mandyjw

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Everything posted by mandyjw

  1. Jesus is beyond belief. The love, awe, bliss, grace, all that you may attribute to him and being from him is felt and known because it is your own light, "I am the light, the way". That love is the most and only "real" thing, so real it transcends life, death, existence and non existence of teacher and student, god and man. You don't have to give up anything. Fear and reverence is a form of mockery and degradation, because the love that is the heart and the only reality of the reverence will burn away any fears or wrongly assumed beliefs of separation. I dare you. Love him more. He isn't a thought. He isn't an image and neither is love.
  2. https://youtu.be/TAezmJEt0Jw
  3. https://youtu.be/xzQvGz6_fvA All this passion, all this drama, all the same source. The same "one" who finds you repulsive finds you intensely desirable and the same one that has these reactions has never seen you, never heard your name, doesn't know you exist and finds you hilarious. That's not true. Who ever experienced all those things at once? Who ever can experience any of them now? I'm a fraud. A total fraud. I don't know who I am or what I'm doing, but the feeling like I should... ooh that's the real fraud. We hijack the words feeling and sense for thoughts. fraud (n.) mid-14c., "criminal deception" (mid-13c. in Anglo-Latin); from Old French fraude "deception, fraud" (13c.), from Latin fraudem (nominative fraus) "a cheating, deceit," of persons "a cheater, deceiver," of uncertain origin. Connections have been proposed to Sanskrit dhruti- "deception; error." Ohhhh... I'm on fire. Anything you want... but cannot have. Oh! Oh! The burn. I cheated my way here. cheat (v.) mid-15c., "to escheat, to seize as an escheat," a shortening of Old French escheat, legal term for revision of property to the state when the owner dies without heirs, literally "that which falls to one," past participle of escheoir "happen, befall, occur, take place; fall due; lapse (legally)," from Late Latin *excadere "fall away, fall out," from Latin ex- "out" (see ex-) + cadere "to fall" (from PIE root *kad- "to fall"). https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=cheat Who gets "this" when I die? Who is the one that I falls to? falls, false. Beloved moth flying towards the flame, Close your eyes just for the inner light
  4. In the spirit of Calvin, accidently dropping wisdom bombs in highly mislead ways, (that strip is so loaded and yet so funny) I find it highly disappointing that I don't get to control people. I mean... WTF. I have a lot of opinions about how things should be. I have a lot of opinions about how YOU should be. Dear You People, You are not allowed to threaten or disturb me in any way. You must not do anything to make me jealous. (See above.) You'll just have to suck at everything, (unless I need an appendix removed or something, in which case, you better suddenly become a world leading goddamn expert.) You also must entertain me. You are not allowed to watch entertainment I don't like, or like anything I don't like. You also must not dislike what I like. You must not like what I like if it causes me to be insecure in any way. If you hear me approaching, you must suddenly evacuate the shopping aisle or bathroom to make way for my presence. This is only right. I cannot possibly write out all of the things you need to do, especially since they are slightly different for each person, so you're just going to have to intuit them, really. Always, always, always be very concerned about what I'm thinking. Be on your toes. CONSTANT VIGILANCE. Sincerely, I PS. Also, I believe in "Do unto others" so I will try very hard to intuit your list as well. I will always be so concerned about what you're thinking about my behavior that I won't even really see you there. I will try super duper hard not to offend you and I will beat up myself so bad when I fail that I will develop severe social anxiety and we're just gonna have an awkward as fuck time together. Hope you're cool with that, cause you know, your thoughts come first, except for mine, cause you know, why am I writing this letter? Geez. Idiots. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Are you offended? Please don't leave me. Because this is all impossibly stressful, I spend most of my time hiding in the woods. You will probably want to do the same, except, you are not allowed to infringe on my woods.
  5. Allowing your desires and following your heart will naturally bring about situations where you will appreciate the adventure.
