts are always snapshots of what is ever moving and changing. I don't know about you, but if someone takes pictures of me some of them look HORRIBLE and others look good. I would hate to base my idea of how I look on one photo. That would be dishonest. In the same way, one thought in one moment in time of your life, one snapshot, is never, ever the case. For anyone. You can completely forget the person you are today, because you are not that person, you are always moving forward. You know the saying "never look back"? It's not that you can refuse to look back, every time you look back you create that tone, that perspective into your now and it is pushed forward. Stop kicking that can down the road. It's not that we have to deny how things were, or how things are, or how we feel things to be, but we use it for the purpose of giving us direction towards what we are moving to. We realize that we have creative power. We determine how we want to feel and we carefully choose and discard our thoughts, (like snapshots going into a collage) based on how they make us feel. Can you write for me a completely different version of what you posted above but that is going in a whole different direction?

Take the time and idea of ownership out of it and it's much more enjoyable and naturally arises. Today I went to a really nice place someone else owns and appreciated a lot that isn't mine. Appreciated stuff that is "mine." Same thing in the moment. Then got home and got out of the car and the stars tonight... ? took my breath away. (And that's not mine either.)

❤ Wow, that's a fantastic map!

@7thLetter You can determine what you want, determine the direction you are moving in and feel good about having that direction, without making where you are into a problem.