  6. When you realize that there's no one to blame for your feeling bad, for feeling insecure, the only one left to blame is yourself, and blaming yourself is exactly the insecurity. A big bubble of insecurity, spinning around itself, what a story. So it's one thought at a time and you let some thoughts slip by. No, that's a thought. I'm insecure for the the upmost of beautiful reasons that I'm a thought, I've mistaken myself for a thought, and thoughts are never secure but always fleeting. I'm right, I just have to figure out how I'm right. Maybe I'm just righting. Maybe I'll never be write, but I can write. The less I think of myself the more I Am. The flow state waits for no one. Oh... delicious double meaning. It's a trip, realizing you were so, soo, sooo, sooo very, VERY, DELIGHTFULLY wrong. You wouldn't have it any other way. All negative words seem to have the same root meaning to turn or bend, or twist. Like the Tolle insight "What are there two of me, one that cannot live with myself anymore?" you cannot turn against yourself. There's nothing there to turn against. You can't turn against anyone else. You can only turn the other cheek, turn towards what you want, because turning back towards yourself isn't turning at all. It's simultaneously the most powerful moment forward and not moving at all.
  7. This really helps to appreciate one's own parents too. I once was mad that my dad shared some really fearful perspectives so I asked some questions about his childhood and was and was shocked at how much he had evolved from how he was raised. I went from mad to appreciative and amazed quite quickly.
  8. In Bible school I shit you not, we sang this line, "It's the blessed belief that baffles the Buddhists." Cause Christians obviously are above all that shit. Not that Buddhism is above any shit either.
  9. And fun. In a funny, random as hell kind of way, which just happens to be my favorite kind of humor. Cloud's are nature's Rorschach ink blots. When you consider the analogy that you are the sky, the clouds are just thoughts, you start to enjoy them rather than be threatened or confused. Cause you know they don't really mean anything in themselves.
  10. chemical (adj.) 1570s, "relating to chemistry, pertaining to the phenomena with which chemistry deals," from chemic "of alchemy" (a worn-down derivative of Medieval Latin alchimicus; see alchemy) + -al (1). In early use also of alchemy. https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=chemical Oooooo....
  11. I used to be the Queen of obsessive thinking about what I didn't want. Rather than worrying about the particularly unique things you worry about, I was concerned with other things and for a time I was a hypochondriac except simultaneously I also had a HUGE fear and mistrust of doctors. Does that sound fun to you? I was simultaneously working my ass off creating an amazing life. But this voice in my head said "Hmm, what would ruin this? How can I secure this? How can I prevent this?" Rather than focusing on health and enjoying health I was focused on illness and I created it and saw signs of it everywhere. Coming across your threads feels like being a mechanic with all my tools with me on a really cold day and seeing someone on the side of the road struggling to change a tire with those shitty jacks that come with your car. If I stop you're either going to appreciate the help or you're gonna be like "go away asshole." Depends on how much you're actually suffering and how much you actually want to get back on the road again. Is fear really something worth sharing? Is that really what you want to share? Or is love and healing something worth sharing? You certainly aren't alone, as I explained above, and your emotions are valid, but there is benefit in knowing what you want, which is to get back on the road again, rather than wanting people to stop and say "Oh shit man, sorry, life sucks" and not lift a finger to help. I mean maybe I'm wrong, maybe you actually enjoy holding this perspective. Maybe you have NO intent to heal this. If anyone else started this thread I wouldn't have bothered sharing this perspective. But to be honest I don't really appreciate people sharing fear, especially time and time again. If someone is terrified of snakes and they say "Hey let's go on a snake killing spree so we'll never be surprised by one again! Let's eradicate snakes!" I'd advise that that is not the solution.
  12. @BipolarGrowth You're flip flopping between different dualities, people and archetypes when there aren't any. The crown of thorns was to mock Jesus and make him suffer and yet, he was actually worshipped as King and depicted with a crown. Perhaps the worship is still a form of mockery? Perhaps any crown, made of anything, just won't do? Perhaps the one who said The son of man has no place to lay his head needs no crown?
  13. Not trying to be an asshole, but orbs and creepy black figures in hats sound bad ass and awesome to me. Recently I visited a grave in a cemetery I was very interested in and a reaper turned up in the photo above me. I delight in that kind of thing, it's like we're all in on the cosmic joke kinda stuff, and there's really no death. I don't find it scary, I find it delightful. Then I walked right past a big monument for S.Nickerson and that made me snicker. It really is all in how you weave the story around it. What you see, what you are drawn to (or draw pictures of in your mind) and more importantly how you interpret and feel about it all responds to how you are feeling to begin with.
  14. Does it though? Does it really go dark even? Look again.
  15. This thought may affect the quality or feeling of the next thought. Thoughts have momentum. If I continually think thoughts that feel bad because I believe I am bad or life is bad, it is likely my next thought will be on the same subject and also won't feel how I want it to feel. You reincarnate every time you think yourself. It’s much more immediate than in terms of lifetimes. This is not punishment, feeling is guidance that those thoughts about myself aren't true. When I listen to feeling in real time over believing the content of the thought, I naturally and effortlessly feel better.
  16. empty (adj.) c. 1200, from Old English æmettig, of persons, "at leisure, not occupied; unmarried" (senses now obsolete), also, of receptacles, "containing nothing," of places, "unoccupied," from æmetta "leisure." Watkins explains it as from Proto-Germanic *e-mot-ja-, with a prefix of uncertain meaning + Germanic *mot- "ability, leisure," possibly from PIE root *med- "take appropriate measures." A sense evolution from "at leisure" to "containing nothing, unoccupied" is found in several languages, such as Modern Greek adeios "empty," originally "freedom from fear," from deios "fear." "The adj. adeios must have been applied first to persons who enjoyed freedom from duties, leisure, and so were unoccupied, whence it was extended to objects that were unoccupied" [Buck]. https://www.etymonline.com/word/empty?ref=etymonline_crossreference#etymonline_v_5826 Really, is that how you feel?
  17. al·go·rithm, a process or set of rules to be followed in calculations or other problem-solving operations, especially by a computer. You made up some rules that you are processing information by. But you yourself are not an algorithm, and you don't have to use those rules or beliefs to filter the world through.
  18. What is aware of sensation? What allows sensation to be? No, you feel pain because you have thoughts about yourself that aren't true, that are cutting yourself off somehow. When was the moment you became an adult? I waited to become one my whole life and it never happened. That moment never came. You don't have to go back, just feel as if. There were so many things we knew and forgot. We knew our worth, without knowing it, with a FEELING and knowing beyond confidence or knowing. With a voracious curiosity that devoured the world. You ARE that. No, it really doesn't mean that at all. You never began. You can't remember becoming an adult and you can't remember becoming a human? Why not? because you're really something beyond all that. What you seek is seeking you.
  19. Dude. Think about it. I have a candy bar. You don't. Poor you. So I feel bad for you and give you a piece, cause I kinda feel like an asshole. Share. I shared. You better thank me. share (n.1) "portion," Old English scearu "a cutting, shearing, tonsure; a part or division," related to sceran "to cut," from Proto-Germanic *skeraz (source also of Old High German scara "troop, share of forced labor," German Schar "troop, band," properly "a part of an army," Old Norse skör "rim"), from PIE root *sker- (1) "to cut." https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=share Love is ALREADY so fully you and what you are, it cannot be split or cut, or shared. It's not a candy bar. And neither are you. It's really far, far better than you were ever expecting or imagining.
  20. Love is not a sensation or an emotion... or it is all of those when they are clearly felt or made aware. Separation is illusory, love is the only real knowledge, but it's blind to other. Negative emotion means separation is being imposed by thought. Nostalgia that feels like love is truth. Nostalgia that feels like longing or loss is delusion. You know by how it feels.
  21. A movie has frames, but none of those frames are permanent, they appear and disappear thus the illusion of movement, move-ie. So impermanence would be applied to the frames in the movie. Reality is like this but it isn't a movie, it doesn't have any frames that appear or disappear. It isn't made out of frames. Thus no question of permanence or impermanence. Thought acts like a snap shot. No snap shots. No frames. Create and love though.
  22. Will the drama stop, will I stop playing notes with my emotions? Is it motion or just a notion? Or did I never move at all? Make your move. I want to feel amazing about life. I want to feel amazing about the mundane, when it feels like there's no motion, I want to feel amazing where there's contrast and stuff being hashed out and moving. I came here to create/appreciate. Well then. Checkmate. Who the fuck cares? I was just playing with myself and I forgot which team I wanted to win and whose turn it was. I lost all the pieces on the board. Maybe they are under the couch? Who cares.